Giving in to temptation is a natural human weakness, and resisting in many situations is not at all easy. But what if we are talking about cheating on a loved one?
Giving in to temptation can destroy a family and cause serious damage to relationships. And is a passing hobby worth a broken marriage?
Of course not, that's why everyone should know about 4 ways that will help you avoid cheating.
Define concepts
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What is treason? No, we will not now sprinkle with elementary definitions or cite concepts from Ozhegov’s dictionary. After all, you really don’t care what the authors of textbooks think about this or how this concept sounds in dictionaries. You're in pain, and that's the most important thing. Right now you need to start not with breaking dishes and tearing out your opponent’s hair. You need to start by defining for yourself: what it is for you.
According to statistics, the concept of betrayal between men and women is completely diametrical. Women for the most part consider spiritual feelings to be cheating. If some nymph simply inspired your man to the feat of giving a dandelion, is that cheating? Men usually don't pay attention to such little things. Is sex with another person the worst kind of betrayal? What if you have no feelings? What if you're drunk? What if your spouse doesn’t have sex on his side, but love?
Decide what exactly you consider cheating. Now transfer everything to your situation. Does what happened fit your situation? To suit your picture of the world.
If it turns out that the husband had sex while drunk, and he really doesn’t love this madam. Maybe there is a reason to save the family?
What if it turns out that your wife fell in love with a Tinder macho man via correspondence, and she has never even seen him. Maybe it makes sense to go to a psychologist and... save the family?
Avoid temptation
Treason does not occur by itself and often a person consciously goes towards it. For example, what is the point of staying with someone with whom you can change one on one?
Do you think you can hold on at the most crucial moment? No, because if this happened, most likely you deliberately led to this.
And even if a few minutes ago there was no desire to cheat, it can quickly change if physical feelings arise. Therefore, it is important to avoid temptation in advance. It is unlikely that you will be able to say a decisive “no” at a crucial moment. Emotions are already at play here and it is they who will guide you at the most crucial moment.
Talk
Just to understand all the details. You need to talk calmly and honestly, at least for the first time. You need to fully understand the situation:
1. Were feelings involved.
2. Was it intentional? If your spouse has been on Tinder for two years, and only now someone responded to him, and he rushed off to copulate in all the sails of love - this is a bell. Yes, no matter where it is, it’s an alarm bell. Or maybe it was a drunken kiss at a party. Another thing, right?
3. Was it systematic? Maybe this is the first and very drunk time?
4. Does the spouse want to keep the family together? Yes, maybe everything has already been decided for you.
5. Was there any protection? This is not for psychological peace, but for your health. Maybe it's high time to run to the doctor.
Move away
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Even if it was an accidental kiss, it hurt you. We need to distance ourselves. Ideally, leave. But you won’t leave with all your suitcases, your favorite frying pan and a pot of aloe, but with a traveler’s supply: a backpack with the necessary things.
You need to be alone with yourself and not see your trigger, the irritant, the mere sight of which brings a pack of rock salt to your heart. Ask him not to call you, not to write, not to look for meetings. Until you want it yourself.
You need to be alone with yourself and not make hasty decisions. You have to say no:
1. Communication with a traitor.
2. The impulse to “return everything the way it was.”
3. The impulse to break all loose ends and go to another country, leaving an application for divorce.
4. Treason in revenge.
5. Alcohol. Getting drunk at karaoke with your girlfriends and crying to Meladze is one thing. Fermenting all day long is another thing.
6. Other relationships. There is no need to start a new relationship when you are not yet done with the old one. New love will be doomed.
You have to say yes:
1. Tears. The pain will come with them. You need to cry everything out so that the pain does not remain in you. So that you don’t start to rot, which can only be cured by a specialist and serious medications.
2. Anger. You need to scream, break dishes, hit a punching bag, tear photographs and things - everything so that this feeling comes out as well as tears. And it did not leave an infection inside, which could develop into permanent depression and psychosis.
3. Sleep. You need a lot of sleep and recuperation.
4. Food. Don't forget about her. But don’t overeat, this is the same as alcoholism - an addiction that will not save you.
5. Walking. And the more, the better. If you can, go to the gym.
6. Communication with friends. Don't be shy to speak up. Tell your loved ones everything you feel. With words comes pain.
7. Write and re-release all your thoughts and feelings onto paper.
8. Cook, dance, sing, draw, embroider - do everything that can give you joy.
9. Take care of yourself. Make masks, go for a massage. You need to love yourself now more than ever.
10. Go to a psychologist. You need to talk. Friends may not be able to carry all this load. The specialist will not only listen to as much and as much as he wants. But also explain why everything happened this way. He will help you find the right path.
This stage can last from several weeks to several months. It is mandatory for you to recover, come to your senses, and find the ground under your feet. But then the time will definitely come for decisive action.
Remember the consequences
Cheating is an opportunity to gain new emotions and a boost of energy. But should we forget about the consequences? Every person can stumble - this is his weakness and in many situations the norm.
However, betrayal always leads to consequences, even if you manage to hide everything carefully. Any lie and deception will sooner or later turn out to be true. And, most likely, you yourself will say this during one of the quarrels. It is impossible to hide your betrayal forever and it will gnaw at you from the inside for a long time.
And the most important thing is to forget the betrayal in your head. Psychologists also noted one fact: having cheated once, a person will want to experience these emotions again.
And even if he worries about betrayal, when a new opportunity arises, he will certainly take advantage of it. And everything will go only up to one moment - until a person is caught cheating and then it will be too late to change anything. Therefore, it is better to think about the consequences in advance, but they are serious.
Decide
You've gotten a little stronger. Not everyone screamed and cried, but a lot of them did. Now it's time to answer the standard questions. Post-cheating questionnaire:
1. The scale of betrayal. It’s one thing for a partner to unwittingly fall in love with another. Another - he lied for years, hid and humiliated you.
2. Systematicity. If this is a regular event - walking to the left - there is nothing further to do with the person.
3. The level of your relationship. If they were already on the brink, then this can be considered a logical ending to an already bad story.
4. Repentance. If by behavior or direct text a man says: “I cheated, I am cheating and I will cheat,” you should not give him such joy. Let him be in a happy short relationship, but not with you. In this case, there is nothing to forgive or save.
5. The desire to save the marriage. If your partner is ready to work on the relationship, go to a psychologist, understand your pain, compensate for it - that’s one thing. The “Let’s forget about it” principle doesn’t work.
6. Your willingness to forgive. Forgive is not a word. This is an honest answer to myself: I will never in my life, under any circumstances, remember this to him. Ready? Only a few are ready for this. If you can’t, you will still get divorced.
7. Duration of the relationship. It’s one thing, my husband cheated a month after marriage. As the grandmothers said: spit and grind. It hurts, but care will save the rest of your life. Another thing is 30 years, when you have children and the children have grandchildren. However, this is not an argument for the other 30 years to suffer.
How to keep your husband from cheating?
According to statistics, about 90 percent of men have cheated on their wives at least once in their lives. Moreover, more than forty percent of the stronger sex do this regularly. Why do men look to the left? According to sexologists, primarily due to the fact that they are not satisfied with their sex life with their legal wife. See what type your partner is and find out what he needs in sex to be completely happy.
Partner
From the first day of acquaintance, such men treat their soulmate as a free and independent person. They help around the house and try to tell you what to do in difficult situations. In this case, they help only with words, after which they take an observational position and watch how you cope with difficulties.
What to do?
Only a variety of sex can keep partners from going outside. Moreover, they love that the initiative to bring something new into their intimate life comes from you. Sex with such a spouse is always very pleasant. After all, your partner’s own satisfaction always comes second. But he becomes truly happy if he sees that his beloved has the same priorities. If a man notices that his partner has begun to treat him coolly or not in the way he imagines, he may think about cheating.
Jealous
Your husband is trying to find evidence of infidelity in all your actions. It seems that soon he will become jealous of the lamppost. No beliefs or arguments have any effect on him. Living in an environment of constant suspicion is incredibly difficult, but if you have decided everything for yourself, you will have to put up with it.
What to do?
Quarrels and conflicts based on jealousy do not contribute to love and intimacy. But for men of this type, sex plays a huge role. It doesn’t matter to them in what positions and what rhythm the intimacy takes place, the main thing is that it happens. Jealous people cheat quite often. Especially in those moments when they begin to think about your infidelity. To prevent this from happening, try to show the jealous person your love and devotion every day. This can be expressed in frequent calls and SMS messages throughout the day and full-fledged sex - morning and evening.
Lord
Lords treat their wives as if they were their own daughters. They look down on them a little and are always touchingly caring. Overlords, as a rule, are well-off and constantly pamper their beloved. In return, they demand only complete submission and adoration.
What to do?
So that such a man does not look to the side, in his relationship with his wife he must feel his uniqueness and royalty. He does not tolerate criticism, especially in sexual matters. During sex, try to give all your attention to your partner. Show all initiative in a delicately subordinate manner. And the ruler will definitely appreciate it. For variety in sex with the overlord, you can use role-playing games in which you have to play the role of a “rebellious wife.”
Penguin
He loves beer, football and fishing. You can easily spend the whole evening watching TV and feel absolutely happy. Their appearance also gives away penguins: such men have a lazy, waddling gait and a thick belly. Most often he is calm and good-natured. External stimuli can very rarely make him angry.
What to do?
The likelihood that such a man will look the other way is practically zero. Penguins quickly get used to their routine and practically do not change it. You can’t expect enchanting sex from such men. Yes, in fact, he doesn’t need it. If you want to bring new sensations to sex, you will have to try yourself. Although at first you may run into misunderstandings and surprise with your innovations.
Burdock
Such men are very trusting and show with all their appearance how much they love their wife. For them, there are no other women, because they give all their attention to their rightful soul mate.
What to do?
Sex with this type of man is usually very pleasant and comfortable. Such a man always thinks about his lady and tries to please her in every possible way. They do not demand anything from their partner during sex; the “minimum program” is enough for them. Your task is to maintain a reverent attitude towards yourself. And even minimal attention is enough for this.
Dictator
From the very first day of acquaintance, he demands complete submission from his beloved. He is quite tough, if not cruel. Such men love to make plans that never come true.
What to do?
Loyalty for this type of man is a fantasy concept. They never refuse sex on the side and do not see anything criminal in it. You can only keep a man from going to the left if you fulfill all his wildest fantasies during sex. However, his fantasies may soon end, and then betrayal cannot be avoided.
Breadwinner
He loves family and home. For him, these components are the most important. At the same time, the miners do not express their feelings in verbal form. They consider this unnecessary, because all his love is visible in his actions. Such men are very efficient and try with all their might to make sure that their children and family do not need anything.
What to do?
Intimate relationships with such a man always lack sensuality and romanticism. Your task is to bring these missing moments into your sex life. A man will gladly respond to such impulses of yours. Otherwise, he will find the missing sexual emotions on the side. Although he will worry about it.
Live
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If you left.
Leaving go . Forget about “we decided to remain friends”, erase him from your life completely. If you have children, leave your spouse at the business partner level: “Good afternoon,” “Nice to see you,” “All the best.” Do not interfere with your partner’s communication with children and support this communication in every possible way, but exclude personal conversations. If there are no children: blacklist, no monitoring of personal pages and no reminders about him from friends. This past. Leave him there and move on with your life.
Prepare for pain . In any case, it will be very painful for you. Betrayal is in second place in the range of feelings after the death of a loved one. It lasts on average from several months to two years. This is fine. Don't be afraid of it. Accept the pain and live by the rules that you followed during the distancing stage.
Go to a psychologist . It will help you survive a difficult stage, not painlessly, but without fatal mistakes. Faster and a little easier.
Show willpower and character
Of course, this method is trivial. But, if there is no desire, then what is the point of reading this article further? Only with your own willpower can you stop your desires.
Therefore, it is necessary to firmly say “no” and continue to live in the same rhythm of life. Of course, there is also a second component - this is physical tension, but it is much more difficult to remove it.
The only thing that can come to the rescue in such a situation is your own desire not to make any mistakes.
