How to stop loving the girl you love

Are you dying or moving on?
What to do next to stop loving the girl you love?
How can you stop loving a girl in the end?

People meet, converge and often disperse. If this happens with friends, then people can handle separation much easier than breaking up with those they love. It is love feelings for a partner that make you suffer and not forget about the past for a long time. The men's magazine masculino.ru will tell you how to stop loving the girl you love.

We no longer consider the reasons for the separation, since it does not matter. We are no longer talking about restoring your relationship with your beloved girl. We are already talking about the stage when all attempts to return something remain in vain. All that remains now is to come to terms with the loss of your loved one, forget him and move on with your life.

Start by sincerely wishing to forget about your ex-girlfriend. You must want this very badly, not because you are tired of suffering, but because you are tired of wasting your time on a girl who does not deserve it. You want to forget and never try to bring it back again. This will be the first step on the road to recovery.

What does it take to stop loving your chosen one?

Each person is individual and handles separation differently. One guy, after being cynically rejected, immediately throws the girl out of his life, the other suffers, suffers, and is deeply depressed. Psychologists give advice to help cope with unhappy love.

10 steps to psychological independence

You can forget a girl who doesn't love you only if you really want it. The right attitude is important. It will not be possible to quickly free yourself from attachment and psychological dependence if it is true love.

An integrated approach is required here:

Stop suffering. Being in this state threatens mental and physical health problems. Suffering drives you into depression, as a result of which the meaning of life is lost. In severe cases, suicidal tendencies appear.
Let go of your beloved. After a breakup, initially negative emotions appear, then the resentment goes away, and a desire to renew the relationship appears. If a woman leaves completely, the man is in a state of emotional depression for some time. The sooner he accepts the situation and comes to terms with the separation, the sooner his life will improve.
Work on your own thoughts. Don't think about your ex-lover. Initially, you will have to force yourself to change your train of thought. As soon as the image of a girl appears in your head, you must immediately start thinking about something else. The fewer thoughts there are about the ex-darling, the faster the guy will begin to forget about her.
Lie to yourself. This is not about thinking about a possible resumption of the relationship. On the contrary, in a state of emotional depression you need to dream more often, imagine the image of your future beloved. You need to draw a portrait and behavior in detail. In psychology, this trick is called the correct illusion. Often, in the near future, you meet exactly the kind of girl whom the guy drew in a state of emotional stress.
Start dating another woman. You won’t be able to forget right away, but you can unwind. Meetings with another girl immediately after breaking up can be fleeting or fateful. There is one psychological trick at work here: one woman offended, the other saved. For this, the man thanked her with love and affection.
Listen to music. Songs shape the mood and direct the train of thought in the right direction. You should not select compositions about unhappy love. They listen to songs about mutual feelings and happy relationships.
See the flaws. A man in love idealizes his chosen one and does not want to notice the shortcomings. To stop loving a girl you love very much, you need to look at her from the outside. They take a sheet of paper and write down everything that is considered a weakness. Understanding that the chosen one is imperfect helps to get rid of regret. The guy stops regretting the separation because he realizes that the ideal is still somewhere ahead. Parting with the previous chosen one becomes the beginning of a new search for happiness.

READ
How to tell a girl about breaking up: advice for guys

Don't see each other. Distance can cool feelings. It is easier to forget unsuccessful love if you can change the situation, for example, move to another city. Memories come back if you constantly be in those places where you spent time with your beloved. There is no need to try to take revenge. When a guy thinks about revenge, he is still connected with the girl and cannot start a new life without her.
Remove everything that reminds you of your ex-lover. The first thing they do is erase photos, remove or throw away gifts. A simple ritual helps to tune in to a new life. You need to take a photo of yourself, cut it up, and then burn it. Such actions mean the end of the relationship.
Come up with a hobby, play sports, pay special attention to your career. Often failures on the personal front force a person to change his life and look at himself differently.

If a man cannot stop loving a woman for a long time, it means he is making mistakes or does not want to forget the past.

How to come to terms with not being loved

In fact, there is no tragedy in this. If the paths diverge, then it’s not destiny. You need to remember your own dignity, value yourself, and maintain a high level of self-esteem. If a girl leaves you, you need to leave with dignity, remember your pride, don’t whine or humiliate yourself. You should accept the situation and let go of your ex-lover. It's her decision. Perhaps she will regret it someday. We need to start a new life. The more worthy the man accepts the situation, the higher the chance that the woman will regret the separation.

How to get rid of feelings towards a colleague

When you see your ex-passion every day, it is much more difficult to forget about her. It is recommended to adhere to all the steps to psychological freedom described above. If a guy stops seeing his beloved colleague as an ideal, then over time he will begin to look at her differently. When there is nothing to regret and nothing to share, you can adequately respond to the presence of your ex-lover.

READ

How to ignore a girl to make you fall in love or push her away

If we are talking about a classmate

First love comes into children's hearts while still at school. It is believed that she is the strongest emotionally and cruel, because she is not always reciprocal. If a young man in love fails in his personal life, he stops studying well, abandons his classes, and skips school so as not to date a girl.

Things to remember when trying to get rid of an unwanted feeling:

First love is very rarely true. There will still be many beautiful girls ahead who will definitely reciprocate.
The most beautiful girl in the class, with whom all her classmates are in love, is not always the best. It’s worth looking around, perhaps another classmate is experiencing warm feelings and dreams of reciprocity.
Teenagers tend to idealize the image of their beloved. It is worth looking at her soberly, seeing the shortcomings, and not just the advantages, removing from her image everything that actually does not exist. We need to get rid of illusions.

People remember their first school crush all their lives, but they forget it quite quickly. Already within the walls of higher educational institutions, deeper relationships begin, against the backdrop of which first love seems like a child’s prank. Things get a little worse if the young man is drafted into the army.

Then he will have to remember his beloved until he returns home.

How to stop loving a girl?

The first thing we do is get rid of attachment...

First of all, in order for not a trace of attachment to remain, you need to do everything possible so that thoughts about your ex make themselves felt as little as possible.

The appearance of such thoughts is associated with so-called triggers .

These are the places where you spent time together, where you met, where you met on your first date.
These are also things that remind you of your relationship. Perhaps there are gifts left from her, which every time evoke memories that make you even more sad and think about how to stop loving a girl.

It’s better not to remember who gave these gifts. If this does not give any result, then simply get rid of them by throwing them away or giving them to someone else.

Next, erase her number from your mobile and delete all messages. It may show that you're offended, but if you're determined to get her out of your head, then keep at it.

Only now, if you can get rid of things in various ways, then the places where you have been together cannot go anywhere. And avoiding them is also not a way out of this situation!

You can use the proven method of “mashing anchors.” The point is to meet and go on dates with new friends in places where all this happened with your ex, because of whom you had the question of how to stop loving a girl.

After some time (after a couple of acquaintances and meetings with other representatives of the fair sex), you will notice for yourself that the same negative emotions do not appear in these places.

A little about errors

The opinion of another person must be respected. If a girl decided to break up, then she had reasons for it. In such cases they say: “Not fate.” The paths have diverged, you need to look for your one and only. Unfortunately, it does not occur immediately. You have to learn from your mistakes. You should let go of your former chosen one physically and psychologically and start a new life. Mistakes that do not allow you to forget your former love:

constant memories instead of a focus on the future;
storage of photographs, gifts;
an insidious plan for revenge;
constant thoughts about your ex-girlfriend;
reluctance to notice shortcomings;
obsessing over a problem;
loneliness, seclusion.

Until the guy himself wants to forget his chosen one, no advice will help him. He will not notice other women, he will not be able to love again. It is recommended to start working on yourself from the first days of separation, then the state of emotional depression will pass much faster. We must remember that the best is yet to come.

Are you dying or moving on?

The topic of death can be considered at any age, not only from a physiological, but also a psychological point of view. Quite often, people (especially modern people) die before they grow old. There are women who die mentally at 30 years old. Why? They did not marry or have children. There are men who died at 50 years old. Why? They have not achieved all of their goals in their entire lives. And the most amazing thing: physically these people live another 30-40 years, but their souls have long been ready for death.

When a person faces a difficult situation, you can tell by the way he behaves whether he dies or continues to live. The one who dies begins to grab his heart, get emotional, say that his life is over, etc. Those people who continue to live calm their emotions and decide how to get out of the situation.

People cry when they have trouble. This means that thoughts prevail in their heads that it is time for them to die, to stop living and rejoicing. If people solve their problems, it means that thoughts that life goes on prevail in their heads, that they need to solve a small problem that has darkened the joy of being.

You can die not only physically, but also spiritually. And people often don’t notice how they kill themselves with their own thoughts, grievances, and suffering.

You can, of course, suffer from what you have lost: a loved one left you, you lost your job, your money was stolen, a loved one passed away, etc. But how will this help your cause? What is gone cannot be returned. But you have something left - you and your life. And instead of suffering, you can focus on making your life fulfilling, interesting and exciting.

Why do people suffer when they lose something? If you feel “not alive” after the loss or departure of another person, then you valued what was “lost” more than yourself. People value money, loved ones, children, property, etc. more than their lives. This is why any loss of “this value” leads to thoughts of suicide or complete apathy and depression. It turns out that you valued someone or something above yourself. Why? Because you are not interesting to yourself, boring, and your life is monotonous and insipid. Therefore, you may suffer due to the departure of a loved one, because his life was more interesting and exciting than yours. You suffer due to the loss of a job, property or money, because everything you spent your energy on, everything that defined your personality, was these things, not you.

So, should you suffer or continue living? Of course, continue to live. Understand that the most valuable thing you have left is you and your life. This means that you can make yourself so attractive and ideal that you will be proud of yourself. You can make your life so exciting and interesting that you will never want to go back to the miserable existence you lead now.

Understand that now you are suffering because of the departure of another person or because of the loss of some thing only because you consider these “values” more significant and interesting than yourself. Are you really that boring and faceless? Then continue to suffer until that person or that thing comes into your life again that brings joy into your life again. But successful people do not suffer, but understand that they and their lives are more valuable than those people who leave them, and things can be earned and acquired again. While you are crying, successful people are spending their energy on making their lives full and interesting, improving themselves, becoming more developed and attractive, in order to provide themselves with the sensations that “lost values” gave them.

It is absurd to waste time suffering, dying and limiting your life just because of one person who does not value your feelings, yourself. Don't you mind wasting your time on a girl you'll soon stop loving? After all, the longer you hold on to your ex, the longer you delay the time to get to know your future one.

Talk to your loved one

Try to remain calm. Don't accuse or raise your voice, but explain as thoroughly as possible what is bothering you. Use “I” messages for this.

No: “You don’t communicate with me at all! Do not you love me anymore!"
Yes: “I am very upset that we are spending less time together. We used to go for walks every weekend, but now I’ve been spending them alone for over a month.”

Talk about your feelings, but don't forget the facts. Arguments like “it seems to me” will not sound very convincing and are easy to dismiss.

Lyudmila Altyeva

Psychologist, psychoanalyst.

When we enter into a new relationship, we look for common things that connect us: views on life, interests, character traits. In a state of falling in love, we do not see differences, but are in a feeling of unity and similarity in everything. At the beginning of a relationship, partners try to show their best qualities.

But the more they open up to each other, the more obvious the differences become. And the question of continuing a relationship is accepting these differences and adapting to your partner. It is at this stage that contradictions become a reason for breaking off relations. Sometimes partners understand this and decide to separate. But what if this decision comes as a surprise to one of them? And how to react when it is already difficult to hide the problems that have arisen in a relationship?

If something signals a change in your partner’s usual behavior, you should take a closer look and observe what is really happening. And if there is no point in denying the obvious, you should talk frankly with your loved one. The more neutral you are, the less anger, accusations, attacks, the more likely you are to receive a direct answer.

For example, you can say: “I began to notice that recently our relationship has changed a lot, and not for the better. What do you think is going on? Yes, it’s not easy to hear an unpleasant answer, but it’s harder to live in your own illusion without reciprocity. After all, no matter how much we deny the problem, it will ultimately lead to a breakup. Conversely, an honest look at the situation on the part of both partners can provide a new resource for building a dialogue.

Be prepared for resistance

Even if the feelings really are over, the partner may not admit it right away. Firstly, he himself needs time to realize and accept everything. Secondly, he may be afraid of hurting you, so he will begin to deny everything: “No, you don’t understand everything correctly, I love you very much!” A person can explain coldness, closedness and detachment by fatigue or other reasons.

It is extremely important here not to argue or turn the conversation into a battle. You cannot look into another person's heart and head and know what is really going on there. Therefore, now your main task is to convey to your partner that you are very concerned.

Give your loved one more space

After the conversation, you will have to wait a while: both you and your partner will need to sort out your feelings.

Often a person who notices the distance of a loved one tries to shorten the distance: asks for a meeting, calls, writes, tries to be close. This is very natural, but, unfortunately, it does not help. The best tactic, according to psychologists, would be to step back for at least a couple of weeks and allow your partner to be alone with their thoughts and experiences.

Illustration: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker

Decide what to do next

Discuss how important love is to your couple in general. Perhaps you have been married for a long time, raising children, you are connected by common interests, obligations and goals. Your relationship is based on loyalty, respect and affection. And all this can be preserved, even when feelings have cooled, if you both understand and accept it.

It’s a completely different matter if being unloved is painful for you or if your partner wants to be with someone else. Then you will have to admit that the relationship has come to an end and talk about it openly.

Take a break

Yes, it's very difficult. But if you emotionally express your suspicions to your partner, then it will not be good for you or him. What if your intuition lets you down and the person has other reasons for detachment: problems at work, fatigue, bad mood? There may simply not be enough strength to show love and care.

In these cases, complaints will definitely not strengthen the relationship. So it’s better to breathe out and do nothing for at least a couple of days. Keep yourself busy with work or, conversely, with relaxation: meet with friends, take a walk, go on a short trip. Let your emotions cool down a little, this will help you look at what is happening more soberly.

Analyze the situation

Try to separate your feelings and fears from the facts. What really happened? What in your partner’s behavior indicates that he has cooled off towards you? Are there any real signs?

Let's say he objectively spends less time with you: you used to talk every evening after work and watch TV series together on Fridays, but now this has faded away. Or your partner has stopped hugging you and showing sexual interest. Or he became irritated and rude, which was not the case before. Or he often disappears somewhere without explaining the reasons, hiding his phone when you enter the room.

Such an analysis will help you figure out whether there really are alarm bells or whether you just imagined it. In addition, specific facts will be useful to you when talking with your partner.