How to make peace with a friend after a strong quarrel

Methods of reconciliation

Apologize personally. If you are interested in the question of how to behave if “it’s my own fault,” then, first of all, you need to take care of an apology. It is ideal if you ask for forgiveness in person.
The second option is to write a letter or message. This is especially true if a friend refuses personal contact.
Presenting a surprise. But you shouldn’t give an expensive gift. You probably know what she likes - it could be chocolates, a small soft toy, a favorite magazine. Send such a present.

You can also read about ways to reconcile with a friend.

Is it necessary to reconcile?

Sometimes, especially after a strong quarrel, thoughts creep into your head: “Is this reconciliation necessary at all? Maybe this is the end of the relationship, and we should leave everything as it is? In some situations, such a decision is indeed correct. Let's look at what you should pay attention to when deciding on this issue.

You need to leave everything as it is if serious contradictions were discovered during a quarrel. For example, before you understood and supported each other, but now, as you grow older, changes have occurred. Now you are actually speaking “different languages.” You need to understand that such a relationship will not benefit either you or your friend. They will be accompanied by regular quarrels and misunderstandings. The most appropriate thing here is to use conflict as a symbol of the end of friendship. However, this decision must be made with a fresh mind, at a time when you are calm and the situation has been fully analyzed.
If you realize that you can still continue to communicate with your friend, then the cause of the conflict can be resolved. Make an effort to restore the relationship.

What to say

You may be confused and don't know what to say to your best friend who you've offended. It is necessary to select the right phrases taking into account your specific situation and level of relationship.

Possible options:

“I’m very sorry that I offended you...”;
"Please forgive me…";
“I won’t make this mistake again”;
“You are very close to me, tell me how we can make peace, I want to regain your trust”;
“After our quarrel, I really miss your communication”;
“Sorry for offending you...”
“Our friendship has been around for years, I don’t want it to end because of stupidity”;
“I’m very lonely without your communication, I really want to make peace.”

The main thing is to speak calmly, in a friendly voice. You must convince that the friendship is very strong and should not be ruined due to disagreements. It is important to try to find a compromise solution. Both sides must speak out and choose options suitable for resolving the current conflict.

If a friend doesn't want to talk

You may encounter a situation where your girlfriend does not want to reconcile at all, ignores you, and does not enter into dialogue. If you are faced with a similar state of affairs, follow this algorithm of actions.

Leave her alone for a while. Perhaps the girl just needs to calm down, analyze what happened, and cool down.
Write a message that she is most likely to read. Although it is possible that the girl will rashly delete the SMS without even reading it. At such a moment, when you decide to send a message, the question arises of what to write. These could be words of apology, an admission of guilt, you can talk about your feelings and the significance of your friendship. You can also indicate your willingness to make compromises. At the same time, you need to understand that your message should not be too long and drawn out, let it be concise, but at the same time meaningful. You should think it over carefully, since it is better to send one message than to overwhelm your friend with dozens of SMSs.
Even if your girlfriend doesn’t make contact after the SMS, you need to continue to behave with restraint and under no circumstances discuss her in the presence of mutual friends. Be patient.
If the period of silence drags on for a long time, you should still remember your friend's important dates. Don't forget to wish her a happy birthday.
If over time your girlfriend still doesn’t respond, doesn’t take steps towards you, you can make one last attempt by inviting her to meet and talk. It is possible that by this time the girl will already realize that she is wrong, but will be afraid to take the first step. Therefore, she will be pleased with your offer.

How to get your friend back if she's offended?

First, you both need a break. Therefore, it doesn’t make sense, and it’s harmful for future relationships, to immediately run to apologize, give flowers and try to carry her in your arms. She should cool down, and you should come up with a win-win strategy, because in such a situation you may not have a second try.

Next, you will have to change something in yourself.
I can’t think of any magic words for you that will definitely help if you have seriously offended a girl. Simply because there is no ready-made formula. Of course, if your guilt is obvious, you will have to apologize, and from the bottom of your heart, but you still need to get to that point. But if he also insulted her, for example, called her a walker, and was wrong, it’s worth admitting it at the first opportunity. And after that, do something to restore the relationship. How to prove that this will not happen again. You can read my article “Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back”, there is a lot more interesting information on this topic. So, if you really offended a girl, what should you do first?

Many guys do not keep their promises for a long time - important and not so important - they ignore the girl’s requests, which are often of great importance to her. Therefore, it is worth starting to change with the smallest things, for example, completing old tasks, fulfilling even the most insignificant promises, even to the point of finding an interesting hobby. At the stage of a pause in the relationship, she should see that you have already begun to change for the better.

How to convey this to her if she doesn’t want to see you? It is imperative to demonstrate these changes, and this can be done through social networks - posting photos, changing statuses, showing that you are adequate, active and self-sufficient. But you shouldn’t bombard her with personal messages, even if she doesn’t even visit your pages, one of your mutual friends or her friends will definitely tell her about your successes.

If she's to blame

Do not shift the blame onto your shoulders for an action committed by a friend. Otherwise, she will continue to manipulate you, including feelings of guilt that were unfounded.
Be friendly. While waiting for an apology from your girlfriend, it is important that the girl sees your willingness to forgive her.
Considering that your friend may be ashamed of her action and find it difficult to take the first step, you can push her towards an apology by posting, for example, a photo of you together on a social network. This will be a sign that you value friendship and do not want to lose it.
Even if after a quarrel you are extremely angry and literally hate your girlfriend, you should not throw mud at her by revealing secrets to strangers.
If, after some time, your girlfriend still does not come to reconcile, and friendship is really dear to you, take the first step. You can call and make an appointment. In personal contact, invite the girl to speak first. After she talks about the painful issue, you can tell her about your feelings, about how her action offended you.

I once had a fight with my best friend. The cause of the conflict was political differences. We didn't communicate for some time. And then she called me herself, apologized and said that this was not a reason for our friendship to collapse. Thanks to the fact that she then agreed to reconcile, our relationship continues to this day. Our friendship is almost 20 years old.

How to make peace with a friend if it's my fault

Despite the fact that all participants are always to blame, you can clearly understand how and why you offended your friend, then the first step of reconciliation is yours; you shouldn’t wait for the time when your friend herself forgets and forgives, unless, of course, you want to save this relationship just in a friendly manner. There are people who don’t complicate life and know how to put themselves in someone else’s shoes; you just approach them with an apology, and they explain to you what exactly you meant. There are few of these, but even these must be approached first in order to demonstrate the importance and significance of this person’s feelings for you and the value of this relationship, as well as to show your understanding that you made a mistake.

With people who are not so understanding and wise, approaching first to explain is a priority, and if you notice how the expression on your friend’s face changes from what phrase or action you say. It’s better to apologize immediately, before a more or less simple feeling of inadequacy snowballs into the fact that you took home her blue spatula in kindergarten.

Apologizing, explain that when expressing some thought, you expressed only your point of view, and did not state it as a truism (a statement about the inadmissibility of wearing black may be taken personally if she is standing next to her all in black, but it was meant that Personally, it doesn’t suit you terribly). Try to reframe your statement as personal and about feelings, instead of criticizing and dictating a certain behavior. If the dispute is beyond the scope of an incorrectly chosen word, and you disagree on a certain concept, then it is worth noting the positive points expressed by your friend, expressing where she is right (stren up, look, even disagree). When the argument becomes critical and you cannot find anything positive in the position defended by your friend, you can always agree on neutrality, and instead of trying to convince the other, let each live the choice that is closer to her, without raping the friendly psyche.

You are not twins to live the same lives and think the same thoughts. Giving another person freedom and accepting his manifestations is the key to friendship, it gives a feeling of priority of one’s own importance over the importance of some idea. In this case, you should admit that you are wrong, but not regarding your position in life (unless you are going to change it), but in imposing your worldview or trying to belittle your friend’s opinion.

Listen to your friend's opinion without interrupting or judging. What may seem like a trifle to you can bring her to tears - such revelations bring people together, and then you will be guided in how to behave. It is quite difficult to judge everyone by yourself, despite your apparent similarity, you can hit your heel on an old childhood trauma, which will cause serious offense. If you feel guilty, you understand what exactly you are wrong about, and even a friend talks about the mistakes you have made, you may really want to blame in return (and there will obviously be reasons for it), but restrain yourself from this, if you don’t want to quarrel forever, try to build everything statements on one’s own behalf (instead of “it’s my own fault” - “I’m sorry that this happened”, and instead of “you would have done the same” - “I didn’t see other ways then”). And try not to lose sensitivity during the conversation, otherwise you risk taking on too many accusations, even in things that you are essentially right about and would not have intended to concede under other circumstances - do not allow quarrels and insults to become manipulative levers in your relationship.

Causes and ways to prevent quarrels

Touchiness. Perhaps the friend is overly impressionable and withdraws into herself at the slightest disagreement. If this is your case, then you need to control yourself, avoid harsh statements, and do not criticize her, otherwise resentment cannot be avoided.
A quarrel may occur due to the second girl’s excessive pride. She may act too arrogantly, creating a wall of misunderstanding. You can prevent conflict only if the girl becomes more down-to-earth and begins to treat you with respect.
Different views on life. It is normal for two people to have different points of view. To avoid conflict situations, it is necessary not to talk about topics that are unpleasant to the interlocutor. At the first signs of a developing quarrel, you need to change the topic of conversation and do what both of you like.
Envy is not uncommon in female friendships. If one of the friends has achieved more, has a good job, a beloved man, better appearance, then poison begins to accumulate in the second, which sooner or later she spills out. In such a situation, the more successful young lady should not flaunt her merits and merits; she should not brag. And for a girl who knows that she has a negative character trait, it’s time to work on herself, including on her appearance, if something doesn’t suit her.
Jealousy is also not uncommon in relationships between two girls. Here we can talk about the appearance of a young man or a new acquaintance of one of the young ladies. In such a situation, it is important that the relationship is maintained between all three. Otherwise, the friendship will end very quickly.

Now you know how to make peace with your best friend. As you can see, no one is immune from conflicts in relationships. In addition, there are many reasons for a quarrel between two girls. Remember, if your friend is very dear to you and you value her company, do not be afraid to take the first step towards reconciliation, do not delay it.

How to make peace with a friend if she doesn't want to talk

When you think about how to make peace with your best friend, the cycle of thoughts leads to the search for someone to blame and the reason, instead of looking for a meeting and the right words. The axiom of any relationship is that there is no clear right and wrong; in any conflict, both participants are involved and both, through their behavior, have already contributed to hostility instead of reconciliation. Bring your thoughts to a sober reasoning and before completely blaming yourself, think about where your friend was wrong (objectively, you could be an hour late, which ruined an important event, but if before that she blew your mind by discussing this event with constant reminders about it , then your brain became satiated and this is what the response of the subconscious looked like).

Perhaps your friend is completely wrong and you are waiting for her apology or planning casual meetings to give her a reason for repentance, but think about your own contribution to her mistake (if your boyfriend left for her, remember how much you praised him to her, how much you invited her with an overnight stay or left them alone for days). Prepare for the fact that two people should participate in the dialogue on equal positions, since friendship involves interaction on equal terms, and not elevating someone and not only one having the whole truth (no one is completely objective).

After waiting a sufficient amount of time for your emotions to cool down, you can make contact and discuss the conflict as openly and after the fact as possible, agree on the rules and nuances of further interaction, but how you can make peace with your friend if she does not cooperate is a complicated task. Refuse to involve mutual acquaintances in your relationship in advance - this is exclusively your relationship, and increased activity on the part of even well-meaning others can aggravate the conflict, and after the conflict is clarified, people will remember such an incident for a long time and will remind you, undermining trust by asking awkward questions. So it’s better to act on your own, which will create fewer problems and be more effective, because it’s unlikely that anyone knows your best friend better than you and will be able to find a more correct approach to her than you.

Choose any messenger or social network and send her a message, then all you have to do is wait for a response. If she answered, then in the correspondence try to indicate only the essence of your appearance, and then invite her to a meeting in order to find out all the details through personal direct contact.

If your friend is quite offended and does not answer, then you can call, although there is a high probability that she will not pick up the phone. Then either completely brush aside pride and your own pretensions or appreciate their fundamental importance, since the next step will be to initiate your personal meeting in the most arrogant way - by traveling to her. Before such a trip, listen to your own feelings, and if it seems that the message and call were enough, and the rest is in the line of violating personal boundaries, then leave your friend alone. Perhaps she needs more time to realize the importance of your friendship, or perhaps your quarrel was critical and the relationship cannot be resuscitated. If she’s just sulking out of stubbornness, and she really regrets what happened, then get ready and go visit. There will be no chance that the door will not be opened, because to do this you need to be complete strangers. You can also take a cake, fruit, wine or other favorite goodies with you and wave this gift through the peephole.

In addition, such quarrels and a person’s reluctance to subsequently sort things out are an important characteristic of a person and sometimes it is more logical and environmentally friendly in relation to one’s own soul, instead of looking for a way to make peace with your best friend, think about the possibility of changing the format of the relationship. People are friends on equal terms, rather than one standing on a principled position while the other revolves around him, and perhaps you will be better off in a friendly relationship that is not so traumatic. Otherwise, you’ll have to go to her door with a cake all your life. If you understand that her behavior is dictated by the situation, and not by her character traits, then having expressed your position, sorting out your vision of the situation, desires and attitude towards the situation, leave the horizon - you should not knock on her doorsteps like a nasty admirer, but always stay keep in touch, congratulate you on the holidays, give gifts. This behavior will make it clear that she is valuable to you, you respect her decision and are able to give her time to think about the situation.

Gradually, relations will begin to warm up, you will meet more often in companies, joint affairs will arise again, and the main thing here is to support this renewal and not force things. Because excessive directness and persistence have the opposite effect. But do not forget, somewhere in the middle of normalizing communication, to discuss the details of the situation that led to such consequences, because already now it is stupid to pretend that nothing happened, but to understand that each other was hooked remains necessary in order to avoid repetition.