Potency is of great importance for every man, therefore, with any disturbances or changes in the work of the “best friend,” representatives of the stronger sex begin to smoke nervously and only a few of them run to the doctor. Why a guy doesn’t have a penis is less a question than a cry of despair from both sexes. KHOCHU.ua reveals the reasons for a guy’s lack of erection, which have been repeatedly raised on the forum, but still advises you to consult a specialist rather than get treatment by reading articles on the Internet.
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Of course, there is nothing worse for a man than admitting problems with potency, and most of the stronger sex blame their partner for everything, not wanting to look for the real reasons why it is not worth turning to a specialist for qualified help. However, this term has not been used in the literature in the last decade and is considered outdated - instead of “impotence” they talk about “erectile dysfunction” or “erectile dysfunction”.
Erectile dysfunction is erectile dysfunction in which the volume of a man's penis, its hardness and straightness are insufficient for sexual intercourse. Find out more about the problem of potency.
HUSBAND DOESN'T CONSIDER MY OPINION...
Help me, please, our family is collapsing before our eyes. My husband does not respect me, any opinion expressed is met with hostility. I don’t know how to establish a dialogue. On all family issues, he consults with his mother; my word is nothing to him.
I know that everyone’s mother comes first, and I don’t pretend to take it, but listening only to her in everything, being already a fully grown person, is this normal? I feel empty. How did I deserve this, because I had never even communicated with anyone before him, although there was an opportunity, and now all sorts of sinful thoughts are creeping into my head, I want to spite him to do what I previously considered unacceptable for myself.
My faith hangs by a thread, a little more and I’ll give up... Tell me, is it only the husband who should be happy with his wife, and the wife who should endure everything? In the next world, will the demand be only from the wife?
From a religious point of view:
Respect for parents and obedience to them is an integral part of our religion. After all, Allah commands us to obey the will of our parents. The only exception when it is possible and even necessary to disobey parents is the case when their order is contrary to religion. Islam forbids us not only to disobey our parents, but even to simply show our dissatisfaction with their actions or words. Allah in the Qur'an, addressing us Muslims, said (meaning): “Your Lord has decreed that you should not worship anyone but Him and do good to your parents. If one of the parents or both reaches old age, then do not say “uff” to them, do not grumble at them and address them with respect and affection” (Surah Al-Isra, verse 23).
All rights reserved. يْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُ لْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيما
Likewise, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Allah’s pleasure is in the pleasure of parents, and His anger is in their anger” (at-Tabarani, no. 12750).
رضا الرب فى رضا الوالدين وسخطه فى سخطهما
Therefore, there is nothing bad or wrong in the fact that your spouse consults with his mother and listens to her opinion; on the contrary, our religion calls us to this. If the joint decision of your husband and his mother does not contradict the norms of Islam and does not infringe on your rights, then there is nothing reprehensible in this, and there is nothing to reproach or correct your spouse for. On the Day of Judgment there will be a demand from each of the spouses who did not take into account the rights of the other and did not fulfill their obligations to him.
Naturally, the life of the spouses should not be built on someone’s advice; first of all, everything should be based on the provisions of Islam and the consent of the spouses. A husband should also listen to the opinion of his wife, even in matters that do not infringe on her rights. Because the saying of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) says: “The best of you is the one who is the best for his family, and I am the best of you in relation to my family” (Sunan Ibn Majah, No. 1967).
خيرُكم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيرُكم لأهلي
Talk privately with your spouse, ask him to pay attention not to this hadith, sometimes to consult with you, after all, you are one whole, one family.
It’s not worth going to the forbidden because of principles and grievances, because in this way you are not just taking revenge on your spouse, but you are disobeying the Almighty! Do not forget that you will certainly have to answer for everything you have done, and you will have to answer. Remember that the Almighty has promised a great reward for showing patience. For a person is rewarded with good in the afterlife even for the prick of a thorn that he had to endure in earthly life.
From a psychological point of view:
Regarding the question of who will be asked what and who will be asked, we will rely on the theologian’s answer. Although it is already obvious that responsibility for the well-being of the family lies with both the husband and the wife. I really hope that you will be able to find the best way out of this situation and convey to your husband the inappropriateness of his behavior.
However, you shouldn’t rely on the fact that one fine day your husband will just come to his senses and come to his senses. The fact is that it is unlikely that the idea will occur to him to look at the situation through your eyes, to see everything the way you see it. Firstly, few people think about how others see what is happening, and secondly, it may simply not be beneficial for him, since he will have to give up a lot.
It is extremely important to correctly determine the choice of means of influencing your husband, to decide how to competently build communication with him so that he is more attentive to your words and takes into account your opinion on basic issues. The first thing to do is to abandon open criticism, since it, as a rule, always has the same result, namely, response criticism and opposition. You need to think about why he reacts so sharply to your words, which makes him take everything with hostility. In behavioral psychology, there is a long-established postulate that any stimulus always leads to a reaction, and the reaction itself can largely be determined by the stimulus, its content and emotional coloring.
Think about how you can tell him what you intend differently. Proceed like this: you have a main idea that you want to convey to your husband; it needs to be framed in such a way that he is either happy to accept it, or considers that it comes from him. The second is more difficult to achieve, but it is much more effective. The well-known work of communication specialist Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” can help you in many ways. This book reveals the basic laws of productive communication in the most accessible way. It is important not just to read, but to systematically practice certain approaches.
Learn to offer your husband this or that solution, and not just report it. Instead of saying, “We need to do this or that now,” you need to say, “What if we do it like this?” The fact is that by offering this or that option, you seem to invite him to dialogue, cooperation, which is much more effective than imperative communication.
As for your thoughts about sinful things, just drive them away, they will definitely not bring you any good and will not solve the problems in your family, but on the contrary, they will add to them.
Muhammad-Amin Magomedrasulov
theologian
Aliaskhab Anatolyevich Murzaev
Psychologist-consultant at the Center for Social Assistance to Family and Children
Link https://new.islam.ru/content/liniya-doveriya/42640
The husband thinks only of himself. What should I do?
Question for a psychologist:
I am pregnant. My husband and I cannot afford to buy an apartment, so we are renting for now. My parents and his parents help us. I am still studying, getting a higher education, and my husband works. The apartment we rent is not suitable for a baby. And I began to look for another apartment to rent, although my husband is categorically against it, and he explains this by saying, “I like everything! If you are not satisfied with something, do it yourself! Your problems!". I decided that I would look for it myself, but there was no result. I didn't find anything. But I thought (both my mother and my husband’s mother agree with me) that I could ask the owner of the apartment to make repairs in this apartment. At least in the bathroom. Since the pipes are leaking there, I am afraid of mold forming, which is harmful for the unborn baby. I asked my husband to talk to the owner, since we will stay in the apartment that he likes so much. He agreed at first, but never talked to him. I asked again and again when he would check with the owner if he could do something there. But at the last moment my husband said, “If you need it, call yourself!” Everything suits me!” And this egoism of his is manifested not only in this. If we have a little money for supplies (to buy groceries for home. I don’t buy anything for myself, mind you.), he starts whining (yes, whining!) so that we give him money for alcohol, because he hasn’t drank for a long time , and for a long time in his understanding - this is a week or two. And if I allocate this money, on which we need to live for another half a month, then we will have nothing to live on later. I tell him that I need to eat something, I’m pregnant, I need fruit. But he doesn't understand. He needs a drink. And that's it! What I need, what I don’t buy for myself, especially for the baby, he doesn’t care. Our mothers buy everything for the baby and food. I am ashamed for that. He shouts that no one should help him, that he will do everything himself. And in the end, he spends all the money on his own alcohol. And he also goes into debt. When you tell him that we need to think about the baby, about whom only our parents think, he begins to freak out, scream, and sometimes even leave the house. How to explain to him that he should think not only about his well-being, about his “wants,” but also about others? He's about to have a baby, which he told me he's wanted for a long time. But in reality, I don't see any of this. If a baby is born, I don’t know how to live with such a husband. I'm terribly offended. And I can't reach him. If I start saying something, like “At least think about the baby! Don’t care about me, my opinion!”
He says, “That’s normal for the baby anyway. He is not here yet. And when it happens, then we’ll see!” I don’t understand why in this family I have to think for two. I'm terribly tired of these quarrels. From his selfishness. And before pregnancy he behaved the same way, if everything suits him, then everything is fine, he doesn’t care about me, about my opinion. In general, how can I explain, how to reach him, so that he can hear me, that we are a family, that we need to think for all of us, and not just for ourselves?
Author of the question: Julia Age: 21
Why doesn't He get up
Recognizing the problem of a man’s “weak” erection is already half the success. So, for example, if a man had severe stress or anxiety before sexual intercourse, he was tired at work, did not get enough sleep, was irritated, a conflict situation with a woman or sexual incompatibility arose - this can cause male weakness. If these reasons are eliminated, the erection will be normal again.
Psychological trauma can also cause erectile dysfunction during sex. Fears and complexes associated with sexual relationships are not necessary here. Childhood grievances, self-doubt, tightness, emotional shocks of any nature - all this can affect men's health when a man does not get erect at the right moment. You can remove psychological barriers with the help of a psychotherapist or psychologist - there is no other way to cure such problems with penis erection.
When the husband's penis is not erect and the lack of erection is accompanied by itching, redness, pain in the groin area, discomfort when urinating, inflammation and other unpleasant symptoms - the cause of erectile dysfunction is a sexually transmitted disease. If you find similar symptoms, immediately contact a urologist or venereologist, who, after diagnosis, will prescribe treatment and help restore and improve male erection.
Hormonal imbalance is one of the common causes of weak erections in men. If suspicions creep in that this is the reason that the penis does not get hard, it makes sense to get tested for testosterone levels. An endocrinologist will help with this, who will conduct an examination and prescribe therapy to increase libido. If there is a hormonal imbalance, in addition to poor erection, a man may have other symptoms, including: a change in the timbre of his voice; cellulite in the buttocks, thighs and chest; loss of hair on the body and face. But erectile dysfunction may be the only symptom of hormonal imbalance.
Read also How a man feels during sex: 5 real stories
Vascular disease (endarteritis, aneurysm, varicose veins, atherosclerosis) is one of the common reasons for the question of why a man does not have an erect penis. If you have pathologies in the incoming arteries or outgoing veins, the penis rarely gets erect and only after prolonged stimulation. With venous damage, the penis gets erect quickly, but the erection may disappear at the most inopportune moment. Vascular health is also affected by the presence of diabetes.
The consequences of improper medication use can also affect the function of the penis. The fact is that some substances included in medications block the functioning of sex hormones and disrupt the overall hormonal balance. But with serious illnesses, you have to make a difficult choice - take medicine or have sex. It’s probably better to spend some time and recover than to satisfy a woman at the expense of your health.
