Relationships with a loved one do not always end well. Sometimes separation is vital, but more often the woman wants to restore the relationship. How to get your beloved man back after a breakup without tears and reproaches? I will share with you the methods that helped me get my sister’s husband back.
She went to see a psychologist, and the professional’s advice helped her change herself and find harmony in her relationship with a man.
Why did he leave
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Psychologists do not give a clear answer to the question of how to get a man back. Since everyone has different reasons for breaking up, the methods for restoring relationships will also be different. For example, if a man is responsible for the institution of marriage, then he can be retained by children. Such men are ready to make sacrifices for the sake of their children.
With others it is a little more difficult: they are ready to return only on condition (each has its own condition). According to statistics, 40% of divorced men are ready to restore the relationship if the woman agrees to change her behavior.
To understand why he left, you need to ask yourself the following questions:
- were you happy in your relationship;
- did you feel gratitude towards the man?
- whether they cared about his well-being and happiness;
- What exactly did he not like about your behavior?
These questions must be answered extremely honestly to yourself; lies and half-truths are unacceptable. If you constantly sorted things out in a raised voice, then the man’s departure is quite natural.
Lack of happiness in a relationship kills any marital union. But some women are willing to endure half-hearted relationships out of fear of being left alone. They miss out on the opportunity to be happy by holding on to a mediocre marriage. Men in this situation act more radically - they simply leave.
The age of marriage can be both a hindrance to the resumption of relationships and a helper. Children together, significant events experienced in life, pleasant memories - these are the threads that can once again tie together a broken union.
You can try to persuade the man to attend family psychotherapy sessions. But if he categorically refuses, then visit without him. Psychotherapy with one spouse also changes a lot in the family structure.
Remember: it is impossible to restore a relationship without learning to hear each other. You need to not just listen, but hear your partner. We catch a lot of sounds that rush past our consciousness, so we don’t pay attention to them. But when a person focuses on his partner's voice and tries to understand him, amazing things happen. Give it a try.
Leaving go
The main thing is not to step on the same rake. Even if he himself was the initiator of the separation and the reason was compelling, sometimes he still begins to suffer from lost happiness.
We must not forget that the relationship between a man and a woman cannot consist of only positive moments, as well as of sheer negativity. Memories of a failed relationship usually contain both the bitterness of grievances and pleasant memories. How else? After all, even an aggressive alcoholic who beats his wife and sells off her things can tenderly hug and give a bouquet of field daisies. Is this a pleasant moment? Certainly! (Especially if it is flavored with nostalgia for the times when love was just beginning). Is this one moment worth all the grief experienced with this person? Of course not!
It happens that there is practically no difference. The person has not changed, but the circumstances and environment have changed. For example, a cheerful joker, the life of the party in a student dormitory, has not changed after 10 years, turns out to be untenable in family relationships, and is not ready for adult life, which requires responsibility and seriousness.
The affectionate romantic, after the candy-bouquet period, slowly turns into a rude and boor. Often this process occurs gradually and stretches over many years. The woman, by inertia, continues to love that gentle and caring man, of whom, in fact, there is nothing left.
In both cases, you must realize that you cannot sacrifice your happiness for the sake of the ghosts of past love. Hidden from oneself in the depths of the subconscious, good memories of past relationships will again and again rush to the surface, causing doubts and feelings of guilt. The main thing here is not to engage in self-deception, not to convince yourself that you broke up with your loved one, because the relationship only brought suffering. On the contrary, you need to accept that there were a lot of good things, to realize that the reason for the breakup was valid and you will continue your further path, armed with invaluable experience.
Do not return to a sadist because of a bouquet of cornflowers, do not tolerate an alcoholic for his sweet speech, know how to distinguish the important from the unimportant. And if the decision to leave was really well-considered, do not regret it and do not provoke your own sentiments.
The man doesn't want to communicate
How to get a man back if he is not going to maintain contact? We parted as enemies, a complete break in relations, being ignored. In this situation, it is very difficult for girls to control their emotions; they need time to adapt. Storms and hurricanes of feelings and states rush through the soul:
- grievances;
- self-pity;
- despair;
- aching melancholy;
- unwillingness to live;
- desire for revenge.
This is a vinaigrette of feelings and emotions. It takes time for feelings to come into some kind of order and stop controlling the mind. Then you need to think about this:
- why the beloved left;
- why doesn't he want to communicate?
If you have offended a person or infringed on him in some way, leaving is quite natural. A man has lost faith in you; regaining trust is much more difficult than it seems. But you can try to get him back by finding support from his relatives. You need to meet with them, explain everything and ask to talk to your husband/boyfriend.
If you can win over your relatives and demonstrate sincere repentance, they will be able to resolve this issue. If there are no relatives nearby, you can try to negotiate with close friends of your loved one. They will be able to pick up the key to his soul, melt the ice in his heart. You may have to be patient.
But if the desire to restore the relationship is strong, then the result will not be long in coming.
How to guess?
Everything is very simple. It is advisable to guess in silence, so that nothing distracts from the process. You need to concentrate, you can even imagine your favorite image, and then draw out the CARD you like.
The question “Will he come back?” implies a clear answer: yes or no. In this case, it is easy to interpret the drawn CARD. If it is straight, the answer is positive, if it is inverted, the answer is negative.
No matter how much you would like to receive a firm “yes,” you should not be upset about a negative result. But you should still remember that you cannot ask the same question again, even if you are not satisfied with the answer.
What not to do
How to get a man back after a breakup, what do psychologists advise? The most important thing is not to make mistakes, because they are much more difficult to correct.
It is forbidden:
- panic;
- stalk;
- appeal to conscience;
- show excessive humility;
- take revenge.
Panic and fear
Composure and a cool head are the most important things in this situation. You can do a lot of irreparable things to a hot head, so you need to put aside panic. You can’t be hysterical, start a scandal, or beg to come back. In order not to fall into a panic state and not be afraid of loneliness, you need to learn to meditate. This is the best way for panic attacks and phobias.
Just believe professional psychologists: idle waiting can work a miracle. It happens that a man alone can better understand what he needs. More often than not, he realizes that he was wrong and needs to come back. But provided that the woman does not prevent him from thinking about everything completely alone. Yes, sometimes it takes time to evaluate your feelings and understand that there were more pleasant moments than unpleasant ones.
Stalking
What it is? Not knowing how to get a man's love back. often leads to complications in already difficult relationships. Stalking is when a woman starts bombarding a man with SMS messages, calling him on the phone every hour and begging him to come back. At the same time, she can cry, express pity, and confess her love. The extreme case is surveillance.
The woman begins to literally pursue her lover, irritating him even more.
The fact is that a man’s genes contain the information “hunter”, not “prey”. Therefore, it is important for him to pursue the victim himself, and not become one. A hunter needs to stalk his prey; he does not value an easy trophy. Therefore, women who begin to stalk their loved ones are harming themselves.
Even if a man has cooled down, the feeling of a conqueror always glimmers in him. Therefore, create the appearance of unyielding prey: make it clear that he will not be able to return just like that. We need to awaken the hunter's instinct in him.
What needs to be done for this, how to get your beloved man back? Just cut off all contact with him. First. Yes. This is hard. But without breaking contacts it is impossible to activate the hunting instinct in him. Hide, stop waiting for a call or news from him. If he makes contact, do not rush to answer immediately.
In correspondence, you need to demonstrate a carefree, cheerful mood - but not overdo it. You can’t show that it’s bad and sad without him. In no case. There should also be some understatement in your words: it’s intriguing.
Try to be the first to end the conversation, set the time for the next contact. If he offers to meet on Wednesday, postpone it to Friday or Saturday: due to work. But never tell us exactly what you will be doing. You need to demonstrate independence, you now have a new life - let him feel it.
If earlier this man was the meaning of your life and got used to it, now he needs to be deprived of this status. Let him realize that he is no longer the center of the universe and is of little interest to you. That’s when the stalker in him will wake up, and he’ll be fired up with the idea of finding out what you’ll be doing on Wednesday. This is what needed to be done.
Appeal to conscience
Refrain from a stormy showdown, reproaches for broken vows and infidelity. This will lead to the search for excuses for separation and will make it much easier for the man to end the relationship. He will leave you, the accuser, with a light heart and soul, never to hear any reproaches again. If you refrain from reproaches and calmly let the fugitive go, he will begin to be tormented by pangs of conscience and suspicions of the presence of another man.
If your husband has left for his mistress, under no circumstances should you sort things out with her. In this situation, she is not a person involved: any other woman could be in her place. The reason for separation lies in the man himself, and not in his mistress. It was not she who seduced him, but he who allowed herself to be charmed by her.
The more calmly and calmly you behave, the harder it will be for a man to divorce you. But demonstrating indignation, showdowns and showdowns is clearly not in your favor. If you calmly let him go, you will have a chance to restore the relationship. Just understand that scandals do not lead to anything good. I want to run away from the brawlers to the ends of the earth.
Humility
Demonstrating humility before fate and fate is also a mistake. You want to offend a humble woman: she herself forces you to do so. Some men may appear and disappear from your life. Under no circumstances should you rejoice in the little bits of attention he gives you. You can compromise in a relationship, but not to the detriment of yourself.
The fear of loneliness has destroyed more than one woman.
Some women are so afraid of loneliness that they are ready to sacrifice their own interests and dreams, if only a man would be nearby. This violence against oneself does not lead to anything good, and is not appreciated by men.
Trying to keep your husband at any cost, day after day you lose yourself and reshape your personality to suit the interests of another person. A woman can adapt to the standards of her chosen one as much as she wants, but this does not bring happiness in love.
Revenge
Some women may be tempted to take revenge on the one who betrayed and abandoned them. For this, they are ready to do anything to get the man back, and then suddenly drive him away under any pretext. But think about it: what will change from this? All the same, the pain inside will remain: after all, you simply took revenge, but the man was still the initiator of the breakup. This cannot be changed, and time cannot be turned back.
Psychologists say that the roots of a painful attitude towards a breakup are in childhood. Perhaps, as a child, a person experienced separation from a loved one due to his death or another. Also, a person who received insufficient attention in childhood may have an acute reaction to a breakup. An abandoned woman experiences a breakup as acutely as in childhood.
If you find yourself thinking about revenge, make an appointment with a psychologist. Professional elaboration of negative attitudes from childhood will free you from mental anguish and torment.
