How to stop loving a man who doesn't love you?

How to stop loving a guy and continue to exist after he leaves? The girl’s world turns into a disgusting picture; there is no sun, warmth or light in it. There is emptiness in the soul; a good mood is replaced by sadness and melancholy. There is no need to torture yourself, the most correct decision is to say goodbye to him forever. Send him to the distant past and leave him there, along with that girl who once loved him.

Let's look sadness in the eyes2

The very first thing to do is allow yourself to be sad. You've probably read John Green's books or watched films based on his works. If you haven't watched it, you've heard it, believe me. You can spit forever at the mere mention of teenage psychological dramas, but the phrase “pain wants to be felt” is worthy of applause.

If this literary reference does not convince you, here is another example: it has been scientifically proven that unlived emotions and feelings can later result in severe psychological disorders (depression, panic disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, etc.) and diseases of internal organs.

Nobody likes to suffer and feel bad (except for those who get high from the position of the universal victim, which everyone pities), we would all like to be happy and carefree 24/7. But we don't live in an ideal world. Troubles have happened, are happening and will continue to happen, so you need to learn how to deal with them.

Any person has the right to be sad, longing and to be alone with their grief. Listen to sad songs (including those associated with an ex-boyfriend), watch films about unhappy love and breakups, read books.

Give yourself a specific period of time that you will devote to “living the pain” with a clear conscience. We immediately discard “eternity”, “decade” and other loud statements. Falling in love and passion are given to a person many times, but mom and dad give life only once.

How to stop loving a guy you're not dating?

Sometimes it happens. You love him, you sigh for him, you are dying of love, but your loved one doesn’t even realize it, because he has a completely different life and environment. You may know each other quite closely and for a long time, but he does not perceive you as his girlfriend and does not try to bring you closer to him. But you just don’t need friendship... What should I do?

First: be honest, will you find happiness after you open up to him? How will he react to this, how will he respond? You are guaranteed to do only one thing: humiliate yourself. Do you need it? Don't ruin your reputation, don't throw yourself around. The attachment will go away, but the negative opinion will stick for life.

Second: distance yourself from the person. Just try not to cross paths with him for a few weeks. This will distance you and cool you down - you will have a different environment, communication, interests. During this time, you will cool down, calm your nerves, stop stressing yourself out and understand: your feelings are imaginary. That is, just step aside temporarily, live a life parallel to him, and not in his shadow.

Third: create a background for positive emotions. Bring the maximum of everything into your environment - entertainment, hobbies, study, work. Experiment more, go to the movies, spend time with your friends. Such an abundance of positive impressions will quickly displace the feeling of melancholy and pain.

Extroverts and introverts3

Determine your temperament type. During difficult periods, is it easier for you to be alone with yourself and your thoughts, or to sit in an embrace with a friend? In the first case, explain to your loved ones that you love them more than anyone in the world, but now you want to be alone and not go to parties and fun gatherings.

Meet with friends where you feel cozy, calm and safe - invite a friend for coffee at a nearby coffee shop or invite her to your home for homemade pizza. In the second case, on the contrary, tell your loved ones that you feel very bad and you would be very grateful for their help and support. Truly close people will understand everything: the desire to lock yourself at home with TV series, and the unexpected love for nightclubs and bars.

The main thing to remember is that you love these people very much and wish them well, and therefore you will not pour out all your negativity on them. You're not going to become a Dementor (Harry Potter fans - hi, everyone else - these are those flying things that suck the will to live) and you don't want your friends to have it as bad as you, okay?

Psychologist's advice

Psychology says that the current situation is not your fault. Your partner's feelings are beyond your control. You need to move on, you don’t need to get too attached.

Getting rid of clues

Hooks imply certain actions depending on the emotional state. Those who are responsible for your pleasure and give importance to your life.

Psychologists advise collecting all the clues that are somehow connected with the person you cannot stop loving. Then you need to get rid of them, forget and force yourself to erase them from your memory. Do anything to avoid bumping into them again.

To decide on leads, answer a number of questions:

• What are your general plans for the future?
• Positive aspects of your relationship.
• What help did you provide to your partner and received praise addressed to you?
• What did you expect from your partner?
• What new food have you tried during your relationship?
• What affectionate name did your partner call you?
• What places have you visited and what people have you met together?

All of the above questions must be answered in writing. This will help you figure out which memories you need to get rid of in order to stop feeling the pain of disappointment. Write down all the clues in as much detail as possible.

Examples of answers to questions:

• Move to another city, get married, have children, open a bakery.
• When I felt unwell and had problems, my man supported and looked after me, not letting me lose heart.
• Before speaking in public, I supported him to get rid of his fear. After which I heard words of gratitude for supporting him at an important moment in his life.
• I expected a future together, a loving father for our child, a cheerful and devoted partner for life.
• A memory: when my husband and I returned very hungry from a hike, we had nothing edible left in the refrigerator. We decided to cook kharcho. For us, this meant throwing everything that was in the refrigerator into a pan of water, all the vegetables, cereals, etc. It was very tasty and fun to cook.
• Bunny, Baby, Moth.
• We visited many places - St. Petersburg, Moscow, Volga region, Anapa, Cyprus.

Attachment to sensations

For many, tactile affection sinks into the very soul. Memories are a projection of the feelings you received while interacting with your partner:

• tactile communication;
• touching;
• spiritual intimacy;
• energy.

Do not attach much importance to sensations, since they depend on our emotions that we received at that moment. They are temporary and gave sensations only during that period. Everything else doesn't make any sense.

People remember memories and chase their repetition, falling into a cycle of oblivion when they cannot get the same sensations and emotions. After which the realization comes that even towards the person you love very much, your feelings cool down.

It is necessary to look soberly at the current reality.

Objects that remind you of your partner

You need to get rid of everything that reminds you of the man you want to forget. This is a necessary measure. If we don’t do this, then looking at these things, from time to time passages will pop up in our memory, reminiscent of moments lived with a loved one.

List of items:

• gifts (toys, jewelry, cards) - if you don’t dare throw them away, collect everything in one box and place it in the most remote area of ​​your apartment;
• partner’s clothes - often when couples separate, the belongings of their loved ones remain in the apartments;
• photographs, videos;
• music tracks reminiscent of spending time together;
• trinkets (keychains, valentine, kinder surprise toy).

Agree, when we hear out of the corner of our ear a musical track that sounded during our vacation, and we felt good or bad listening to it, memories of that time come to mind. Get rid of everything that could lead to the return of those moments, or hide it away so as not to suffer and finally let go of this period.

Awareness of reality

To do this, we will need to take a sheet of paper again and answer the questions:

• If you do not stop communicating with a person and continue to see him every day, what negative and unpleasant consequences could this result in?
• If a person is not around, what positive moments will be formed in life? What prospects are opening up?
• How much can life get worse if you decide to continue communicating with this person?
• What would I do if I were completely satisfied with my life, in terms of finances, happiness, family, and so on?

Write down the answers to these questions in as much detail as possible. This must be done in writing so as not to rush around in your thoughts and not miss the details. All this will help you forget your partner.

If memories come back to you, open this list and remind yourself why you decided to forget it.

Identify moments when you were manipulated:

• getting hooked on a person for the sake of systematically feeding an emotional state;
• uniqueness of qualities or moments with a certain partner;
• bright and memorable moments that further strengthen dependence on a person;
• unconscious adjustment to a partner as a result of manipulation.

This will help you get rid of worries about how to stop loving a man who doesn’t love you.

Out of sight!4

Stop looking at his photos. Photos of his friends showing his knee. Stop listening to his favorite music. Especially if you listened to it only for the sake of it and in fact, post-hardcore or rap does not please your ears at all.

Stop reading his horoscope. Stop looking at photos together and re-reading correspondence. Or do the opposite - look at his photo for five hours straight. Read your correspondence. Five hours straight. If you didn’t start to feel sick, then it was even interesting to see what kind of Brad Pitt he was. But we won't look at it. And you won't. We delete, erase, block, throw away.

Workaround maneuver5

You need to do everything possible to avoid dating the object of passion. If we visited one gym together, we look for another or choose days on which the risk of meeting is minimal. Every day we tracked him down in a coffee shop - buy yourself a Turk and learn how to brew coffee yourself.

Perhaps it turns out that you have talent, and one day you will conquer someone with your own homemade latte? It is not necessary to change your place of study/work; you do not have to complicate your life because of this person. If you have long wanted to transfer to another university/to another place of work, consider this a sign from the Universe.

We are preparing documents. If you lived together, it is obvious that the first thing you need to do is separate. But now you won’t have to cook a hearty dinner from meat and you can enjoy your favorite vegetarian dishes.

Why are we trying to stop loving?

There are several reasons for this and they are all selfish to some extent:

• to feel your freedom and not depend on someone who doesn’t love you or is unworthy;
• to gain strength of character in overcoming an unwanted relationship that could harm you in life or career;
• to create your own destiny, to act at your own discretion, and not to be “chained” to the will of another person;
• to learn again to enjoy this world, life and everything that happens in it, but without the participation of an unworthy lover;
• to let go of the one who pushed you around and twisted you as he wanted, suppressing, subjugating, and maybe even humiliating;
• to stop feeling the resentment, bitterness, disappointment, powerlessness, despair into which she plunged in connection with his betrayal or departure.

Narrowing the circle 6

You don't have to stay in touch with a guy's friends if your only common interest was him. There is no need to quarrel with them, there is no need to make a scene. If you have common friends and you value your relationship, under no circumstances force them to take sides.

They don't want to stand between two fires and choose. Ultimatums have never saved any relationship from breaking up. And besides, don’t “wash your dirty linen in public.” Friends don't have to know every aspect of your personal life. That's why it's personal.

How to forget him if you love him?

Parting is pain, suffering and anguish. But it’s harder for a person who still loves to break up. How to stop loving a guy if your feelings have not faded yet? According to psychologists, it is necessary to withstand the main peak of mental suffering, lasting 21 days.

. Then, you will begin to get used to a different life.

During these three weeks you need to do the following things:

1. Get rid of reminders of him.
   This applies to gifts, his things and photographs. It is necessary to delete all his contacts from the telephone directory and social networks;
2. You need to avoid places where he could be
   and where you were with him so that you are not tormented by memories. Favorite cafes, nightlife spots, and walks to memorable places will have to be postponed for at least one month;
3. If you can’t get rid of memories, then you need to think only about his bad qualities
   . Let only the most negative moments appear in your memories.

Separation is a period, there is no need to turn it into a comma or an endless ellipsis. Don’t torment yourself with dreams that someday you will make peace and be together again. Forget this person, he will never be in your heart again, avoid communication with him and memories of him in every possible way.

If you have a lot of mutual acquaintances, then for some time you will have to interrupt communication with them.

“So are you together or what?”7

We looked at options in which communication is over. It doesn't matter which side initiated the break. What we have, we work with.

But what if the communication continues? What if the guy is quite friendly and peaceful and makes contact? Here you have to dance about the reason why the girl decided to stop loving this guy.

If she is hampered by any doubts, complexes or public opinion, then you need to sit down and think carefully about whether you should try to stop loving this guy or whether you need to slap yourself in the face, perk up and fly towards mutual love.

Such miraculous outcomes are, of course, rare. If a girl decides to stop loving a guy, it means he messed up somewhere. The following signs will help you understand that you have fallen out of love and the relationship has reached a dead end, and you should stop communicating:

• It's worse with a guy than without him. If a man systematically kills the psyche with his nagging, bullying, cruel jokes, lies and is generally not ready to invest in a relationship. Surely, the girl spoke seriously with her boyfriend more than once or twice and asked him not to hurt her. If he didn’t heed her pleas until this day, it means he doesn’t care about the girl’s feelings and doesn’t intend to change his pattern of behavior. It is worth remembering all the suffering that he caused and ending any contact without regret.
• Relationships are like swings or don't develop at all. It doesn’t matter whether the guy is afraid of a serious relationship or honed his pick-up skills on a girl - such communication will not lead to anything good. It is possible that he will fly away on his own when he finds someone more interesting. There is no point in waiting for “judgment day”; you need to break up now.

How do you understand that you have already fallen out of love?

There are several similar signs:

• you have an interesting hobby that you immerse yourself in;
• you catch yourself thinking that you would love to go on a date with someone;
• when you wake up every morning, the first thing you think about is not him;
• your ex is no longer a key factor in your dreams and does not figure in your future at all;
• very often you hear compliments addressed to you regarding your wonderful appearance;
• you are flattered by the interested or playful glances of passers-by on the street.

Renaissance8

• Self-development. After days, weeks and months of depression and degradation, it's time to take care of yourself. It's time to do what there was no time for before (it was busy thinking about the guy, attending culinary and other courses, just to keep him), as well as what was previously prohibited. Active hobbies are useful, they charge you with energy, allow you to throw out negativity and - looking to the future - make new interesting acquaintances. Gym, dancing, extreme sports. You can take women's dance courses (pole dancing, striptease lessons, the bolder and more unusual, the better) to reveal your inner femininity and sexuality, and regain lost harmony with your body.
• Dating and acquaintances. There is no need to fall into debauchery and one-night stands if you have never been free-spirited. This can only make depression worse. Go out with friends more often, be open to meeting new people, and internalize the idea that there are a lot of bad guys in the world. But there are many times more good ones.
• Enjoy your freedom. If you were in a relationship, surely you were subject to certain rules and could not do certain things? If a guy was against a radical change in hair color or length, and you have been eyeing girls with platinum pixie haircuts for a long time, go to a good hairdresser! The guy thought that a girl should sit at home and cook borscht, and have you already forgotten what it was like to go to a club with your friends? We quickly send the message “I want to party!” into the group chat. and take out that red dress. Enjoy the time that now belongs only to you. Give your attention only to those people who treat you well and care about your well-being.