When dealing with any manipulative or toxic person, including narcissists, psychopaths, stalkers, sociopaths, people with borderline and histrionic personality disorders - in short, all types of emotional vampires - it is usually advised that no response is the best response to unwanted attention.
This is often true, and the method of Breaking All Contact (avoiding all communication) should always be used if possible. This is perhaps the most effective way to rid your life of the hell into which regular communication with an emotional vampire plunges you.
However, there are a number of situations in which the method of Breaking All Contacts is impossible, for example, in the case of sharing custody of a child with a toxic person. Or if your ex is stalking you, denying them the right to see you may make them angry. In such a situation, refusing to answer him can be considered an insult by the psychopath. Such people may decide that they can force and force you to respond to them, and thus satisfy their desire to control you.
Moreover, many of us have tried to end relationships with such a person several times, only to take him or her back each time. They included pity and charm, and because we did not understand that this was exactly the type of behavior that psychopaths and other unpleasant individuals use, we believed their promises to change the situation in the future or to change ourselves. They know all our emotional hooks. They find it easy and interesting to lure us back by appealing to our emotions.
But manipulators don't change. In fact, if you break up with a psychopath, he may go to great lengths to punish you even more for daring to think you could be independent.
Even if you don't take them back, the most dangerous time for a victim is the initial breakup with the psychopath/narcissist. They become furious at being neglected. Losing control or power over a person is not only a narcissistic injury for them, they can feel completely devastated when their partner leaves them - even if they intended to kill that partner. The reason is loss of control. All manipulators need to feel in control at all times.
It is for such situations that the Gray Stone Method exists.
What is the difference between a normal person and a psychopath?
A normal person has powerful restraining mechanisms - social motives. These motives represent the internal need to be a good person, first of all, in one’s own eyes, to comply with the rules and norms of behavior accepted in society. It is thanks to these motives that each of us can put ourselves in the place of another person (experience empathy). An emotional breakdown, a cruel attitude towards another leads to a loss of respect and love for oneself.
Psychopaths lack such social motives. In addition, they have a special temperament and thinking: psychopaths are impulsive, they cannot adequately assess the possible consequences of their actions. This leads to a violation of self-control. Quite often, the personality traits of psychopaths are striking and can warn others. However, unfortunately, there are people with psychopathy that are very difficult to identify.
Distinctive Behaviors
In order not to fall into the “trap” and become a victim of a tyrant, it is important to be able to evaluate some hidden personality traits and pay attention to a person’s behavior in relationships. Science identifies the following main types of psychopathy:
- Schizoid. Psychics of this type prefer solitude, they are unsociable, with autistic traits, avoid the manifestation of feelings, are dry and formal in contacts with others, and are often self-centered. Among schizoids there are cruel natures. The basis of their temperament is a combination of high sensitivity and coldness, by which they are easy to recognize.
- Psychasthenic. Signs of this type of psychopathy are a tendency to doubt, a lack of inner confidence in the correctness of one’s own judgments, the truth of feelings, and indecisiveness when choosing a course of action. Such patients are conscientious, take into account every detail in their work, are pedantic, and tend to worry about any reason.
- Asthenic. People of this type are characterized by general nervous weakness, strong impressionability, sensitivity, and timidity. An asthenic psychopath can be recognized by increased fatigue. During work that requires increased expenditure of energy, the asthenic person becomes distracted and his concentration is impaired.
- Affective. These are sociable, good-natured, friendly individuals, who are characterized by emotional lability and mood swings, sometimes reaching the level of affective disorders.
- Paranoid. This type is characterized by one-sided but persistent affects that take precedence over logic and common sense. Paranoids are capricious, not prone to revelation, despotic, cruel, suspicious, and constantly expect tricks from others. Paranoid psychopaths are divided into litigators, jealous people, reformers, and religious fanatics.
- Hysterical. Representatives of the species strive to appear more significant than they are. They use every opportunity to get into the spotlight, so they choose bright clothes and prefer demonstrative forms of behavior - these are characteristic signs by which they can be recognized. Hysterics are prone to boasting, lying, imitation, frivolous actions, inventions, and various adventures. In such patients, their character is dominated by stubbornness, capriciousness, and touchiness.
- Excitable and emotionally dull psychopaths. This is a separate species, including hot-tempered, devoid of compassion, irritable, sullen and cruel individuals. Frequent forms of reaction of these psychopaths are attacks of anger, affective discharges even for minor reasons, which are accompanied by sharp motor excitation and narrowed consciousness.
Desire for dominance
Psychopaths often exhibit dominant, narcissistic tendencies. Such patients have an increased sense of self-worth and inadequately high self-esteem. These individuals are characterized by an inappropriate, beyond the reasonable, sense of entitlement. Psychopaths are characterized by “fearless dominance” - the absence of fear in a dangerous situation, the ability to charm people. Such traits, according to research, have been observed in some American presidents. They were clearly expressed in the character of Theodore Roosevelt.
Emotional Indifference
Men and women with psychopathic characteristics are characterized by chaotic, superficial relationships, since they are not capable of empathy - sympathy and empathy. The journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience published the results of a study that examined more than 120 brain images of incarcerated individuals (including highly psychopathic individuals). According to these data, people with disabilities lacked neural networks responsible for feelings of anxiety and sensitivity to others.
Rage, jealousy, anger, disappointment are typical emotions by which psychopaths can be recognized. These people avoid deeper feelings such as kindness, love, compassion. Their behavior is driven by a desire for more easily accessible and superficial variety.
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Tendency to aggression
Lack of behavioral control often leads to violent acts of aggression by psychopaths. Individuals with mental illness typically do not cause physical harm to others, but are almost always emotional in speech and verbally abusive.
Thrill seeking
The thirst for adrenaline is a characteristic feature by which individuals with psychopathic characteristics can be recognized. Such people are prone to actions that stimulate their insatiable desire for a sense of danger. Even if this can lead to negative consequences, causing harm to the psychopath, the desire for thrills remains stable.
If a person strictly follows established rules and laws, he is unlikely to have a tendency towards psychopathy. Patients do not like to obey and consider themselves above any canons. This leads to the fact that about 25% of prisoners have signs of psychopathy. However, most sufferers avoid jail time by continuing to break laws without feeling any remorse.
Desire for manipulation and personal gain
Individuals with psychopathic traits have a reputation for being skilled manipulators and liars. They tend to cheat often for fun. Some patients do not seek personal gain like others, they simply seek the thrill that manipulation of third parties gives them. As a rule, to achieve what you want (money, fame, power, even satisfying any small momentary need), ostentatious goodwill and kindness are used.
Self-centeredness and irresponsibility for one's own actions
Psychopathy is characterized by a lack of responsibility for one's own behavior. Instead, deviant individuals seek to impose a feeling of guilt on their victims. It is impossible to build true friendship with such people because they neglect any relationships and do not respect others. Psychopaths tend to be dominant, narcissistic, self-centered, and arrogant. They can be recognized by their inflated sense of self-importance and lack of responsibility for their actions.
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Scientists about psychopathy and psychopaths
Psychopathy is a persistent personality disorder that develops at an early age and lasts throughout life. This pathology is expressed in a distortion of the integrity of the individual, which causes adaptation disorder and complications in relationships between people.
Psychopaths are people who, according to K. Schneider, suffer themselves and expose others to suffering because of their special madness. Their deviations in behavior can either be smoothed out or intensified. A person with a personality disorder does not realize that he is ill and needs psychiatric help.
There are inhibitory and excitable psychopathy. Inhibited ones include anancastic, psychasthenic, sensitive schizoids and asthenic psychopaths. The excitable group includes epileptoid, explosive, paranoid, unstable, hysterical and hyperthymic psychopaths.
Boring, poor and ugly
Psychopaths are attracted to bright, beautiful things, anything that moves quickly and bright lights. These objects are associated with a feeling of liveliness and relieve his always present overwhelming melancholy. Of course, his preferred food is your emotions, but the list of what he desires is not limited to them.
He envies everything beautiful, shining and sparkling that you have and wants everything that you value highly. You must hide everything that he might notice and become jealous of.
If you are beautiful, use makeup to highlight bags under your eyes.
Unless you are married to a manipulative person, any of your money or assets that he covets should "disappear" into a "very bad investment" (check with your lawyer about this).
Your shiny new sports car should retire - get yourself a simple, unassuming everyday car.
If you have an excellent reputation, expect that he will begin or has already begun to slander you. Therefore, do not allow yourself to be placed in a compromising position or provoked into unstable or unhealthy behavior.
The reason he wants to take it all away from you is not necessarily because he wants to have it all himself, but because he wants to see the emotion on your face the moment you lose it all. The manipulator needs a demonstration of power, expressed in the fact that he is the person who deprived you of all this. By removing all these things from his sight in advance and not showing an emotional reaction to these losses, you continue to accustom him to the idea that you are the most boring person in the world, a person he will never want to be like in any way.
Types of Psychopaths
Some of the patients are distinguished by a predisposition to cruel duplicity, outbursts of anger and intrigue. They not only “poison” the lives of those around them, but also complicate their own lives. Other psychopaths themselves suffer, first of all, from excessive indecisiveness, shyness, and a tendency to “digging” inside themselves.
It is important to understand that not all shyness or explosiveness is psychopathic. Painful manifestations are usually so bright and distinct that even a child will notice them. Unnatural behavior is imprinted throughout the patient’s life and is expressed in almost all of his actions.
Pathological developments are a lasting, almost irreversible breakdown in the state of the human soul, provoked by long-term mental trauma. For example, growing up in a very strict family or, conversely, in a family in which everything is permitted and arrogance and boastfulness are encouraged. But here, too, innate character traits are of great importance.
Bad upbringing and living conditions leave a strong imprint on a person’s character. But psychopaths are born or become at an early age. All other factors can simply aggravate or smooth out the painful nature.
Famous psychopaths
Such great people as Pushkin, Nero, Stalin and Darwin are considered psychopaths. Some of them were remembered for their great discoveries, and others for their ruthlessness and cruelty. But all these are just various violations in character traits.
Psychopath in the family
Unfortunately, a large number of people live next to mentally unstable relatives. They can be completely harmless or, on the contrary, hostile, but they all need special treatment. It is better for the doctor to explain the specifics of the treatment after a preliminary examination.
Act like a fool...
If I had not then become interested in reading books on psychiatry, I most likely would have behaved like a complete fool. After all, that narcissist knew how to explain and justify his strange behavior, showering me with compliments and manipulative phrases, such as: “You know how much I love you!”
And what’s saddest is that I could believe him, and subsequently get rid of this relationship “to the fullest.” But I was brought back to sober thinking by the diagnosis I made - “Narcissist”.
But how many such kind and good girls are drawn to compliments with the persuasion of these narcissistic freaks. And they ruin their own lives... It’s sad and scary...
How to spot a psychopath on the first date
If you are meeting a person for the first time, take a close look at him. If you notice the signs listed below, run away from him, because a psychopath is not capable of experiencing sincere feelings. He is cruel, deceitful, and his only goal is to use you for his own benefit. The psychopath compensates for the inability to experience emotions with a masterly imitation of feelings.
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Why does a husband insult and humiliate his wife? Psychology
So, signs that you are “lucky” to go on a date with a psychopath:
- Relationships develop unnaturally quickly. He talks about love at first sight, that he has been waiting for you all his life, that you are destined for each other. A new acquaintance demonstrates that you are his ideal, and he is delighted with you. All this is done for show so that your friends know about his “feelings.”
- The guy mirrors you in facial expressions, gestures, glances, intonations. He tries with all his might to show that you and he are the same in everything, kindred spirits.
- He presses on the sting, making you want to comfort him. For example, he told you how his ex treated him unfairly, and you are ready to rush to heal his wounds. Now you are “on the hook”.
- Interested in how to spot a psychopath? Then take a closer look at the gentleman. Does he constantly lie, even in small things? Deception is the lifestyle of a manipulator. Be attentive to his words. It happens that a psychopath confuses himself, and inconsistencies are detected in his stories.
- Tries to show you kindness and nobility. For example, he helped an old lady or played with a baby.
- He inspires you that meeting him is good luck for you. For example, he invites you to an expensive establishment, drives you around in a luxury car, and offers to fly to the Maldives. In fact, his only goal is to benefit from you. When you realize this, it may be too late, since he has dragged you headlong into his swamp.
- Psychopaths have problems with self-control, so don't be surprised if a moment ago a nice person is now yelling at the waiter.
If you recognize a psychopath in your boyfriend, there can only be one solution - leave while you can.
