You woke up one morning and realized that work had taken over your entire life. You didn't notice how it happened. You still remember the warmth of home, when you were with your family and together dreamed of a successful business. Your wish came true, but for some reason your loved ones became distant. It seems that this is not what you wanted at all. Now you can buy your children any toy, but your conscience tells you that this is a pathetic attempt to pay them off. When did you go wrong? Why has work come to the fore, which, like an insatiable monster, devours all your time and energy?
The scourge of modern society
Today, one of the main problems of the family institution is the fact that women of the 21st century simply do not have time for their family: they are literally torn between their career and the well-being of their loved ones. But you want success in all areas! And even though it seems impossible, in the continuation of the article you will learn how you can maintain balance and not end up losing.
So, can a woman succeed effectively both at work and at home?
Let's talk frankly. There are probably many successful women in your circle, be they doctors, musicians, entrepreneurs, etc., who have become an example of an ideal life for you.
When we see such personalities on the TV screen or just in person, we are sincerely surprised at their success in career growth and coherence in family life.
Argument No. 1: all sacrifices are for the good of the family
Let's agree that we go to work (even one of our dream jobs) not on a whim, but to earn money. Every day, you consciously sacrifice your time, your strength, and even your health to ensure that your loved ones live in abundance, that bills are paid, and that your children have prospects for a good future.
You provide your family with a decent standard of living. If your child is good at sports or academic activities, then who, besides you, will provide the financial stability necessary for his education and upbringing? Don't your loved ones see the great efforts you make for their well-being?
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How do they do this?
But as practice shows, not everything is as rosy as we imagine. Every working mother spends sleepless nights trying to grab time for family. Exhaustive work in the office and household chores cause endless headaches. Career or family - that is the question. Both require attention, so women often turn into that same squirrel in a wheel - they are constantly running somewhere.
Yes, these ladies also have 24 hours in a day, but they know how to use their time profitably and succeed everywhere.
Do you want to learn how to find a balance between family and work? Then be sure to stay with us.
Argument #3: Work can be fun.
It happens that people completely consciously immerse themselves in work. These are loners, not very suitable for family life, who marry only under pressure from society. They can tell everyone how tired they are in the office, but they won't do anything to change that situation.
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If you work hard, that's your choice. It is very common to switch to a different work schedule with fewer hours or decide to switch or downsize your standard of living. If you pretend you don't have this opportunity, you are lying to yourself and others.
What is more important – family or work?
It would seem that in this world of fast business, women are simply not given a chance for a successful career - employees are required to be more diligent and diligent than ever before. Work-family balance often seems unattainable in these circumstances. And women are faced with a very difficult decision - either to postpone family and raising children for the indefinite future, or to quit work and take care of everyday life. What happens if a woman chooses a career over family?
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Scenario 1: “Family and only family”
A woman who chooses this path will always have enough time to run the household, raise children, help them with homework, walk in the park, etc.
As a result, the family can turn out to be more united, and the relationship with the husband and children harmonious. In such a family there will be more understanding, trust, and children can always turn to their mother for advice. If children have problems at school, they can always share them with their mother. If a mother constantly disappears in the office and does not have a minute to talk with her child, this will most likely affect the child’s psyche.
But, unfortunately, sooner or later, such a way of life will begin to depress the woman - she will feel unhappy due to the constant routine of household chores. To brighten up her boring life, she will have to look for new friends, new activities and hobbies. Simply put, in the life of such a woman there will definitely be moments when she will regret that she did not get the education and job of her dreams. However, it is never too late to start a career, even at 40 years old. Is not it?
What happens if a woman chooses to work?
Argument #3: We don't actually need expensive things.
It is believed that a successful person should live in a good house, regularly relax on the beach and have the latest model of smartphone. But recently there has been a tendency in society to reduce the cost of living. For example, in the United Kingdom there is already a whole movement called “Don't Buy”. Its participants save significant amounts of money and at the same time take care of the environment.
You can always survive on much less money than you are used to. It will be enough to have only one car for the whole family (or stop using a car completely), stop buying ready-made food, move from a metropolis to a small city or village.
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Scenario 2: “Workhorse”
Undoubtedly, for many women, a career is one of the most important priorities in life. They move up the career ladder, learn new skills, have financial stability and independence.
It turns out that the career woman considers the most important thing to constantly move forward and develop. Sometimes such women are so carried away by their work that they put it at the forefront and forget about romantic relationships, marriage and children.
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Often, very successful women simply postpone marriage, thereby dooming themselves to loneliness. Some of them never have time to taste the delights of marriage. After a constant race for financial stability, we come to the understanding that money is not all that is needed for a woman’s happiness.
Thus, having spent countless hours and nerves at work, having done everything planned, women are faced with the fact that they have neither a husband nor children, and therefore love and support (and needless to say that friends can replace a husband and children - this is wrong). Success at work can turn into a complete failure in your personal life!
What then to do in this case? Either choose neither one nor the other path, or choose two at once!
The best way to realize yourself as an individual is to have a family and a good job at the same time. Achieving balance in two areas will allow a woman to fully experience the taste of life. And the positive experience will inspire her children and those around her.
If you want to achieve this same balance in your family and career, then you should pay attention to the tips below.
The most important thing is to choose “your” profession!
Just imagine! You have a child, but you devote almost 70 percent of your time to your career. What do you think will be the result of such education? You won't know what your children eat, where they go or what they study.
One day you will realize that the children have gotten used to your absence and no longer need your attention. Unfortunately, you will find out about this already too late, and it will be too difficult to win the trust of children.
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But before this happens, try to choose a profession with a flexible schedule. Try to focus on work that can be done regardless of a strict time frame. Working part-time is a good option if you want to spend time with your family. You will learn to skillfully combine your work schedule and household responsibilities, which will allow you to spend much more time with your children.
Disease history. Symptoms and diagnosis.
What is more important: family or work? There was no such question before. It all started innocently and even joyfully. You have a business that is growing successfully and bringing in money. You loved how it turned out, and your family rejoiced with you. But the joy did not last long. Gradually, situations began to arise that required your full participation. Such situations became more and more frequent. And then one day you discovered that
- You had to tell your child, “I’m busy today. But next weekend we will definitely spend time together.” Oh God! You repeated the same thing the next weekend.
- You had to tell your wife: “Sorry, I’ll be late today.” And this phrase began to sound more and more often, only without the “sorry.”
- You have no time left for hobbies.
- You no longer remember when you had a rest, met with friends, and relaxed. Yes, you have no time for that.
- All thoughts are occupied only with work.
- You are trying to justify to yourself that you need to earn money and that you are busy with a very important matter.
If at least 50% of the listed symptoms are present, then the diagnosis is clear: work has come to the fore and subjugated you. Your family happiness is at risk.
Share responsibilities!
Have you ever wondered why men never try to find a work-home balance? The fact is that men often do not worry about cooking, cleaning, washing, parent-teacher meetings, shopping, etc.
What if women learned to outsource some of their housework to their busy husbands? Not such a bad idea, right?
Therefore, dear women, instead of plowing away at work and then coming home and doing household chores again, try sharing household responsibilities with your spouse. Thus, both will have to build that notorious balance.
In addition, do not hesitate to bother your relatives with help around the house. For example, once a week you and your husband can relax together in some establishment or take a walk together, and leave the children with your sister or mother. There is no shame in sometimes ordering food delivery to your home and hiring staff to clean the house.
What will I get from this?
What's happening to us? How important is work for Russians? How important is our commitment to our work? Why are we lacking innovation? What happens to work motivation? This is what we talked about with sociologist, head of the personality research sector at the Institute of Sociology of the Russian Academy of Sciences, Vladimir Magun.
Important work
Rossiyskaya Gazeta : Vladimir Samuilovich, people are returning from vacation, classes have begun in schools and universities, everyday work is on the agenda. Can we work?
Vladimir Magun : In the 90s in Russia, the importance of work for its citizens grew steadily. It moved from the “important” category to the “very important” category. We have even surpassed the G7 countries in this indicator. In the United States, work is “very important” for 57 percent of citizens, while in Russia it is for 70 percent. The only thing more important than work is family.
RG : Why did this happen?
Magun : Firstly, the work itself has changed a lot. There were changes for the worse - shutdown factories, open and hidden unemployment, low wages, and delays in wages. But there were also clear changes for the better: new opportunities opened up, the notorious salary ceilings disappeared, people were able to set ambitious goals for themselves, jobs appeared that were created by the people themselves and evoked strong positive feelings. This is the first resource for increasing the “importance of work.”
The second explanation is that labor has become a more monopolistic means of ensuring welfare. It is no longer possible to rely on social guarantees and benefits as confidently as under socialism.
RG : But this is the forced importance of work: if you don’t work, you won’t survive.
Magun : It is important that people are ready to work. Let this readiness not be very voluntary, forced, but tested and demonstrated. If you hear talk that people don’t want to work for us, don’t really believe it. They may not want to, but the work is very meaningful to them.
Culture of permissiveness
RG : Is this caused by social changes?
Magun: Of course. Over the past decade, we have experienced not just ordinary, but powerful social changes. Indicators of hard work, despite the rapid changes, did not change so much, but they still changed. Today, 40 percent of Russians say that it is important for them to achieve something. And the problem of low aspirations and ambitions was one of the most painful. 27 percent say that having a responsible job is important to them. (In the G7 countries, these figures reach 52-54 percent.) Initiative turned out to be the most intractable; indicators of the importance of initiative increased only from 30 to 33 percent. But the importance of having your work respected by a wide range of people is growing.
I am pleased to say that positive changes are happening. But as a sober person I have to say: slowly.
Although the roots of many problems are not in the sphere of values. For example, low indicators of responsibility may indicate the imperfection of the economic structure, the deficiency of some social institutions.
RG : Which ones, for example?
Magun : Our rules are far from perfect, but the enforcement process is in a particularly disastrous state. It seems to me that we all understand that we live in a society of mutual irresponsibility and connivance. In Estonia, for example, the fine for free travel on public transport is equal to half of one’s earnings; I propose to import such responsibility. In our country, since Soviet times, a culture of connivance has stubbornly persisted.
RG : Are we breaking this vicious circle?
Magun: If we don’t interrupt, we will continue to live in a system of unformalized rules, without capitalist rigidity.
RG : Do you think it will be grafted onto us?
Magun : It will take root if the bosses are tough on themselves. Society leaders must start with themselves.
Perpetual Indulgence
RG : How do you feel about the position that this or that attitude towards work is rooted in culture and almost unchangeable?
Magun : It seems dangerous to me when the causes of today’s problems are sought in culture, in some eternal entities that have little dependence on us. They say that there are such immutable cultural national matrices - to treat work with lukewarmness, etc. - and they cannot be changed. Our culture has turned into a kind of universal indulgence for not reforming the country. I am an enemy of such dead-end, hand-tying explanations. Let us finally understand that a lot depends on us. Increasing initiative, collecting fines, punishing offenses. And we have the power to change our dominant work motivation: “less effort - more rewards.”
RG : Don’t people all over the world strive to earn more by spending less?
Magun: Yes, this seems obvious to ordinary consciousness: people work for money, saving their strength in every possible way. However, sociological surveys show that for people, interesting work is no less important than high earnings. Ask “what is important to you at work?”, and anywhere in the world you will get approximately the same picture of what you want: earn more - in an interesting job - in a good environment. And with high job security: to be valued.
Enthusiasm in a capitalist way
RG : So, work motivation is not so primitive?
Magun : Not at all. In the world, for example, there is such a non-trivial “thing” as enthusiasm - work without money, without even thinking about money. The communist dream that people will work without regard for reward is often realized under capitalism. A person can work because he is interested in the work, wants to achieve results, show initiative, and self-realization. Moreover, such wonderful motives in the West are characteristic of a significant proportion of workers. Well, if in the West 53 percent want responsible work and are ready to be responsible for the results of their work, this is evidence of enthusiasm. In Russia, 27 percent want this, but this is also an undeserved joy.
RG : In Soviet times, people were often ashamed to talk about the importance of money.
Magun : Yes, the motives of well-being were obscured as something unworthy. But research has shown that today these motives are alive and well, and Russians, although former Soviet people, are no different from others in this sense. But now, when money has ceased to be something shameful, we must pay attention to the fact that there is another motivation.
At the end of the Soviet era, we published a book by Peter and Waterman, “In Search of Effective Governance.” It identified enthusiasm as one of the hallmarks of exemplary companies. I even called one of the publications about this book “Enthusiasts in America.” It seemed strange to many then: only us Soviets have enthusiasm, and we have to fight it. And now it turns out that in terms of enthusiasm, hard work, and work for the sake of interest, we are twice as inferior to the G7 countries. Due to lack of enthusiasm, we lack innovation.
My corporation
RG : How do you feel about the constant conversations of businessmen: we work 25 hours a day.
Magun : When we asked businessmen about the motives for such passionate work, the first place in the frequency of mentions was not money, but achievements, the opportunity to apply their knowledge, experience, and abilities. But usually people don’t believe such results. They say this is hypocrisy. But today in Russia, having money is respected and prestigious, so there is no reason to replace love for it with ephemeral enthusiasm. And if someone says that they work not only for money, one should not turn a blind eye to this romantic motivation.
RG : Is there still enthusiasm within the same company?
Magun : Yes, it's the passion for serving the community. After the individualistic turn in our minds (thank God it happened), we tend not to see, not notice, ignore and feel embarrassed about such altruism. But a person has a need to belong to a community, a need to serve its interests. We used to formulate this as “benefiting society.” Now this sounds like serving your corporation, company. This is an autonomous, well-developed, really existing motivation. Interestingly, those who actively work and direct all their thoughts to the benefit of the corporation are also more satisfied with their work.
Belief in a just world
RG : What kind of people are these, those who don’t think about making money?
Magoon: They have one secret: their ideas about life include the belief that hard, conscientious work is always rewarded. Americans once called such beliefs “faith in a just world.” Since your efforts will ultimately not be in vain, you can afford not to fuss, not to think about immediate reward. Belief in a just world gives people inner strength: “What I will get from this, you won’t understand.”
RG : Is this a selfless motivation?
Magun : Well, if there is some kind of self-interest in “faith in a just world,” then this is sublime self-interest.
RG : Does it also occur here in Russia?
Magun : Yes, but we are behind in this indicator.
RG : What supports this belief in a just world?
Magun : Equal conditions of competition. Guarantee of property rights. Guarantee of government non-interference in your business. Conditions for an easy start of your business.
Short Game
RG : How does society perceive the information that it has become several orders of magnitude more industrious?
Magun: Our work motivation is starting to grow. And all around us the sobs about our supposedly doomed culture of idleness do not stop. About the fact that we will never see the Protestant ethic during the day. In TV series, wealth either falls on a person or is obtained through criminal means. This all suppresses the desire to work proactively, responsibly, enthusiastically and even sometimes selflessly. It seems that someone wants to prevent real reform and modernization of the country, and not to launch mechanisms of responsibility and competition.
RG : Why?
Magun : When the entire emotional and mental stream of people’s consciousness, which now flows through the media, is permeated with a bearish game, we need to figure out who this game is morally beneficial to.
Of course, it’s more convenient to live in a mess (bad country, bad environment). You can, constantly referring to this, not waste energy on building another world, other relationships.
Russia is not a fully reformed society. What we need now is not Protestant ethics - all this talk about Protestant ethics - switching to chimeras - we actually need some kind of ethics. Regular. Christian. Orthodox. Modern. Secular. Whatever. Any. Instead of living according to customs, according to concepts.
I have a feeling that sometimes this benefits the elites too. By playing short, it is easier to redistribute undervalued resources and manage people. Cheap people, without self-esteem, with a feeling of internal guilt from their constant violations of laws and rules, are profitable.
RG : Why is this bearish game so popular?
Magun : I think that journalists are involved in it, firstly, because it is nice to be above those around them, and secondly, they feel a demand for this - from the elite. Now there is an internal struggle in the country. Including the struggle of the people themselves to make them more expensive. Each of us is interested in making his business, personality, home better, more beautiful, more expensive. It is very important to understand what is opposing us.
Plan, plan and plan some more!
To be on time everywhere and always, do not forget to plan your schedule. It is necessary to draw up a plan for the week, in which you will include all important matters related to both work and home. In addition, you can set alarms for yourself in advance - this way you will never miss anything or forget to do anything.
Instead of constantly thinking about work, try to include recreational activities in your schedule, such as shopping, walks in the park after work, watching your favorite shows, or a candlelit dinner with your beloved husband.
