Children's greed: recommendations for parents on how to teach their child to treat their things adequately

When greed is the norm

Toddlers aged 1-3 years are reluctant to share toys. Every mother has encountered a situation where a child takes away his toys and does not allow other children near them.

In this situation we usually feel awkward. Especially if the mother of the “deprived” toddler begins to comment on the situation: “Ugh, how greedy.” It is because of this that many begin to put pressure on their child and demand that he share.

But one-year-old children are just learning to say “no.” They become aware of their needs and desires.

At this age, one cannot be forced to share; the child must learn to refuse and defend his rights. If this does not happen, then in adult life he will follow the lead of others to the detriment of himself.

Two-year-olds perceive their favorite thing, but they do not take others with them for a walk, as part of themselves. They have a developed sense of ownership, and this is normal. After all, we are not ready to give our phone, wallet, or personal belongings to a stranger. Likewise, children are not ready to give away what is of particular value to them.

There is no need to force them to share with the words: “Don’t be greedy.” Switch children's attention to another thing or activity. At this age it is still easy to do.

Three-year-old children can selectively “gift” others. They do it reluctantly. The parents’ task is not to put pressure: “Let me watch/play.” And explain that outright greed is bad, lending a thing to a friend for a while is good.

You shouldn’t be forced to share with everyone. After all, we ourselves are ready to lend equipment, a car or personal belongings only to our loved ones.

Four-year-old children willingly exchange toys and give them as gifts. For them, this is a tool for establishing communication with people they are interested in. Again, there is no need to force a child to share or call him greedy.

What is important to remember

The child also has a sense of ownership and must be respected. A favorite car or doll, or just a pebble, is as valuable to a child as a smartphone, car or jewelry is to us. We don't hand them out left and right.

Put yourself in the child’s shoes, then his reluctance to give away the necessary thing will seem natural and healthy to you.

Do not violate your child's personal boundaries by forcing him to share or giving away his things without permission. This rule is relevant for children of any age.

The naturalness of greed

Greed is a natural manifestation of protecting one’s own “values” that they are trying to take away, the struggle for the right to possess something . The child watches his parents, whose things are divided, there are mother’s, there are father’s, therefore, there are his own, which means he is the owner of some, albeit small, property and has the right to dispose, for example, of toys as he himself wants.

It is necessary, as it is not difficult for a parent, to give the child the right to choose , let him decide for himself whether to share his favorite thing or not. Over time, the child will form his own opinion on this matter, and he will see that if you share, then they share with you . He will come to this conclusion on his own, from which we can conclude that such knowledge will become a platform for him to develop communication with peers.

Causes of greed in children 5-7 years old

Preschoolers and older children already understand that they need to share. They will willingly share a treat with a friend or give him a toy. Children's greed at this age is a signal of internal imbalance, that the child needs help.

In psychology, there are several reasons leading to greed:

1. Lack of parental attention and love. Busy moms and dads compensate for the lack of care with gifts. Things acquire special value for the baby. After all, they are a sign of love from those closest to you. Therefore, attempts to take them away cause discontent and anger.
2. Overprotectiveness. The other side of the coin is the spoiled toddler who imagines himself to be the center of the universe. Everyone owes him, no one can refuse him. It is this kind of child who begs toys from others and reluctantly returns them to the owner.
3. Modesty and self-doubt. Shy children find it difficult to establish contact with peers. They become attached to toys, they become their best friends. Hence the reluctance to share them.
4. Jealousy. Often older children are jealous of their parents towards the younger ones. It seems to them that they have been forgotten, that they have stopped being loved. Aggression and greed become a defensive reaction.
5. Thrift. Some kids are very sensitive to their toys. They don't let anyone touch them.
6. Mistrust. Children care who they are friends with. Even at the age of two or three they have likes and dislikes. This may be the reason for the reluctance to share.

Understanding the reason for this feeling will help you stop your child from being greedy.

How does this happen

A child has just walked decorously towards the kids playing on the playground, proudly clutching a toy car in his hands. But before the parent had time to turn away to greet his familiar mother, the voice of the child screaming at the top of his lungs forced him to cross the platform in two leaps. Everything is fine with the child, it’s just that one car was not enough for him, and therefore he decided to “dispossess” his neighbor. But the boy was intractable and did not want to part with his property just like that. So your baby screams, holding his car with one hand, and clutching someone else’s with the other.

The son flatly refuses to let go of what does not belong to him. The tricky maneuver proposed by the mother of the injured party - to exchange cars - was immediately rejected with a portion of new screams.

How to Cultivate Generosity

Children copy their parents' behavior. You can instill in them generosity, kindness, and responsiveness only by personal example.

Together with your child, feed homeless animals, donate unnecessary clothes and things to shelters or assistance centers.

Together with your child, make crafts and gifts for grandmothers and other relatives. Let the baby feel how nice it is to give. When going on a visit, take small gifts with you.

Psychologists recommend several more ways to teach a child to share.

Give him enough attention, listen, play, be sincere. The child should feel that he is dear to you. Remember, love cannot be replaced by toys and treats.

1. Do not spoil your baby, do not make him the meaning of your life. Don't turn your little one into a tyrant to whom everything is allowed.
2. Read poems and fairy tales, watch cartoons about generosity. Discuss what you saw, heard, let your child reason.
3. Tell them that sharing is nice and fun, that you can and should exchange toys.

Praise him for showing kindness and generosity, and tell him you are proud of his behavior.

What not to do

If you don’t want your child to develop pathological greed and become reminiscent of Dickens’s Scrooge in adulthood, listen to the advice of psychologists.

1. Respect your daughter's or son's personal boundaries and sense of ownership, regardless of age. Don't give away even unwanted toys without permission. Otherwise, the child will learn that he has no right to personal belongings. And in adulthood he will turn into either a miser or a disinterested person.
2. Don’t force a two or three year old toddler to share. This will only make him resentful and angry. In adulthood, this will lead to pathological greed, a subconscious fear of loss.
3. Don't belittle your older child or call him greedy if he doesn't share with his younger brother or sister. This will cause jealousy and envy. And in adult life, such upbringing will result in a pathological feeling of disadvantage and unhealthy competition.
4. Do without moralizing in style; no one is friends with a greedy person. Such statements develop in the child the attitude that no one just needs me, to get attention, I need to give something. In adult life, this will result in the desire to please everyone, the abandonment of one’s own needs, and the inability to build healthy relationships with people.

Even if your child is really greedy, do not reprimand him in public and do not give him a “display spanking.”

You shouldn’t ridicule a child for his greed or suggest that others not be friends with him. This will only lower the little one’s self-esteem, and will not teach him to be generous.

Practical recommendations

1. Before the walk, discuss with your child what he wants to take with him and whether he is ready to share it. If not, it's best to leave the toys at home.
2. Before guests with children arrive, choose what the child will allow the guests to play with. Hide “particularly valuable” things.
3. If conflict flares up between children, try to redirect their attention. Offer a joint game with the subject of contention.
4. Allow your child not to share and protect his personal belongings. And to those who exclaim about your baby’s greed, offer to lend you their phone or bag for a while.
5. Teach your little one to ask permission from the owner of the toy. If your child is shy, ask for him.
6. Explain that the child is giving the item away for a while and it will definitely be returned to him.
7. Discuss with your child his feelings (anger). Explain that this is normal.

Childish greed... or training in the ability to say “no”?

If earlier the child easily gave away toys and did not pay any attention to who was playing with them, then by the age of two everything changes, and the child’s reluctance to share “what is his” and active defense of property begins to frighten. What is the reason for such manifestations? Is it worth stopping them? How to cope with your emotions and carefully adjust your child’s behavior without aggravating the situation?

Not greed, but knowledge of the boundaries of “I”

«My Dana is almost 2 years old. When we go out onto the playground, he arranges his toys more beautifully, and plays with others’ ones. But if someone takes his car or bucket, he will immediately take it away, and he may even hit him. It’s even awkward in front of the other mothers, because Danya can offend even the little one. I'm afraid that he will grow up to be greedy..." -

says Katya.
By the age of two, a completely new stage begins in the child’s , when he begins to pronounce the words “I” and “mine”. Remember how the baby used to talk? “Vanya eats, Vanya plays”, i.e. about yourself in the third person. Now he begins to form a holistic picture of himself and this is manifested, among other things, in the appearance of the word “I” in the child’s . Along with the word “I”, the word “mine” also appears: “This is my toy, my mother, my chair.” Everything that a child denotes with the word “mine” is a continuation of his personality
.
All these people and objects enter his personal space. This is why a child is so emotional when someone sits on his
chair, plays with
his
toy, or approaches
his
mother.
At this age, greed as a personality trait is out of the question. It is important for a child to know that he himself, as well as his things, are inviolable without his consent. It is very important that at the same time, along with the word “mine,” the child begins to understand what “alien” is. You can hear a child say: “This is daddy’s watch, this is mommy’s skirt, these are grandma’s slippers.” This is the right time to start teaching your child that you should always ask before taking someone else's.

Should or can?

How does the situation typically develop during a walk? The child takes out his toys, plays for a while, and then gets distracted by something else: a slide, a ladder, or someone else’s toy. But then the kid sees that someone took his thing, and immediately rushes into battle! He may scream, stamp his feet, start to pull out, even hit. From his point of view, the stranger did not encroach on the scoop (as his mother thinks), but on himself. Then the mother experiences a lot of conflicting feelings: from the desire to fully justify the baby’s actions to shame for her “greedy” child. It seems to her that everyone on the set is looking at her with judgmental glances, and she feels guilty before “society.” Actually, manifestations of such “greed” in a child are not the baby’s problem, but his mother’s. She is the one who is uncomfortable, ashamed and wants to justify herself to others. And precisely because this is mom’s problem, she needs to think about how she

behaves in this situation.

Basically, mom's actions come down to two competing positions: “he MUST share, no matter what” and “he CAN share if he wants.” A mother who adheres to the “must share” position may begin to loudly scold the child and even spank him in front of everyone (let me remind you, we are talking about a 1.5-2 year old child). She can take away the reclaimed toy in order to give it to the “offended” child . The mother, apparently, at this moment feels that she must show others that she is raising the child , and quite strictly. “Society” should be happy. Acting in this way, the mother focuses not on the child , his interests and characteristics of the stage of development, but on her own illusions

about what they will think of her as a mother.
But you cannot teach kindness by scolding, spanking and taking away. And you cannot teach generosity by forcing
sharing, because true generosity can only come from the heart.

At the age of 1.5-2.5 years

The very important ability to say the word “no” is also being formed. People who are not allowed to learn to say “no” suffer greatly as adults. You probably know examples where a man lends money to everyone without refusal, which is then often not returned to him. Or a woman who gives a dress to a work colleague “for the evening” and then is embarrassed to ask for it back. Is this true generosity? No! These are the consequences of the very “sandbox” where they were forced to share. Their mothers were very afraid that they would grow up greedy, but they grew up trouble-free. And now psychologists teach adults to say the word “no” so that they can finally learn to defend their interests.

It happens that those who were actively forced to share, as they get older, tend to act “in spite of” (“well, now no one will stop me from doing what I want!”). And the child (teenager) begins to refuse generosity even in small things. What my mother was so afraid of becomes reality. But let's return to our sandbox. The second parental response strategy is “he CAN share if he wants to.” This is a healthy position because... it is based on the interests of the child .

“My Kirill, as a rule, shares toys. But sometimes it gets to him: he can rudely snatch his thing and scream. Of course, at such moments I feel a little ashamed. But I understand that this is HIS property and he has the right not to give it. Therefore, I say a few kind words to the other kid that Kiryusha might let him play later. And at home we watch and discuss the cartoon “We Divided an Orange” together.”

, says Larisa.

A person whose parents adhered to such a strategy will be able to defend their rights, interests, honor, and property in the future. Cultivating respect for the objects that belong to you is also important. It is so inherent that the child first ( at 1.5-3 years)

) the desire to defend oneself, one’s things and desires is formed, and only then (
in the period from 3 to 5 years
)
the child’s allows him to cultivate the ability to share.

3-5 years: time to cultivate generosity

At this age, children begin to play together. On the playground, in kindergarten, you can see how children gather into “interest groups.” Boys play policemen, firefighters, astronauts. Girls are like “mother-daughters”. If before this the toy had value in itself only because it belonged to the child , now everything is changing. Toys become an “intermediate” link between children, a condition for play. Now children themselves are eager to share the toy with friends, because this means that there will be an exciting game together. Human relationships come to the fore. A toy brought into the garden and no one is interested in will be put aside in the far corner. It is at this time, in the wake of playing together, that children can develop the ability to share, which in adults is called generosity

. The child very quickly understands that by allowing others to play with his toy, he receives the right to enter the group and play together. This is why parents of 3-5 year old children are much less likely to remember greed. They just see that the children began to share and it happened as if by itself.

“My daughter always takes her dolls to kindergarten. And I know that she and her friends, Katya and Dasha, play “mother and daughter.” But she doesn’t allow other girls to take their dolls. Maybe it's greed ?

- asks Natalya, mother of 4-year-old daughter Nastya.

Children, as a rule, willingly share their things with friends, but may not even allow others to touch them. Why is this happening? The fact is that the child selects for himself a close environment, which includes family and friends.. He trusts these people, always willingly communicates and will be happy to share his most intimate things.. And there are people with whom the baby is forced to be, but may refuse them in communication (for example, some relatives and other children in the garden). He won't want to share with them. Is this greed? No. Think about it: you have a car. Would you let your friend from next door ride it? Most likely no. What about your husband, brother? Probably yes. Therefore, if a child is able to share with family and friends, then he is not greedy. During this period, the child actively absorbs the social attitudes of life. He begins to correlate his behavior with certain rules that are mandatory for everyone. Therefore, now is the time to tell, or better yet, show by example what it means to share. You must show that you need to be able not only to take, but also to give. Try to use every opportunity for this. For example, there are a few pieces left from a chocolate bar, and the child wants to finish it all. It’s a good idea at this moment to remind him that you wouldn’t mind giving up chocolate either, and dad should leave it too. Divide everything into 3 equal parts. If there are several children in the family, do not forget to remind them to always share among themselves, as well as with you. When buying sweets in a store, suggest to your child : “Let’s buy these sweets for grandma, we’ll be going to visit her soon.” And don’t be lazy to help your child give someone a handmade gift for their birthday and holidays. Do not miss the opportunity to give him the opportunity to feel how pleasant it is to do good deeds and in return receive the gratitude of friends and family. Books can be your helpers in this matter. It is important not only to read, hoping that the child himself will understand the moral, it is important to discuss with him what he has read. We can recommend the fable “The Dragonfly and the Ant,” the play “Cat’s House” by S. Marshak, and the cartoon “We Divided an Orange.” Plots related to manifestations of greed are often woven into the fabric of cartoons. Your task is to unobtrusively draw the child’s . Since the leading activity in preschool age is play

, then it may just be the medicine or prophylactic agent that parents are looking for. Through play, you can develop desired traits in a child or help him solve problems.

Here, for example, is a game that helps develop the ability to share. Take some stuffed animals. the child likes most be “for him.” If you see manifestations of greed in a child, then play how “lion cub Dima” at first did not want to share, although all the children asked him. Then the children went off to play, and “Dima” was left alone. He got upset and went to his mother. She advised him to share his toys and gave him some sweets to treat the boys. The next day, “Dima” shared it with his friends and they began to play together. First, you play as “Dima”. This is important to show the desired behavior pattern. The situation needs to be played out several times. If a child immediately asks to play again, play, it means that an active process of mastering a new behavioral strategy has begun. Be sure to remind about the game every day, but at least once every 2-3 days. When the child learns the information, he will want to play for the “lion cub Dima” himself. Watch how he does it and correct “mistakes” if there are any. Notice whether your child's towards peers has changed. If so, then the game has paid off. Then you can occasionally return to this game if you again hear “bells” of unwanted behavior.

5-7 years: greed is just a symptom

But the child is already 5-7 years old, and he does not show his toys, quietly eats candy in a corner, forgets that his family also loves fruits and sweets, and his favorite words are “I” and “mine.” Children in the kindergarten (school) openly tell him “greedy,” and many adults agree with them. Most likely, other children refuse to communicate with him, because it is impossible to build communication with someone who only “takes” but does not “give” anything. However, it's not too late to fix everything. True, now, most likely, you will have to correct it with the help of a psychologist. Each situation with a “greedy” child is unique. Very often greed is only a striking symptom, behind which much deeper psychological problems are hidden. And it is impossible to “cure” greed without solving them.

Situation one: “Masha is the daughter of busy parents.”
Six-year-old Masha did not want to share her toys with anyone.
Bringing expensive dolls to her garden, she sat them beautifully on chairs and made sure that no one approached them. And if one of the children tried to look, she rushed with her fists and could even bite. The teachers sounded the alarm. The kindergarten psychologist found out that the girl was actually raised by a nanny from the age of 6 months, and her parents spent all their time at work. Mom couldn’t remember when she and her daughter went to the cinema or the circus. “Yes, I come when she is sleeping! We are earning money for her future!” - Mom said. The condition of a child when he lacks warmth from significant people is called deprivation

.
This is often the problem of children from shelters and orphanages. They lack the support of loved ones and encouraging, kind words. But today many children who have parents suffer from this. Parents are too busy, they “arrange” the future of their children, without thinking that they are crippling their present. Such children often love sweets very much (they eat up the problem), thus making up for an emotional deficiency. Parents often give them expensive toys, but never play with them. Things donated by parents become a “surrogate” of love for the child , the only proof of the parents’ concern. This is why it is difficult for such children to share both sweets and toys. “Treating” greed makes no sense. It is necessary to “treat” the entire system of relationships within the family, teaching parents to communicate with the child: talk, discuss his problems, be interested in his opinion, play together and spend leisure time. Then the “surrogates” of love will no longer be needed and greed will go away.
Situation two: “Andryusha is an older brother”
When Andryusha’s little sister was born, he was 6 years old.
“He’s a grown-up guy, he’ll be a helper,” the parents thought. Indeed, at first Andryusha entertained the baby, he could give her a bottle to drink and throw away the diaper. Sometimes he asked his mother: “Who do you love more?” Mom was lost. But my sister grew up, started walking and began to “encroach” on Andryushka’s toys. And Andryusha began to fiercely defend his “wealth”: he could snatch the typewriter out of his sister’s hands, scream and even slap her on the butt. Of course, this behavior greatly upset his mother, who taught Andryusha that it was a shame to be greedy. In families with several children, " greed " may be a manifestation of a deeper problem - jealousy. With the arrival of the little one, the older child begins to wonder: does his mother love him as much as the baby, since she is now with the little one almost all the time? Shaming a child for displaying “greed” means perpetuating the problem. We need to extinguish jealousy. Prepare your elder for the birth of the baby: talk about how you will take care of him together, how the baby will love his brother and be proud of him. Read together the wonderful poems of A. Barto “Younger Brother”, “Nastenka”. When the baby arrives, try to spend time with the older one. Sometimes go somewhere just with him. And teach him that if he is afraid that the baby will break the toy, he must show it himself, making sure that the baby does not throw it, or take it away, distracting him with another toy. Subsequently, children will learn to share with each other, and if they are close in age, then to play together.

Situation three: “Denis, who wanted to be in charge.”
Dad and six-year-old Denis made various weapons together at the dacha in the summer: bows, knives, guns.
Denis was proud that he could work with a knife. Returning to Moscow, he proudly told everyone who would listen how he made this bow himself, and his dad only helped him. Children gathered around him and his “arsenal”, began to offer a game of “war” and asked to give them weapons. Denis, in general, was not against it, but he really wanted to be persuaded. At that moment he felt truly significant and important. But for some reason the children soon stopped playing with him... Sometimes greed hides a thirst for leadership. It seems to children that the main one is the one around whom everyone “jumps.” Parents and grandparents “jump” too much in front of such children. This is the so-called position of the “little tyrant” in the family. From a very young age, a child gets used to the fact that his desires are the most important. If something is wrong, they use such means as uncontrollable roaring, throwing them on the floor, and damaging things. The biggest mistake adults make is to respond to all this by satisfying the child’s . “You can’t have candy before lunch!” - says mom. This is followed by roaring, lying on the floor and throwing things around. “Okay, you’re wearing candy, just stop!” - Mom exclaims. That's it, the job is done, a means of influencing the mother has been found. Of course, here it is also necessary to “treat” the very system of relationships within the family. The greed of a child striving for leadership can be directed in a “peaceful” direction. Let it be “ greed ” for knowledge, when the child is motivated to be an intellectual leader, i.e. those who know a lot. And the most important thing is to competently direct the very thirst for leadership, teach the child how to communicate with peers in order to gain real authority.

Situation four: “Shy Mila”
Five-year-old Mila is a very shy
child . She came to kindergarten just a few months ago. Often her day is spent alone, in a corner where she sits hugging a teddy bear. At first, other children came up to her and asked to see the cute bear, but Mila only hugged him tighter to herself. "Greedy!" - the children indicated her. The psychologist decided to understand the situation. “Why don’t you play with Mila?” — she asked the “leader” of the group, Dimka. “Yes, we tried, but she remains silent and silent. She doesn’t want to play herself!” - he answered. After talking with Mila’s mother, the psychologist found out that the girl was sick a lot until she was 4 years old and was at home almost all the time or walked away from playgrounds (“so as not to get infected”). Wherever they went, Mila literally “held onto her mother’s skirt.” “She's not greedy! - Mom said. “He always shares candy with me and grandma and prepares gifts for us for the holidays.” What’s wrong with her, why do they call her “greedy?” Children, finding themselves in a situation where until the age of 5, communication with peers was practically excluded, and at the same time, having a shy disposition, are often lost in kindergarten. Firstly, they do not know how to play with other children, which means they do not understand that they need to share their toy in order to start playing together. And sometimes they really want to share and play together, but they are so embarrassed that they cannot say a word. Often, in order to feel more confident, such children take their favorite toy to the garden, and, of course, it is difficult for them to part with this “bastion of confidence.” It is clear that in this case there is no greed. Before sending a 5-6 year old “home” child to kindergarten, you need to prepare him for this: play kindergarten at home, read books about life in the kindergarten and simply about friendship between children. your child during walks ; this will be a good experience for him. And, of course, help him adapt with your understanding, support and advice.

Situation five: “The Moneylender Danya”
Danya is an “advanced”
child . He has been able to count well since he was four years old. Especially money. He always knows how much the toy he wants costs, and how much he needs to save for it, taking into account the “salary” that his parents pay him. But one day my grandmother asked to borrow money from his piggy bank. Danya was ready to give, he was proud that he could be useful. “Don’t forget about interest!” - Dad reminded, half-jokingly and half-seriously. “What kind of interest?” - asked the boy. And dad enthusiastically explained to the child the basics of the banking system. But a month later, dad needed the money from Danya’s piggy bank. “Remember when you said that you need to take interest? When will you give it back and how much is “on top”?” - Danya asked. Need I say that dad didn’t like this approach at all? Is this greed? Of course not. Many parents are proud of the “advancement” of their children. But here we need to be careful in explaining monetary relations. Children do not understand many subtleties, “grasping” only what lies on the surface. What seems like financial savvy at age 7, is already a caricature at fourteen, and firmly rooted in the mind.

Situation six: “The pedant Styopa, or “Innate
greed ” Styopa always pleased parents and educators with his neatness and discipline.
He is a boy who is held up as an example. But there is something about him that worries my mother. Styopa will never voluntarily share a toy or candy. Mom noticed this even when Stepa was 2 years old. To eradicate greed , she forced him to share. Styopa dutifully shared. But even now, when the boy is almost 7 years old, he does not know how to share of his own free will. When asked why, he answers: “I need this candy, I’ll put a candy wrapper from it into the collection. And the children play carelessly with toys, they will break my car, and my garage will no longer be full.” And what to do with such a “greedy person”? Greed is a social phenomenon because it only manifests itself in relationships with other people. However, the prerequisites for its development also exist in the personality structure. People are pedantic

type are very prone to hoarding.
A little pedant can be recognized already in the first years of life. These are very neat (sometimes super neat) children, which makes their mothers so happy. They carry out the tasks entrusted to them for a long time, but conscientiously. The teachers at the kindergarten delight with their discipline. The carelessness and frivolity characteristic of childhood are extremely rare in them. “Behaves like an adult,” parents say proudly about a 5-7 year old child. Pedants are prone to hoarding. As an adult, such a person can become a miser, or he can grow up to be reasonably economical. Often pedants are passionate collectors. As children, they collect stickers and stamps (and their albums are decorated in the most neat way), and as adults they can collect anything within the limits of their income. Why did Styopa become greedy? I think a significant role in this was played by the fact that his mother forced
him to share. There is no need to demand the impossible from pedantic children; these are not the people who will “give away their last shirt” (but they themselves will not be left without it). Such children can be fully taught reasonable economy and without excesses.

Generosity is a spiritual need

Teaching children to share toys and candy is not enough. After all, true generosity is not only the ability to share something, but also the desire to share it. Therefore, it is important that your child sees that you find time to help friends, to have a heart-to-heart talk with your family, to please your loved ones with something. It is important that the child understands: you yourself get joy from all this. Then he too will learn to be mentally generous.

Stages of development of childhood greed

A greedy child can become like this at any age. It is necessary to follow the stages of manifestation of possessive feelings in the baby in order to know how and in what situation to react, to learn the correct reactions.

When it comes to a very young child of 1.5 years old, it is worth remembering that he does not yet understand where is his own and where is someone else’s. It’s as if the whole world belongs to him. At 2 years old, the baby begins to recognize his toys and learns to love them. At this stage, a self-image is formed and personal boundaries are determined. There is no need to immediately scold a child if he declares that the toy belongs to him. This is a natural process where he divides everything he sees into what belongs to him or others.

At 3 years old, a child learns to say the important word “no”. If during this period he does not find a balance between openness, manifestations of generosity and a clear definition of personal boundaries beyond which it is unacceptable to cross, in older age it will be very difficult for him to refuse people. But it is important to understand where a natural reaction manifests itself, and the baby protects himself, and where it is necessary to make it clear that greed is bad, nipping negative manifestations of the baby’s character in the bud.

After 3 years and until school age, the child learns to live in society. Communication becomes important for him. The baby learns to share, to be kind, because he understands: this is one of the important communication tools that puts you at ease and helps you make friends. And if by the age of 7 greed becomes his companion, this indicates deep-seated problems that are worth unearthing in order to help the child find joy in interacting with other people.

Why is the child greedy?

To some extent, all children are greedy. This quality is especially acute after two years, when the child masters the concepts of “I” and “Mine.” He perceives his favorite toy as a part of himself and giving it, even for a short time, to someone is a tragedy for him. This is not scary, over time the stage of selfishness will pass, and the child will learn to be generous.

Another reason why a child does not want to share may be dislike for the one who claims his things. He allows some to play with his toys, while others do not even allow them to touch them. It is difficult to say how likes and dislikes are formed in two- to three-year-old children, but one thing is for sure - parents are not able to influence this. And if the kid can’t stand the daughter of his parent’s best friend, you shouldn’t expect him to be nice to her.

Types of children's greed

This character trait can manifest itself in many ways. There are several striking manifestations that are worth highlighting:

• Owner. A special category of children, which excludes the concept itself - general. He only has his own. And this vision could be instilled by improper treatment, upbringing, indulging selfishness. To stop being greedy here means to radically change the child’s idea of ​​himself and his things. The intervention of a sensitive psychologist is required.
• Bully. The kid does not give his toys and at the same time tries to take possession of strangers. Fights are not excluded here if there is resistance to him.
• Tyrant. Excessive care also plays a role here, provoking an emphasis on the loved one. Such children are allowed everything, fulfill the slightest whims, buy an unlimited number of toys and raise an impenetrable egoist.
• Victim. Usually, children who are offended by fate, unloved and lacking attention, who carry this negative quality into adulthood, become tight-fisted, stingy, and unable to share. This also includes children who were not bought much in childhood due to lack of material income.
• Single. Such a child is extremely thrifty. He considers toys to be part of his family and doesn't care much about real friends. Therefore, he will be seriously worried that his property will not be taken away or damaged.

At what age is greed natural?

Do you know when a child’s period of independence begins? The moment you hear the first “I myself!” or “I myself!” from the baby. Most often these words can be heard from a two-year-old child. It is at this age that the baby begins to talk about himself in the first number, and not in the third. And as a result, the child begins to make claims about the ownership of certain things. These could be toys, clothes, dishes, personal items surrounding him.

And if earlier the child happily shared everything with the kids of your friends or with you, then it is at two years (+/-) that the period begins when the baby turns from a little angel into a little monster, ready to beat up the one who encroaches on his personal belongings.