How to stop your child's hair pulling habit?

Why does a child grab his mother's hair?

First, you need to figure out why your baby does this, and whether he does it consciously. After all, children are already born with a grasping reflex, and a newborn may simply not understand what he is doing. If a child is a little older, and already understands what his parents are telling him, and begins to pull his mother’s hair, then there may be several reasons for this:

• tries to attract mother's attention;
• demands to be fed;
• it happens by chance;
• thinks it's a game and doesn't understand that it can be painful;
• I like the hair texture;
• trying to calm down;
• tries to develop cognitive thinking and draw his own conclusions, that is, pull and look at the mother’s reaction.

How to stop your child's hair pulling habit?

Why does a child pull his hair?

Hair pulling, as well as pushing, biting, licking or pinching, is one of the ways your child expresses himself and tries to gain control over his immediate environment. There are several reasons for this behavior, and the most likely explanation is the simplest: your child has figured out how to trigger the reaction and wants to trigger it again. The child does this because it is just fun; when his older sister squeals, for example, or when someone hangs over him in the crib or takes his toys, he does this so that this action stops. Another reason your child is behaving this way could be that the child is developing cognitive thinking and learning to make connections and inferences. He pulls hair to try to control the development of a particular situation. Let's say his older sister takes the last cookie and he pulls her hair to make her squeal. You can intervene and ask your daughter to share the cookies. And next time she will think twice before grabbing the last treat in the bowl. Finally, if your child is pulling their own hair, it may indicate distress or anxiety. It may also indicate a certain type of impulse control disorder. If you're concerned about your child pulling or pulling out their hair, talk to your doctor about it. How to Prevent Hair Pulling Show your child that it is not a control method One of the keys to suppressing your child's aggression is demonstrating that aggression will not achieve anything. If you ignore the child's hair pulling, then this tactic will have fruit (because anyone who has their hair pulled or pulled out will do everything to please the child and stop the unpleasant sensations). Over time, this will only get worse as the child begins to understand that tugging produces results. The child is unaware of all the complex patterns and relationships between actions, he only understands that if pulling his hair makes his mother pick him up and give him everything he wants, that’s good. Instead, demonstrate to your child how futile tugging and pulling hair is. For example, if your child pulled his little friend's hair to take a toy, return the toy back to the other child's hands, explaining to your child that this is not allowed. Your actions must be quick and consistent, because young children live in the moment and do not remember the meaning of long-ago actions. Stop this behavior. If you catch your child grabbing a clump of hair, gently remove his hand and hold it in yours, repeating, “Don't pull hair. It hurts.” You can also use the so-called Time Out technique. Stay close to your child, but don't say anything or let him do anything for a few minutes. Speak it out. When the time-out is over, talk through the situation with your child. This is important even if the child has not yet developed the verbal skills for full communication. This way you show that problems are solved with words, not with hair grabbing. Ask your child what he did wrong, then “why is it wrong?” The child may say that he needed it in order to attract attention or take a break from the game, but you must explain that this method of action is wrong, and this way you can harm or hurt someone. There is no need to expect that a miracle will happen and the child will immediately stop doing “bad” things. Young children learn slowly, through constant repetition, until they realize they can't just get away with it. Try not to despair and continue to stand your ground.

As your child speaks better, explain to him that verbalizing a request or demand solves a problem better than pulling his hair. Instead of grabbing your older sister's pigtail, you need to learn to tell her “no” if she does something wrong. There is no need to pull the child's hair in response. Never try to teach a child that “hair pulling is bad” by retaliating so that he feels how unpleasant it is. He does this because he is trying to say or change something - so that his sister stops taking away toys, for example. If you pull his hair so that he stops pulling her hair, you will inspire the child that this is how you can change and adjust the behavior of the other person to your needs. Model the behavior you want your child to adopt - using words to express his needs without harming others, no matter how upset he may be. Source: www.babycenter.com

How to deal with this?

Children should not be allowed to do these things unless you are willing to accept them. Even just once, you should not pull the baby back, this will serve as a signal to him that this action is allowed, and you can continue to do so. This applies to absolutely all family members and those with whom your child comes into contact.

For example, if parents are trying to stop such actions, and the grandmother smiles sweetly and allows her to pull her hair, then it will be difficult for the baby to understand that this is not necessary. Absolutely all family members must adhere to the same line of behavior, otherwise the problem will not be solved. Sometimes you need to be strict.

Here are some tips on what to do in such situations and how to stop your child from pulling his hair:

• Show the child that this is not a reason for parents to control. If you ignore this behavior of the child and do what he asks, then you will not be able to cope with the problem. For example, if your son asked you for a toy and pulled his mother’s hair, and she gave it to him, then next time he will influence the parent using the same method. Over time, this can only get worse as the child understands that such actions have a positive result. Then he will start tugging at his mother for any reason, because this method works, therefore, there is no need to change it. Also, if the baby took a toy from his sister and pulled her hair, then you should return the toy to the older sister, and explain to the younger one that this cannot be done in this way, but must be asked correctly. Here it is very important to comment on your actions, explain what is good and what is bad. The parents' reaction must be lightning fast, otherwise the baby simply will not understand why the toy needs to be returned if you start taking action 10 minutes after the incident.
• Stop inappropriate behavior. If your baby grabs you by the hair, then you need to slowly remove his hand, holding it in yours, and explain that you can’t do that. You can use words: it’s impossible, it hurts, ay-yay-yay or other similar ones. It all depends on the age of the baby.
• Talk to the child. When the situation has been resolved, be sure to talk to the child about it, explain to the child that it is not good to act this way. Even if he doesn’t understand words yet, you still need to use this method, since he will eventually learn to speak, and with the help of pronouncing situations, it will be easier to establish verbal contact in the future.
• There is no need to leave everything to chance. Don't expect the problem to solve itself. Without active actions on the part of the parents, the child simply will not understand that he is doing something wrong. And then it can soon develop into a habit that will be very difficult to break. Stop this behavior and insist on your own. The main thing here is systematicity and persistence. The same applies to older brothers and sisters, if any.
• Don't wait to answer. Never try to do the same thing as your baby if the action is bad. For example, if you pull a child's hair so that he understands that it hurts, then this method will not lead to a solution to the problem. Since you always tell the little one that you can’t do this, but you yourself do the same thing. Then the baby will not understand that this is bad, dissonance will arise in his head, why he is forbidden to do this, but his mother can. Try to instill in your son or daughter the correct manner of behavior by your example; this applies not only to hair pulling, but also to many other issues.

Reasons why a child tears his hair out

Hair pulling - pulling out, twirling on a finger, sharp twitching - is a way through which the baby expresses himself and tries to control his immediate environment.

There are several reasons for this behavior. The most likely explanation is the simplest: the child has discovered how to provoke a reaction from his parents, and wants to achieve it again.

“For children, hair pulling acts like a light switch or a button on a box that makes a toy pop out,” explains Mark Roberts, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Idaho in Pocatello. “I pull - my sister squeals. It's fun!".

A toddler may pull hair, Roberts says, “to get rid of negativity. Someone is crawling on his skin or taking his toys. He reaches out, pulls the hair, and the bad stuff stops.”

Another reason for this behavior could be that your little one is developing the cognitive skills to reason about things. The child also tears out the hair on his head, trying to control a specific situation.

Let's say his older sister takes the last cookie off the plate and he pulls her long hair to make her squeal. “This situation has several positive aspects for the child. First, parents can intervene and force their daughter to share the cookies,” says Roberts. “And secondly, more important is the likelihood that the girl will think twice before taking the last cookie again.”

Finally, if an infant pulls out his own hair, he may be showing sadness or concern. This behavior may also be a symptom of an impulse control disorder. If you're concerned your child is pulling his hair out, talk to your pediatrician.

What do experienced parents advise?

If you are unable to solve the problem on your own, then you can listen to the advice of experienced parents who have already encountered this issue and successfully resolved it. Quite a lot of people are discussing this topic on various forums. You can register on them and receive answers to your questions or various comments.

Daria, mother of a five-month-old daughter: “At such moments, I grab my daughter’s hand and say: I need to stroke dad (or another family member), and stroke her hair or face with my hand. She stops beating and tugging and tries to stroke her. Then he generally loses interest in this process for some time. This is how we cope for now. I haven’t been able to wean myself off completely yet.”

Natalya, mother of a daughter and son: “Many children have such periods, in order for it to pass, you need to try to wean it off now. Try active listening. As soon as he starts pulling your hair, take your hands, pull your hair out, put it in front of you and, looking into your eyes, talk, like, why are you doing this to your mom? Is this how you play? I understand, but hair is not a toy. You also have hairs, and if you pull them, it hurts very much. Offer an alternative, for example, show that hair needs to be ironed. And every time he does this again, sit him down and remind him that this is not a toy, that it hurts, and show him how to act. The result will not be visible immediately, but after some time, weeks or even months may pass, but it will definitely be there.”

Larisa, mother of her son: “My child not only pulls them, but also twists them around his finger, grabs them in his fist and begins to pull sharply, and then bites them. It hurts like hell. I did everything I could, quietly hitting his hands and pulling in response. It was all to no avail, no matter how I weaned him off, he just wanted and kept pulling. At the end I reached the point of a nervous breakdown, since nothing helped. I didn’t bother during the day, but as soon as I went to bed, this started happening. As soon as my son grew up, he stopped pulling my hair like that, and I explained that it hurt my mother. Then now, when he really wants to, he sometimes asks, “Mom, can I touch your hair.” I give, and he gently and affectionately, just like a kitten would burrow into them. He loves them very much, it’s a thrill for both him and me.”

Elizaveta, 1st child, 5 years old: “I endured several times when my daughter pulled my hair, then I pulled her a couple of times, pulled her hard, so that my daughter would also feel that I was in pain too. She cried, but I didn’t feel sorry for her, I said that it was painful and unpleasant for me too. Since then, when it was cut off, it has not come into my hair at all, and until now we have never had such a problem. Otherwise I follow the same principle, it helps the first time.”

Anna, mother of three children: “I just put my hair in a bun, it doesn’t go anywhere and doesn’t interfere with me playing with the kids. I have a lot of hair and it is quite long. I already understood this earlier, that there is no need to create a problem out of this, but simply prevent it from arising. That’s why I didn’t have to wean my kids away from this habit.”

Young children very often manipulate their parents, some choose just such methods for this. After all, they don’t know how to speak yet, so they do what they can. Don't think that everything will go away on its own. Stopping your child from pulling your hair is not difficult. Learn to solve problems as they arise, and in the future it will be very easy for you to find a common language with your child.

Causes of trichotillomania

It is important to understand that trichotillomania is an obsessive-compulsive disorder. This disease manifests itself equally in both children and adults, both boys and girls. Trichotillomania is characterized by automatic, unconscious hair tearing. In the process, trichothollomaniacs gain satisfaction. At the same time, people with such neurosis themselves cannot explain why they do this and why they get satisfaction from it.

Today, child psychologists identify several reasons why a child pulls out hair on his head. Among them:

1. Stress or emotional shock. It may appear in case of mental trauma.

2. Low self-esteem of the child. This reason is typical for children who do not receive the attention they need from their parents. As a result, the child begins to tear out his hair in order to attract the attention of his parents and show his inner feelings.

3. The action of the compensatory mechanism. In this case, children pull out their hair if they expect some kind of misfortune, fictional or real.

4. There is also the possibility that hair pulling is caused by the behavior of a female parent. This option applies to girls. They can see how their mother, for example, plucks her eyebrows, and simply repeat after her. But over time, they may develop an addiction that they cannot cope with. But this happens quite rarely.

Symptoms of trichotillomania can also be caused by purely physiological reasons:

- pain in the head or itching;

- increased intracranial pressure;

- lack of elements such as copper or iron in the body;

- in extreme cases - the presence of a neoplasm in the brain.