Changes after the baby is born
Often, the problem arises from overvalued expectations that life will be paradise after the birth of a child. But, no such luck, although babies bring joy to life, they also cry a lot, wake up at night, burp and poop. Not every young mother has time to prepare herself for this, let alone her father. It takes time to get used to the new order of life.
Despite the existing not-so-pleasant moments associated with the child, one more circumstance appears: a previously beautiful girl who looked after and constantly monitored her appearance turns into a walking zombie with a tired face, sleep-deprived eyes and wild irritability towards all living things. . I can sincerely clap my hands if you escaped such a fate. But, if you think about it, it’s not easy for a man either. Due to the redistribution of the wife's attention between the child and the husband, he feels a lack of attention to his person. He thinks that he is no longer attracted to you, and you stopped wanting him as a man, so you stopped taking care of yourself. As a result, your problems arose from the fact that someone thought of something.
Pay attention to clothes
Sitting at home on maternity leave, women often stop taking care of their clothes. They wear old things: washed T-shirts, stretched pants, the size of which can no longer be determined. When they are asked why they dress so unkemptly, they answer that it is convenient. If your husband is at work, you can wear at least nothing at home. Only when he comes home, looking at his unkemptly dressed wife is not very pleasant for him, and she clearly does not arouse desire.
Try to meet your spouse from work in beautiful clothes - this will again make him interested in you as a woman. You don’t have to wear an expensive evening dress – a neat dress is enough. You can also choose something that is comfortable but attractive at the same time. An excellent option is a sundress; if it’s cold, you can wear leggings or breeches under it. You can also meet your husband in trousers with a top or a cute blouse.
Personal video greeting from Santa Claus:
In general, it is not so much the clothing that is important, but rather its neatness and the feeling of being attractive in this form. Usually this is enough for the husband to hurry home the next day, where a beautiful wife in a good mood and a small son or daughter will be waiting for him.
Difficulty of the postpartum period
Before and during pregnancy, you spent quite a lot of time together, walked, visited friends and relatives. As soon as the baby arrives, you sometimes don’t have enough time to even talk to each other. Not to mention visiting a cinema or cafe together.
In addition, when a baby is born, finances begin to be spent on new necessary things. No matter how sad it may sound, a child requires a lot of financial investment to support him. This picture is noticeable for those families in which the child’s mother was an employee and had a stable, permanent income. As a result, all financial difficulties are shifted onto the shoulders of the toddler’s father, and just imagine how the constant lack of funds hits his nerves and psyche. He begins to eat himself psychologically, that everything that the family lacks is only his fault, since he is the only breadwinner in the family.
It is also worth considering the severity of this period. At this time, the daily routine of each family member is disrupted. I very much doubt that anyone likes the cry of a baby at night.
Men and women. So close and so different
First of all, you need to understand that two adults of different sexes living under the same roof still remain different personalities, despite everything they have in common. And the faster understanding, awareness and acceptance of all these differences come, the easier it will be to mend damaged relationships.
And although most girls marry the guy they love, being sure that he is the only one who loves, feels and understands her, in fact they are often mistaken. For the simple reason that men and women, like Adam and Eve, are built differently.
- First of all, the differences relate to the emotional side of each gender. And if a woman is more prone to violent manifestations of feelings and outbursts of both good and bad moods, then men are introverts by nature. They are not prone to long emotional outpourings and, no matter how sad it may sound, to a special romantic mood. This in no way speaks of indifference. On the contrary, they experience everything that happens no less acutely than their other half. But they simply try not to show it, preferring to carry “everything within themselves.”
- Secondly, men and women behave differently in relationships and understand their roles differently. By nature, a wife reacts more flexibly to any changes in relationships. She is ready to sacrifice her interests for the sake of her loved one and his ambitions. The stronger half is accustomed to putting their ego above other people's needs. Not out of harm, but out of necessity - the main point in the life of every man is his self-affirmation. At work, in family, in life. He was used to taking on and achieving assigned tasks, regardless of the screams and tears of the people offended by him. That’s how it happened, you know.
In her actions, a woman is often guided by the opinions of others, listens to the advice of others - friends, mothers and grandmothers, neighbors. They need praise and sympathy, empathy and understanding. Men don’t need anyone’s recommendations or approval. They silently make decisions and do not look back at anyone in their actions. And if in work these qualities come in handy, then in the family they often become a stumbling block, over which sometimes even the strongest relationships are broken.
How to maintain a relationship with your husband after having a baby
When there is a sincere desire to improve relations with your husband after the birth of a child, if suddenly they were spoiled, then this can be achieved.
- No matter how tired you are, try to find time to talk with your partner. Talk about literally everything, about the baby, the weather, the news.
- If possible, leave your little one with his grandparents, and the two of you go for a walk, to the cinema, anywhere, the main thing is to be alone together.
- Most importantly, try to find time to look beautiful so that your husband always looks at you with desire in his eyes and sees the same beautiful lady.
Tip 2: Don't be obsessive with your child.
Some mothers are fanatics about their child. Because of this, relationships often deteriorate after his birth. If you have grown cold towards each other, perhaps your fanaticism is to blame. Imagine the situation: a husband returns tired from work, and his wife drones on and on about the baby. Then she wonders why her husband doesn’t listen to her? You need to remember that your husband’s interests are not limited only to the child. Chat with him on topics that you talked about before the birth of your first child. Constant conversations about your son and daughter quickly become boring, causing you to lose interest and deteriorate your relationship.
Psychological factors
If you notice that after giving birth, your relationship with your husband begins to give way, do not panic, try to figure out what the reason is.
Maybe you stopped paying him due attention and your spouse went deeper into self-flagellation, feeling unneeded, since the paternal instinct awakens a little later.
Understand that the baby does not need the care of his mother alone 24/7. The participation of the father in raising the child is of great importance. The child can be occupied with something new that will distract his attention while mom talks to dad. Try to care for your baby together with your spouse as often as possible. Ask your husband to hold the baby, walk or play with him. Some men do not get involved in raising a child, not because they are indifferent, they want to raise him. However, it happens that they are afraid of their spouse, who does not leave the little one for a second. It seems to them that she will show aggression if the father even touches the child with a finger. Let your husband swaddle, bathe, feed the baby on his own...
How to overcome hatred towards your husband?
In the first few months after birth, hormones largely determine how the mother feels and behaves. The appearance of groundless hatred of one’s husband is a common feature during this period.
Usually negative feelings disappear when hormonal levels stabilize . Therefore, if you feel inexplicable hatred and have very little control over yourself, this is probably the effect of hormones. Try to explain this feature to your husband if possible and just wait.
A more serious situation is when the hatred is definitely justified. For example, the husband does not fulfill any obligations to care for the child, often gets irritated, screams, and even resorts to violence.
If attempts to calmly talk to him and offer to find compromises lead nowhere, you should wait a while and, after weighing everything properly, file for divorce.
At the same time, if a man shows violence , especially physical violence, and has done this before, there is no need to delay the divorce.
Tips for rebuilding your relationship after childbirth
If suddenly the birth of a baby turns into a quarrel between you, you need to take immediate action. I am sure that initially you loved your husband sincerely, just as he loved you, and you experienced happiness and joy while spending time together. Restore your passion, leave the kids with relatives, and have a romantic time yourself.
- If childbirth has ruined your figure, buy a new set of erotic lingerie that will highlight your strengths and hide your flaws.
- Visit new places in your city, you can do it with your baby.
- Try to find a joint hobby or passion, it will unite you. This could be collecting, dancing, singing, and so on. The main thing is that you both enjoy your time together.
- Try to pay your attention to your partner every free minute.
“Valentines” or mini gifts will always give your partner faith that you are ready to take care of him and want to do something nice for him.
Problems in the head
To begin with, all our problems are created in our heads. Try to analyze everything, maybe the relationship is not really damaged? Your communication may have decreased, but you still have feelings. Look at the circumstances from the other side. Come to the lullaby, look at the little one who influenced your communication. And he lies there, bats his eyes, and for him you are both the most dear and important and close people in the whole world.
The baby’s joy is immediately noticeable when he feels that his parents have approached him, showing his toothless smile, but his dearest and most beloved one. Could this little bundle of happiness create any problems for you?
Over time, the baby will grow up, and you will remember with a smile on your lips how he did not let anyone sleep in the middle of the night. Try to strengthen family happiness and enjoy the joy of life together.
If you know other ways to restore relationships, share them in the comments.
Give your husband the same attention as before pregnancy
While caring for your baby, don't forget about your spouse. Ask him about how his day was when he comes home from work, show sincere interest in what is happening. Try to make your husband want to spend time at home with you, and let him do it. It is very important that a man does not feel a lack of attention, so that he realizes: after the birth of a child, you did not begin to love him less - on the contrary, this feeling became even stronger. Let your spouse know that you need him more than ever, but now he has more worries and responsibilities.
