Clarification. There is a significant difference between classic depression, accompanied by serious problems with the biochemistry of serotonin, when even positive moments are technically unable to bring joy, and chronically bad mood. And Joinfo.ua will tell you now what to do if your husband or man becomes depressed.
Features of male depression
The main problem of most men is that they categorically refuse the help of others. They were raised within the framework of a special value system, according to which a real man should be able to cope with his problems himself. And any appeal to strangers is weakness.
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So there is not much difference between a man who refuses to be hospitalized with obvious symptoms of appendicitis and a man who does not want to go to a psychologist because of depression. Both have a serious chance, if not to drive themselves into a coffin, then to ruin their future lives.
In addition, men tend to “fight” depression through bad habits. This is supposed to be relaxing. And it helps to pull yourself together. The only problem is that if such methods help, it is only in the fight against consequences, and not against causes. And even then - not for long.
Something else is worse. Depression forms a self-perpetuating cycle. The man feels bad, he cannot provide proper attention to his family and loved ones, he also feels bad because of this, the situation worsens many times over.
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How to help a man get out of depression if he doesn’t want to communicate
Society has established such concepts that men are not supposed to cry. Constant stress at work, quarrels with friends, disagreements in the family circle and other troubles can unsettle even the most persistent representative of the strong half of humanity.
- dismissal from service, demotion;
- low earnings;
- disagreements with colleagues, superiors;
- work that does not bring pleasure;
- difficulties with the opposite sex;
- divorce;
- pre-retirement age;
- unstable psycho-emotional state;
- unrealized potential;
- change of permanent residence;
- loss of a relative or loved one;
- risky work activities;
- work in the evening and at night;
- constant business trips (including unplanned ones);
- expecting a child;
- military service.
We have given the most common reasons why males become depressed. If the psycho-emotional state is unstable, there may be no reason.
Important attention should be paid to genetics. There are people who are constantly depressed. At the slightest manifestation of joy, they become isolated and again stop enjoying life.
Constant tension leads to nervous breakdowns and mental disorders, which are quite difficult to return to a positive direction.
It's no secret that men have more responsibility than women. There are problems in the family, age periods, and general social factors. To correctly assess the state of the faithful, you need to carefully monitor his behavior.
We list the most popular signs that characterize male depression:
- unjustified aggression;
- excessive irritability;
- fits of rage for no reason;
- low self-esteem;
- uncertainty;
- laziness, apathy;
- unstable mood;
- blood pressure surges;
- insomnia;
- loss of appetite;
- low libido;
- change in body weight;
- increased anxiety;
- slow reaction;
- slurred speech;
- constant apathy, fatigue;
- craving for alcohol;
- passion for gambling;
- desire to do extreme sports;
- chest pain;
- headache, migraine.
There are often situations when a woman tries to support her life partner in all possible ways. At the same time, she clutches her head, not knowing what to do. We have put together an effective collection of the most effective “antidepressants”. So let's get started.
Method number 1. Stay positive
Try to find the positives in the current situation. Was your spouse fired from your job? Convince him that there is career growth ahead in another company. Try to approach the situation with humor and overcome difficulties together.
Don’t try to accuse a man of all mortal sins, don’t call your partner a loser, a loser, or other offensive words. Don’t say phrases like “I told you so,” “you should have listened to me,” “I’m right, as always.” Instead, repeat “we will get through everything together,” “you can handle it,” “you are the best man in the world.”
Method number 2. Become your partner's muse
Help your partner gain strength to cope with all troubles. Become his support, muse, support. If a man has ideas that you think are absurd, support them. As a rule, the most ridiculous ideas become the beginning of something grandiose. Perhaps, having found his muse, the companion will perk up and look at the situation in a new way.
Don't let your partner pull away and withdraw into himself, otherwise you won't be able to do anything in the future. Prolonged depression will cover him completely, it will be more difficult for you to support a man. At this stage, create all the conditions to make your partner feel comfortable, allow him to open up, remain positive, even if he decides to snap or be rude.
Method No. 3. Change your scenery
Constant ri strains the nerves, as a result of which even the strongest man cannot withstand such a load. For this purpose, it is recommended to change the situation. You can make it a habit to “walk” your spouse several times a week, or better yet, every day. It is not necessary to come up with something grandiose; a trip to the cinema or bowling alley, a walk in the park, or a visit to the sauna (bathhouse, swimming pool) is enough.
Invite your spouse to go on a picnic with the whole family, barbecue, swim in the lake/river. If you have a feeling that a man is tired of everyday life, send him fishing with friends. You can also gather friends at home, order pizza, buy beer and watch football. Start from those hobbies that are interesting to your loved one.
Method number 4. Watch your man's diet
Few people attach due importance to a proper diet, but in vain. Thanks to the optimal ratio of slow and fast carbohydrates, proteins and fats, the body works in full mode. This gives you more strength to make important decisions, as well as a fighting spirit to conquer heights.
What to do?
Unfortunately, there is no single effective tactic. Some men can actually deal with the problem themselves if you give them time. Someone needs to be literally dragged by force to a psychiatrist and stuffed with prescribed pills. And for some, nothing will help.
The only thing that can be advised in this situation is to understand the reasons that caused depression in your man. If they can be eliminated, tell him about it. And if he is really a man, then he will not miss the opportunity to fix everything. And in this case, you need to show sensitivity and understanding. And patience. But the important point is only in this case. If he himself is ready to do something and does it.
Source - pixabay
If a man lies defiantly on the couch, suffers and refuses all sound advice and attempts to help, this is his conscious choice. But from now on you are no longer on the path. Spending your life trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved is stupid and pointless. He himself chooses such a life and you are not at all obliged to accept it. And yes, there is nothing wrong with “abandoning a person during a difficult period for him.” Because it's not like that. Although in our society for some reason it is still believed that “a woman must bear her cross. So what if a man drinks and is useless - where would we be without a man on the farm?” Remnants of the past that need to be gotten rid of.
We also think it would be helpful for you to know what criteria indicate that your marriage is beyond saving. And yes, depression in a man can often lead to this too.
How to get your husband out of depression
In any, even very strong family, one of the spouses can be constantly negative and simply unhappy. Life with such a person becomes very difficult, the well-being of the family is at risk. The name of this diagnosis is depression.
According to renowned psychiatrist John Baer, head of the outpatient psychiatric department at BWH (Brigham and Women's Hospital, Boston), depressive disorders affect not only a person's behavior, but also his relationships with others. The severity of such disorders varies.
The mechanism of depression is as follows: biochemical processes in the brain change that affect thinking, mood, appetite, sleep and vitality in general. All these components have a direct impact on the family and relationships within it.
To correct the situation, John Baer advises not to blame or reproach your spouse, but to use some tips.
1. Try to understand that the enemy is not the spouse himself, but his illness, that is, depression. You can't let her ruin your relationship. Surround your significant other with care and support, let him feel that you are one team. This doesn’t require much: go for a walk together, discuss a possible visit to the doctor, or suggest that he take medication.
2. Do not aggravate the patient’s condition with reproaches, claims, and especially retaliatory aggression. Remember: he’s already feeling bad, in this state a person can even forget about his everyday and social responsibilities. It’s better to read about how to get a person out of depression in detail.
3. Depression is an illness and requires diagnosis and treatment. But the person suffering from it may not realize this. Try to convince him to go to the doctor, go to the appointment with him. This requires your responsibility and initiative. And besides, you can tell the doctor valuable information about your spouse, because you live together and know him well.
4. A person with depression is characterized by an inadequate assessment of what is happening. Therefore, in this state, he can make rash decisions, for example, about divorce. After all, it seems to your spouse that everything is bad, love has passed and the marriage is falling apart. Don’t judge him, but rather try to talk about what thoughts and feelings bother him. All important decisions must be postponed until recovery.
5. If you have children, then the negative influence will not bypass them either. After all, they feel when something is wrong, so deception is of no use here. You need to explain to the children that mom or dad is sick, and all that is required of them is a little more care.
6. Overcoming depression and recovering can be difficult. Here you need patience, and then sooner or later the result will come. In the most difficult moments there are crises and relapses - but this is all temporary. Every person has black and white streaks in life, and depression is just a disease that can and should be treated.
When one of the spouses is depressed, it is possible that the rest of the family, communicating with him constantly, began to experience severe stress themselves. In this case, they also need to contact a psychologist to receive the necessary help and support.
Svetlana,
Images taken from shutterstock.com
Relationship with husband. I'm driving myself into chronic depression
Hello Tatiana! Stop! Take a break! I got the feeling that you are in a hurry somewhere in order to get everything done quickly... With these rapidly changing plots, you can miss the most important thing - life itself! And get lost in it yourself... Start with what is, where you are. The point of change is always in the present, and for changes to begin, it is important to accept reality as it is!!! Let go of the situation... You don’t need to do anything with your husband - leave him alone, just like his things, phones, notebooks, etc.., don’t check him - this is of no use to you. He needs time to understand himself, so don’t disturb him... Better take care of yourself as a woman, it’s spring, take care of your appearance - cosmetologists, massage, fitness, bathhouse, etc. (I wouldn’t advise you now to be treated for “infertility, since by changing yourself in your relationship with your husband, your hormonal levels may also change - this is my subjective opinion, not scientifically proven, but in practice, yes!) As a housewife, if you like it - be her, cook, it is very useful for husbands to feed what they have prepared with their own hands - this greatly affects close relationships!!! Become detached and at the same time, if he needs you, be open to him, but in moderation! It’s like with a plant: the psychology of a man is like a plant. It needs to be watered, but it also needs air to breathe. If you are all in it, you lose yourself by flooding the plant. Excess moisture will kill the flower, excess attention will kill love. It is important for you to understand one simple truth - never insult male dignity - regarding men. As for women, never allow yourself to be humiliated and feel humiliated: neither by yourself nor by anyone else. What I mean? Even if he has someone, these are his problems, let him get lost in them, and you - you are self-sufficient and you have your own dignity, your own qualities - which you accept in yourself - that’s all!!! You are like this and there is no other like you! If you want to lose peace and health, start comparing yourself with others - this is utopia and meaninglessness, because imagine this metaphor: a birch tree will compare itself with an oak or a willow, or maybe with a rose or grass? Pointless! Accept yourself as you are and your surroundings! Start paying more attention to yourself and trusting yourself - hear your husband, and what actually stands behind his words, deeds and actions? What does he want to convey to you, only without resentment and anger - in fact? Of course, if negative feelings have accumulated, then it is better to work through them and free yourself, and a psychologist will help you with this during a face-to-face meeting... Start loving yourself, treating your husband with respect - find it in him, he is your soul mate! And start trusting life! And when you feel inner peace, then wonderful events will begin to happen in your life! And also, behave in such a way that there is no fear of doubting losing him, but a feeling of confidence and calmness in yourself, your own passion for something and at the same time, so that your home becomes reliable, calm and peaceful in your relationships... All the same to you good luck! Sincerely, Lyudmila K.
I want to cry, I drive myself into a trance state (1 answer)
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The guy fell into depression, does not leave the house and does not see me. What to do?
Question for a psychologist:
Hello! I'm 21 years old, my boyfriend is 24. We've been dating for about six months. It all started with the fact that I was the first to decide to meet him, we talked as friends for a long time, it was immediately obvious to me that he liked me, and then one day, when we got drunk in a bar, we confessed our feelings to each other. But there was a problem, after three days he left to live in another city in search of work. I lived with a friend, and we talked often and decided to try a long-distance relationship. It didn’t work out because we wanted to see each other all the time, and he came back a week later and we started dating normally. My plans also include moving to that city, but it’s not possible yet because of my studies, so we decided to leave together after graduating from my university. Everything was fine, he is a homebody by nature, it was winter, this suited me quite well, they often gathered at my place, because... he lives with his parents. My parents live outside the city, and my mother often likes to suddenly come to me, which terribly infuriated my boyfriend, but we got used to it. He worked the second shift, so he usually came to me at night and spent the night with me if I didn’t have to go somewhere early in the morning or my parents didn’t come. Relations developed wonderfully; if there were any disagreements, they were quickly resolved. I am not a particularly touchy person, I quickly move away and begin to look at the situation rationally. However, there was a small problem, which in principle I would not call serious. During the holidays I have always been smart with gifts; I love giving gifts. In return, I received nothing from him. Yes, he has had problems with finances lately, but he would like at least some sign of attention, and even if it was a pen, it would still be nice. And so basically everything was fine. But still, a rather serious problem arose in our relations. The guy had problems at work, because of which he occasionally abused alcohol. I worked for a month without any days off. But then some kind of embarrassment happened, which he did not mention to me, because he did not want to remember this incident and quit. After which he changed a lot: during virtual communication he began to answer dryly, sometimes with phrases that were very offensive to me. After talking with him, everything returned to normal for a short time. A week later it got even worse. Although communication with him has stabilized, he has been sitting at home all day long at the computer for a month now. To all offers to meet, he replies “I want to stay at home.” During an argument, he stated that he has periods when he doesn’t want anything, just sits at home and plays games on the computer all day long. We saw each other once this month and then we stood next to his house for an hour and a half on my initiative. When asked to break up, he says, “You don’t understand, it will pass.” When asked “when”, the answer is “I don’t know..”. I'm already freaking out because I can't stand it. What to do in this situation? I don’t want to lose him, but I won’t be able to bear this for long either.
Question author: Maria Age: 21
