The child squeals

There are children who cry for any reason. He tripped and fell - he immediately burst into tears, they didn’t buy a toy - he roared again, he wasn’t allowed to watch a cartoon - he sobs. There are children who shed tears for any reason, and parents are horrified to think that they are growing up a whiner, a whiner and a crybaby. But you can name a child differently, but the problem still won’t go away. Parents may be scared, upset, and regret that they have such a crybaby. But don’t give up, because many mothers and fathers face a similar problem.

Myths about little crybabies

Myth No. 1. Kids always shed tears over trifles.

For parents, a problem is something serious, and they don’t understand how you can cry over little things. For a small person, there are no trifles; for him, any trouble is equivalent to a disaster. Mom didn’t hug me when she left for work - grief. A favorite car breaks down is a reason for frustration. When you got ready to go for a walk, did it start to rain? It seems like a small thing to you, but the baby has a serious tragedy.

Parents need to realize that children do not cry over trifles, because for them there are no trifles.

Myth No. 2. Boys shouldn't cry because they are future men

How many generations of men are paying with their health for this incorrect and dangerous phrase, which their mothers and grandmothers repeatedly repeated to them! Psychologists never tire of repeating that there is no need to say such things to boys. A real man is not one who stubbornly holds back any emotions and does not show feelings in any way. If a boy cries, this in no way means that he will grow up to be an unworthy man.

Myth No. 3. You don't need to pay attention to a crying baby

Many parents believe that a screaming child should not be calmed down. If you ignore a screaming child, he will quickly calm down. In fact, under no circumstances should you leave a crying baby. The reason for the tears will not be found, the problem will remain, and the baby will decide that his parents will always abandon him in difficult times.

Ekaterina, hello!

It’s really not easy to deal with the heart-rending scream and squeal of a child, and even more so, not knowing how to stop it. At the biological level, the baby’s body is structured in such a way that his cry really goes beyond the frequencies we are accustomed to and knocks us out of ourselves. This was done by nature so that no adult could ignore a child’s cry - after all, this is the only way a baby can attract attention. And sometimes it becomes unbearable for an adult to constantly hear this...

However, from the point of view of your child growing up, what is happening now is absolutely normal. Moreover, your baby's squealing indicates that he is growing up, developing and he is absolutely healthy!

Let me explain. The fact is that gradually becoming more and more independent (the child begins to crawl and walk, coordination of movements becomes more and more clear...), the child begins to actively explore the world around him. This is inherent in the nature of his growing up: to explore everything around, to climb into places where he has not yet been, to take what has not yet been in his hands. The very attempts of a child to get everything in the world is a natural stage that every baby goes through. And for a parent it is one of the most difficult periods, because you have to constantly monitor the child without taking your eyes off!..

At the same time, when faced with a refusal or prohibition, a child (and this is also inherent in him by nature) fights for his desire and does it as best he can! But he knows how to shout, kick or cry - nothing more. And what mechanism the child chooses directly depends on the reaction of the parents. Children very subtly grasp the emotional mood of the parent and always choose exactly the way to achieve their goal that infuriates the parent as effectively as possible. So, for example, if what bothered you most was that a child was kicking you, he would kick you. If there were tears, I would cry. But the squeal catches you. That's why he squeals! Feeling that you are “losing your temper” (your emotion), the child immediately feels 2 important nuances: first, you are not indifferent to him, and it is important for any child to feel the parent’s concern; second - you may not resist and give up, which means that if you squeal, you can achieve your goal! Of course, all these are not conscious thoughts when the child is hatching a cunning plan... But somewhere at the level of feelings, the child feels how it is easier to achieve his goal and does it!..

That is why, in order to change a child’s behavior, the first thing you need to do is change your own reaction to his squeal! Only when he stops feeling that you are losing your temper from the squeal will he begin to look for another mechanism.

It is very important, Ekaterina, to learn to remain as calm as possible and at the same time firm when the child squeals. Don't swear, don't shout back, but don't try to compromise either. Just wait until your child calms down. It’s ideal to indicate what’s happening, for example, to say “yes, you really want something there and you’re screaming and angry at me, but you can’t!” and at the same time calmly wait until the child calms down. Be prepared for a struggle when the child has to be restrained. Or tears, when it may be necessary to hug him, hold him in your arms... The main thing is to remain calm internally. As soon as this reaction of yours becomes habitual for the child (that is, not the first time - this is important), he will begin to look for new mechanisms and the squealing will fade away.

Remember, Ekaterina, from the point of view of child behavior, his squealing is normal! This is his way of getting things done and it's great that he uses it. But it’s normal for you to withstand this and remain calm, so that the child does not create the illusion that with his squeal he can defeat you!..

Try, among other things, to track your own condition. Perhaps the child’s squealing is so unsettling because you are generally tired, tired... If so, then it is important for you to take care of yourself, find an opportunity to rest and make it a habit to take a break from your child regularly!

Believe me, it is unpleasant for your child to find himself in a situation where he squeals, and his mother (the most important thing in his life) gets angry and even spanks him. This means your task is to be as resourceful and strong as possible when you are with him, in order to remain calm and in balance. Think about how child care responsibilities are distributed in the family and whether anything needs to be changed so that you have more strength and energy for the child!

Good luck to you, Ekaterina! Please contact us if you have any questions or if you can’t handle the squealing issue on your own! Sometimes short-term work with your family helps to get rid of such problems much more effectively and quickly than independent attempts simply because some important nuance is overlooked...

How to stop a child from squealing? (2 answers)

Karamyan Karina Rubenovna, psychologist, psychotherapist, Moscow
Good answer5 Bad answer0

Why do babies cry?

If a child is upset for any reason, first of all, you need to rule out health problems. Visit a pediatric endocrinologist and be examined by a neurologist. If everything is fine with your health, you need to look further for the cause.

What could be the reasons for constant tears?

The child manipulates his parents . One day he realized that if he cried, mom and dad would fulfill his every whim, and now he actively takes advantage of this.
The baby feels physical or mental pain . It is important for parents to understand when tears are not a tool of manipulation, but a way to get rid of pain.
The little man lacks parental attention . When he cries, mom and dad will immediately surround him with attention and love. Perhaps the baby wants his parents to be close and spend more time together.
The child is highly sensitive . Parents must understand that this will not go away with age. A person will pass through negative and positive emotions, and tears are a natural reaction of the body. You should not be upset that you will grow up with a hypersensitive child, because such people, as a rule, are kind and know how to sympathize and worry.
A son or daughter suffers from low self-esteem . Kids can cry because they feel sorry for themselves, because nothing works out for them, and for their parents, because they got such a “worthless” child.
The atmosphere at home is constantly tense . If adults communicate in a raised tone, swear, shout at children, the kids have no choice but to throw out negative emotions through tears.
The child does not know how to communicate with other children . In the case when a child is unable to establish contact with children, they probably begin to tease him, call him names, and are not invited to play in the company. Naturally, the baby cries, because he feels offended.

What not to do?

Psychologists advise parents to strictly follow the recommendations if the child constantly cries. What can't you do?

Screaming, swearing, using physical force. “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll put you in a corner!”, “Shut up immediately, how long can you cry?”, “Now the police will take you away if you don’t calm down” - how often do we hear such phrases from parents when their children start crying. When we say this to a crying baby, we ourselves become aggressive manipulators. The baby will not stop crying, but will harbor a grudge against his parents, become withdrawn and stop trusting them.

Ignore children's tears. This behavior is similar to how toddlers hide under a chair and say they are in the house. The problem needs to be solved, and not pretended that nothing happened. Prohibit expressing emotions. Every person needs to get rid of negative emotions that can poison life if left deep inside. Someone runs, jumps, screams, and someone needs to cry.

Fulfill all the demands that the child makes in an attempt to manipulate with the help of tears.

How to help a crybaby?

Psychologists say that children never cry over trifles. This means that parents should not ignore children's tears. Adults require understanding, support and help.

From childhood, teach your son (daughter) to express your emotions in words. "What are you feeling now? Are you happy about the good weather?”, “I know that you are upset because they didn’t buy you a new toy” - talk to your child, name the emotions that he feels, tell yourself what you feel at the moment.
When your baby starts crying, pull yourself together and try to remain calm. This is difficult, because the baby is throwing a tantrum, and you probably want to join in and cry together. But this behavior of the mother will only worsen the situation. In a calm environment, the baby will calm down faster and tell you what happened to him.
When your son or daughter starts crying, try turning your attention to something interesting. “Let’s play with the new construction set, look how many interesting things you can assemble from the parts!” – children quickly switch to an interesting activity and stop crying.
Praise your child for his emotionality, often tell him how kind and sensitive he is.
Be there when the baby feels bad, and rejoice when he feels good. The child should know that loved ones will always help and support, no matter what.
You can come up with a reward system if the day passed without hysterics and tears. It doesn't have to be a new toy. For example, you can have a picnic on the balcony or collect stickers on the honor board.
Reconsider your behavior. Perhaps children's tears are a reason to think that you are doing something wrong.

Baby crying can cause irritation, anger, and aggression in parents.
But kids expect support and help from adults, so moms and dads need to understand the reasons for children's tears and do everything possible to help the baby. leave a comment

Age-related hysterics and rejection of the word “no”

Excellent article... Now on to the topic... I advise everyone to read it.

Article: “Managing a child’s anger” Author: Madelena Sanchuk-Rosenblum Source: “Happy Parents” magazine November 2004 Who among us has not witnessed, and often participated in, a scene when a child, in response to the word “no,” bursts into violent hysterics? The spectacle, frankly speaking, is not a pleasant one. Sooner or later, the vast majority of parents face this problem. It is better to learn from a specialist how to competently resist the onslaughts of a little tyrant and teach him to respond adequately to the word “no”. Here is a chapter from a book being prepared for publication by psychotherapist and family psychology consultant Madeleine Sanchuk-Rosenblum. Nina, the mother of 2-year-old Igor, greeted me with a stream of complaints. Instead of an introduction, she demanded an immediate expert opinion about her son’s seizures, insisted that I immediately diagnose the baby and immediately prescribe a magic medicine. “At first this happened only at home, but now it also happened on the street, in a store, in a park. As soon as I say “no” or “you can’t”, Igorek throws a terrible tantrum: he falls on the floor, knocks his feet, screams, hits his head on the walls, on the floor, on the asphalt! If only you could see how scary it is! Igor is suffering terribly! What kind of seizures are these? Cramps? Or epilepsy? When I asked how she behaved during these “attacks,” Nina shared the entire arsenal of means that she used. We must give her credit - Nina turned out to be an active and persistent mother. At first she demanded that the hysterics stop. When this did not help, she began to raise her voice and shame Igor. She spanked me a couple of times. There was no effect, the child’s condition worsened. She took him in her arms, caressed him, consoled him - the deterioration only progressed. The tantrums became more and more prolonged and frightening. The husband began to reproach Nina for causing the child to have seizures. Life has become hell. True, the parents learned to prevent conflicts, helpfully guessing all the whims of Igor. “At home, no matter what, we manage to smooth out the situation, but on the street or in a store he is simply uncontrollable.” I assured Nina that the scandals that her son throws are a normal stage of growth. The baby cries and we give him food. A preverbal baby (that is, a baby who has not yet begun to speak) also expresses his needs by crying. The older a child gets, the richer his emotional world, the more interest he has in his surroundings. His needs are growing by leaps and bounds. How to express desires that seem urgent to him, and the fulfillment of which is of paramount importance? His experience suggests that you need to use a proven weapon - a cry, and you need to demand very firmly, cry very bitterly, scream for a very long time - and this will certainly bring the desired results. Imagine: if you loudly argue with your boss for twenty minutes, then he will probably raise your salary from two dollars an hour to a hundred for the same hour of work. Most likely, you will take advantage of this unique opportunity. How is your child different from you? He’s great, he’s learned to survive in the world of adults and manipulate them. The first task is to instill in the child the concept of “delayed gratification” from infancy. A hungry child cannot wait - he screams from hunger. Comment on your preparations for the meal, and help your baby understand from the first months of life that this takes some time. “Now, my dear. You need to wait. Mom is already carrying a bottle.” No one is encouraging you to deliberately prolong the wait for a hungry child! Any mother is attentive to the needs of the baby, but it is necessary to teach him to wait. Cartoon? Definitely. But not now. Now it’s time to sleep, and after a nap we’ll look at Cheburashka. Walk? Of course, we'll go, but later, after afternoon tea. If your child insists on watching a cartoon right this very second, I recommend calmly repeating that now is not the time for this (“I see that this is very important to you, but now we can’t watch the cartoon, he’s also gone to bed. Get up and then we’ll see.” ) - and close the topic. Don't try to reason. A small child does not perceive long notations. If he continues to get nervous or scream, try to switch his attention to something pleasant or interesting: “Who’s there outside the window? Dog. Where is the dog going? The dog goes to bed. Igorek also goes to bed. Goodbye, doggy." With these words, take Igor in your arms and carry him to the bed. Offer to tell him a story or sing a song. But if he falls to the floor and starts screaming, you should only briefly sympathize: “I see that you are upset. I'm sorry. As soon as you calm down, mom will put you to bed.” And leave the stage. Children's hysteria will stop as soon as the child understands that there are no sympathetic and empathetic accomplices in his drama within reach. At first, he will use all types of weapons: a pitiful moan, loud crying, hysterical scream. He will experiment with the power of sound, the duration of the scene, the intensity... He draws strength and energy to continue hysterics from any manifestation of your concern about her: an anxious look, an attempt to calm him down, a shout or even a slap. Any response you give is fuel to continue the scene. Don't call tantrums "fits." There is nothing rare or dangerous about his behavior. I don't argue that your child is unique and special, but most of his tricks and antics are commonplace. And if so, then you should not be dramatic. When a child tortures you with heart-rending screams, time passes slowly. Write down the date and time the hysteria started and go about your business. Wash the dishes, read, read your favorite poems - anything that will help you calm down... Don't forget to note the end of the hysteria. Don't push your child away if he comes for comfort. Praise him for trying to calm down. Most likely, he will cling to you with gratitude, and his sobs will mean a readiness for reconciliation. Don't go back to the scene he made - divert his attention. If it was before bed, put him in his crib. Feed if it was before eating. Play if the schedule says he's full and needs to stay awake. Under no circumstances try to stop the hysteria by giving in to his screams. You both lose! The child, having received what he wants, experiences mixed feelings. The first is the rejoicing of the winner: he defeated the giant! The other is confusion: he defeated the giant, he is the most omnipotent. Then who will protect him if there is no one stronger than him? The third, main conclusion is that if you shout even longer and even louder, then he will certainly force the elders to follow his lead. Every time your child throws a tantrum, do the same as the first time. Respond with a sympathetic phrase: “I see that you are offended. Once you calm down, we'll talk." Leave the theater of operations. Again, write down the date, start time, and end time of the episode. Don't be alarmed if hysterics become more frequent in the first days. It’s just that the child has not yet understood that you decided to change your parenting methods and refused to play along with him in his performance. He will become better prepared for the attack, using more and more dramatic effects. Treat his attempts with respect - mentally note new moves, appreciate ingenuity. But do not show him your insight and do not comment out loud on his grimaces, gestures or actions. Don't laugh at a child's misfortune. His trouble seems like sheer nonsense to you, but his grief is sincere. Children do not tolerate ridicule well - they become angry, embarrassed, and lost. If you laugh at them for every reason, they will stop believing in themselves and become embittered. Do not imitate your child, especially when he is upset. This will cause impotent rage, a feeling of helplessness and undermine his self-respect. Don't yell at him, thereby you acknowledge the correctness of his method. Whoever shouts louder is right. Your task is to teach him to cope with rage, anger and irritation without losing his dignity. Do not pay off an offended child. A piece of candy or a toy will not replace genuine sympathy, but will teach you how to benefit from pain and resentment. Children will begin to speculate on their sorrows and feign pain. Don't argue in front of your baby. “It was you who drove him into hysterics with your prohibitions!” The child should know that he will not be able to sow discord between adults - this will make it easier and calmer for him to grow, and it will be more pleasant and easier for you to cope with the inevitable problems of growth. If a child has learned to throw tantrums, don’t even try to find out where he acquired bad manners and whose fault it is. It’s just that your child is in that phase of growth when his negative feelings have not yet found a way out in appropriate words and other social signs. All family members will have to sit down at one large negotiating table and sign a contract. Everyone undertakes to follow simple rules: express sympathy for the distress experienced, promise friendship as soon as the child calms down, and steadfastly ignore the hysteria. If you are unable to watch your child banging his head and legs on the floor, calmly approach him, lay down a blanket and move away. Confusion, anxiety, grief, anger, irritation, impatience - all the feelings seething in your chest should be safely hidden from the child. Pull yourself together, calm down and mind your own business. The main task of a mother is to find allies in everyone who shares childcare responsibilities with her. Every single one of them must adhere to the same simple rules and principles. Even if there are “enemies” in your camp who do not agree with your views, all is not lost. It will be much more difficult if the baby behaves like a chameleon (And he is right! A healthy child must be flexible and quickly adapt to circumstances!) - being a good boy in the presence of someone who adheres to strict rules, and a fiend in the presence of those from whom he is from learned to twist ropes. If you all managed to agree and put the plan into action, your notes (be sure to continue to keep them together!) will show that in a few days the “seizure” curve will creep down. They will become less frequent, shorter, much less intense. But if you give up even once, you will have to start all over again. If you follow simple rules, most likely, the hysterics will stop in two to three months. You will forget about them. The child will also forget. And if he remembers, you already know how to deal with it. CHILDREN'S ANGER MANAGEMENT PLAN: 5 STEPS “Always forgive your enemies. There is nothing more annoying for them." — Oscar Wilde. Anger management is the biggest emotional problem that most children face. Children who learn to manage their anger have an advantage in overcoming fears and other emotions. Currently, our society is not aware of how to manage anger. In fact, anger does not find expression because we do not see it used at home, in school or in society. “Cultural people never get angry” seems to be the conventional wisdom, so we tend to encourage children to hold in their anger rather than let it out. There are four ways we deal with anger management, and only the fourth on this list can be considered painless. They are as follows: 1. Silence the anger – bury the anger deep and it will simply calm down! This method is not applicable to many children because the anger is contained and does not dissipate. 2. Physically calm the anger – Some children express anger physically so that a friend, sibling or parent literally feels their anger. 3. Express your anger with words – verbal abuse is usually painful and backfires on the angry person. 4. Deal with anger – Anger can be expressed in ways that are painless for all people, including yourself. The following five steps can form the basis of an anger management plan for children and teens: 1. Acknowledge it: The first step is to help children acknowledge that they are becoming angry. What are the physical signs? What are they thinking? We are all different, but tension, heavy breathing and clenched teeth are common reactions. 2. Give anger a name: Develop vocabulary with your child about the concept of anger. For example, definitions such as “mad as a snake”, “starts up half a turn”, etc. Children can probably name more! Naming your emotions is the first step to recognizing your anger. 3. An alternative to anger: Help children recognize that they have a choice to remain calm or fly off the handle when they become angry. 4. Talk about anger: Encourage expression of feelings through conversation, which is painless. Swearing at someone when they are angry is not a right action. Using "I" statements is one way to let others know how you feel. “I really get mad when you say nasty things to me. I feel like…” is one way to be heard and release anger. 5. Release Anger: Help children find legitimate, physical outlets for their anger. They might run, hit a pillow, or play a physically demanding game to let off steam. They may even express their anger in writing, through an activity or a rewarding activity. The principle for managing anger in healthy ways should be: “There is nothing worse than what we cannot talk about. However, there are behaviors that we do not engage in when we are angry.”