Every day we influence the feelings, thoughts, emotions, and behavior of others. This psychological influence occurs unintentionally, so no one is immune from external influence. It often happens that the interlocutor tries consciously, using psychological means, to force us to think and act against our will. Experts call such people initiators of influence. But the object of influence (addressee) also has the right to give a response to manipulations of this kind.
Let's analyze the problem. When should you ignore people?
Learning to ignore people who evoke only negative emotions is quite easy. However, there is no need to rush. Think about whether you will regret your decision, because there may not be a chance to take back your words. Reflect on the purpose of ignoring, be honest with yourself. Maybe you just want to attract the attention of certain people?
If you become the object of ridicule, try to react to them differently. Resist your embarrassment or anger and act as if the remark did not apply to you. There is another way: to calmly agree with all his barbs. In any case, don't show that you're hurt. The offender will probably stop and you won't have to ignore him.
Keep in mind: you need to ignore only when you want to completely free yourself from unpleasant people, as if you had never met.
Why does the ignoring method work?
The first thing to note is that if the ignoring option was not effective, then it would not be used in practice. Each person is, first of all, an individual who needs attention from the environment in order to be part of a common whole. Only in this case does the individual feel complete comfort.
Ignoring can be used in love relationships. This method means attracting attention. However, despite its effectiveness, you should not play too much with this method. The main rule is that you don’t need to overdo it, otherwise your partner will develop negative emotions. Relationships can become malicious, and every phrase spoken afterwards will contain resentment and aggression.
What to do if annoying acquaintances demand attention?
So, you've weighed everything carefully and are still confident that ignoring is your option. If people you don’t want to communicate with know you superficially, then
- Look into their eyes as little as possible; when you do, don’t smile.
- keep your distance from these people; when passing by, don’t linger.
- do something else. If you read a book or listen to music while wearing headphones, you are less likely to be disturbed than if your face looks bored and your eyes look one way or the other.
- take the necessary action on social media.
If you don't like one of your employees, limit yourself to discussing business issues.
How to learn to ignore friends?
It may also happen that you want to ignore old friends. In this case, we advise you to talk confidentially. Maybe they found themselves in a difficult situation? It is likely that you will understand each other, and the relationship will become the same.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. If you find yourself in the middle of a real conflict, which has the only way out - ignoring, directly tell your former friends about it.
Remember: you must be straightforward but polite. Do not be ironic, be serious, so that your words are not taken as ridicule or a childish whim.
There is no need to expect that your former friends will immediately agree with you and you will part ways peacefully. You will probably need a lot of patience to completely eliminate these people from your life. Don't answer their calls or messages. Do they write offensive things to you? Don't give in. Otherwise, you will not get rid of tension, but will increase it. If this doesn't work, say you will complain to the appropriate authorities. Let people who are unpleasant to you understand that you are determined.
Try to discuss the situation only with loved ones. By attracting strangers, you risk becoming the center of an entire epic. Answer questions concisely, and gradually they will disappear.
Ignoring people is an extreme measure. Let it be expressed not only by words, but also by actions, therefore:
- Avoid potential meeting places (for example, a bus stop where you have often seen each other before, or a favorite cafe). If you do collide, limit yourself to nodding your head. Stop and ask “How are you?” will be redundant. We also do not recommend turning away if you have already been seen. Behave calmly and respectably.
- Ask mutual friends not to invite you to the same events (except for a large event like a graduation or wedding, when you don't have to talk to every one of three hundred people).
- think about what else unites you, and protect yourself as much as possible from unnecessary communication.
Keep in mind that it is equally important to expel people who are unpleasant to you from your own head. This is not easy if they previously played a significant role in your life. In order not to be distracted by memories, keep yourself busy, not with routine, but with something interesting. Buy a book of poems that you’ve been wanting to read for a long time, try cooking a new dish, go to the zoo. New impressions will not take long to arrive!
It has been observed that cleansing the mind, sometimes in a surprising way, transforms an unpleasant situation or removes a person from your life, or relationships improve naturally.
Ignoring and unrequited love.
The sphere of personal relationships is special. Unfortunately, ignoring a person who aroused considerable hopes (and, as it turned out, in vain) is more difficult than deleting someone from your list of VKontakte friends. Therefore, the techniques listed below may only be partially effective. Time will help with the rest.
- Don’t blame yourself for falling in love with the “wrong” person.
- tune in to distance: reduce the number of meetings, calls, messages. When going to the theater, cinema or on a holiday, offer company to other people.
- don't run away from new acquaintances. Just don't forget about sincerity! It’s not worth entering into a relationship specifically to get the past out of your head, or dating “out of spite” for an unsuccessful past. Focus only on whether the new person is interesting to you or not.
The situation is easier if the object of your feelings is from unfamiliar people, with whom you have never spoken and only said hello twice. Avoid possible meetings and as soon as you notice that you are mentally returning to him, distract yourself (see the last paragraph of the 3rd point).
How to learn to ignore a person if the opposite situation arises (you yourself have become the object of the experience)?
- do not accept gifts, whatever their price.
- actively communicate with other representatives of a different gender. You can just pretend, the main thing is that the person you don’t like sees it. His confidence will immediately decrease.
- be constant in failure. A person must understand that your dry answers are not at all coquetry and not a sign of a bad mood.
Types and forms of influence
They influence others, the world and themselves - everyone and always, although in different ways and in different forms. The influence can be rational and not, open and hidden, conscious and not, intentional and accidental, legitimate and beyond the scope of civilized relations….
Influence has types and forms. By type, they distinguish between influence (impact) on the external and internal, personal and social, intentional and accidental, lawful and uncivilized. Read more about the most important and basic types of influence...
Impact on a person's inner life
How you can influence the body and the external environment of a person is well known. The man was pushed and fell. Or - a person’s wallet was stolen; without money, his capabilities decreased. Or - the person had a conflict, he was fired, the conflicts stopped. First of all, these are physical and social (situational or administrative) impacts, and they cannot be underestimated.
However, psychologists are much more interested in studying the impact on a person’s inner life, the impact on a person’s mind or feelings, or appealing to his consciousness or unconsciousness. Calling this a psychological influence is also not entirely correct, since the psychological channel is only one of the ways to influence the internal, there are many levels and types of influence. The influence on the inner life goes through different channels, namely, appealing to his spirit or his mind, influencing his feelings or even his bodily state... The path to a man’s heart goes through his stomach - this is largely true, since our inner life and physical state are very connected. A person can effectively influence his inner life using a wide variety of external opportunities - using external memory, external attention and even external motivations.
Internal and external mutually influence each other: not only does the external influence the internal, but also the internal influences the external. Fostering loyalty and patriotism gives real social results: even if there is no money and nothing to eat, even if the journey is difficult and dangerous, but if people know that they need to save their Motherland, they gain strength.
Social influence
Social influence - the influence of society on the behavior of specific people; this is an influence, direction and method of which is determined by the social automatisms of response built into us, by the people around us, and by society as a whole. For example, this may be administrative influence, or influence aimed at creating an image of oneself, other people, social groups and social phenomena. The mechanisms of social influence are universal and effective, and they cannot be replaced by anything in management activities. What influences the persuasiveness of a message? What makes us believe and agree, motivates us to feel and act? There are six main mechanisms (methods) of social influence: mutual exchange, commitment and consistency, social proof, favor, authority and scarcity.
Social influence is contrasted with personal, individual influence, the direction and method of which is determined by the person himself, his individual characteristics and inclinations.
Unconscious influence
The influence can be intentional, in this case it is usually conscious, and unconscious, most often the influence is accidental. The less educated people are and the more they live lives of little awareness, the more they influence each other without noticing it. The very presence of a certain person often leads to the fact that other people begin to be affected by his charm, his ability to unconsciously infect others with his condition or encourage them to imitate. Often people condemn certain forms of influence (accusations and manipulation, suggestion and training) only because they do not notice how they themselves use them everywhere.
Civilized Impact
Civilized people also influence each other, but they do it consciously, mainly turning to reason (rather than feelings and the unconscious) and in accordance with worked out agreements (and not just “really wanted to”). If there are no clear agreements, the legality of impacts is determined by moral principles and the rule of territories, according to which everything is divided into areas: yours, mine and ours. On my territory, I am the master, I determine everything, and without my permission you cannot influence me. On your territory, you are the master, you can do whatever you want there, but I can only do what I was allowed to do. On a common territory we need to come to an agreement.
Civilized people make sure that the interaction between them is more conscious, creative and effective.
Forms and styles of influence
According to form and style, they usually distinguish between direct and non-direct influence (indirect), open and hidden, aimed at the mind or feelings, kind influence and forceful influence, linear and field influence.
The style when one person is inclined to discuss controversial issues by stating and arguing his position is the Negotiator style. Influencing feelings gently and kindly, through motivation and interest, is Dushka’s style. Forceful influence, the style of the Silovik, is an influence on feelings through coercion and coercion. At the same time, a common feature of these styles of influence is that these influences are direct and immediate. When influence is not made directly, but indirectly or indirectly, through someone or through something, the synthonic approach speaks of the Tactics style.
In open influence, it is obvious who influences, how they influence and why. An example of open targeted communicative influence is an appeal. If in circulation the fact of influence is noticeable, then in hidden influence something is hidden: either the author of the influence is not visible, or how he does it, or it is difficult to decipher why. Most hidden influences are in the nature of manipulation, and the attitude towards them is very ambiguous. Hidden influence is an indicator of sometime stupidity, sometime cunning, sometime skill...
Sometimes a distinction is made between linear and field influence. The bullet has a linear effect. Gas in a chemical attack is a field effect. Phenomenological psychologists, following Kur Levin, often talk about the psychological field; more scientifically oriented specialists sometimes mention motor fields.
