How to overcome fear of school?

There are two levers that can move people: fear and self-interest. Napoleon Bonaparte

Many parents experience fear of school before sending their child to first grade. Often this fear is passed on to children. Why do you think?

My niece is twenty-one years old, but she still talks about how she was afraid of school, afraid of teachers, up until the eleventh grade. Therefore, I often skipped classes, overslept, got sick and simply did not want to go to school. The girl began to suffer from “school phobia.” She often complained about pain in her stomach, made up headaches, pain in her stomach, leg or arm…. And these were not whims, but fear of facing the school and teachers.

Consequences of fear: a smart girl became a student with average academic performance, motivation and interest in learning were absent and are still absent. And it all started with a seemingly innocent conversation between her parents about school, which she overheard at the age of 7. The girl did not go to kindergarten. I did not attend additional classes in kindergarten or other preschool institutions. The fear appeared even before going to school. The school became an object of threat even in preschool age.

By definition (from General Psychology), fear is “an emotion that arises in situations of threat to the biological or social existence of an individual, directed towards a source of real or imagined danger.”

What to do? How to get rid of fear and constraint?

As a rule, children who attended children's educational centers and kindergartens never experience fear of school. Usually such guys are self-confident, always active, and inquisitive. They independently cope with learning difficulties, find a way out of certain situations, know how to make friends and can easily establish relationships with classmates.

Therefore it is important:

1. From an early age, attend preschool institutions with children. By learning and developing in a team, the child learns to be without his parents for some time. Then school will not scare him so much, and the adaptation period will be painless for the child.

2. Tell your child only good things about school, share memories. Go on a field trip to school.

3. There are several exercises that help relieve the stiffness and fear that arises when you find yourself in an unfamiliar environment, an unexpected situation, or a confined space. These exercises are a prevention of shyness, shyness and uncertainty.

A) Drawing fear and turning it into dust.

Talk to your child, find out his fears, find out what he is afraid of. Give him finger paints and let him draw what scares him. Don’t leave your child alone during the drawing process, fantasize together, help him! Play out the process of fear disappearing. Let the child take scissors and begin to cut his fears that he has drawn into small pieces. Cheer your child by showing that a big fear on a piece of paper has turned into small pieces of paper, into garbage, into dust! Offer your child the following exercise: fold small pieces of paper into the same large drawing! It turns out that this is impossible to do...

The third stage of getting rid of fear. Place the small pieces in an envelope, seal it, and throw it in the trash chute or take it to the trash. You can even watch the process of how a cleaning machine removes garbage in order to burn it.

If you feel that fear is still present, repeat the exercise again and again until the child himself tells you that there is no more fear.

B) Drawing fear and magical transformation!

Let the child draw his fear. Think together about how to change it. How to make him cheerful, kind, caring, affectionate? Give bright colors, maybe plasticine. Draw a rainbow, colorful rain, bright sun!

B) Flight of fear.

Children love balloons very much. Let your child draw his fear, twist the drawing into a tube and put it in a balloon. Inflate it and release it outside in the sky. The fear has flown away! It doesn't exist anymore!

3. Children need parental help before school more than ever. Be sure to tell us what your daily routine is. Learn to use an alarm clock. Buy a children's alarm clock together with your child and play with the situation. Make it a rule to turn on music for charging when your alarm clock rings. Try to create a summer routine together before school and stick to it. You, parents, will be an example for your child!

4. Buy your child a school desk before school. Let the child feel like an adult and already draw, make crafts, and read at his desk!

5. Once the director of the school where I worked shared with teachers and parents the rules of the famous teacher S. Soloveichik. These rules helped many parents prepare their children for proper communication with peers. I used them too, teaching them to my children.

Don’t take someone else’s, but don’t give away yours either.
They asked - give it, they try to take it away - try to defend yourself.
Don't fight without a reason.
If they call you to play, go, if they don’t call you, ask permission to play together, it’s not shameful.
Play honestly, don't let your comrades down.
Don't tease anyone or beg for anything from your classmates. Don't ask anyone for anything twice.
Don't be upset or cry about your grades. Never argue with your teacher about grades or be offended by him. Try to do everything on time and think about good results, you will definitely have them.
Don't snitch or slander anyone.
Try to be careful.
Say more often: “Let’s be friends,” “Let’s play,” “Let’s go home together.”
Always remember: you are not the best, but you are not the worst either! You are unique to yourself, parents, teachers, friends!

Print and post these rules somewhere in a visible place in the apartment or in the child's room. Be sure to pay attention to them at least once a week. Agree with your child on a time when you will discuss which rules the child followed and which rules he failed to follow. Identify the reason for non-compliance. The rules can be supplemented with your own points that are important to you.

What is fear?

Fear
is an emotion that arises in situations of threat to the biological or social existence of an individual and is aimed at the source of real or imagined danger.

There are three types of fears. The classification is based on the subject of fear, the characteristics of its course, duration, strength and causes of occurrence.

Obsessive fears

the child experiences in certain, specific situations, he is afraid of the circumstances that may entail them. Such fears include, for example, fear of heights, closed and open spaces, etc.

Overvalued fears

- the most common type. They are associated with fixed ideas and caused by the child’s own imagination. In 90% of cases, practicing psychologists encounter precisely them. At first, these fears correspond to some life situation, and then they become so significant that the child cannot think about anything else.

Delusional fears

- the most severe form, the cause of their appearance cannot be found.
For example, why is a child afraid to play with some toy or does not want to put on some clothes. Their presence often indicates serious deviations in the baby’s psyche. Z. Freud identifies two sources of causes of fears:

automatic (in situations of danger);
produced - events that contribute to failure.

E. Fromm talks about four situations that cause fear and anxiety:

imitation;
injury;
punishment system;
guilt.

In Russian psychology (Danilova, Garbuzov, Krishakova), the causes of children’s fears and anxiety are considered to be the following:

hypersocialized (over-oriented towards others);
non-acceptance of the child by the mother;
anxious - suspicious upbringing;
egocentric (child is a star).

How does work to correct fears happen?

The first stage
is when the psychologist accepts applications from parents or educators to diagnose the child’s fears.
The second stage
- the psychologist works with children and their parents based on appropriate techniques.
The third stage
is a discussion of the child’s diagnostic results with the teacher and parents.
Here we outline ways to work together to solve the identified problems. The fourth stage
is conducting corrective classes with the child.
The fifth stage
is a re-diagnosis of the child’s fears, the results of which are also discussed with the teacher and parents.

MAC - technique “What is he afraid of?”

Target:

diagnosis and correction of fears.
Materials:
any deck of cards to choose from “Monsters of Feelings”, “From the Chest of the Past”, “Personita”, “Saga”, etc. plus the “ECKO” deck, paper, pencils.

Children really like this technique. Bright metaphorical pictures help to very carefully look deep into the child’s subconscious. This is a very simple and very effective technique. You introduce the child to the pictures and offer to listen to the fairy tale and complete it with illustrations from the cards.

It could be a fairy tale about a boy or a girl, or about some creature who lives in a world very similar to ours. You come up with a name for the character and choose a card that will characterize this hero. You can discuss each picture with your child. Further, for example, every morning the hero went to kindergarten or school, and you ask the child to tell who he went there with. The child can choose someone so that our hero does not feel lonely. The child can choose two or three pictures. It is important to say what kind of hero he is, what he is like, and so on.

Then the child tells whether this hero liked going to kindergarten or school. Looking at the picture, he seems to be talking about someone else, but in fact he is talking about himself.

We then move on to selecting the heroes who were waiting for him at home. We do this so that the child feels protected. And this is where the conversation about fear comes in: you need to choose a fear card. We use the "ECCO" deck. There can be several pictures.

Correction options:

Pity the fear. Absolutely everyone is afraid of something, and fear too (this is accepting oneself in fear, relieving feelings of guilt).
Make fun of fear. Fear is afraid when people laugh at it. Drawing is possible here. The hero becomes a wizard himself, or finds a magical object in order to turn fear into something funny. You can choose a magic item card. You can come up with a spell.
Finding allies (defenders) in the fight against fear. This option can be combined with others. It is proposed to look at those characters who lie from the beginning of the fairy tale.

MAK - technique “Working with fear”

Target:

diagnosis and correction of fears.
Materials:
deck of cards “Persona”, “Personita”, paper, pencils.

The work begins with a conversation about fear: what the child is afraid of, when and in what situations. Next, you invite the child to choose a card that depicts an emotion experienced by the child. Then we work with a description of this character and what he is afraid of. We come up with a name for him, hobbies, friends, and so on. After this, you ask the child to draw his fear. The child himself chooses what drawing tools he will use. Then we talk about what he depicted and what he feels now, as well as what the hero on the card feels. Next, imagine what the hero would say when looking at the child’s drawing. The child can add new details and turn the image of fear into a cheerful and funny one. It is enough if the child draws at least something. We talk with the child about his feelings. We ask questions: what would your hero say? How does he feel? Is he still scared?

MAC - “I conquer my fear” technique (schoolchildren)

Target:

get rid of the fear of the subject.
Materials:
MAK “Emotions of Destiny”, “Resources”, “Healing the Inner Child”, sheets of paper, colored pencils, watercolors, felt-tip pens, checkered paper, colored pens.

We suggest choosing a card that characterizes fear of an object. If, for example, a child looks and says: “I don’t see anything here,” then we invite him to draw his fear. Next we talk about this fear. We invite the child to choose from the deck an image that characterizes the cause of fear. Now we ask you to choose images of emotions that the student would like to replace his fear with.

We talk about each picture. Then you and I lay out the fear on the left, and on the right we lay out the pictures that the child chose. Next, we use the deck of resources and select those resources that will help him overcome his fear. At the end of the work, you can think with your child what can be done to get rid of fear. You create a cheat sheet on how to turn a negative emotion into a positive one.

Getting ready for school. 5-7 years. A manual for future first-graders

The manual is intended for classes with children before they enter school. All tasks are aimed at preventing or significantly mitigating the difficulties that first-graders may have when learning to read, write and mathematics.

Buy

Art therapy

Goals:

research and “processing” of emotions and feelings, including suppressed ones;
psychoprophylaxis of negative emotional experiences and their manifestations; emotional switching;
harmonization of the emotional state as a potential for overcoming destructive personality changes and personal growth.

Materials:
sheets of white paper of different formats, simple pencils, watercolor and gouache, bowls of water.

Art therapeutic technique “Emotions and feelings”

Think about some situation that evokes a whole bunch of feelings and emotions in you.
Using a simple pencil, using lines on a sheet of paper of any format, outline the contours of an image that reflects your state at the moment.
Now crumple up a sheet of paper with the outlines of the drawing and lower it into the water. Don’t pull it out right away, give the child time to just be in the process, in a state of “here and now.”
Take the sheet out of the water, straighten it, and only now add colors, color the drawing, slowly. It's important to be in the process here. Just trust the brush. Observe your sensations, feelings, observe yourself, feel yourself.

Children are afraid when they have been taught to do so, when such behavior has become a habit. But at the same time, in the mode of free or permissive education, they themselves choose what to fear, and the list of their fears can be very large, arbitrary and convenient for them personally. Well-bred children are afraid only of what their parents are afraid of, and they treat other things without fear, but as they should - with attention, caution and interest. A well-mannered child cannot be a coward: he is smart and reasonably cautious, at the same time decisive and courageous.

What else should I read?

A set of physical exercises for preschoolers

Should I give my child a rest or continue studying? Balance for a great summer

How to strengthen a child's immunity? Useful tips

15 interesting facts from the life of Viktor Dragunsky

Separation from parents.

This fear most often affects children who are overprotected by their parents and grandparents.

What do we have to do?

Be sure to attend kindergarten and additional education centers before school. Tell them what school is, that you also went there, that it is interesting, you can learn a lot of new things there and have many friends.

What not to do?

Never leave a classroom or building without being noticed. Always leave openly, explaining that you will return.

The child is ready for school. Not ripe.

If a child is not psychologically ready for school, even if he can read and count, he will be afraid to go to school. If a child knows how to behave in a group, knows how to cope with emotions and desires, and does what adults tell him, he is ready. Otherwise, you need to prepare to avoid fears.

What do we have to do?

Maturity must be developed from the age of 3. Have conversations, read books, play intellectual games, expand your child’s horizons, train attention, memory, and develop logical thinking. And be sure to walk on the sports fields, in the yard - where there are a lot of children; visit theaters and parks. Be sure to visit additional education centers, participate in competitions, enroll in a drama club, choreography, music, and creative studio. Before school, take courses for future first-graders.

What not to do.

Don’t expect that your child will learn everything at school on his own and cope with the adaptation period on his own. “The teacher is tasked with teaching and educating, adaptation is the problem of the school...” This is an erroneous judgment. Only with your help will the teacher be able to help the child.

What to do if a child is afraid to go to school? Younger schoolchildren who are afraid to go to class are persuaded by their parents to stop being cowardly, scolded, or even taken to school by force. These measures can trigger a physiological stress response, but these symptoms only appear during school days. The child is afraid of school as such. Typically, such a phobia occurs in future first-graders. The baby begins a new life surrounded by new people. Everything is unfamiliar to him, the road to school is unusual, the rules of conduct during classes are unknown. Prevention can save you from such fear: introduce your child to school before he goes there. If the child does not have older brothers and sisters, then invite friends with children who are already in elementary school to visit. Let them talk about lessons, teachers, communication with classmates. Tell your child about your own memories: the child will be calmer if he knows that you once also experienced something similar. The child is afraid of classmates Children who did not attend kindergarten are likely to experience problems with communication. They will be afraid of meeting their classmates, fearing that it will only bring discomfort. How to recognize in time a child’s fear of communicating with classmates? Invite your child to play at school: if conflicts arise among the toys that will temporarily become “students,” this is a demonstration of the child’s phobia in front of their peers. If you experienced the same problems with communication as a child, do not be lazy - study special literature to understand what measures to take to correct your child’s behavior. If a child is in his second or third year of study, but his fears are still real, this is a signal indicating that the child is really being bullied by his classmates. Take action: go to the cinema with your child, go on hikes, organize holidays and children's parties. In elementary school, it is easier to adjust the attitude of peers towards a child than in middle school. The child is afraid of the teacher It is better to introduce the child to the first teacher in advance. If her behavior worries you, it’s worth conducting reconnaissance in force: try to conduct research and find out what other parents think about this teacher. If your fears are confirmed, it is better to move to another class, or even change schools. However, children do not always learn well from good teachers either. This is due to the fact that some subject is simply not given to your child. The teacher pays attention to this and gives a bad grade. As a result, the student begins to set himself up for another unsuccessful meeting and assessment. In a conversation with your child, try to separate the failure from the teacher: “she gives a grade not because she treats you badly, but because there are mistakes in your work.” Be sure to support your little schoolchild if something doesn’t work out for him, praise him for his achievements in other areas: even if he spells some words incorrectly, he sings well, counts or runs the fastest. Of course, these are different things, but it is very important for a child to feel successful in something so as not to lose interest in learning. The child is afraid because he feels the fear of his parents. Negative memories of parents about school, as well as excessive anxiety, certainly affect the child’s self-control. If the word “school” is pronounced at home with constant anxiety, this emotion becomes firmly entrenched in the mind of the little schoolchild. This may result in an unconscious reluctance to attend school, even if nothing scares him there. In this case, you need to work on yourself, cope with your inner fears. And ask the child who returns from school about what was good or funny at school today.

Conflict between child and teacher.

It happens that a teacher and a child do not have a good relationship.

What do we have to do?

You need to talk to the teacher, find out the reason and together develop a way out of the current situation. And if the situation cannot be corrected, then it is better to transfer the child to another class.

What not to do.

You should not immediately contact the school principal or head teacher. It is better to sort out the reasons for the conflict first with the teacher.

Why does school phobia occur?

There are several reasons why a child is afraid to go to school. The new life may frighten him; The baby is used to being close to his family. At the same time, shy children or those who have not attended kindergarten may have difficulties with communication. This also leads to the development of a phobia.

Classmates and teachers are strangers with whom you need to make friends. What if a first-grader fails to find a common language with one of them? This frightens and makes even adults who have started a new job nervous. If this is the main reason that a child is afraid to go to school, the advice of a psychologist will help solve this situation.

A child may also develop a bad impression of an educational institution as a result of thoughtless statements from parents about negative educational experiences and the severity of disciplines. Such stories may give him the impression that school life is incredibly difficult, which means it is better to try to avoid it. This line of behavior can even lead to truancy and running away from home.

The reason that a child is afraid to go to school may be increased physical and psycho-emotional stress. Yesterday your son or daughter played with friends and had fun; today they must study their lessons and get good grades. They are subject to special requirements that must be met. Even a first grader with a high level of intelligence can become anxious and lose confidence.

A child is afraid to go to school: what to do?

Some useful tips can help you understand the reasons associated with your child’s phobia. It is not recommended to force and scold a child, because such upbringing will aggravate the situation. To ensure that your daughter or son goes to school with a smile on their face, start preparing them for adult life in advance. May the first school year bring them joy and fun. Talk about the benefits of studying, the opportunity to make new friends, learn interesting things.

So, if a child is afraid to go to school, what should parents do? Let's consider the recommendations of psychologists:

Introduce your child to the educational institution before starting school. Thus, many directors organize preparatory courses;
play school with him at home;
try to make him have a friend who is also preparing for first grade and approaches this with calm and curiosity;
tell us about pleasant experiences from your educational life;
allow you to bring friends and classmates home;
Discuss with him the cause of the fear and try together to find a way to get rid of it.

If your son or daughter has been afraid to go to class for the second or third year, you should talk to the teachers. Perhaps one of their peers or high school students is offending them, or the teacher is biased. Any deviations from the norm that you notice should not be ignored. If you are unable to cope with the current situation on your own, contact a psychologist.

Conflict between a child and classmates.

Fear of school - loneliness (no one will be friends with me) and ridicule (I’m not like everyone else, they’ll laugh at me).

What do we have to do?

First of all, parents should show more concern, support the child and spend free time with him. Do not forbid communicating with children and bringing them to your home.

What not to do.

Don't make scandals about relationships with classmates. Find out the reason for the negative attitude towards the child.

What is school anxiety?

The fear of going to school is called didaskaleinophobia; it is typical only for schoolchildren and appears exclusively during classes. Essentially, the concept of didaskaleinophobia literally stands for “fear of school.” Formally, such a phobia may not immediately manifest itself in full. Often parents perceive reluctance to go to school as laziness, a desire to take a walk or do something other than the educational process. But it is precisely at these moments that you do not need to turn away from the problem; you need to take it seriously and find the real reason for absenteeism. This is especially evident in elementary school, because the child has not yet fully adapted to learning and requirements, and heavy workloads without family support can lead to the appearance of a phobia

The mistake parents make is that they consider a phobia to manifest itself in all areas of the child’s life at once, and fear appears precisely in a specific case. If you eliminate the irritant, then the fear goes away on its own. Such manifestations in a teenager cannot be ignored. The longer time and attention is not given to the problem, the more strongly it grows into consciousness. Later, it can develop into severe anger, which is associated with panic and depression.

Low self-esteem and complexes.

If a child does not have self-confidence, then, naturally, increased anxiety arises.

What do we have to do?

Talk to your child in a friendly manner, give advice, support. Parents' love, patience, attentiveness, and care will help the child cope with complexes. Praise your child even for small successes and victories.

What not to do.

You should not compare your child with classmates and express negative judgments towards your child. Don't scare him with school and teachers.

One at the board.

Typically, children with increased emotionality and impressionability have fears of opposition: I am a collective.

What do we have to do?

Teach your child to believe in himself, in his strengths and abilities. Give your child the “right to make mistakes”, teach them to recognize and accept failures, and do not dramatize the situation in the presence of the child.

What not to do.

Never look for someone to blame. And there is no need to scold a child for being afraid. Don’t compare and don’t say offensive words: “Why can Kolya, Petya, Dasha do it, but you can’t?”

Huge pressure.

In addition to completing the school curriculum, parents strive to develop their child additionally: sports, drawing, dancing, etc. But they don’t take into account that this can tire the child.

What do we have to do?

To prevent your child from getting tired, you need to create a daily routine together with your child and draw the child’s attention to the routine. Decide on the choice of one additional circle; after the adaptation period, you can choose other circles at the child’s request.

What not to do.

You should not talk in front of your child about the program he is studying in, that it is difficult and not interesting. Do not discuss the load and number of given exercises in front of your child.

Don't force you to do homework in your free time. The child should rest, play and walk in the fresh air.

How to stop being afraid of school?

Dasha, hello!

Is there a psychologist at your school? If there is, be sure to go. In such a situation, you need to seek any help, otherwise your health may suffer: constant colds or gastritis will begin. Sometimes guys are afraid to ask for help, because... They think that someone will find out about it. The psychologist has no right to disclose information about you and why you came, so in this sense there is no need to worry.

Daria
I don't know how to tell my parents

So tell me what to do! Who do you have a closer relationship with? Talk to mom or dad separately first. Ask them not to put pressure on you, tell them about your experiences and fears.

Daria
Parents are very demanding, they say we don’t know anything, you must be an excellent student.

Are they sure they told you that? Sometimes children complete the picture in their imagination of something that actually doesn’t look so scary.

If they said that, you're old enough now to learn how to talk to them like an adult. You're honestly trying to study well, right? Then say so. And also that because of their demands you are very nervous. Will they love you less because of the B? What if suddenly a “troika” happens? Ask them directly if they are really that demanding. Did they have a child (you) not because they wanted it, but so that the child would certainly be an excellent student? Hardly! In any case, your grades are your business. Your parents already received their grades when they studied themselves.

Or maybe, after all, it’s you who only demand “A’s” from yourself? This is a very dangerous requirement! You are already suffering because of him. Being an excellent student and being a happy person are two different things! Do you want the first or the second more? What's the worst thing that will happen if you don't get a "5"? Will life end? Or will you get worse?

Confident people do not demand the impossible from themselves: to live without mistakes. They choose for themselves several areas in which they realize themselves, enjoying their lives and admit that they cannot be competent in everything.

And chronic excellent students are people who respect themselves only for their achievements. They are constantly anxious and afraid, blame themselves for mistakes and failures, are ashamed if something doesn’t work out for them, they have low self-esteem, many of them suspect others of envying themselves, because they themselves envy other people’s successes (and sometimes rejoice at other people's failures).

I highly recommend one thing to you. If you really want to get rid of your fear of school. Take it and deliberately make one mistake in your answer at the board or in the test so that you don’t get an “A”, but, for example, a “Four”.

You should no longer be afraid of receiving it: after all, you will already know for sure that you will not receive an “five”. One mark will not affect the quarter grade, but it will help you understand that “four” is not the end of the world and you can survive this situation.

And now it turns out that you are a much more vulnerable person than your classmates, who know how to cope with receiving less than excellent grades. Most of them aren't as nervous as you are, do you think? In this sense, you are behind them. So this exercise will help you become more emotionally stable. It’s even better to practice and get one B in different subjects: Russian, mathematics, etc. To secure.

I wish you all the best!

I'm afraid of society. How to stop being afraid? (1 answer)

Lukina Anna Aleksandrovna, psychologist Pushkin
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