Someone very poetically dubbed jealousy the green-eyed monster. And indeed, this terrible feeling is like a monster - it devours from the inside, breaking lives and destroying relationships. How to destroy jealousy in yourself, how to fight it? This feeling is one of the first to arise in a person. The child has not yet learned to properly walk and talk, but is already beginning to assert proprietary rights to his parents, toys, and the free time of those around him. Remember how it happens:
- The boy in kindergarten has a beautiful car, but mine is completely old and broken.
- Mom hugged her sister, but I didn’t.
- Sashka is allowed to eat ice cream, but my mother says that I have a sore throat.
- My friend got a higher mark. And all because she sucks up to the teacher.
Someone else in childhood experienced such moments silently and resignedly, extinguishing the negative feeling in themselves. And someone broke the cars of a kindergarten friend, smeared Sashka with forbidden ice cream and beat his sister for excessive maternal love. And if in childhood these manifestations of jealousy, although they seemed absurd, were completely forgiven by parents and teachers, then in adulthood a jealous person is more like a neurasthenic. A person is jealous, torments others with suspicion, suffers himself and cannot understand in any way: where did this destructive feeling come from?
So, what is jealousy and how to deal with it, what does it consist of? Let's put childish displays of possessiveness aside and talk about adult feelings. How does one suspect a spouse of cheating? What's behind this accusation?
Jealousy is:
- fear of losing a partner;
- fear of being worse than someone (rival or rival);
- fear of loneliness;
- the result of an illness (alcoholism).
However, not everything is so simple. There are mixed types of jealousy. That is, a person is afraid of losing his husband or wife, and does not want to be left alone with the feeling that someone turned out to be better. Therefore, you need to decide how to deal with jealousy based on the specific situation.
Reasons for jealousy
Jealousy can manifest itself on the part of both men and women. This indicates that the partner is unsure of himself. As a rule, the main reason is low self-esteem. Appearance, social status, profession, etc. - all this can become a catalyst. As a result of this, a man or woman begins to fear betrayal, which leads to increased jealousy and control.
Sometimes female jealousy, whose psychology differs from that of men, is caused by spoilage and selfishness. In this case, the partner believes that the man should belong only to her. Extraneous conversations and meetings are infuriating. This character can also occur in men, although much less frequently .
Another reason why jealousy occurs is trauma caused in a previous relationship or coming from childhood itself. Experienced betrayal or lack of attention forms a zealous character in a person. It is very difficult to re-educate such a man or woman. In this case, you will have to try to prove your love and make a lot of effort, surrounding you with your attention.
An overly aggressive display of ownership can be a warning sign . Such people tend to put pressure on a person, control his actions, and in case of betrayal or leaving, begin to take revenge.
Provocation from a partner
Wanting to remain the most beautiful and desirable, a woman can show increased attention to all men, deeply hurting and hurting her partner. Women often follow the mantra: “To keep your husband, make him a little jealous,” and completely forget about the second part of the statement of the American writer Henry Mencken: “... And to lose your husband, make him a little more jealous.” Perhaps light flirting is not a reason for jealousy, but your man may take it the wrong way, which means the risk is not justified.
How male jealousy manifests itself is more or less clear. With female jealousy, things are somewhat more complicated. For a man, the worst thing is physical betrayal, while women are more afraid of spiritual betrayal. Sometimes admiration for another woman is more difficult to experience than one-time, meaningless sex. Jealous men more often appeal to facts, while women mainly rely on intuition. Finally, male jealousy more often leads to breakups than female jealousy.
How to deal with male jealousy? Soviet actress Lidia Smirnova said: “At first I was very jealous of my husband. But when I cheated on him, I immediately stopped being jealous!” Well, that's the same way. But perhaps not the most effective. If jealousy turns into mania, the intervention of psychologists (and sometimes psychiatrists) is necessary. But first of all, a man must realize his own shortcoming and try to improve. The most important thing is to find contact with your partner. Speak openly and frankly. Share your doubts and experiences, but not in an accusing manner. Be sure to find common ground. A shared hobby brings people closer together, creating more common space built on mutual interest. When you develop and do interesting things, there will be no time or emotions left for jealousy.
What does this mean?
It is very difficult to suppress feelings of jealousy. Constant scandals and quarrels will not solve the problem. The partner may look guilty and realize his mistake, but over time he will return to his previous behavior. Signs of jealousy in men and women appear as follows:
Frequent mood changes. Here is a couple walking in the park, having a nice conversation on unrelated topics, and within a second the partner frowns sullenly and begins to ignore his other half. Perhaps the “guilty” person showed interest in another person or did not pay attention to some phrase in the conversation.- Increased interest in the work of half. Innocent questions on a work topic should not arouse suspicion. However, frequent inquiries about the opposite sex and conversations, for example, about the boss or secretary are a sign of jealousy.
- Checking your phone and computer. Few people will like it if their phone is checked from beginning to end - call lists, chats on social networks, browser history, etc. The more often such checks are carried out, the more a person tries to control.
- Frequent accusations and reproaches. If your partner often reproaches you for not immediately responding to a message or for talking with the opposite sex, these are serious signs of jealousy.
Regardless of whether jealousy manifests itself in a man or a woman, their symptoms are almost the same. It is important to notice this in time and decide what to do. Fight this feeling or break up with the person before the situation gets even worse.
Why is the character of jealous people dangerous?
Jealousy in small doses can even be pleasant. She adds spice to relationships, adding passion to them. It can also be an expression of love. If a man is afraid of losing his woman and tries to isolate her from other men, there is nothing wrong with that.
But an overly aggressive nature can cause big problems. It's worth serious consideration if your partner exhibits the following signs:
- threatens physical harm to you or someone you know;
- prohibits meeting with girlfriends (friends) or leaving home without being accompanied;
- monitors and constantly controls any actions.
In this case, you should seek help from a family psychologist or try to end your relationship.
How to get out of the situation
Sometimes people themselves do not notice how they give rise to jealousy. It is better to reconsider your relationship and understand how you can improve the situation. You shouldn’t leave your partner alone, as insults and scandals will only make the problem worse. In order to understand why jealousy arose and how to deal with it, the following tips will help women:
- Talk to your man. Use a calm and even humorous tone. Don't start the conversation with accusations. It’s better to explain how his jealousy can be destructive for you and give reasons why it is unfounded.
- Start paying more attention. Try to show positive emotions, take an interest in your partner’s affairs and spend time together more often.
- Discuss your plans in advance. Sometimes there is a real reason for jealousy and resentment. For example, you forgot to inform that you were delayed or went for a walk with your friends without notifying them. Let us know where you are and what you are doing more often.
- Admire your partner. For a jealous man, it is very important to be the strongest and most courageous in your eyes. Praise him for nailing a shelf in the bathroom or giving him flowers for no reason.
- Show some jealousy in return. Show your man what he looks like from the outside. He will soon get tired of the increased attention, and he will realize that he has been torturing you all this time in vain.
- Reconsider your behavior. Excessively revealing neckline or vulgar behavior is not a cause for pride. You have a man whom you chose yourself, and if he does not like this behavior, you should not provoke him into an aggressive reaction.
When it comes to female jealousy, advice for men is no different. Admire your partner, show more love and care. Pay attention to the little things that you previously quietly ignored. Then the girl’s self-esteem will increase, and she will be less jealous of you .
Remember what not to do in this situation:
- scream and accuse of being too controlling;
- do not communicate your location and plans for the day;
- ignore messages and calls;
- show interest in other girls in front of her;
- reproach her for her appearance or character traits;
- humiliate in front of your friends, call you a jealous woman, etc.
These simple tips will help reassure your partner and improve your relationship . The main thing is to remember that scandals and grievances will not solve the problem, but will only worsen it. Calm conversations, mutual understanding between partners and the ability to find a compromise are the key to a long and reliable relationship.
JEALOUSY AT WORK
This emotion has different names. It is called “sports enthusiasm”, “competitiveness”, “passion for competition and competition”, “professional envy”. But let's face it: behind all these terms is the same fairly common phenomenon: jealousy of other people's successes. Jealousy does not mean “bad”; sometimes it can even be useful. For example, to encourage further career growth, to concentrate efforts in order to achieve a cherished goal. What is more in this feeling? Positive or negative, creative or destructive?
Symptoms of professional jealousy How does this jealousy manifest itself? Let's say your colleague presented a promising project, organized a profitable event, or agreed on cooperation with an important client. For one, the success of a colleague will be a reason for sincere joy; for another - it will cause a surge of negative emotions: irritation, desire to ruin the holiday; for the third, the achievements of a workmate will provide a powerful incentive for their own achievements. Let's consider all three options in order and conduct a small test.
1) Having learned about the success of a colleague, you prepare your own project, even more successful and interesting. You make up for the gaps in your education to look better than him. You want to improve your qualifications and professional status. You are characterized by a healthy, constructive type of jealousy.
2) As if boiling over other people’s victories, you begin to spread gossip about your friend, stop communicating with him, and look for small clues to find fault with your colleague’s work. Know: you are characterized by a paranoid type of jealousy.
3) You do not intend to do anything - neither overtake, nor put a spoke in the wheels. On the contrary, you are sincerely happy for your companion and congratulate him without any second thought. This means that professional jealousy is not in your nature. No, you are not at all devoid of ambition, you simply know the value of yourself and those around you, you know how to recognize your weaknesses and appreciate the successes of others.
Tips: how to direct the energy of jealousy in the right direction?
If jealousy is constructive, it can help you move up the career ladder. There is no need to get rid of it unless it becomes paranoid. But when any achievements that are not yours provoke you to make sarcastic barbs at your colleagues, petty nasty things, hatred - something definitely needs to be done about it!
— Try to suppress the first surge of emotions, pull yourself together and think calmly. Remember: your bad mood makes it worse for everyone, and above all for you and your loved ones.
- As soon as you feel that you are calm enough and able to think rationally, think about it - in what business can you show your best side?
- Did you come up with it? Take action! Believe in yourself, look for like-minded people - and everything will work out.
If you are faced with the envy of your comrades?
Unfortunately, office intrigues have ruined and are ruining more than one career. But escape, dismissal is the most extreme and not the most reasonable way out of the situation. You need to try to find a common language with the envious person. At the same time, you should be careful, not relax and not let him out of sight, control the situation, and anticipate the traps he has prepared. And remember with pride that jealousy and envy are constant companions of popularity and success. The way out of this situation may be an unexpected path for the jealous person: not confrontation, but cooperation. Successful people know that the best deal is one in which both parties win.
From competition to cooperation
Working together towards a common goal benefits everyone. You should not be seriously guided by the doctrine “Man is a wolf to man.” Every person you meet along the way can become not an obstacle, but an opportunity. Smile at him, greet him, offer help or ask for it - these simple social actions will show others that you are ready to work in a team, among people who are close in spirit and united by one goal.
Advantages and disadvantages of the team
— Working in a team is more active and fun than working alone.
“The efforts of individual people add up, multiply, and receive additional energy.
- But! In a team, it is more difficult to control the personal responsibility of each team member. Jealousy or cooperation, acceptance or repulsion, competition or team - it's up to you!
You can also see the articles:
What to do if you are jealous of your colleagues
What to do if colleagues are jealous
What to do if you're tired of work
What to do if people are spreading gossip about you at work
Male and female leadership styles, how to communicate with bosses and bosses
Office wars. How to avoid becoming a victim
How to earn respect in a team
