Jealousy of my wife. How not to be jealous of your wife? I am very jealous of my wife about her ex, about the past, about her child, about her friend, about her brother, about her boss, about her colleague, about another man.

Is he suspicious of incoming calls, SMS from operators, messages on social networks? Should you avoid communicating with the opposite sex because your spouse won’t like it? A jealous husband is both a bonus to self-esteem and at the same time a lot of trouble, worry, and sometimes infringement. How to live with such a person and not go crazy from his constant suspicions? When you shouldn’t even try to fix everything, but it’s better to turn around and run as fast as you can? Where does male jealousy even come from?

How jealousy manifests itself

According to psychologists, jealousy is a complex feeling that includes fear of loss, anger, envy, low self-esteem and a feeling of humiliation. There are several types of jealousy:

possessive. Possessive feelings manifest themselves when a man strives to maximally express his leadership qualities and painfully defends the title of head of the family. The husband wants to make his wife his property, completely subjugate her to his will and isolate her from her usual environment.
reflected jealousy. Men who cheat on their wives are big jealous people. The source of reflected jealousy is the projection of one’s own infidelity onto the partner. Any change in his wife’s behavior makes such a man wary and begin to look for and come up with a reason.
Jealousy is hurt and experienced by insecure men. They are complex, anxious, suspicious. All these feelings make the husband a tyrant who asserts himself at the expense of his wife.

Why is a woman not jealous of her man?

In many cases, jealousy is at odds with love. These are far from related feelings, rather opposite. Love does not imply restrictions on human freedom, while jealousy constantly strives to limit it. Jealousy often kills relationships because... often leads to quarrels and disagreements, does not allow partners to trust each other and slowly but destroys mutual trust and subsequently love.

However, there are cases when the absence of jealousy, or, more precisely, the partner’s reaction to provoking actions on the part of another, may indicate a cooling of feelings, loss of interest, or the disappearance of love as such. In this article we will look at the “female” side of the issue. Despite the fact that women are more likely to ask the question about the absence of jealousy, men are no less interested in this topic.

There are seven typical reasons for a woman’s lack of jealousy.

Loss of interest. Remember the last time you had a heart-to-heart talk with your significant other - shared your plans for life, discussed conflicts among yourself (meaning calmly, without scandals or showdowns) and simply experienced some events together. If for you your partner exists only at home in the form of a piece of furniture or a domestic servant (which is especially true for many women), the reasons for your wife’s loss of interest do not even require explanation. Without feeling needed and desired, she quickly fades away, loses faith in herself, and routine marriage ceases to bring her moral satisfaction. It is not surprising that a woman begins to look for a friend on the side. Although the second option is also possible - she withdraws into herself and stops showing signs of a feeling person. In both options, there can be no question of jealousy on her part, because... any interest in you disappears.
The appearance of new friends or hobbies in her life. Fresh hobbies distract from a lot of mental torment. The wife may not be jealous because she simply won’t have time for it. She switches to a new sphere and there is no need for unnecessary doubts about your loyalty to her. The woman stops concentrating on your person; in a sense, she becomes more self-centered. The topics of your conversations also change - she starts talking intensively about something, trying to lure you into her hobby. Although, if you have not previously shown much interest in her hobbies, she may become more secretive, believing that you have no business knowing about her pastimes. If a wife has her own circle of interests, she should not interfere with this. Personal hobbies help her develop as a person, which will positively affect future relationships.
She gained confidence in herself. If your woman knows that she is beautiful, well-groomed and attractive to you, she has no reason to be afraid of losing you, and, therefore, jealousy disappears from her mind. Even if you openly cheat on her, she will remain confident, because... believes that a possible mistress is not her rival. The same thing happens when other men begin to court her. In each case, the woman begins to feel wanted and needed.
The woman has gained confidence in you. This is perhaps the most positive of the reasons listed. Jealousy is a consequence of a lack of affection and is born from understatement, ambiguity and other vague actions on your part. If your wife has stopped checking your correspondence and keeping records of your friends, she is confident in you, and this trust does not require additional checks and confirmations. Do not try to provoke her to jealousy - this will worsen the situation and will obviously not add love to your relationship.
She is tired of your provocations. If you practice creating scenes of jealousy regularly, meaning by this the strengthening of interest, stop immediately. Everyone is annoyed by monotony, and if your significant other has stopped responding to such provocations, she is either tired or tired of such childish behavior. Moreover, this does not at all indicate a loss of feelings, the woman is simply tired of being in the role of a clown to calm your complexes.
She has someone else. If a woman plunges headlong into a new relationship, it is natural that she will no longer care about you and your experiences. The lover most likely treats her with reverence, obviously better than you, which, accordingly, reduces your chances of regaining the attention of your other half. New emotions will completely take away her desire and even the opportunity to be jealous of you, because next to her there will be someone whom she will not need to be jealous of. Even if she still has feelings for you, they obviously will not be expressed in jealousy. The only right decision at this stage will be a frank heart-to-heart conversation, but it is not a fact that it will change the situation in any way.
If you regularly cheated on a woman, she probably found out about it and accepted it. If, after finding out such bitter news for her, she did not pack her things or throw a scandal at you, it means that she accepted the state of affairs and either wants to save the family no matter what, or has the same lover, being democratic about your adventures.

In the overwhelming majority of cases, the wife is not jealous of her husband because she ceases to observe any effect from the manifestation of feelings.

If you take this behavior for granted, or, even worse, perceive it as a manifestation of love, the source of the problem should be found in yourself. In the vast majority of such cases, the man is to blame.

Each of the above reasons is superficial. To better understand the situation, just watch your significant other or talk to her about it. It is likely that the reasons for behavior change are nontrivial and require more detailed analysis. Most likely, the girl herself will talk about her experiences, and from her story it will be possible to judge whether it is a lie or not.

Reasons for jealousy

Psychologists attribute the origin of jealousy to deep evolutionary origins. The main ancient instinct inherent in man is to leave behind offspring. Male jealousy arises as a result of the fact that a man cannot be absolutely sure of his paternity, unlike a woman who gives birth to a child. In this case, jealousy forces a man to strive for sole possession of a woman in order to pass on his own genes, and not the genes of his rival.

The cause of jealousy may be a man's character . Low self-esteem, high emotionality, lack of security, and lack of self-confidence often lead to jealousy. Such people are usually very suspicious; they unconsciously invent and distort information. Even a small event (being 15 minutes late, not answering the phone) can provoke outbursts of jealousy and aggression in a man.

Also, the cause of jealousy can be violations in sexual relationships . Health problems and decreased sexual function make men jealous. The man feels that he is unable to satisfy his partner, and instead of trying to solve the problems that have arisen, he begins to feel jealous and blame his wife for everything.

Jealousy is often combined with alcohol addiction . According to statistics, 30% of alcoholics suffer from pathological jealousy, which leads to domestic violence.

Jealousy after husband's betrayal. What happens in the subconscious?

Saying: “jealous of my husband after cheating,” it turns out that women have not completely forgiven the traitor, since the memories and emotions associated with them are preserved. It would be foolish to assume that everyone has the same reaction to betrayal, since it begins in childhood, just like jealousy, so the reasons for jealousy can be unpredictable.

Subconscious mechanisms that cause damage to a woman who has suffered betrayal:

If a child aged 3 to 4 years is deprived of attention, he develops an unstable attachment to the object of love, that is, a tendency towards polygamy. With age, with the help of moral attitudes and moral guidelines, polygamy is muffled due to the mechanism of rejection, so people who sharply condemn betrayal are themselves capable of it;
If you love a lot during this period and indulge in everything, then you develop weak emotional resistance to betrayal. A 3-4 year old child understands that he will be loved in any situation and does not program the structure of jealousy, therefore he is not jealous in adulthood, but betrayal literally knocks him off his feet;
If from 2 to 5 years old they do not make excuses for the child when they leave, do not inform about their imminent return, then they develop jealousy, and the birth of a second child becomes a big shock, to whom attention is transferred. Low self-esteem and motivation to become the best are already programmed here, so at the moment of betrayal, some women try to find the difference between themselves and their rival.

Almost every woman shows signs of the presence of the listed mechanisms, but to varying degrees, so some hate themselves for a similar offense in the past, expecting “karmic retribution.” The latter, through behavioral factors, provoke their spouse to leave for another, knowingly believing about his inclination and his unworthiness to be the only one. Still others do not stay in relationships because jealousy on their part is too aggressive.

How to deal with a jealous person

If quarrels often break out in family relationships due to jealousy, psychologists advise the woman to build a relationship with her husband correctly.

Try to influence your spouse's self-esteem. Be sure to notice his achievements, even small ones, praise him, talk about your feelings for him, admire him. When you watch a film together, you should not speak enthusiastically about the actors, especially the beautiful and young ones. It’s better to let your comments concern women; ask your loved one which actress he likes.
Tell your husband about your intentions and plans for the next day. Share your impressions and events that happened today. Don’t stay too long, and if you see that you’re late, be sure to call and let them know.
Do not discuss your previous husbands or lovers with a jealous man. You should not open your soul and share intimate details of your former relationship. This will not lead to anything good, and it will definitely come back to you at the most unexpected moment. Therefore, behave prudently and with restraint.
Always speak respectfully and with dignity about your husband among your colleagues, relatives, and friends, both his and yours. Someone will definitely tell the man about your words and the effect will be most favorable. This will not only raise your spouse’s self-esteem and give him the opportunity to be convinced of your feelings, but will also make the relationship more trusting and durable.
If you liked someone, you allowed yourself to get carried away and flirt, never admit it. If you get caught, lie confidently. Make eye contact, clearly state your version of events, try not to blush or be embarrassed, and with all your appearance express indignation and resentment that they don’t trust you.
Another method that psychologists advise using in the fight against male jealousy is a retaliatory attack. Arrange emotional interrogations and scenes of jealousy for your husband, look through his phone, accounts on social networks, ask in detail about all the posts, comments, photographs that you see there.
Do not ignore his delays and lateness from work. Call him during the day and ask where he is and what he is doing. This will give the necessary effect, now the man will spend energy on excuses, and not on suspicions. He will also be able to look at himself from the outside and understand how unsightly jealousy can look.

If you care about your loved one, and you want not only to preserve family relationships, but also to make them more harmonious, listen to the recommendations of psychologists. It is quite difficult to correct and remake a jealous person, but you are quite capable of smoothing out unsightly character traits. Love, fidelity, care will help tame jealousy in your spouse. If you can’t do it on your own, you can seek the help of a specialist - individual sessions of psychoanalysis and psychotherapy. Group work sessions are also considered quite successful when people with a common problem come together to share their story and hear about similar problems of other people.

How to stop being jealous of your husband. Psychologist's advice

The first step has already been taken, the understanding has come that there is a problem and it needs to be solved. The most difficult thing is ahead - working on yourself, learning to trust your partner. Tips on how to stop being jealous of your husband:

Understand themselves. Often the jealous party enjoys pity and becomes a victim of a bad spouse.
More freedom. Constant control will not protect you from your lover’s betrayal.
Surprise. You can attract attention in many ways: from an unusual dish to erotic lingerie.
Get rid of complexes. To increase self-esteem, you need to join a gym, go to a beauty salon, buy new clothes.
Find a hobby. By doing something interesting and exciting, there will be no time for bad thoughts.
Be honest. It is worth talking to your husband directly and openly, talking about what worries you.

By following these simple tips, every woman will easily understand how to stop being jealous and suspicious of her chosen one.

How to stop being jealous of a man.

Many representatives of the fair sex believe that by demonstrating jealousy, they save relationships. However, psychologists say that it is precisely this that contributes to betrayal and breakup. Tips on how to stop being jealous of a man:

First, you need to talk with your lover, talk about your feelings and suspicions. He himself will give an explanation for his actions.
Secondly, you should do something. Free time promotes bad thoughts.
Thirdly, you need to visit public places with your chosen one: cinemas, cafes, gatherings with friends. This way he will make it clear that there is no reason to doubt. Just don’t forget about personal space.
Fourthly, in the most extreme case, when an attempt to cope with jealousy on your own is unsuccessful, you should consult a psychologist.

So how to stop being jealous of a man? You need to learn to trust, because trust is a strong foundation of any relationship. It’s easy to destroy them with jealousy. He will not like it if there is a person nearby who does not trust and has a lot of complexes.

Test. Does your wife love you?

So that you can determine the coefficient of spiritual affection of your spouse, we have prepared a test. Answer honestly, this will affect the accuracy of the result.

1. Do you see and feel support from her?

2. Do you love her yourself?

3. Feel like you're hiding something?

4. Do you fight often?

5. Does he fulfill requests? Helps out?

6. Does your attention often appear in her direction without romanticism?

7. Does he often spend his leisure time without you?

8. Do you often give surprises in the form of romance?

9. Jealous?

10. How do those close to you feel about you?

11. Does he willingly communicate and make contact with representatives of the opposite sex?

12. Do you often point out her shortcomings?