1 3858 June 30, 2020 at 01:03 Author of the publication: Ksenia Voitkovskaya, doctor Editor: Tamara Tkachenko
You don't want to be with him anymore. And even if this was the last man on Earth, you would not agree to be with him for a minute. Inside there are regrets about the years we lived together and a feeling of guilt in front of him for what did not work out. A vague feeling that you seemed to know in advance that nothing would work out, but for some reason you got involved in this relationship. Thoughts that the relationship was a mistake, and if you could start your life over, you definitely wouldn’t repeat this mistake. But how can you break up with a man now without hurting yourself and him?
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will help you get through the breakup painlessly and start a new life without regret and endless memories of the past.
When it's hard to leave
System-vector psychology explains that not all people have a hard time with a breakup. Some people quickly come to their senses after a breakup and are ready for a new relationship. Thus, people with the skin vector love change and usually initiate the breakup themselves. And people with the urethral vector live in the future and leave relationships without regret, and never look back.
People with anal-visual ligament vectors suffer the most severe rupture. Even if they suffer because the relationship has exhausted itself, they still simply do not have the strength to leave. And then they look for advice on how to get out of the relationship.
Such people become very attached to their partner, they are ready to feel sorry for him, take care of him, listen to him and please him in every possible way. Sometimes even to the detriment of their own desires, without telling their partner what they themselves want, how exactly they imagine the relationship. Such people are very soft, tactful and delicate. It is difficult for them to say “no” to others, especially to their partner, they are afraid of accidentally offending a person.
At the same time, if the person himself does not receive the same response from his partner, if there is no mutual understanding and trust in the couple, then sooner or later mutual claims begin to accumulate. An anal-visual person tends to get offended, and at some point his patience becomes full, and thoughts of breaking up begin to appear.
However, such people find it difficult and painful to decide to break up; they doubt it for a long time, expect things to work out, and are ready to give their partner another chance. And then again and again. People with the anal vector are the most faithful, the most devoted to their partner, so they strive to maintain the relationship, no matter how much it hurts inside. Often they cannot get out of relationships that do not satisfy them for years. Or they leave, and after some time they return again. But this doesn’t make the relationship any better. The reasons may be different, one of them is a stable life scenario - a “good boy” or “good girl” complex.
How to part without pain when memories overwhelm you
Family and permanent relationships are of great value to a person with an anal vector, which is why they experience a breakup so painfully and hard. Often after a breakup, memories of past relationships are tormented, there are unspoken resentments or feelings of guilt in the throat, an unwillingness to accept that the partner has left, and a feeling that everything could be changed.
Memories of how good it was sometimes prevent you from leaving your partner when things are bad together. At the same time, a person literally stops living in the present and thinks about the past all the time, replaying some bright moments in the relationship or some actions that he regrets and repents of, or the actions of his partner that he cannot forgive.
And even if a breakup has occurred, the attachment to the partner of an anal-visual person does not go away; Despite the fact that he is not around, emotional and sometimes sexual dependence on past relationships does not allow him to let go. And this is the reason why a man or woman cannot start a new relationship or makes attempts to return to a former partner.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to get rid of painful dependence on the past. You will understand your partner, understand why he behaved in one way or another, what motivated him, and then the grievances and regrets about the past will pass. You will remember the past with gratitude, and not with aching sadness and hopeless longing, and then you will be able to live in the present.
It’s difficult to say: “I’m leaving you!”
It is unpleasant to be separated from a loved one, and uncertainty and loneliness await you ahead. This becomes the reason why the decision to break up is delayed. Very often it is difficult to even start a conversation about this. A person constantly puts it off, each time finding some good reason for this: “It’s his birthday soon, I can’t leave him right now,” “He’s having difficulties at work, I have to help him get through this moment,” etc. d.
The reason for avoiding such a conversation may be an internal doubt: “Is it worth breaking up? What if everything changes?”, and pity for the partner: “He will be hurt,” “He can’t do it alone,” “How will he be without me?”
Additionally, a visual woman may find it difficult to talk about her feelings at all. For example, due to the fact that such conversations were not accepted in the family, due to a difficult break in a previous relationship and the emotional coldness that arose later, due to childhood trauma, ridiculed love, etc.
When a woman cannot talk about her feelings, she cannot create a full-fledged emotional connection with her beloved man, which is the basis of a relationship in a couple. She can feel sorry for him and sympathize with him, listen to him and nod, but without sincerity on her part, without her revealing her feelings to him and being able to talk about her experiences in response, it will not be an emotional connection.
In fact, it is the lack of emotional connection between partners that causes most breakups.
An emotional connection is a mutual interest in a partner’s life, emotional involvement in a relationship that is achieved in the process of living together, and you can learn to build it. When you do something together, have heart-to-heart conversations and experience moments of emotional unification during some events, when reading books together or watching complex feature films about love, friendship, good and evil.
When there is an emotional connection in a couple, a man and a woman can talk to each other on any topic and discuss any problems, including problems in relationships. And if the emotional connection is not built, any attempt to start a difficult conversation can end in hysterics from the partner, resentment, reproaches and accusations.
We are afraid of our partner’s unpredictable reaction and don’t want to listen to unpleasant things addressed to us, so we put off the conversation under any pretext and try to smooth out the rough edges. We get less and less pleasure from relationships and experience more and more tension, which sooner or later will reach its limit and still result in an unpleasant conversation.
Keep an eye on the kids when your friend has a romantic date
This point smoothly follows from the previous one. There is no better distraction from sorrows and sorrows than a new relationship. And even if your friend’s romantic affection does not lead to anything serious, she needs a feeling of her own feminine worth. A small child has no need to see his mother’s “adventures.” Help her out again and invite the baby to your place.
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Visit a friend and cheer him up with jokes
If a friend is experiencing severe difficulties, he may withdraw into himself, lock himself in a room, not go out and do meaningless things. Just look at him and you will understand everything. Tell him some entertaining stories and don't let his mind go dark. This person cannot be allowed to live with memories of the past.
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Act as a matchmaker
You have known this man for decades; you have been through “fire, water and copper pipes” with him. Sometimes you think you know more about him than he does. If you have a good girl in mind, why not introduce them? In fact, many happy married couples found each other through recommendations from friends.
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Tell her she did everything right
Even if, observing your friend’s relationship from the outside, you thought that she was behaving incorrectly, talking about it now is the worst thing you can do. Firstly, you were only an outside observer, and no one knows exactly what is happening behind closed doors, which means you can only guess about the reasons for her behavior. Secondly, telling a woman that she herself is to blame for an unwanted divorce is, at a minimum, to trample her morally.
Say that she tried a lot for this marriage, but the man just couldn’t understand and appreciate it. You won't be lying by saying this. Not a single woman would kill herself over a divorce if she did not invest strength, emotions and other resources into the relationship.
