How to divorce your husband if you fall in love with someone else? 2 advice from psychologists, consultations

Perhaps you have lived with your husband for many years and realized that your union has exhausted itself. Or maybe you got married quite recently, and it turned out that you are just strangers, and there is no point in living together.

It could also happen that after several years of marriage, you or your spouse met your true love... Whatever the reasons for divorce, it always turns out to be a difficult procedure, painful for both parties. How to divorce your husband without scandals and exhausting quarrels? Let's try to answer this question.

If there is a desire

Very often, girls who begin to think about divorce do not know where to start or how to act.

Think about the current situation. Make sure the reasons are good enough. It is important that you do not regret your decision later.
If in doubt, it is better to visit a family psychologist who can advise whether it is worth saving the family.
Contact a lawyer if you think that problems may arise during the divorce process.
You will need the support of your family and friends, so it is better to tell them about your intention and explain the reason for such a desire.
Start having a serious conversation with your husband. Voice the reasons why you want to break up. Try to avoid a scandal and part amicably.
Think about how you will continue to live without your spouse. Set yourself up for positive thoughts, don’t think that now you will remain alone forever. If a decision has been made to divorce, then it makes no sense to continue living with such a person.

Report divorce correctly

How to tell your husband about a divorce, advice from a psychologist can help you in this matter. It is much more difficult for a girl to communicate this kind of information if she herself is the initiator. As a result, when you are completely convinced of the correctness and finality of your decision, then get ready to talk about divorce.

Emotional approach

Achieve emotional balance. It is necessary to demonstrate and make it clear to your husband that your statement is not a phrase spoken in the heat of the moment. A calm emotional state is an important factor to achieve. You must understand that the conversation should be straightforward and serious, and not a random phrase thrown out of place. A man will not take your words seriously if you constantly say, from time to time, that you want to get a divorce and are about to get a divorce. He perceives this information as a joke. He doesn't believe this can happen, really. Therefore, say this phrase once in your entire life and only if you really are leaving your husband.

During the conversation, you should be calm and restrained. Too much emotion can be bad for you, especially if your husband is also overly emotional. Due to emotions, such a conversation can end in a sad outcome of events. Therefore, remain as calm as possible and try to explain everything reasonably and clearly.

When you calmly communicate on this topic, you show your husband that you are serious about making the decision to divorce and there is no point in sorting things out further. Otherwise, your desire to get a divorce will turn out to be an endless process consisting of quarrels and conflicts.

Prepared Arguments

You can't escape arguments. Prepare them in advance of why you made this decision. The man will be interested in the reason; you must explain in detail your position on this issue. Each phrase must be understandable and reasoned. Avoid inaccuracies and absurdity, as this will show uncertainty in actions and give your husband hope to fix everything. The arguments presented must be supported by facts of what actually happened or is happening in your married life. By structuring your arguments, you will be able to appeal them well. Your husband must understand that the decision is final and cannot be appealed.

The arguments support the explanation of the reason why your family broke up. In this regard, it would be wrong to say that you have lost feelings for your husband, but, in fact, you are suffering from love for him or have decided to leave because of his infidelity. It will not be possible to present arguments if the true reason for the divorce is not at all the reason for which you, in fact, made such a decision.

Preparing for the Consequences

Before you start a dialogue with your husband, think in advance about the consequences of your decision, are you ready for their onset? Alternatively, what do you have to lose? Significant income? Will you be able to feed your family on your own if there are children in it? It is best to seek help from a lawyer to find out what you are entitled to in a divorce, what you can count on and what you cannot.

It may happen that you realize that your relatives will react poorly to your divorce, thereby complicating your relationship with these people. First of all, it is necessary to psychologically prepare for such a turn of events.

There are men who are not ready to put up with the fact that a woman is leaving them. They begin to behave dishonestly, constantly call the woman, try to secretly communicate with children, come to visit without an invitation, causing scandals and quarrels and other similar behavior. It is better, if possible, in such a situation to find a person who can stand up for you.

To be safe, talk to people you trust. Find out their opinion on the current situation. Do they have the opportunity to support you during this period of time? Find a lawyer in advance, just in case a material issue is important to you during the divorce process.

Where to start divorcing your husband: the nuances of the divorce process

Choosing a place and time

Communication should take place in a calm environment, without the presence of strangers. If there are children, then let them stay with their grandparents or friends on this day. The main condition is that your people must know about the upcoming event in order to be able, if necessary, to somehow help you and your children in an unforeseen situation. If your man is adequate, you can meet at home or in the park. If you are aggressive, then it is better to hold the meeting in the most public place possible or visiting people you trust.

If your husband takes everything to heart, then keep a sedative with you, just in case.

Calm and straightforward communication of the decision

Speak clearly and to the point about your decision, look your partner in the eyes. Don't raise your voice and try to stick to the same intonation. So, you will let your husband know that the decision is final and you do not intend to change it. By following these recommendations, you will feel confident and look more serious.

You can start the conversation with the words: “I have decided that I am divorcing you. It is final and I will not change it. Do you have anything to say?

When to give a second chance

You are offended by your husband, there is no need to immediately file for divorce.
The reason why you are thinking about divorce is not always justified. Sometimes everything is not so scary and you can try to save the family. Let's look at the cases in which you should not rush to divorce.

You have an affair. You must understand whether the new relationship really evokes true feelings, whether the new partner really suits you. Is it worth leaving a person for the sake of some hobby, with whom you may have already lived for many years and experienced many problems?
You are offended by your husband. Are you really sure that this is a sufficient reason? Perhaps they themselves provoked their spouse or misunderstood something. In any case, there is no need to rush into a divorce.
Love has passed. The problem is that at the beginning of a relationship you are consumed by the feeling of falling in love and high levels of hormones. Over time, these feelings develop into affection and become a habit. Nothing prevents you from taking a fresh look at your spouse. Find qualities in him that you have not noticed before.

Serious grounds for divorce

A tyrant husband is the most compelling reason for divorce

The husband is an alcoholic. Perhaps he wasn’t like this before and it was all because of problems at work, but now something needs to be solved. Firstly, a person in such a state may turn out to be dangerous and aggressive. Secondly, he will not only not participate in making money, but will also begin to waste everything he finds. Thirdly, such a person is a terrible example for the younger generation. In such a situation, you need to try to treat him, if this does not help, get a divorce. If you have made a decision, do not give in to your husband’s pleas and assertions that he will stop drinking. Believe me, it will last for a week or two, then everything will start again.
The husband is a tyrant. This is one of the most terrible options when a person wants to subjugate the will of all loved ones. He is extremely picky, lets his hands go, does not give the right to choose, deprives him of freedom, controls finances, and experiences increased jealousy. Such a person treats children the same way, with excessive aggressiveness and severity. You must understand that such behavior is a deviation from the norm. It is possible that he himself suffered psychological trauma in childhood. You can try to contact a specialist who will find the cause and try to cope with his current condition. However, the problem here is that he is unlikely to agree to go to a psychologist. The best way out is to get a divorce, otherwise you risk both your health and the health of your children. You must be prepared for the fact that he will not give you a divorce so easily. Therefore, it is better to first contact a lawyer. He will help deal with this problem.
Drug addiction. You must understand that over time such a person will become an antisocial person and can harm your health and financial well-being.
Physical violence. You are risking not only your health, but also your life, as well as the mental health of your children, if any.
Moral terror. A man can keep his hands to himself, not drink alcohol, but at the same time constantly insult and humiliate his wife. This leads to the fact that a woman’s self-esteem is greatly reduced, an inferiority complex develops, and psychosomatic diseases can also develop. And, if this happens in front of children, then they also develop mental problems.
My husband is cheating. If this happened once, then perhaps it makes sense to save the family. If this happens all the time, then there is no need to follow your husband’s lead and end all relations with him.
Cannot support his family financially. A man who does not want to go to work is content with the fact that the woman supports him herself.

How to get a guy back after a breakup: a guide to action

Just recently, you were happy with your beloved man, spent days and nights together, enjoying every moment of intimacy.
You overcame difficulties together, quarreled and made peace, and were sure that your relationship would never end. But one fine day your boyfriend announced a breakup and left your life, leaving only pain and tears in your soul. You can quietly suffer, cursing your villainous fate, and blaming life for injustice, or you can think about how to get your boyfriend back after breaking up in order to become happy again. If you do not intend to give up and want to return your love at any cost, then you need to act immediately. Give yourself a little time to recover from stress and begin implementing a plan to return the man you love. In order to cope with this situation, we bring to your attention a small list of mistakes to avoid and actions that will help you get everything back to normal. If you don’t sit back and wait for another girl to take your man, then you will be able to return his love and live as happily as before.

Why is a woman afraid of getting a divorce?

A woman may put off divorce due to fear of loneliness

Sometimes life develops in such a way that a girl does not know what to do, get a divorce or save her family. Such doubts may be caused by one of the following reasons.

Hope that the spouse can change. Your endless attempts to impose your model of behavior on your spouse cause scandal, irritation, and ultimately end in divorce.
Fear of loneliness. This is familiar to women who have low self-esteem. Such a young lady will endure for many years only because she is sure that “nobody needs her anymore.” It is possible that it will be her husband who will convince her of this, which will further deepen her fear. In such a situation, psychologists advise starting to treat yourself differently, starting to respect yourself, and trying to become independent. You must be prepared for the fact that immediately after the divorce you will actually have to be alone. But this will allow you to take a break and live for yourself.
If she has a child together, she is afraid that she will not be able to raise him herself. A woman may worry that she will not be able to replace both father and mother for the baby. May worry about the possible negative impact on the child's psyche.
Financial insolvency can also slow down the divorce process. The woman is worried that she will not be able to live without her husband. In such a situation, you need to try to get back on your feet, find a promising job, or, if the situation with your husband is absolutely critical, enlist the support of family and friends who will help you financially at first.
Habit. Sometimes we get used to the person who is nearby, which prevents us from making a decision about divorce. In such a situation, a woman will forgive a lot only because her partner has become a loved one to her. The right decision in such a situation would be to part with the preservation of good relations.
Fear of being judged by loved ones and relatives. A woman can be very dependent on other people's opinions. In such a situation, you need to think about yourself, and not about someone, because it is you who live with this person, and not your friends or parents.

A woman should not be afraid of divorce. You need to realize that the end of an old relationship will definitely lead to the beginning of a new one.

- You need to part ways with dignity. If it becomes clear to you that this is not another invigorating conflict, not a temporary and natural period of cooling, not an attempt to create a short break and increase distance, then you need to try to end the relationship with dignity, without leaving behind heaps of garbage and torn piles of meat. You can buy a new elegant sofa here Divani.UA

- Leave the bad words to yourself. You loved this person, he shared his life with you, filled your leisure time and most likely cannot deserve to be mixed with “shit”. You need to forget the words of revenge and reproaches , you don’t need to tell him what is rushing out and you want to express.

- Do not insist on any urgent agreements. After some period of time you will be able to achieve this. It still hurts a lot from the experience and you need to wait with the furious division of forks, boxes, animals and friends. It is worth replacing old furniture with new ones so that nothing reminds you of your past relationship.

- If you understand that there will be no continuation, that it simply cannot happen, you need to talk it over with each other and immediately leave (or you should leave). Go far, the further, the better for you. So that the whole circle of gossip, gloating and condemnation of your completed divorce process will pass without your presence and participation. Leave social networks for a while , this will also help you a lot.

— When the divorce period comes, sadness and even fear of making the wrong choice may come. A woman can be especially frightened by the lack of money, the lack of the necessary men’s hands in minor repairs, sad children’s eyes (if children were born in the marriage), and so on. The grievances and fears that have filled all the niches of your consciousness for years can be forgotten for a while.

Be reasonable and don't let temporary loneliness scare you. Time will pass and everything will fall on the right track, and your train of life will run along it at the right speed and in the right direction. You will find a job with an increased salary, and an employee of a specialized agency, and perhaps a new lover, will come to do the men’s work in your house.

— After the unpleasant events of divorce, keep yourself busy with something interesting . Start going to the gym to compete with yourself in overcoming those extra pounds. Sort out your closets and find clothes from which you can create something beautiful and useful for your household, or maybe something new for yourself.

— Take up modern Internet activities to create beautiful applications and postcards. You have at your disposal many offers that will successfully fill your free time and prevent sadness from creeping into your head and causing you to become depressed.

- And also, do not be guided by teenage principles - “if you leave, leave.” If there are doubts about the correctness of the decision you made, then you can go back, make peace, forgive, and possibly be deceived. But do not deny yourself this, so as not to “bite your elbows” later and curse yourself and everyone in the world.

- You will understand that the relationship is completely complete. When they leave for good, they will let you know. There will be no mistake.

Believe in yourself, your strength and ability to overcome everything, and your life, which has cracked, will soon get better!

What to do if you have children

A woman who is planning to divorce must take into account a number of points if there is a child in the family. Let's look at how to behave in such a situation.

You shouldn't try to save your family just for the sake of the children. Children are quite sensitive and will sense an abnormal atmosphere. The baby will not grow up happy.
Regardless of the child’s age, you need to talk to him. You must convey to him that sometimes moms and dads break up. It is important that the baby understands that he was not the reason for the breakup, that they will not love him less, and that he will continue to be able to spend time with his dad.
If the divorce is planned due to strong betrayal or because the husband has given up, or has offended you in some other way, there is no need to focus the child’s attention on this. In general, you should not humiliate or insult the father in the presence of the baby. This can negatively affect the psyche of both girls (they may be afraid to build a personal life) and boys (they may grow up with a strong sense of insecurity and self-isolation).
Children cannot be prevented from visiting their father.
Don’t try to make a scandal or announce your intention to divorce if the children are around.
There is no need to give up on yourself and start living only for the sake of your children. Life does not stop after divorce, you still deserve to find your happiness.

How to break up with your husband without a scandal

It is better not to resist his accusations, but to agree with the brawler.

- Yes, dear, you are, of course, right. Always right. And your mother was right too. I'm a bad wife. Not a worthy match for you. Not clean. I tried, but it didn’t work, stop tormenting yourself. I'm sorry. You will definitely meet a worthy woman.

This is roughly the “mantra” that needs to be memorized and voiced at appropriate moments. And not to be sarcastic, but to speak with downcast eyes, sincerely and frankly, regretting what happened.

Of course, it is difficult to tell lies about yourself. But what to do if otherwise you will only inflame his aggression and delay the separation? He is the owner, he is the master, he is always right. He is a good son, husband and father - this is what his subconscious thinks, and there is no point in arguing with him. He was truly born to be like this.

The distortions, injuries, gaps in upbringing and realization that happened in his life are a tragedy for everyone. For him first of all. Of course, if he had listened to Yuri Burlan’s free training, he would have changed his behavior. But this kind of stubbornness does not go away on its own; you need to understand its reasons.

How to break up with your alcoholic husband

This is another huge misfortune for a family when its head is a drunkard. People drink for a reason, out of habit. And because they don’t get enough pleasure from life, because man is the principle of pleasure. And two areas of life require filling. The first is social. A person should do what he loves in life, that is, the properties given by nature (different by vector!) should be involved. For example, a person with an anal vector will never be happy trading and organizing. This is a matter for people with a skin vector, these are their meanings - benefits, status, money.

Flexibility, logic, ambition, pragmatism, sportiness lead directly to trade, encourage competition, and choose military service. Lawyers, managers, engineers, legislators - a person with the skin vector will not drink in such jobs. Changes in impressions and geographical places will fill his desires to the fullest. The right choice of work for a person with an anal vector is to be an expert in his own field, to be necessary and irreplaceable, where “golden hands” and “golden head” are in demand. These are scientists, doctors, jewelers. Advice for women: help your husband find his place in life, and you may not want to leave!

The second important area of life is sexual. A man and a woman will enjoy each other to the fullest, forgetting about alcohol, when both are sexually satisfied. But if in your case you cannot cope with a drunkard, think about the children. It is a huge mental trauma for a child to live in a family where there is a drinking parent. Realize your need to get a divorce, find the possibility of separation, so that the young heart does not have to worry about you, its mother, every time. So that you don't get bad experiences from your relationship.

It all depends on you and your mood. How do you know that you are doing everything right and it will only get better in the future? Such guidelines can be given by people who were in a similar situation and were able to understand it without illusions and pressure:

“...After the lecture on the skin vector, I developed a clear understanding of the scenario of our relationship with my husband, I began to clearly see what my husband is capable of and what he is not capable of, what can be expected from him and what should not be counted on. An ugly picture of our future together was drawn in front of me with a black marker. Already knowing how best to part with such people, I artificially created a situation in which he was forced to leave himself along with his things.

The separation was absolutely painless for me, without scandals and mutual reproaches. To this day I am horrified by the thought that if I had not broken up with him, I probably would have already gone crazy or killed him. Attitudes towards men have changed completely. I stopped seeing a man as a wizard who should fulfill my wishes. Now I know how you can create your own happiness. And this gives you crazy confidence in yourself and in the future...”

Anna M., Tver

“...I came to the training just at the end of a relationship that I had been in for several years, which did not suit me, but which I could not end, although I understood that there was no future here.

Now I understand for sure that this was a script, and I chose such a relationship...

I started taking training, and we just stopped communicating...

I suddenly found myself free... I enjoyed a different life, in which completely different goals appeared..."

Evgenia A., Stockholm, Sweden

To understand yourself, your loved ones, and understand how best to get a divorce in your case, come to the free online training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan. Allow yourself to be right and happy! Right now.

Author Oksana Vasilyeva

Proofreader Ekaterina Zhavoronkova

The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan’s online training “System-vector psychology”

How to report correctly

Often a woman who is thinking about divorce does not know how to tell her husband about it. The situation can be aggravated if your spouse loves you very much. When a woman expresses her desire to the man who loves her, she breaks his heart.

Think about what you can say to your spouse. Write down the approximate speech on a piece of paper. Re-read it. Make sure everything is worded correctly. Don't forget to indicate the reasons why you made this decision.
It is important to remain calm during a conversation. Do not raise your voice, even if your spouse begins to make trouble.
Give thanks for the years you have lived. Convince him that you need to go your own way further.
If you have firmly made your decision, do not give in to your husband’s persuasion. You don’t agree to save your family out of pity or guilt.
Even if your spouse is to blame for your desire to divorce, then you should not express this to him, speak in a calm voice, and do not blame your husband.
Your task is to try to separate amicably and maintain normal relations. Especially if you have children together.
If the husband is a tyrant or mentally unstable, then it is better to report the news either in the presence of people or at a distance, having first left the apartment, taking the children with him. But here it is important that he does not find you or that he provide security for himself. It will be difficult for such a person to come to terms with the fact that he is being abandoned, but it is easy to give up.

How to have a conversation

Probably, almost every woman, deep down in her heart, hopes to make peace with her husband, establish familiar relationships and save her family, especially if the marriage has been going on for a long time. However, it will be better for your personal health if you firmly make one decision and stick to it.

Tell your husband about your intentions. It is very important to plan the conversation in advance and perhaps record your speech, this will help you feel more confident. Immediately take the right tone: no reproaches, threats or unnecessary emotions. Imagine that you are about to have business negotiations, and start the conversation in this vein.

It is better if your conversation goes according to the following plan:

1. Introduction. For example: “I want to talk about our future life.”

2. Description of the problem. Here you need to describe what does not suit you.

3. Solution option: divorce, living separately for some time, and so on. Try to speak clearly, reasonedly and at the same time maintain a calm and even friendly intonation. This is very important in cases where you know for sure that your husband will be against divorce. Try to choose a moment when he is in a peaceful mood and ready to talk. It is very important not to fall for cunning management or manipulation. Remember what you want to achieve.

If a man is against

If the husband does not want to get a divorce, what to do in such a situation?

You will have to contact an experienced lawyer, in this case it is better to look for a woman.
First, have a consultation with her. The specialist will tell you how you can get a divorce, even if your spouse is against it.
You must be prepared for the fact that it will be extremely difficult to convince your husband of the need for a divorce, but even more difficult not to succumb to his persuasion and not break.
If there is such an opportunity, then immediately after making your decision, leave the house.

Possible legal consequences

Jointly owned property will be divided equally between spouses

When you decide to get a divorce, you need to take into account both the psychological component and the legal point of view in this matter. A woman must know and take into account the subtleties.

If you have an apartment and are worried about what will happen after the divorce. If it was acquired after the conclusion of the union, it should be divided equally. If it was purchased or left as an inheritance to a spouse before legal marriage, then you do not have any right to claim it. If the apartment belonged to you before marriage, then he has no right to claim your apartment. In some cases, a man does not apply for the division of an apartment if he wants to leave it for his children.
All joint property that has been acquired is divided in half.
If a loan was taken out but was not successfully repaid before the divorce, then the debt is divided equally, as is the subject of the loan itself.
If a woman remains with the children, then the man must begin to support them, paying alimony until they reach adulthood or finish their studies at a university in the amount of ¼ of their salary for one child, 1/3 for two, ½ for three children. A man can also pay a larger amount on his own initiative.

How to live on

There is an opportunity to spend more time with the child

Even if the wife initiated the separation, it will still be difficult for her to cope with the pain of loss. Let's look at how to get over a separation from your husband easier.

The best incentive to live on is children. You need to pay them more attention and give them your love. If you didn’t have time to have a child, you can get a pet and direct all your feelings towards it.
Analyze your past relationships, make sure that the decision was correct, and you will still meet your person.
Visit places with large crowds of people. Spend more time with your friends and loved ones, do not be alone with your thoughts.
Pamper yourself, visit a beauty salon, buy yourself new dresses, take up some hobby.
Plan your future, set new goals for yourself.
There is no need to accumulate negativity in yourself, think positively, Life goes on.
If you can’t cope on your own, go to a psychotherapy session.

Before telling your husband about your desire to divorce, you need to think carefully about the correctness of your decision. Do not forget that you once chose this person as your partner. Perhaps everything can still be fixed and there is no need to hack from the shoulder. If the reasons are really serious, then you should not maintain such a relationship for the sake of the children or for fear of loneliness.