Not all people follow the “once for a lifetime” principle. Therefore, many men first get married, and then begin to walk away from their legal spouse. Some have only minor affairs on the side, which do not in any way affect family relationships.
But some men get seriously involved in a love triangle. They believe that they love both women, so they cannot figure out who to choose - a wife or a mistress. Of course, it is impossible to give a definite answer to this question. One can only give arguments for both the first and second options. A man has to decide for himself with whom to stay, and this must be done from a position of reason, weighing all the pros and cons.
Dealing with feelings
To make a decision and make a choice, you need to deal with feelings. And here a man can get completely confused. Indeed, in addition to love for one of the women, he may experience a feeling of guilt, shame, suffering due to the fact that he will cause pain to someone, confusion, etc.
The choice will be painful. Some men generally say that there is no need to make any choice. Let everything take its course, and the situation will resolve itself. However, it should be understood that the situation may not resolve for the best. The saddest option would be for both women to leave. And since a man will never voluntarily agree to be alone, abandoning both his wife and his mistress, he will have to make a choice.
How to make a choice? The following steps are suggested here:
- First, remember your desires. What do you really want from a love relationship? Think about your future, no matter who is next to you. First, imagine the future that you desire.
- Now answer yourself the question, in a relationship with which of the two women you are closest to your desired future. Both women are different, just as the relationships with them are also different. Which union most closely resembles the one you want to have in the future.
Most likely, none of the relationships are completely suitable for you, otherwise you would not be faced with the choice. Each of the unions has its own disadvantages. However, you like some union more than the other. It’s just painful for you to imagine the moment when you will part with one of the women.
Another solution to the problem may be to imagine a future with each of the women. You have two options for the future: which one do you choose? The future in a relationship with each woman will be different. Choose the future you are most willing to face.
Of course, all these are assumptions and hypotheses. How your relationship with this or that woman will develop will become known in the future. And you just accept the idea that you can love another woman. If you feel ashamed because you first loved your wife and now fell in love with your mistress, then accept it as a natural phenomenon. If you really want to be with your lover, then there is nothing wrong with that.
How to behave so that your mistress remains a mistress
When dating married men, women accept their position in advance, realizing what they can claim and what will always remain inaccessible to them. But polygamous males should also think about how best to behave with their mistress. Having awarded this status to a girl with whom you enjoy spending time, experiencing vivid sensations, plunging headlong into mind-blowing sex, at a minimum, it would be unfair to treat her in a way that she does not deserve .
You can look at this moment from the other side. Regardless of the reasons why married men have relationships on the side, a wife, children, and common life for most of them remain the main priority. Tired of routine, gray and fading feelings for their spouse, they go in search of thrills. Most often, married cheaters plan to unwind for a while, reboot, and return home with new thoughts and a reassessment of family values.
But circumstances do not always work out the way they would like. Knowing how to behave correctly with a mistress, the outlet and temporary “savior” of marital ties will never turn into a merciless, vengeful destroyer of other people’s families.
In simple words, we can say this: the task of a married lover is to bring the relationship “on the side” to a level that is beneficial only to him . Of course, anyone can regularly shake a wedding ring in front of their partner’s eyes and shout that they will never leave their wife, and besides, yes, it will give results. But such a romance is unlikely to last long. The relationship with your mistress should be built in such a way that she herself knows how to behave. Regardless of the advice from friends, relatives and other “interested” well-wishers, the main thing is that the passion understands that there will never be a trip to the registry office, and the reluctance to use protection in bed is not a hint of procreation.
I love both
The choice becomes even more difficult to make when a man declares: “I love both!” Here he is definitely confused in his feelings, which makes choice completely impossible. How can you choose if a person seems to love both women?
A typical confession of a man who cheated goes like this. First he loved his wife. She was beautiful, charming, sweet, kind, so he chose her as his wife. However, over the years the feelings subsided. He had long forgotten what it meant to be a man. Problems and constant worries turned their life into a routine. And then he met another - his mistress. He couldn't resist her sexuality, cheerful smile and ringing voice. She became a breath of air for him.
Now he is faced with a choice when he must abandon his wife, with whom he has gone through a lot and is grateful for everything, or his mistress, who inspires him, excites him, excites him, sexually satisfies him, and gives him rest.
Indeed, it is difficult to choose between a habit, a quiet life, and sex, a temporary hobby. A man may think he loves because he gets everything he needs from his women. Although in fact he may feel gratitude, sexual arousal, interest, etc.
A few words about relationships with your mistress in conclusion
When deciding on the place where you want to take your mistress to have fun, you should choose an establishment with visitors, the majority of whom are not married couples. The ideal place for a “frivolous” relationship is a nightclub, a noisy restaurant, or, at worst, a karaoke bar. By the way, you can even visit one of these places with friends. It is important that these are trusted people who are not capable of informing their spouse about having a fun time.
If a mistress knows how she should behave with a married man, so as not to commit stupid things that most representatives of this status are prone to, the development of their relationship can go in the most unexpected way. But the guy should understand that his passion may not want to become a legal wife or change the position of a secret girlfriend to an official one. A relationship that suited only him at first can, over time, force him to reconsider his attitude towards life and the woman.
Many mistresses would never trade the absence of responsibilities, complete freedom, material income and regular sex , which in isolated cases does not continue with the routine of family troubles.
How to break a love triangle?
Psychologists note that the love triangle is in many ways similar to the Karpman triangle:
- The man/woman who finds a lover is a victim.
- The husband/wife of a cheater is a tyrant.
- Lover/mistress is a lifesaver.
Drawing an analogy, we can note a similar psychology of individuals, as well as an algorithm for unfolding events that are observed in any Karpman triangle.
The victim begins to notice the shortcomings or demandingness of his significant other (husband/wife). Due to his weakness and inability to be courageous, decisive, and resolve issues, the victim seeks a rescuer. She teams up with him to criticize the tyrant and feel like a strong person. And so it goes on until
- the rescuer supports the victim in her thoughts (and the cheater is not going to solve his problems, he is comfortable with the situation in which everyone finds themselves);
- someone will not leave the game (only a tyrant or a rescuer can do this, since the victim is comfortable with the current situation);
- the rescuer himself will not become a tyrant (then the victim will return to his husband/wife to unite against the "former rescuer", which will unite them briefly until the lover/mistress leaves).
The victim is not going to solve his problem. Despite all the troubles, it is she who creates the situation where lovers/mistresses appear, since this gives her benefits. One of two things can happen here:
- If the rescuer leaves the game, then the cheater will begin to look for another lover/mistress.
- If the tyrant (husband/wife) leaves the game, in this case the victim will make a new tyrant out of his rescuer.
In a love triangle, as in Karpman's triangle, only the victim benefits. She will always find a tyrant from whom she will run to the rescuer. If there is no tyrant, she will create one, even if this person turns out to be the one who previously played the role of a rescuer. New rescuers will always be sought. Moreover, the victim will always be right in everything, weak, helpless and blaming.
It is difficult for a man to make a choice because he only receives benefits from the position in which he is. However, it should be understood that if the man does not make the decision, then one of the women will do it for him.
The main rules on how to behave correctly with your mistress
So, what needs to be done to ensure that the relationship with the “third half” is as harmonious as possible, but at the same time non-binding for a married man. How to behave with young lovers, whose ambitions sometimes become immense and uncontrollable? you prevent mistakes that unfaithful spouses make when seeking happiness outside the family home :
- Sex is precisely the original purpose of a mistress. There must be a lot of it. The first months of a relationship should be built exclusively on continuous sexual intercourse, in any positions, in the most original places, so that the sensations are brighter, simply overshadowing the mind. Meanwhile, cultural leisure activities such as going to the cinema, theater and museum should be postponed indefinitely.
- Conversations after sex can only be about sex. No matter how trivial it may sound, there is no point in going deeper into your experiences or digging up some memories from distant childhood in your soul. A lover should definitely know how to behave with her partner if she values the relationship. If a man clearly defines his position and outlines the scope of their joint, exclusively sexual activity from the first days, the passion will not be able to count on a confidentially close relationship.
- Do not linger , rushing to your faithful wife. No matter how passionately the secret intimate evening unfolds, the lover must know that her partner will still leave and in any case will not stay the night, no matter what efforts she makes to persuade him. Before leaving, a family man must take a shower: this rule cannot be ignored. The passion must also learn this.
- It is important to say a firm “no!” household or economic issues. No matter how a man behaves at home, feeling guilty upon returning to his family after his mistress - he would try to fix all the taps, repair the old TV or refrigerator - in no case should you do the same with your extramarital seductress. This will be an unforgivable mistake that will lead to inevitable problems.
- Choose gifts for your lover wisely . You shouldn’t worry about how she will evaluate her taste preferences, but all gifts should have the same qualities: be useless, pretentious, provocative and, of course, not sophisticated. By giving a diamond ring or a gold pendant in the shape of a heart, one can assume that the passion will regard the gift as a hint at the likely development of the relationship, leading straight to the registry office.
Should I go to my mistress?
A man may think that it’s time to go to his mistress, because she evokes feelings in him, excites him, sexually excites him. He is already tired of the monotonous life with his wife, but with his mistress it is interesting. To understand whether it is necessary to leave for his mistress, a man should think about whether this is:
- An escape from family life.
- Deficit of feelings.
A mistress must satisfy a man completely in all respects. If this is not the case, then the man will most likely exchange the awl for soap. A mistress also has her shortcomings. She, too, over time may begin to not satisfy the man. Family life with her may generally be even worse than with your ex-wife.
In order not to mess things up, a man sometimes needs to wait a little. If you are just faced with the dilemma of who you love more, then it is better to give yourself time. The mistress has not yet shown herself, and the conflicts in the family have only subsided, but have not completely disappeared. You need to let yourself calm down in order to figure out what a man really feels for each of the women.
Where does the love for both women come from?
Why does a man begin to think that he loves two women at once? Let's look at how the process works. Why does a man start looking for a mistress? Something is not going well and smoothly in his family relationships. A man, at the sight of a potential lover, allows himself to cheat not only because of exploding hormones, but also because of the desire to finally satisfy all his needs.
A man begins a love relationship with his mistress. Naturally, he becomes pleased. Both women give him everything he needs. One serves him, raises his children, and the second satisfies him mentally and physically. A man develops feelings for his mistress, who excites him and makes him enjoy life again.
At the same time, relations with my wife improve. After all, the man stops quarreling with her and finding flaws in her. All his needs are satisfied, so everything that the wife does suits the man. As arguments stop, relationships improve. And it may seem to a man that his former love for his wife has been renewed.
In fact, it turns out that the man does not love anyone, but simply feels a sense of satisfaction due to the fact that all his problems were solved at the expense of two women.
