How to influence people: 9 basic rules for successful communication

Communication is an integral part of human life. Every day we come into contact with many people - family, work colleagues, business partners, friends, as well as complete strangers - in a store, subway, or just on the street. It is very important that this communication is pleasant for both interlocutors, as well as productive. After all, what is his main goal? That's right, mutual exchange of information, thoughts, feelings and emotions. It is worth especially emphasizing the word “mutual”, that is, each of the interlocutors must be understood and heard by the other, otherwise resentments, misunderstandings, and ultimately quarrels may arise in the future. That is why each of us simply needs to know the rules of communicating with people. What they are, what they are like - we will talk about this in this article, so read carefully, the information will certainly be useful to you.

Down with embarrassment!

But what to do if you absolutely do not know how to communicate with others? Whenever you try to talk to a person, you become afraid, you start to stammer, or you completely forget what you wanted to say. Does this happen? Then listen to our simple advice. First of all, remember the first and most important rule: you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of other people. You can communicate with every person on equal terms. Ask him questions, ask for help, or share information. Communication is a completely natural process for every person, so throw away your complexes and start communicating. You will see that it is easy. And now we will tell you 5 rules for communicating with people. In fact, there are many more, but we will highlight the most basic ones.

Rules for communicating with friends

Friends are some of the people closest to you, about whom you know everything or almost everything. Therefore, you can build your communication with them as harmoniously as possible. So that both you and they feel comfortable.

Sometimes we simply don’t notice that some elements of communication can irritate and offend the interlocutor. For example, in the case of friends, this could be nicknames given to them. You may find it cool, and the person seems to react neutrally. In fact, a person may strongly dislike this moment and harm your communication with him, and friendship in general.

From the same opera there are various “jokes” and “witticisms” that a person may not like at all. As a result, he will try to minimize communication with you so as not to experience discomfort in such situations.

From this it follows that you need to calibrate your communication. Try to be sensitive to your friend. If you see that there is a negative reaction to some of your behavior towards him, change your communication style so that you both feel comfortable. It's called respect.

Rules of communication between people

So, if you want to become a good conversationalist:

Listen carefully to the other person and do not interrupt. Let him speak, only then can you comment and ask questions. Remember that every person wants to be heard. Don't deny him this. You yourself love it when people listen to you attentively, don’t you?
If you do not agree with the opinion of your interlocutor, do not make rude remarks or insult him under any circumstances. Try to understand his point of view. If you think that he is completely wrong, gently and kindly tell him about it. Try to find a compromise.
Dale Carnegie, the famous American psychologist, claims that during a conversation a person should be called by name. In this way, on a subconscious level, you will instill confidence in him, and communication will become much more pleasant. The person will feel important. Carnegie said: “Remember that for a person the sound of his name is the sweetest and most important sound...” Don't forget about this.
Be polite and tactful. Don’t ask impudent questions, and don’t put a person in a stupid position and make fun of his shortcomings, especially in front of strangers.
Take an interest in the life and affairs of others. If a person tells you about his problem, try to help him with unobtrusive and necessary advice, but you should not be intrusive. In everything you need to know when to stop.

Friendship and rules of communication

Every person wants to have reliable and devoted friends nearby, to be loved, respected, and appreciated. How to win the recognition of friends and sympathy from others?

We offer basic rules for successful communication and meeting people:

Maintain eye contact while communicating. This does not mean looking into the eyes all the time, periodically making eye contact, at the subconscious level, this speaks of openness and honesty, besides, glances to the sides indicate a lack of attention to the interlocutor, disrespect.
Listen carefully to your interlocutor. A good interlocutor is not one who talks a lot, but who knows how to listen well, with understanding, responds with interested remarks, asks clarifying questions, and shows understanding, which is especially important when dating. It is important to treat with understanding the experiences and difficult situations in people’s lives, to support friends and acquaintances.
Be sincerely interested in the life and interests of your interlocutor. Successful communication involves first finding out information about the other person, rather than trying to impress with your achievements. This information will be needed when the interlocutor begins to show interest in your life in return.
Ask more open-ended questions. To obtain information about the interlocutor, open-ended questions are suitable, which allow you to find out in more detail hobbies, areas of activity, life experience, points of contact, and common interests.
Be confident. By maintaining self-confidence, you signal to your interlocutor that you give the impression of reliability as a partner, a friend, and the person will be imbued with trust.
Smile. Successful communication presupposes the ability to win over a person; a smile is a wonderful way and speaks of goodwill and openness. Naturally, it should be appropriate; it is better not to overuse it when discussing serious issues.
Show a sense of humor in your communication, people are drawn to positivity. There is such a concept - “the soul to show off” - find your advantages, achievements that you can be proud of. Each person is unique and original; you need to remember and write down your merits first. Psychologists say: first love yourself, then other people will love and respect you. Write your advantages on paper, think, ask relatives and friends. It is important to understand the strengths and weaknesses of an individual. Strong ones add confidence, weak ones are a signal for self-development.
Communicate in a friendly manner. Successful communication begins with an attitude towards conversation; you need to have a positive attitude towards the interlocutor, showing interest and respect. Goodwill is felt in intonations, gestures, and words. A good communicator usually loves people and communication, otherwise it is better to work with machines or go to a monastery, although even there communication cannot be avoided.
Criticize less, notice more the good in a person. An interesting point is that people don’t understand criticism; it usually causes a negative, defensive reaction. You need to very carefully convey mistakes to friends and subordinates, in the form of advice or recommendations. But any person is pleased to hear words of approval; it is worth noticing the good in relationships and people more often, smoothing out the negative, and looking for compromises.
Support, compliment, appreciate your strengths. Each person is unique, has his own characteristics, talents, find, recognize, praise for achievements, it is always pleasant.
Congratulations on the holidays, especially your birthday. The date of birth is very important for a person; now even at the level of corporate culture, calls from clients and congratulations on this day are provided, which increases loyalty to the company.
When communicating, try to remember the name and use it in conversation. A person’s name is most pleasant to a person; if it’s difficult to remember, make a note, write it down in your phone or notebook, try to call it more often. This applies to meeting new people and working with people.
Be attractive. Is it difficult to say unambiguously what attractiveness is? Not only appearance plays a role, there is also mood, attitude to life, inner strength, confidence. People can be very different and still be attractive. You need to find your own characteristics that allow you to be attractive and use them in communication.

By following these rules, it will be easier to make new acquaintances, communicate with people, and maintain good relationships. You can learn more about the principles of communication from the book by D. Carnegie “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” J. Spiegel “Flirting is the Path to Success.”

Strangers can become friends

There are also situations when you need to communicate with complete strangers. You came to a party organized by a friend. You are just joining a new team at school or work. There can be many such situations. Therefore, you should remember the rules of communication with strangers:

Be extremely polite. Don't make rude comments about a person's appearance or the way they dress.
However, you can sincerely praise a beautiful accessory, jewelry or clothing. Every person will be pleased if you note their sense of style.
Smile, but again sincerely. A forced smile is repulsive.
Try to find topics for conversation. It is possible that you have common interests or hobbies. If you understand that you and your interlocutor have nothing in common that would unite you, just talk to him about previous events in the country or in the world. It is quite possible that a conversation will start. Don't be silent and wait for someone else to find a topic. Be cheerful and friendly.
Don't be afraid to joke. Most likely, your interlocutor will appreciate your sense of humor, and this will help you become closer.
If another person speaks your native language poorly, but you know this foreign language well, do not hesitate to speak it. You will not only make the task easier for your interlocutor, but also show respect for him.

Remember that the above rules of communicating with people are easy, but they will help you in your daily life while talking to everyone. Don't forget to put them into practice!

Successful communication: how to influence people?

Basic rules for successful negotiations and influencing people:

The basic rule of influence. The only way to motivate a person to action is to make him want to do what is necessary, to interest him. In sales it is called “benefit language”; you need to be able to show the buyer why a particular product is useful for him, not just report on the characteristics. This applies to all areas of life.
Exchange of thoughts. Lead a person to a decision - let the interlocutor consider your thoughts as his own. This effect can be achieved by asking leading questions to bring a person closer to the desired solution. As a result, a need for information, service, knowledge arises.
Understanding human needs . To look at the world through the eyes of another person - you need to understand the interlocutor, his inner world, interests, experiences, in order to help find a way out, a solution to the situation, if you have a suitable option. Even in work, the seller solves the client’s problems, and his own - in the second place, this is the only way communication will be effective. It is important to understand a person’s values - he is looking for time savings, comfort, security, confidence in the future - and use them in conversations and negotiations.
Willingness to admit mistakes. In controversial situations, be prepared to admit your guilt - this can be in business and personal life, to maintain good relationships you need to be able to apologize, admit your mistakes, in which case a negative person can be brought back to your side, even clients who have encountered difficulties in process of work, they will continue to cooperate with the company, knowing that they are understood and issues are being resolved.
The basic rule of persuasion. If you want to convey your opinion, clarify data, or obtain consent on a certain issue, you should adhere to the following formula: Step 1 - agreement with the person’s point of view, at least partially. Step 2 - conjunction “and”, and at the same time. Step 3 - logical arguments, clarification of the question. Step 4 - repeat question, check reaction.
This cycle is recommended to be used when concluding deals, communicating with people with certain misunderstandings, or wanting to change a person’s opinion. It allows a person to calmly accept a different point of view. Even a teenager in relationships with parents and vice versa can successfully use the persuasion formula.
Staging ideas. As you know, people perceive information not only auditorily, but also visually, and it is often recommended to use visual materials in communication - numbers, tables, reviews. List 2 products for comparison, calculate everything together with the client, so the components of the product will be clearer, involve him in the discussion process. You can show clear examples: once upon a time there was a custom to test leather products by burning them. If you are confident in a product, it is worth demonstrating its advantages. Such a demonstration will be more powerful than words and arguments. It is recommended to do everything with children in a playful way: cleaning the room (playing train), learning new words by showing toys, cooking, playing “mother-daughter”, so the information becomes easier, and the process of cleaning and learning becomes an enjoyable game.
Make a challenge, stimulate competition. This method of influence has been known since Soviet times - which team showed the best results, constant struggle for achievements, rewards for social winners. competitions. In the USA, such methods are also practiced; any company can improve performance by establishing indicators and rewards for overperformance by the best employees.
If material reward is not possible, you can use verbal praise and challenge. So, if a friend is afraid to change jobs, you can push him a little: “You’re no worse than others, don’t be a coward, everything will work out...” Here it is important to understand who is suitable for a shake-up, and who needs support more.
Obtaining consent at the beginning of the conversation, the principle of multiple “yes”. For successful negotiations, they also use the following principle - they ask questions to which the answer will definitely be “yes,” which allows you to set the interlocutor on a positive wave of mutual understanding. Then they discuss options for resolving the issue, looking for a way to solve the need that has been identified.
Automatic behavior patterns. Advertising and marketing often use research on automatic principles of behavior and purchasing decisions. There are certain stereotypes that often work for a client.

Basic Etiquette

Every person is familiar with the basic rules of etiquette. But theoretical knowledge and applying it in practice are not the same thing. The rules of communicating with friends are a whole science that every person who is tired of loneliness has to master. Friendly etiquette says that you cannot:

1) Putting a friend in an awkward position. This means that it is strictly forbidden to ask for a loan from someone who is overly frugal or to demand speed from someone who is slow.

2) Make difficult requests. Your friend will feel guilty because he is unable to help.

3) Ask for help too often. Sooner or later, such regularity will begin to get boring, and the person will try to stop communicating, believing that he is being used.

4) Making promises and not keeping them. Such actions make you disappointed in your friend.