Communicating with people around us is one of the important skills that we encounter every day. Communication skills are acquired and formed in childhood, and then, depending on personal experience and the people around them, they are transformed, improved or degraded. Not every modern person knows how to build relationships with people not only successfully, but also on a mutually beneficial basis. It is important to have not only analytical skills, but also to know what the rules and secrets of this process are.
But all this primarily depends on the person himself. For some it is easier, for others it is harder. The problem of relationships with people will always be acute in modern society, and this topic will never cease to be studied by all kinds of psychologists and sociologists - and all because it is a real treasure trove of new ideas and theories that allow us to learn more about society as a whole, and about each person specifically.
Let's look at the rules and secrets of successfully building relationships with people around you based on the recommendations of practicing psychologists.
The main thing to remember is that everyone is different!
What does it mean? This means that it is unlikely that there will be any communication template or “framework” of dialogue.
For example, in order to attract a child’s attention to the cleanliness of his room, you need to tell him something like “clean up your room, you see mommy is tired after work.” Some child responded to this: “Of course, mom.” And the other one will shrug and think: “I’m tired today, I’ll clean it up tomorrow.” This is the simplest example, in fact there are a lot of them, but the main principle is clear: a personal approach to each interlocutor is necessary.
The main problems in interpersonal relationships of people, the reasons for their occurrence
The main problems in interpersonal relationships of people, the reasons for their occurrence
The problems indicated in the title of this chapter occur quite often in the practice of psychological counseling, and if the client does not directly talk about them, expressing complaints only about other personal problems, this does not mean that in fact he does not have problems with interpersonal relationships .
In most cases of life, the opposite is also true: if a client is worried about the state of affairs in the field of interpersonal relationships, then almost always one can also find personal problems related to his character. In addition, the methods of practical solution of these and other problems are largely similar to each other.
Nevertheless, these problems are worth considering separately, since they are almost always solved somewhat differently than personal problems - by regulating the relationship of a given person with other people. In contrast, each person can solve personal problems individually and not necessarily in direct contact with other people.
In addition, there is a significant difference in the ways of solving personal and interpersonal problems. If personal problems are usually associated with the need for a radical change in a person’s inner world, then interpersonal problems are with the need to change mainly only the external forms of human behavior that affect the people around him.
Psychological problems related to a person’s relationships with other people can be different in nature. They may be related to a person’s personal and business relationships with the people around him, and relate to relationships with people close to him and quite distant from him, for example, with relatives and strangers.
These problems may also have a pronounced age-related connotation, for example, they arise in the client’s relationships with peers or with people of another generation, younger or older than himself.
The problems of interpersonal relationships can also concern people of different sexes: women and men, both in monosexual (identical) and heterosexual (different gender composition) social groups.
The multifaceted nature of these problems reflects the complexity of the actually existing system of human relationships. Although we will discuss many of these problems separately here, we should, however, remember that all these problems are practically interrelated and in most cases of life must be solved comprehensively.
There are, for example, some common causes of typical difficulties in the field of human relationships. Having discussed these reasons, we will no longer return to them and will further limit ourselves only to references to the relevant places in the text. However, there are also private, specific causes of difficulties that are characteristic of certain types of human relationships. Our attention will mainly be focused on them in the future.
The choice must be left to the individual
Nobody likes to be ordered around without any choice. This is very easy to follow with examples. First: “Do your homework immediately, I’ll check in an hour!” Second: “When will it be convenient for you for us to check your homework together, in an hour or two?” Obviously, in the second case, the child will feel important, because he was asked. In the first, he was ordered to do this and that within a certain time frame.
It is very easy to establish relationships with any person. The main thing is to find an individual approach, let them feel the benefits of what is offered and leave a choice. Another important piece of advice, proven psychologists advise to always put yourself in the shoes of the person to whom the request or information is addressed. This will allow you to understand what else needs to be said or done to achieve the goal of communication.
Author: vitamarg.com
"My girl!"
“During the course, I had an affair with a plastic surgeon. He went through a difficult divorce. His ex-wife forbade him to communicate with his son. After the divorce, he lived with his mother.
We dated for two months, I soared on the wings of love, it seemed to me that I had met my person and did not notice anything. But sex happened - and he left, saying that he was not ready for a serious relationship. I was crushed and couldn’t recover for a long time.
I began to remember my past relationships with ex-men, and noticed that they all had one characteristic feature: the men treated me as “a woman who could be used.” I adjusted to them, tried to please them, and completely forgot about myself. If only he didn't quit. And the result is disrespect on their part.
I started praising myself, looking for the good in myself.
I always wanted a man to tell me “my girl” - and I never heard it. And then I realized: what’s stopping me from saying these words to myself?.. When I first said this to myself, looking in the mirror, I cried. What can I expect from a man if I can’t say a few kind words to myself? And I felt better.
After such “therapy” my ex-man invited me to dinner. We had dinner at an expensive restaurant (when we were in a relationship - he never invited us to such places). While I was going to meet him, I saw beautiful roses in the window - and I really wanted flowers... Imagine my surprise when he came to the meeting with a large bouquet of roses! (During the entire period of our relationship, he did not give me a single flower). All evening he tried to feed me, offering this and that. I tried my best to please.
This was the best meeting in the entire period of our acquaintance! And I realized: people feel how you treat yourself, and they transmit this attitude to us
.
My friend and I were walking in the park, and I saw a glass of strawberries in the hands of one person. I really wanted strawberries! We went looking for a place that sold it, but couldn't find it. We sat down on the bench. And at that moment, a man passing by with his girlfriend and holding two glasses of strawberries in his hand offered me one glass.
The friend laughed and said: “Imagine, my friend wanted strawberries 15 minutes ago - and then you appear!” He said that thoughts are material and dreams come true :)).”
Julia.
Of course, at first glance it may seem: “What’s so complicated? I started calling myself affectionately, and the world immediately changed.”
But in reality, everything is not so simple. On the course “DAO: The Way of a Woman”
we work with self-love globally. We learn to criticize ourselves correctly, including LOGIC and common sense, and not like ordinary people - always scolding and being offended by ourselves.
We learn to understand our Feelings and Desires. After all, “Love for Yourself” is an ATTENTIVE attitude towards yourself.
But, unfortunately, only a few know how to be attentive to themselves. Not everyone knows how to understand what they want from this life, what they REALLY want to do, how to live, what kind of relationships to build. We live the way we are used to. The way we were raised. Just as they once considered necessary.
But sit down and think about whether you really like doing what you do, resting the way you rest, treating yourself the way you treat yourself...
Any adult, self-respecting woman with intelligence should go to the mirror and smile at herself. Be happy with yourself. Love yourself. Only this can be called the NORM. Any other attitude towards yourself is a disease!
And it doesn’t lead to anything good in life.
A disregard for oneself gives rise to countless problems. Health problems, apathy, inability to succeed in life.
But the hardest thing that comes from not loving yourself is problems in relationships with other people. After all, without paying attention to ourselves, we become just as inattentive to the people around us.
And as a result, we get their inattentive attitude towards us.
If a man doesn’t give you flowers, it means you don’t give them to yourself, in your soul, treating yourself with love and understanding. If a man is inattentive to you, it means you are inattentive to yourself!
How to improve relationships with people
How to improve relationships with people - 5 tips for improving interaction with people around you in our material. The sphere of interpersonal relationships has been studied by humanity since ancient times, but psychologists still cannot come to a consensus on many points. This is because each person is unique, which means that there cannot be standard rules that would apply in all cases and for all people.
But, there are tips that can be adapted to a specific person and used to improve contact with other people. Let's look at five such universal tips that will help you smooth out the corners when communicating with different people.
How to improve relationships with people
Understanding first!
If all people were guided by this advice, then probably there would not be so many conflicts on planet Earth, the consequences of which are sometimes destructive. The inability or unwillingness to understand a person leads to incitement of a quarrel or to a quiet, “cold” conflict.
But resentment and anger towards other people harm, first of all, us, and not those who are the cause of them. Therefore, you should not be offended, but instead try to explain to yourself why this person acts or says this way.
In order to better understand what we are talking about, let's look at an example - a mother-in-law pesters her young daughter-in-law with advice, hypercontrol and other not very pleasant things. This infuriates the daughter-in-law - she gets angry, offended, despairs, but she can’t do anything - this is the beloved Mother of her beloved husband, and she doesn’t want to hurt him.
She endures, silently gets angry. But when the daughter-in-law finds out that the reason for such actions by her mother-in-law is that she at one time adopted such a model of behavior from her mother-in-law. She was the only example for this woman, and now she simply does not know how to behave differently.
Understanding that the reason people do bad things is because they have suffered emotional pain or trauma makes us compassionate, and we feel sorry for people more than we are angry at them.
A joke will soften any conflict situation
If you have wit and a wonderful sense of humor, then it is simply a sin not to use these qualities to build good relationships with the people around you.
A joke that is told in a timely and tactful manner at the moment of an impending quarrel can not only avert the development of the conflict, but also create goodwill towards you. Therefore, use your best qualities not only with friends, but also with enemies, or with those people with whom your relationship simply does not work out.
A person who has a good sense of humor attracts people to him and easily overcomes any problems in communication, because with the help of jokes he can find a way out of any, even the most awkward situation.
Even if Mother Nature did not gift you with these wonderful qualities, you can always start working on developing them.
Ten Second Rule
The golden rule, which was proposed by one Korean family psychologist to a couple who were on the verge of divorce. The young people had very “flammable” temperaments, and they reacted sharply and emotionally to every crooked word.
The psychologist suggested that the spouses make it a rule for themselves - every time they want to strike back at some offensive word or action, give themselves the opportunity to wait 10 seconds, and at that time decide what is more important - to respond to rudeness or to save the relationship.
A year later, the couple came to thank the psychologist, since their marriage not only did not break up, but became much stronger.
How to improve relationships with people? Use this rule too, it will help you restrain yourself from saying a bunch of stupid things and hurtful words that you will soon regret.
Mirror principle
Remember that most often we notice in people the shortcomings that we have in ourselves. What’s most interesting is that we can stubbornly ignore those flaws that are unfamiliar to us. For example, a person who uses all the power of cunning and cunning to cover up his own laziness will see this negative character trait in everyone.
At the same time, people who do not have such a deficiency do not notice. Therefore, before you get angry or offended by someone, look inside yourself - perhaps it will be easier for you to accept the shortcomings of your neighbor if you know that you are no better.
Keep your distance
In building harmonious and healthy relationships, it is important to draw boundaries in time and stick to them. Even with your closest relatives, sometimes it is necessary to keep your distance, because the quality of your contacts depends on it.
The fact is that in any relationship, to create a healthy connection, the participation and desire of both parties is necessary, otherwise nothing meaningful will come of it. But, unfortunately, quite often the other party stubbornly refuses to take the reciprocal steps necessary for successful communication. That's the rub.
In such cases, you have to distance yourself, not letting the person get too close to you, and also clearly indicating the scope of what is permitted.
This will provide you with two benefits:
- you will feel comfortable in the presence of difficult people,
- and after a while you will be able to forget about the troubles when contacting these people.
In relationships with strangers, you should also clearly delimit your personal space and let a person get as close to you as you are ready, so as not to regret or be disappointed later.
We advised how to improve relationships with people, be patient and friendly!
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