I, the manipulator – Natalia Kienya – How to live – Site materials

Manipulation in psychology is usually called a type of interaction between people in which one of the participants seeks to change the behavior or perception of others through the use of hidden, deceptive or violent techniques. Manipulation in most cases is a socially disapproved form of behavior, although there are exceptions: for example, in the investigation of crimes or in medical practice.

Is it possible to learn to manipulate people and is it necessary to do so?

When you want to succeed in your career or personal life, it is extremely important to understand how to learn how to manipulate people. If you use these methods, in the end you will still be able to literally force others to take you into account with just one glance, not to succumb to pressure from others, and to feel comfortable even with unpleasant people. This is really what you need to do to achieve success in your personal life and business.

What does it mean to “manipulate people” through communication?

We regularly encounter this type of manipulation in everyday life. Starting from communication with colleagues, ending with conversations with family and friends. To figure out how to avoid becoming its victim and skillfully use such techniques yourself, it is important to understand what it means to “manipulate people.”

Manipulation is an effective method of influencing an opponent using certain psychological techniques. When communicating, manipulation is a certain method of control when it becomes possible to control the behavior of an individual and the characteristics of his behavior.

There are two people involved in the process: the manipulator, who is the subject, and the recipient of his directed influence, that is, the object. The uniqueness of the situation is that the latter is not informed that any psychological impact will be directly applied to him. Such influence can be edifying and even dismissive.

We encounter similar precedents at all possible levels: when communicating between loved ones, disputes with friends, in the workplace. They can be used to demoralize an opponent, but in some cases they serve constructive purposes.

The decisive role is played by the goal pursued by the manipulator, as well as the techniques that he is going to use.

What does psychology say?

Psychology is trying to formulate what it means to manipulate a person. In a broad sense, this definition refers to any personal influence on the person around you. This term is used in neurolinguistic programming (NLP).

There is a concept in the everyday sense of what manipulation of people is. In this case, this definition is used to refer to any coercion of a person to make a decision that is unfavorable to him, often through deception. These methods are popular when manipulating people in psychology.

If you follow the scientific psychology of communicating with people, manipulation is a hidden influence on an individual, encouraging him to perform certain actions in the direction desired by the author of the manipulation. This understanding is widespread among a large number of specialists and has a lot of factual evidence.

In this case, several important points should be highlighted.

Manipulation is understood as exclusively a hidden influence that encourages a person to make a decision that is unfavorable to him or to act solely in the interests of the manipulator.
The psychology of how to manipulate people is discussed in detail. This includes externally effective influences that force the opponent to act in the interests of the manipulator in an open and direct manner. If we define it in a more artistic style, we can say that this is a clever action that allows you to beat your partner.

Almost no relationship between men and women can be done without manipulation.

Psychology of manipulation

Offer something that a person cannot refuse

Yes, yes, yes, our psychological traps are becoming more and more tempting. This method is perfect for those who know a couple of weaknesses of colleagues or acquaintances, whose trust and affection they are trying to win for their own insidious purposes. Depending on the scale of the porridge you brewed, anything can be used: imported beer, movie tickets, candy, a celebrity’s autograph. Money, after all. In general, absolutely everything that your opponent is particularly keen on, but at the same time it is not difficult for you to get it. People like it when people pay attention to their hobbies and “wants,” and they like it even more when some benefactor helps them realize them.

How to influence a person with words

Psychology advises how to learn to manipulate people using words. This helps to make those around you your people or simply push you to make the necessary decision. Here are some basic tips on how to manipulate a person.

Ask for a favor.
Demand more than you want to receive.
Address the person by name.
Don't forget to flatter.
“Reflect” your interlocutor.
Take advantage of your opponent's fatigue.
Make an offer your opponent can't refuse.
Learn to listen to your interlocutor.
Repeat after the interlocutor, using his usual turns of speech.
Nod, constantly agreeing with what he says.

These are good tips on how to manipulate people to your advantage.

Ways and methods

Most methods of manipulating people are based on lies. Controlling the actions of each individual person is considered one of the primary goals of any country. It becomes important for politicians and managers to control the masses. It is useful to know the techniques of manipulating people and how to use them yourself when the need arises.

Switching attention. This is one of the key methods of mass control. It aims to prevent people from having access to important and diverse knowledge. In particular, in the field of advanced scientific discoveries, current and modern trends in philosophy, psychology, economics, and programming. Instead, the information space is filled with news from the life of stars, gossip, and sports broadcasts.
A very effective way to manipulate people is to create a problem that seems insoluble at first glance. After this, the authorities allegedly offer effective methods and effective ways to solve them. This method is called the path from problem to reaction, followed by solution.
Gradual application. When you need to push through some unpopular measure, you should act gradually. It is believed that fundamentally new economic and social conditions were introduced by such methods at the end of the last century, which are commonly called neoliberalism.
Delayed execution. Another option is to make a decision that the majority is clearly against. In this situation, the manipulation is to convince people that all this is necessary. The main thing is to get their consent for the decision to be made, but in the future.
Treating others as if they were minors is another example of how to manipulate people with words. In practice, a manipulator begins to treat others using arguments and even intonations that are usually used when communicating with children.
Emphasis on emotional perception rather than logical conclusions.
Increasing the opponent's sense of guilt. This method of manipulation in the psychology of communicating with people is to convince the opponent to sincerely believe that he himself is solely to blame for all the troubles and problems that have happened to him. Having realized that everything happens solely because of his own insignificant mental capabilities, he becomes susceptible to the influence of those around him, who are trying to influence him with all sorts of methods.

Most methods of manipulation are based on lies

Examples of manipulation techniques to your advantage

Methods of manipulating people are also used for purely personal interests. Here are the most popular ones.

Impact on feelings of guilt or resentment. It is believed that this is one of the most effective ways to learn how to manage people. Finding itself in the image of an unfortunate victim, the host receives important dividends in the form of reparations and tacit powers. When something like this happens in a family, it is necessary to develop certain rules and conditions for forgetting grievances, agreeing not to remember past family quarrels. As soon as your partner says or does something offensive, you should not put the problem on hold, but immediately discuss the issue.
The technique of anger manipulation is based on forcing the opponent to succumb by being under the influence of so-called tactical anger. To resist such a method, the main thing is not to follow the lead. If this method works once, in the future the person will use it constantly, having understood how to become a manipulator.
Silence. Many people resort to significant silence to demonstrate their frustration. This is a demonstration that their problem is much more important than others think. Relying on feelings of guilt. It is important not to play along with such a manipulator; wait until he himself breaks the silence. When a discussion arises, start listening with an open mind.
Love. When people realize what it means to manipulate a person, they try manipulation with love. It is aimed at those closest to you, who initially trust the manipulator. The fear of losing love lives in every person literally from birth. This example of manipulating people is often used by parents to control the behavior of their child. Love is a feeling that cannot be traded. If exploitation of feelings begins, you need to understand how necessary it is.
Hope. This is another option on how to manipulate people with words. The method is based on promises, behind which lies the desire to receive immediate benefits. To counteract this, you need to trust only reliable information.
Ironic and arrogant attitude. This is another tip on how to manipulate people correctly. Initially, the mood is set to a sarcastic tone, seasoning them with provocative comments and jokes.

Having understood what it means to manipulate people, a person can achieve significant results in work and love.

Social manipulation: methods of protection against propaganda

The influence of the media affects all people by imposing a point of view. Therefore, it is necessary not to forget about the means of protection against manipulation in order to maintain objectivity:

Double check the information. To understand how true the data is, you should study all available sources. Often the media present opposing points of view, and the truth can be determined by comparing data and highlighting what is common.
Increase your intellectual level. The broader a person’s horizons, the more difficult it is to instill in her the necessary information. Studying the mechanisms of manipulation is an important part of the self-education of an individual who does not want to fall for them.
Move away. Manipulative media techniques are designed for collective impact. If you suspect manipulation, in order to get rid of influence, you need to step away from the crowd and analyze the information alone. Often even reasonable people fall for the trick. You can resist them if you remember to sift through the information and not make hasty conclusions.

The media use primitive techniques to protect themselves; it is enough to study the basics of psychological influence. But even an intelligent person can suffer from them if he is not careful.

Speech techniques of influence that any man can use

How to manipulate a person with words is often important for girls, especially when they dream of influencing the stronger sex.
Effective effects depend on several important factors: time, place, mood. There are effective speech manipulations that any man can use.

According to psychologists, a woman can make absolutely any man fall in love with her using similar techniques.

Here are options for the top phrases:

“I don’t need anything from you except your love or attention.” This is an amazing effect with which a girl hints that she needs a young man exactly as he is, without any achievements or income.
“I am grateful to you for everything you have done for me.” This is another speech manipulation that a man is subjected to. The psychological move is based on the fact that the partner has not done anything special, and is not ready for serious actions. But this is a great way to get him to move.
“There’s just not enough emotion to express how amazing you are doing this.” This is an effective verbal manipulation of men, which has a lighter effect in relationships. Family psychologists advise using it a couple of times a week, especially when the topic concerns discussion of sex life.
“Behind you I’m like behind a stone wall.” You should always remember that a man should feel courageous and strong. Hearing this phrase, a man will raise his head, agreeing with this on a subconscious level.
“I just now realized that my life was empty until I met you.” This is another effective speech manipulation that every man is subject to.

Of course, this rating should not be taken as the ultimate truth. After all, every person is an individual, he may have his own preferences.

Flatter

But with this trick you need to act carefully so as not to be branded as a banal suck-up. It is important to pay attention to details and subtleties here. For example, a person is shy or simply a “nerd.” For such a person, just a couple of epithets regarding his confidence or attractiveness are enough, and he no longer listens to anyone else. Or your friend just can’t get a girlfriend. Just let him know that “it’s definitely not about him, and these girls themselves don’t know what they want,” and you’ll get the desired result. Well, if the pitching guy starts praising his “bricks” and “cans,” then the matter will automatically go to waste.

Men's techniques

Manipulative men do not respect women. The attitude towards them is violent. It manifests itself in avid bachelors and misogynists.

The simplest manipulation of people is carried out by the discrepancy between actions and previously spoken words. Manipulators say what they want to hear, but act differently. Their support is questionable and more often causes depression and stress than a feeling of relief.

The favorite technique of male manipulators is the role of the victim. Never guilty of anything, the cause of all their troubles is other people.

When they help others, they expect the same in return. If they don’t get what they want, they create a scandal or hold a grudge for a long time, without explaining the reasons for its occurrence.

An abusive man can manipulate people with his status or position in society. He claims that without him they will be nothing and will achieve nothing in life. His goal is to gain recognition of his greatness before others.

They love to create an emotional hole. If they are not in the mood, then everyone around them should not be in the mood. Provokes a feeling of responsibility for your mood in your companion.

The main tool for manipulating women is compliments. And it’s better if they are voiced often and in large quantities. Naive girls do not immediately understand that this is how they are provoked into submission. Often such compliments are hypocritical.

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Reasons for influence

It is necessary to distinguish between an ordinary request and an intrusive, harsh call to action. Manipulators usually use the second tactic. They can humiliate, insult, and morally kill a person. Some do it to satisfy their needs, others do it because they have a mental disorder.

Manipulation of people is carried out for the following reasons:

the need to satisfy one's needs at any cost;
the desire to get some benefit in an easy way;
the need to feel in charge, to feel power;
the need to increase self-esteem and self-worth;
desire to play with the victim in order to get pleasure;
the need to test some techniques for managing people.

Manipulators suffer from various diseases: Machiavellianism, narcissistic, borderline, anxious, dependent, hysterical personality disorders, type A nervousness, psychological addiction.

Manipulators choose weak people. They are easier to control because they rarely resist. Sometimes manipulation reaches the point of abuse, which means violence in relationships.

They have a different character: psychological, emotional, physical. For the abuser, this is a way to assert himself at the expense of the weakness of others.

Management in education

Parents manipulate their children from early childhood. Examples of such requirements are given below. Usually they ask:

recite a poem for candy;
make friends with another child to please mom and dad;
sit calmly at the doctor’s appointment so that you can then receive the desired toy.

Later, the child is required to tell only the truth. If he does not do this, he will be punished or used physical force. The main punishment is house arrest or deprivation of pocket money.

Schoolchildren are asked to study excellently so as not to upset their parents. There is constant pressure on the child. He is blackmailed in different ways: the role of a victim, the role of a servant, excuses, false guilt, aggressive anger. The main thing is to make the student study well.