Countermanipulation and emotional control: basic rules

Good will is precisely the basis on which we perform all our actions and actions. But people are people and it is not at all surprising that sometimes, and even quite often, some resort to all sorts of tricks and tricks, wanting to get their way from us or with our help. In psychology this is called manipulation.

We have already talked about manipulation, but this time we will focus on what protection against manipulation is, we will offer effective mechanisms that allow you to protect yourself and your psyche from the influence of others in communication, both in everyday life and in business.

Protection against manipulation

External pressure can hit us anywhere: in relationships with family and friends, at work, at home or on the street when communicating with complete strangers. Even without serious malicious intent, one way or another, others may want to get something from us, without thinking at all about our opinion or desire to play someone else's game.

Here are some simple examples of possible manipulations in everyday life:

For some reason, you start helping a friend, although an hour ago you had no intention of solving other people’s problems.
After a meeting with your superiors, for some reason you are doing something other than your direct responsibilities, and this is very important to you.
After talking with someone in your family on the phone, you go to online banking and send money to this person, although you know that your budget is strictly limited.

There are many more similar situations that can be named, but each of them will relate to the area of psychological pressure, and it is very important not only to notice this pressure, but also to suppress it. Otherwise, you will only serve for the benefit of other people, play by other people's rules, achieve anything, but not what you need. Anti-manipulation mechanisms will help you become a true master of your life.

As we have already said, we will not consider the entire variety of manipulation situations and the entire arsenal of methods against it. In this article we will look at several common situations related to manipulation and tell you how to successfully get out of them. Everything you learn about will serve as an excellent defense against manipulation in business communications and ordinary communication.

A good start to the main topic would be a video from candidate of psychological sciences and psychotherapist Viktor Semenov, where he talks about how to communicate with manipulators.

There are many methods of psychological influence, and some people use not just one technique, but a whole complex of them. Let's look at the most “popular” of them.

Job

The work process, regardless of place, time and participants, requires certain skills and communication skills. Achieving the set goal is the main task of any team. At work, you cannot do without manipulation if you want to take a higher position, or get an extraordinary vacation, or force your colleagues to work more productively.

How to manipulate people at work? For manipulative influences in this area of life, you can use the following tips:

Do not try to talk to your boss about the desired vacation (promotion, etc.) at the beginning of the working day, since at this time the person is just beginning to psychologically tune in to work activities, and your questions may be perceived as a “red rag for the bull.” The best time to talk is during a lunch break or at the end of the workday.
Before hour “X”, try to come to work as early as possible and go home later, fulfill all the necessary requirements of your superiors.
To influence your colleagues, you can use the principle “you tell me, I tell you.” Offer your partners all possible help in anything, and at the same time, as if by chance, ask for help in solving your problem.
The conversation should be conducted in a purely business style, without strong emotional overtones. In order for your words to have the desired effect, you need to be moderately restrained and at the same time positive.
Show respect to colleagues and superiors. How to psychologically manipulate a person? Recognize his superiority. Even if your boss or colleague is a loser, you just have to emphasize his success in something - this will endear you to a potential victim of manipulative influence.

The manipulator puts pressure on feelings of guilt

Guilt is a point favored by a huge number of people, from relatives to work colleagues. For example, your cousin, with whom you communicate on an ongoing basis, may suddenly show up at 5 in the morning and ask to borrow money. And a colleague with whom you work in the same department may begin to insist that you do a report for him before the New Year, because... he had very, very urgent matters.

By influencing the feeling of guilt, manipulators choose a very “correct” strategy, because a person’s feeling when he is guilty of something can be very painful, and he will do everything to get rid of it. Feelings of guilt, like heartburn, eat away at your insides. This is why so often people who need something from you will make every effort to ensure that you experience it “to the fullest” and fulfill their requirements in order to stop feeling guilty.

By and large, this can be called real psychological blackmail, but you can successfully get rid of the influence of such a plan, and here’s how it’s done (remember these mechanisms and practice often):

When someone points out to you that you are acting ugly or ignoble, first simply agree with the manipulator and tell him that you understand him perfectly well, that doing this is really not very good, that you agree that you are “to blame.”
Don’t take on extra responsibility, don’t make unnecessary promises, and don’t agree to the manipulator’s “requests.” If you are asked a direct question, answer it, and if it is provocative, feel free to point out this provocation.
Do not make excuses, do not go into detailed explanations and do not succumb to feelings of guilt - this will allow you to avoid the manipulator’s intrusion into your personal psychological space. It’s better not to pay attention to your emotional urges at all, otherwise you may regret it later.

Let’s take the same example of a colleague who “pushes” his report on you. If you don’t want to do someone else’s work and waste your time and energy, it makes sense to neutralize manipulation. So, you may agree that colleagues usually help each other, and that, of course, you will not show yourself in the best way if you refuse a request.

At the same time, refuse any attempts to hand you documents or insert a flash drive into your computer. If a colleague provocatively asks: “What should I do now? Don't submit a report? I counted on you so much!”, answer that it is not in your competence to decide how and to whom to conduct your affairs. Don't forget that they are trying to manipulate you - you shouldn't feel guilty.

If you initially did not make any promises to help, how your colleague will submit the report is not your problem at all. Of course, you shouldn’t speak so directly, otherwise you will succumb to provocation and find yourself in a disadvantageous position, and besides, you will also be rude to the person, which is not necessary.

Understand: a person will find a way out of the situation in any case. Therefore, there is no need to justify yourself with non-existent reasons or sudden deeds. Explanations and justifications are the bait they are trying to catch you with. Your task: clearly explain that you will not do someone else’s report (and it doesn’t matter why) and end the conversation as soon as possible.

In this case, the manipulator will be surprised that he was not able to transfer his troubles to you, but no conflict will follow from this, because you responded correctly. When you agree with a manipulator, and do this constantly, it will be very difficult for him to continue to put pressure on you.

Mirror

One of the well-known methods of influencing people is mirroring the interlocutor. This is one of the simplest and fastest ways to mutual understanding, and this method works in any possible scenario.

For example, if your interlocutor has a habit of keeping his hands in his pockets during a conversation, pay attention to this and copy. In addition, you can remember your opponent’s opinion, paraphrase his words, leaving only the meaning, and tell him

This way you will show that you have common views on certain things and perhaps similar interests. All this will definitely make you pay attention. This is one of the secrets of management in psychology. How to influence people using mimicry?

People with imitation skills tend to copy the behavior and manner of communication of others. Psychologists gave such a person the definition of a chameleon for the ability to merge with the environment. Nowadays, you can meet a person who is a “chameleon” by nature, and this skill can also be developed in oneself and put into practice quite consciously, which will help to interest the interlocutor in one’s personality and to have a favorable attitude. Studies of psychological mimicry have shown that those who were the subject of copying had a positive attitude not only towards the person who copied them, but also towards all people in general. Experts explain this by saying that those people who have imitators feel more significant and self-confident, which has a positive effect on their behavior and attitude towards the world around them.

The manipulator asks rhetorical questions

Any manipulation is pure psychology. And one of the most effective methods of psychological influence is to ask rhetorical questions. Manipulators often use them to force the victim to agree with their point of view, which can often be seen in disputes and quarrels.

But what could be dangerous about rhetorical questions? And the fact is that during an argument or quarrel they draw a person into the process at the emotional level. If a question does not imply a normal, adequate answer, it can cause resentment and even anger, after which there is no point in talking about emotional balance.

Examples of common rhetorical questions:

Well, how can you be so incomprehensible?
What do you allow yourself?
Do you even understand what you're saying right now?

Such questions do not really need an answer, and manipulators ask them for one purpose - to hook the victim emotionally so that it becomes easier to control him. But if the role of the object of manipulation does not suit you, there is no need to remain silent or give monosyllabic answers. It is much better to take the conversation in a positive direction and try to come to a compromise. The key to solving many communication problems is often constructive dialogue, and this is much more effective than silence and other things that can aggravate the situation.

The best defense against manipulation in business communication and everyday communication in the case of rhetorical questions is to try to make the manipulator laugh. With a sense of humor, you can give quite interesting answers to rhetorical questions, for example:

It is not only possible to be so incomprehensible, but sometimes it is necessary!
I allow myself a lot, especially when it comes to playing chess. Maybe we can play?
Don't you understand what I'm saying? Do you know a speech therapist?

With the help of wit, you can quietly turn the situation to your advantage, which will allow you to establish normal communication. But for this you need to maintain composure and awareness. This will allow you not just to listen, but to hear the person, understand his motives and needs and, of course, not allow yourself to be controlled.

Way. The principle of social proof

This method allows companies to make huge profits. So we can take a simple banal queue

Every person will pay attention to the crowd, which is standing for some unknown reason. People are not interested in what goods there is a queue for

If a lot of people have gathered, it means the product is good and you need to buy it. Almost every person acts according to this principle. This is at the level of instinct, where people go, so do I.

In addition, the principle of social proof allows people to find a way out of difficult situations. So, if you don’t know what to do, then you just do it like everyone else. This is the principle used by most companies that want to sell their goods. Buyers mainly focus on reviews and ratings. They buy mainly those goods that are most popular among customers. Business and advertising campaigns are built on this principle.

Today, marketers recommend that companies set ratings, namely the number of customers, regular customers and reviews. This is what will attract potential clients. Even off-screen laughter in a comedy program makes it popular.

The manipulator carries out a “massive attack”

In case of a massive attack, protection against manipulation must be more serious. The manipulation technique itself can be called traditional for working and business relationships, and especially applies to those who occupy management and high positions (but note that the activities of many companies engaged in traditional and online trading, as well as media and PR are based on a massive attack -companies).

The essence of the technique lies in the fact that people from everywhere begin to “send” the same messages on a specific topic (for example, advertising in magazines, on TV channels and banners). Another example of a massive attack can be fashion trends imposed on people from all possible sources. This is called a massive attack, and it can be more difficult to defend against such manipulation than against others.

At the everyday or professional level, this manipulation manifests itself in the endless opinions, advice and mentions of others about what is supposedly “best” for you to do: where to go, what decision to make, with whom to collaborate/communicate, what deals to make, how to treat whom and etc.

When defending against a massive attack, it is useful to simply “brush off” annoying advisers, promising to look in later, think, choose the time to make a decision, or use another usual excuse. But if the attack is planned in advance and several manipulators are trying to influence you (some people may be them and not even know it), then the first thing you need to do is find the initiator. Almost always it will be someone for whom the decision you make or the action you take is important.

After the main manipulator has been found, he should be brought to light, but, again, this must be done correctly, observing tact, conducting a constructive dialogue and using the methods of defense that we examined in cases with guilt and rhetorical questions.

Method 1. Emotional contagion

This technique is often used by politicians, businessmen, actors, and television people. It is designed to bypass the censorship of the human psyche, which builds barriers to the penetration of unwanted, unimportant or unnecessary information into the consciousness. In this case, the manipulative influence is aimed at feelings through emotional infection. By imparting vivid emotions to the information, you can easily reach a person’s heart, put pressure on his reflexes and instincts, and thereby force the “test subject” to experience the storm of passions that the manipulator needs. You can observe this technique in action in advertising, reality shows, election campaigns, sales and other situations that require emotional arousal of people.

Anti-manipulation: Be aware and be aware of what goals are pursued by people who spin you on emotions. Always keep your own goal in mind, and if the offered service, product, entertainment, promise certainly satisfies it, consider the emotional contagion a pleasant bonus. If the actions of the supposed manipulators lead away from your true intention, the manipulators are real. Stop and take a break to make a decision without pressure.

The manipulator uses a direct threat

Another well-known technique of manipulation in communication. It can be effective, but in itself it is obviously weak, because simply taps into common human fears. Fear, as you know, is a very strong emotion that quickly clouds the mind. It is very important to maintain a sober mind and a certain detachment from the situation; the most important thing is to understand what the manipulator wants to achieve by directly threatening you.

It is worth saying that this manipulative technique is resorted to in the absence of arguments. Therefore, noticing that someone wants to scare you, you can assume that the opponent is vulnerable and has an urgent need for something. To achieve this, he must come to an agreement with you by hook or by crook. So here it is important to clearly understand what a person wants, and this, among other things, will tell you about what he himself is afraid of.

Direct threats in communication indicate that the person is almost in a hopeless situation, does not know what to do next, and he will not be able to solve his problem without you. Based on this, fight fear and do not give in to it, listen carefully to the person. If necessary, try to find a compromise option and offer it. But in any case, you only need to make your own decision.

In addition to this, you need to understand that when one person threatens another, a conflict situation occurs. This means that protection from manipulation is equated with the ability to resolve conflicts. There are different ways of behaving in conflict, such as avoidance, competition, cooperation, accommodation, and others. So you should master them, and you can learn about them from our articles “7 effective strategies for behavior in conflict” and “Conflicts and strategies for behavior in them.”

Let us remind you that we have only talked about some common manipulation situations. We will not touch on other cases, because... We would like to offer several recommendations for protecting against manipulation in business communication and on an everyday level, applicable to most situations in general.

Method 5. Herd instinct

The main goal of the manipulator who chooses this method is to force his opponent to adhere to the opinion of the masses. He can lead to this with the following phrases: “All normal people do this!”, “No sane person would argue with this!”, “What makes you better than others?!” etc. Thus, the aggressor influences the herd instinct inherent in every person at the genetic level. It is much easier to survive “in the herd”, and the opponent will instinctively begin to feel more confident when he acts like the majority of people from the social community to which he belongs. It is easy to manipulate those who want to live “like all normal people.”

Anti-manipulation: There is nothing worse than being like everyone else. Those who are afraid to step out from the crowd, to have their own opinion, to become a “black sheep” or a bright individual, have an average life. This time. Two - a signal from him in the form of generalizing marker words will help you avoid becoming a victim of a manipulator: everyone, no one, anyone, always, never, everywhere.

Simple techniques to protect against manipulation

The mechanisms of all manipulations are based on human psychology (more precisely, on knowledge of its characteristics), therefore there are methods of universal protection in principle. We decided to highlight the following:

Study the methods of manipulation and their features so that you can distinguish between them and understand what they may be aimed at (i.e., what they may want from you).
In any communication, always keep your main interests in mind. This will allow you to make your own decisions and not accept other people's rules.
Always try to control your emotions and think soberly and objectively. This way you can make the right decisions.
Monitor your feelings and emotions when communicating with people and making decisions. By doing this you will extinguish emotionality, thereby taking away an important trump card from the manipulator.
Take time when you are required to immediately make an imposed decision. Thanks to this, you will be able to assess the situation yourself, and deprive the manipulator of his advantage (by not allowing yourself to be rushed), which is why he himself may stop trying to influence you.
Learn to refuse and say “No” to people. This skill will not only protect you from unnecessary situations, but will also give you the opportunity to say “Yes” to yourself more often.
Ask direct questions when you feel stuck. This discourages manipulators and makes them nervous. As a result, you will be able to understand whether a person is sincere with you and whether it is worth doing business with him.
In “severe cases,” criticize the manipulator, give an objective negative assessment of his actions, and mock his attempts to control you in communication. These are drastic measures, but they are very effective. Suitable for cases when a relationship with a manipulator is not valuable to you.
If the situation allows, ignore the manipulator's attacks. This is a passive version of the previous technique. Don't pay attention to what the manipulator does or says, but you can easily hint that you understand everything.
Respond to manipulation in kind. You can set your own conditions in exchange for fulfilling a request, or you can quietly force the manipulator to do what you need.
Act unpredictably because... It is very difficult to find an approach to people from whom you can expect unknown things, and it is much more difficult to adapt to them.
Develop self-confidence and form correct self-esteem. People who know their worth are prey that many manipulators cannot handle.
Be careful in your communication and develop your communication skills. The experience of communication can tell a lot of interesting things about the methods by which people achieve hidden goals.
Distract the manipulator during communication. To do this, you can turn on the TV or tape recorder, go to an interesting website on the Internet. These “interferences” will attract the attention of the manipulator, and you will have time to assess the situation.

As you yourself have noticed, anyone can protect themselves from manipulation; the main thing is to identify the manipulation and set a goal to stop it, using any of the options. But still, we want to introduce you to another method of protection. It differs in that it affects the manipulator at a non-verbal level. It consists of several steps (not necessarily sequential):

Take a “closed” pose with your legs crossed and your hands clasped. This psychologically isolates you from the person and focuses your attention on yourself.
Do not let the manipulator come into physical contact with you and go beyond your personal comfort zone to prevent him from increasing his influence.
Position yourself in the room so that the space between you and the manipulator is filled with something: a table, an armchair, railings, a bar counter, etc.
Turn your eyes to your surroundings to break eye contact with the manipulator and divert your attention.
Mentally create a barrier between you and your opponent, for example, a wall. This way you will reduce your emotionality and weaken the influence of manipulation.

The purposeful use of such nonverbal signals on a subconscious level will be noticed by the manipulator, which can both make his actions less effective and discourage him from manipulating at all. Here is an interesting material about 19 practical techniques for protecting yourself from manipulation.

Almost everyone is manipulated from time to time, but this does not mean that people are bad. It’s just that circumstances, conditions, and life itself may require it. But our task is to be able to protect ourselves from any attacks on our freedom and freedom of choice, and we hope that the listed methods will be useful to you in this. And to make you feel even more confident, we have selected a useful video for you - a master class “How to protect yourself from manipulation” from Andrei Makarov, Doctor of Philosophy and Professor of Volgograd State University. We wish you success in everything and the ability to always remain yourself!

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
How to communicate with manipulators
Ten cunning tactics of manipulators
Manipulation of people
Anti-manipulation techniques
Active and passive protection against manipulation
Psychological pressure and how to resist it
Countermanipulation and emotional control: basic rules
10 types of psychological influence
How to get rid of guilt
Guilt

Key words:1Communication

Method 4. Psychological Aikido

This technique underlies the principle of perceptual contrast. The manipulator provides the necessary information in contrast to events, achieving a change in the opponent’s beliefs and his positive reaction to circumstances. A perfect example is a letter published by psychologist Robert Cialdini in his book The Psychology of Influence.

Anti-manipulation: “He who has no criticism has no head!” - says English wisdom. Learn to approach everything critically. In this case, influencing you will be much more difficult and dangerous. Remember your value system, chosen positions, long-term priorities and always correlate them with the information received under the influence of manipulators.