How to use the connection between external and internal states to influence viewers
11.11.201929.06.2020 Elena LitvinenkoPosted in Professional self-development
Do you want sympathy and trust? Then it is hardly worthwhile to be guided by the principle “I am who I am and I don’t want to adapt to anyone.” You'll have to reconsider your clothing preferences. Agree, if you are invited to the Queen of England, then you will have to look as is customary at court, right? In addition, one should take into account the fact that the change is external and the internal state changes.
Any speaker, expert, trainer, leader needs to select an image according to the audience to which he is going to speak. After all, it is known that we determine “ours” or “strangers” first of all by looking at appearance. By the color of the T-shirt, people determine which team the player is from, or the uniform of which army the soldier is from, what organization the employee represents. In accordance with this, it is common for a person to feel like or dislike almost instantly.
There are two ways to change a person's appearance:
- Natural, which occurs gradually from internal changes and changes in lifestyle - to external ones. For example, with increasing wealth, as a rule, people become more well-groomed, often gain weight and change their wardrobe.
- Instant transformation of appearance, in which changes go from external to internal image. At the same time, it has been noted that deep positive personal changes begin with a change in appearance for the vast majority of people. Not only the inner feeling of oneself changes, life and destiny change...
Mary Kay Ash said: “If you are not a queen yet, pretend to be one!”, which means: look like a queen, move like a queen, talk like a queen, act like a queen and you will definitely become one.
External and internal states are connected. How to use it?
Actors have been changing their appearance since the beginning of theater. An actor in a beggar's costume behaves like a beggar, but in a prince's costume he assumes the posture and manners of a prince. Now psychotherapists have begun to use this effect. They suggested that an old suit was not suitable for a new sense of self (and then for a new life).
Instant transformation of appearance is a favorite trick for spies, as well as a technique that is often used in the narration of children's fairy tales. Having skillfully changed his appearance in order to hide his true essence, a person inevitably begins to move differently, speak differently, and his behavior changes. If we want to become “one of our own” as quickly as possible to communicate with unfamiliar people, then, figuratively speaking, we need to put on “their team’s T-shirt.”
You have most likely observed this effect more than once, and even felt it yourself. Remember how you reacted to the words of one of the politicians who claimed that he was the same simple guy as you, but at the same time dressed “immaculately” in haute couture, with an expensive watch on his wrist. Or here's an absolutely opposite example - the presentation of Apple products by Steve Jobs, who perfectly understood what audience he wanted to interest. It was precisely in order to become “one of the people” that he gave his presentations in jeans and a sweater!
How to open hearts and doors using appearance?
The most striking story of instant transformation is Cinderella. With the wave of a magic wand, she receives a complete change in her image as a gift from the Fairy. Firstly, she was transformed in appearance (face, hairstyle, makeup). Secondly, the long dress with a corset changed her posture, and the elegant glass slippers changed her gait.
And thirdly, as usual, the most interesting thing: when she saw her reflection, she changed internally. Fortunately, her character remained, as before, kind and sympathetic, but her inner state had completely changed. After all, his self-confidence and his attractiveness often depend on a person’s appearance, which invariably leaves an imprint on his behavior, and even more so on his performance and communication.
Let's remember the story of Cinderella. In the palace, where she ends up thanks to her transformation, she easily becomes “one of her own.” He communicates freely with the king and prince, feeling like he is among equals. And only then, in communication, she shows her best qualities. She was appreciated as a person. Therefore, her life changes dramatically.
Did you think that all you have to do is change your image and... the whole world is in your pocket? Alas, this is not true. Cinderella passionately wanted to go to the ball. And to change her life, she worked tirelessly. Transforming her appearance was an opportunity she took.
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How to learn to change your condition
During the day we alternate activities: at work we need to be collected and concentrate on solving important tasks, relax at lunch, do household chores in the evening and devote time to loved ones or ourselves. Each type of activity requires a certain state, which corresponds to its own manner of thinking and behavior, a kind of program for the brain.
If you can’t create the desired state, your productivity suffers: you make mistakes in your work, you can’t get yourself together and complete a task, and during rest you can’t switch your thoughts and stop worrying about things. Many people have difficulty transitioning between modes and stay in one until they burn out. But a universal state for all types of activity simply does not exist.
The number of states in which a person can be is enormous. This is a creative state, the ability to think logically and critically, calmness, joy, focus and concentration, apathy (for poets, writers, actors), self-confidence, playfulness, flirting, sensitivity, inspiration and many others.
Some of them are emotions, but can last more than a few minutes, so they take the form of states. Agree that if you are now feeling delighted, it is extremely difficult to sit down to write a coursework or do other routine work that requires full concentration.
The same works the other way around. Even the most shy person can pass an important interview if they gather themselves for half an hour and remain in a state of confidence.
A person’s ability to change his state depends, not least of all, on temperament - a stable set of individual psychophysiological characteristics of a person associated with dynamic, rather than meaningful, aspects of activity. For example, sanguine people are able to often change states, which on the one hand is good. But on the other hand, it’s bad, because the transition process is difficult to control (as with choleric people). For phlegmatic people, everything is different - changing the state requires significant effort. Therefore, the skill itself must begin to be developed precisely by assessing one’s ability to change states and its frequency.
Components of any condition
Whatever state you want to enter, each of them consists of three components that complement each other - physical, physiological, emotional. The physical component is influenced by movements: body language, sports, exercise, dancing. Physiological - food, drink, pharmaceuticals, sleep, rest, breathing training. On the emotional level - thoughts, environment, inner mood, willpower, motivation.
How to change a state by influencing its components? Let's look at this example. You are agitated and want to calm down:
- The physical aspect of the change of state: lower your shoulders, stop moving, sit quietly, change the environment to a quiet and calm one.
- Physiological: breathe smoothly.
- Emotional: replace excited thoughts with calm ones, meditate.
The hardest thing is to control your thoughts. This is where most people fail. But it is never final: you should not give up after the first failure. It will get better every time.
And in order to understand in more detail how to change your state, we offer you a step-by-step algorithm for this.
Step One: Analyze Yourself
You must find out which states you enter into most often. This is a very important stage that should not be missed in any way.
Set aside three days for this. Every time you move into a new state, mark it. The final list might look like this:
Morning
- Calmness immediately after waking up.
- Relaxation during breakfast.
- Concentration while working.
- Anger when distracted by a friend on Viber.
- The state lasted for about half an hour, then went away, but I did not understand what state I was in now. Perhaps this is prostration.
- Joy: I remembered how I spent my last weekend.
- Full concentration. Until lunchtime.
Day
- After lunch I'm too lazy to do anything.
- Apathy set in because I was idle.
- Coffee gave me a little joy, but it didn’t last long.
- I sit and stare into emptiness. Probably prostration again?
- He showed willpower and sat down to work.
- Until the evening I was in a state of complete concentration.
Looking at these essays, you can understand a lot of things. For example, notice patterns. These are bundles of states that follow each other every day. This approach will help you know yourself better and use this knowledge for your benefit.
Step Two: Find out what states are needed for important things
Let's say this week you need to do the following things:
- Work on a film script.
- Have a great weekend with your family.
- Buy shares.
As we see, these goals require radically different states: creative, peaceful, entrepreneurial.
Now make a list of the conditions that are most necessary for you. This is checked using intersections based on all goals for the next month. It may turn out that for you the state of self-confidence is the most important and frequent. Which, by the way, means that it also needs to be worked out until it becomes automatic.
Do not include more than the 10 most important conditions on the list. This is something that needs to be worked on in the near future.
Step Three: Start a Journal
You have a lot of lists, so it's best to keep a diary - paper or electronic.
Why is this even necessary? In the diary you can conduct life experiments on yourself. After all, what works for one may not work for another. This means an individual approach is needed. Find out how different types of activities affect your states, what patterns and patterns there are. For example, meditation calms some people down, while others feel a surge of inspiration.
Using a diary, you can also find out why you cannot enter a particular state. Fear, doubt, beliefs, anything can get in the way. Therefore, it is imperative to set aside time for self-reflection.
A journal is a place to summarize your experiences and figure out which method or activity works best.
It's simple:
- Find out what your current state is called.
- Get rid of it using a variety of methods (experiment).
- Get into the right state (also requires experimentation).
We will now talk about the second point.
Step Four: Get Rid of Your Current Condition
Obviously, in order to enter the desired state, you first need to get out of the old one. This will help get rid of unnecessary thoughts and emotions.
To do this, you must use your diary again to find out what state you are in. Take 5 minutes and give it a general title (“I feel angry”) and then a long definition (“Today I am constantly irritated by distractions. I am tense and angry with myself and others”).
Now choose a method that will help you get out of this state. This could be a short nap, a long rest, a breathing exercise, or even a hearty lunch.
Step Five: Change Focus
When you control your emotions and thoughts using a journal, you can consciously direct your focus. For example, stop thinking about what drains your energy and direct your attention to what inspires you and sparks your interest.
When you cannot change your state, it means that you continue to periodically return your thoughts to the previous one. Remember that a person can always choose what to think about. What penetrates his consciousness becomes part of him.
Write down in advance what you need to pay attention to and what to think about when you want to enter the desired state. A fairly voluminous list will be compiled. But you can find out that there are only 2-3 of the most important components, and use them whenever you need them.
Step Six: Get into the Right State
It is very likely that after you came out of an unnecessary state, you are now in prostration. No need to pay attention to it: do what you planned.
Now that you have entered a new, desired mode, secure it. If you used exclusively mental labor, now you will need to work on the physical and physiological level. To gain self-confidence, you will need to use power poses - that is, the way superheroes behave. You can eat a big meal. Or, on the contrary, it’s easy. It all depends on your hunger level.
By the way, hunger is a powerful weapon. Sometimes being hungry is a great way to achieve certain goals. Many writers have written their best chapters in this state. Experiment with yourself: maybe it will help you.
Step Seven: Experiment with Yourself
We partially talked about this method, but it is so important that it needs to be separated into a separate method. Your behavior changes every day under the influence of habits, decisions, thoughts, emotions. It's likely that what works today won't work tomorrow as you grow and change.
It is the changes that need to be tracked. Do a variety of things and see how it affects your mood.
Give yourself challenges. For example, meditate for 30 days. Give up coffee for two weeks. Make a list of people you haven't seen in over a year, call them and set up meetings. All this will shake up your emotional state and allow you to look at yourself in different situations.
Don't be in the same state for days and weeks. Change it more often, increase emotional diversity. More experience means more room for maneuver. Don't let routine suck you in. Read new books, watch movies, start a strange hobby.
All this will ultimately increase the plasticity of your psyche. You will be able to enter the desired state in a matter of seconds, because yesterday you were in it, and today you just need to remember it. The memory stores all the memories of how you felt, especially fresh experiences.
Additional Tips
The following tips will help you if the basic ones are not enough or they turn out to be too complex.
Arouse your interest
Almost any state can be induced in yourself if you are truly interested in it. Think about self-confidence and how important it is to become that way now. In the end, the main thing is desire, and it can come through strong interest.
Relax and read
Books and articles change your state, causing happiness, joy, gratitude, inspiration. And when you are relaxed, they do it much faster and more efficiently. So always keep a couple of references and books handy.
Move
As Tony Robbins says: “Movement changes your state. Your body is your vehicle. Use it." If you feel sluggish, pay attention to your posture. Dancing energizes and fills you with joy, especially if it is spontaneous and awkward.
Use strong words
Words become tightly attached to thoughts, and those, in turn, change the emotional state. Want to be sure? Use the vocabulary of a confident person: strength, power, victory, courage, bravery. Do you want to get into a creative state? Write down and repeat out loud and silently words that inspire inspiration and a desire to create.
Go to nature
This is an excellent opportunity to get rid of the pressure of the environment, which can be very oppressive and automatically put you into certain unnecessary states. There will be no familiar things or walls nearby that evoke certain emotions. Being in nature is like starting life from scratch on which you can paint any picture you want.
Change the scenery
Nature is only one (albeit the main) scenery. You can go to another city, or better yet, a country, visit a museum or theater.
Learn to change
This means gaining the ability to instill and break habits. To change your state is to change, which means that any practice in this matter will be useful. If you are able to get rid of a bad habit, then you will learn to get into the right state.
Connect with the right people
We adopt the emotions and states of those with whom we communicate. Filter your surroundings, communicate with people in the states that you need.
Create your memory bank
This is the most important additional tip. We all love memes, pictures, stories, articles and other materials from the Internet. They all create a certain mood, which means they are capable of evoking emotions and forming states.
You can also indulge in memories. Write down in your diary all the moments from the past that influenced you in one way or another. This will take a lot of time, so be patient.
A memory bank can be in electronic, paper or physical form. Label each item according to the desired condition. However, one object or memory can create two or even three moods.
Books
The books below won't necessarily give you a ton of great methods for changing your condition, but they will help you see how others do it.
- "Man's Search for Meaning" Viktor Frankl
- "Six Thinking Hats" Edward before Bono
- "Walden, or Life in the Woods" by Henry David Thoreau
- "Flow. The Psychology of Optimal Experience" Mihai Cixen Anne Lamott
- "Awaken the Giant Within" Tony Robbins
- "The Book of Self-Power" by Tony Robbins
- "The Power of Now" Eckhart Tolle
- "Thinking Man" James Allen
- "Think and Grow Rich" Napoleon Hill
- "The Power of Positive Thinking" Vincent Norman Peale
Control your conditions, achieve optimal results in the right situations and notice how your life changes. Good luck!
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We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- Flow model
- Crisis is the path to progress
- Flow state: what is it and how to enter it
- The benefits of keeping a diary
- Managing emotions with color
- Ability to understand emotional state
- Mindfulness and its benefits
- How does motivation work?
- How to change your emotional state
- Properties of mental states
Key words:1Psychoregulation
