Self-doubt, inferiority complex, low self-esteem - so many words, and behind all of them there is actually one and the same phenomenon: lack of faith in yourself, your strengths, your capabilities. Please note: not the absence of the strengths and capabilities themselves, but the confidence in their absence. Such a conviction is born from comparing oneself with other people (especially with people from a close social group: classmates, peers, work colleagues, etc.). A person evaluates his appearance, his talents, his abilities and finds that he has them lower and worse than others. How to deal with this character trait?
What is uncertainty?
First, let's figure out what uncertainty is. This is a certain combination of certain feelings, thoughts and patterns of human behavior. In addition, this is an opinion of oneself as unable to cope with the assigned tasks. This person feels the fear of becoming rejected and misunderstood by others. At its core, uncertainty is doubt that has no end. For a person who doubts his own abilities, it is very important how others evaluate him. It depends on other people's opinions. After all, he is sure that it is others who know what to do in a certain situation and what the consequences of these actions may be. All this gives rise to in such a person a fear of mistakes, judgments of non-compliance with expectations, negative assessments and condemnation from others. Such a person does not understand how important it is to conduct an internal dialogue, be aware of one’s feelings and make decisions independently.
However, without the above steps, there is no increase in self-confidence, but there is a possibility of increased dependence on the opinions of other people. In addition, if a person doubts himself and underestimates his potential, he deprives himself of his inner core and support. The desire to be correct and better than he actually is only harms him. He loses his voice and becomes faceless, invisible.
"The Main Secrets of Absolute Self-Confidence" Anthony Robert
Do you think you have willpower? If you find it difficult to answer this question, then the book “The Main Secrets of Absolute Self-Confidence” is definitely for you!
Willpower is a person’s ability to think and, based on his conclusions, make independent decisions, and then act in accordance with the decision made. But according to Professor Anthony Robert, having the right mindset is not enough to achieve your goals. Therefore, in his book, he explains in detail what needs to be done to become a confident person. The author shares how to correctly assess your surroundings and the situation around you, and shows why this is where the key to self-development and qualitative changes in life lies (look for 5 fashionable books about women for women here).
Causes of self-doubt
Each case has its own path to self-doubt, there may be several reasons for this:
- Mistakes from the past
They are capable of significantly changing a person’s attitude towards himself, reducing self-esteem and devaluing all his previous achievements. The past cannot be changed, but you can not dwell on it. It is necessary to accept and realize your mistakes as lessons. After all, they definitely were in your life for a reason.
- Methods of education and assessment
This has a strong impact on confidence. Constant dissatisfaction with the child on the part of the parents, inadequate assessments by teachers give rise to doubts in his own abilities from an early age. Please note that many successful people have not been hindered by this in their lives and careers. They considered their abilities in time and realized that an adult, self-sufficient person should not seek approval from others. Otherwise, they will remain unfulfilled losers.
- Comparing yourself with others
It is human nature to compare ourselves with other people. And this is not so bad if you use the comparison correctly. This allows you to develop positive qualities in yourself. But people who lack self-confidence consider themselves less successful, less happy, and worthy of any benefits. This often leads to jealousy of the success of others and disappointment and anger towards oneself. However, the situation is not as hopeless as it might seem at first glance. The solution to problems is learning to evaluate yourself correctly. After all, each of us has our own abilities, strengths and virtues. The main thing is to accept and realize, and then success is guaranteed.
- Fear of the unknown
Many people, in unfamiliar surroundings and unusual conditions, get lost and panic. We are afraid of the unknown and that's normal. Such doubts should be taken as a chance to learn a new skill. After all, we do everything for the first time and often make mistakes. And this is not an exceptional case in life.
- Our achievements from the past
They can create fear that you will never be able to achieve more. But this success does not need to be repeated. You should work on yourself and think about future conquests. There is always something to strive for and something to develop in yourself. The main thing is not to stop there.
Signs of an insecure person
There are a number of signs of insecure people. They are characterized by:
- Fear of judgment
Such persons are always afraid of other people's negative opinions. This sometimes leads to a significant reduction in their social circle, and sometimes to self-isolation from society. They are not given the opportunity to understand that besides them, there are a lot of problems in the world that others are paying attention to.
- Taboo on new acquaintances
Expanding their social circle is practically prohibited for them. And in fact, it is not so pleasant to communicate with them. They constantly need to be encouraged and convinced.
- Unnatural behavior in society
In addition to the desire to isolate from others, they exhibit an unnatural pattern of behavior. At the same time, they strive to seem like people who are better, more ideal. Trying to try on someone else's life leads to the destruction of one's own self.
- Fear of new beginnings
They often do not understand their purpose. To do this, you need to try yourself in different areas. It is a mistake to think that a profession once chosen should be permanent.
- Lack of faith in your success
They tend to go with the flow, without making any effort to change for the better, thereby dooming themselves to a meaningless, gray life in which there is no place for dreams or determination.
- Refusal of life's blessings
Uncertainty prevents you from taking advantage of all opportunities and prevents you from taking advantage of the chances that life gives.
- Denial and dissatisfaction
They are constantly dissatisfied with themselves and consider themselves unworthy of a good life.
- Relationships doomed to failure
They lie to themselves, and relationships with other people require sincerity and trust.
How to deal with doubts and uncertainty?
We have already figured out what self-doubt is and where it comes from, how to deal with it? This fight will help:
- Self-love. After all, we are all unique and worthy of a good life.
- Refusal of generalizations. A single mistake should not negate all the advantages of a person.
- Comparisons are taboo. You need to compete with yourself, not with others.
- Expanding your social circle. Getting to know someone or simply asking a passerby for help helps you gain confidence in communication.
- Fight your egocentrism. When, for example, you fall on the street, do not expect ridicule from others. They won't even pay attention to you.
- Showing genuine emotions. Learn to show what you feel. It’s easier for both you and those around you.
- Training to get out of your comfort zone. Confidence comes gradually.
- Overcoming fear. Everyone has problems and difficult moments. You need to survive them and not wait for repetitions.
- Spontaneity. Nobody cancels planning, but often the situation requires spontaneity in action, and procrastination and doubt only worsen the situation.
- Focus on self-confident individuals. Determined, goal-oriented people should serve as examples. They do not have inhibitions and fear of failure, which are considered key signs of self-doubt.
By looking for ways to get rid of doubts in your abilities, you can get to know yourself better and direct your abilities in the right direction.
How to fight? Adviсe
What is self-doubt? This is an internal struggle, a protest against making any changes in life. As M.E. Litvak said, our enemy is in the reflection, and once we deal with it, other problems will go away by themselves. To combat uncertainty, it is important to understand and realize the fact that the problem lies not in the world around us, but inside a person, in his attitude towards himself and his life.
How to overcome fear and self-doubt? Just follow the simple tips below:
- Try to praise yourself as often as possible, even for the smallest successes. Record on paper things that ended in your favor - this will help raise your self-esteem.
- Don't be afraid to refuse people. Consider not only other people's interests and needs, but also your own desires.
- Do not reproach yourself for misdeeds and failures, conduct an internal dialogue with yourself. When you think that you don’t have enough strength to implement your plans, ask yourself the question, is everything really that difficult?
- Concentrate on positive thoughts. There is no need to plunge headlong into problems - this takes both time and energy.
In the fight against an inferiority complex, the most important thing is a sincere desire to overcome it and gain confidence in your abilities.
Know how to relax in any situation.
If you feel that at important moments in life (at an interview, speaking in front of an audience) you cannot control yourself and worry until your knees tremble, learn to manage your emotions. To master this skill, you need to practice. There are a number of special psychological techniques for this. And which one to choose for yourself is up to you. One of the simple options is to abstract yourself, imagine yourself in a different, most comfortable situation for yourself.
How to increase self-confidence: the best ways
In order to regain self-confidence, you should learn to understand your needs, work on your thinking, and surround yourself with people who value you. Learn to praise yourself even for minimal successes, improve your body and mind.
Take care of your needs
Insecure people often succumb to manipulation by others. Trying to increase their own importance, they care about the comfort of other people, sometimes to the detriment of their own needs.
Stop following the lead of others. Identify and satisfy your own needs. In order to increase a girl's self-esteem and confidence, you can start by changing her wardrobe and visiting a stylist. A mother of two children should stop boiling diapers, ironing socks, and cooking porridge. Take time for yourself. Taking care of your needs is a surefire way to healthy self-esteem.
Get rid of negative thoughts
You need to learn to monitor your internal dialogue. We often comment on our actions in a negative way without noticing it ourselves. It won’t work, it’s too difficult, you don’t have enough experience, strength, or intelligence.
You need to consciously catch all these thoughts and replace them with positive ones. I will succeed, there is nothing difficult about it, I am smart enough to solve this problem. Over time, the practice of positive thinking will become a habit, completely displacing bad thoughts.
Don't make mountains out of molehills
People who are insecure tend to exaggerate their failures, panic, and give up. Learn to adequately assess the situation. Take several deep breaths and long exhalations to calm yourself. If you cannot calm down with breathing, give yourself a rest, sleep, and only solve your problem in the morning.
Spend time with people who love you
A person who loves you knows how to see your strengths. He can give good advice, encourage, calm. Spend more time with such people. This will inspire you to new achievements and successes.
Assess your surroundings
Unfortunately, people close to you do not always love and appreciate you. Often parents, relatives, and acquaintances become the cause of low self-esteem. Having understood the cause of self-doubt, remember which of the people influenced it so much. If your parents are too demanding of you, and your friends treat you with ridicule, you should limit your communication with such people.
You are not obligated to communicate with a person who humiliates you, underestimates your importance, or uses violence. Even if it's your dad or mom.
Notice your strengths
Are you an excellent cook, have beautiful handwriting, and know a large number of poems by heart? Or maybe you know fencing, quickly learn languages, have perfect pitch?
An insecure person sees only his own weaknesses. Try to focus on the strong ones. Skills that you consider insignificant may seem like supernatural abilities to another person. Notice your strengths.
Record your progress and achievements
Thanks to such a simple technique, you can significantly improve your self-esteem, increase your own efficiency, develop creative thinking, and organize your time.
Keep a diary and write down your progress for the day. Start with five achievements, for example. How to increase a woman's self-confidence? You cooked a delicious dinner, did the laundry, took out the trash, vacuumed the apartment, went to the grocery store. Some achievements may seem unimportant, but you should not underestimate your importance, but rather, praise yourself even for small steps towards self-confidence.
Constantly develop intellectually
Always feed your brain with new knowledge. With their help, you will improve personally and professionally. A large amount of knowledge helps us feel more confident, calm and prepared for life situations.
Do sports and exercise
Exercise is one of the easiest ways to increase self-confidence. Thanks to sports, you can improve your appearance: make your legs slimmer, your stomach smaller, a man can build up his shoulders, become stronger and more resilient.
Your own sporting achievements always motivate and inspire.
In order to increase your child’s self-esteem and confidence, you should also think about the sports section. Find out about the sport that is suitable for your child. This is good for discipline, improves strength, endurance, and stimulates communication with friends with similar interests. Often good physical training helps a teenager not to become an object of bullying or ridicule from classmates.
Determine a sport that is interesting to you, a convenient time, start practicing and the results will not be long in coming.
Don't put things off until later
Many of us put off our lives for later (procrastination), while having global plans. When the repairs are completed, the children will grow up, after they get a promotion or change jobs, when they buy a car. This list of conditions is usually very long and it is clear that this “when” may not occur at all.
You shouldn't put conditions on yourself. Make plans, preferably for the near future (day, week, month), and be sure to implement them. This will improve your mood and self-confidence. Don’t forget to write your completed plans in your achievement diary, and don’t forget to praise yourself for it.
Watch movies to believe in yourself
Save the confidence-boosting movies for yourself. Watching this kind of film will inspire you to work with your own self-esteem and give you faith in yourself. Some of them are based on real events, which further motivates self-improvement.
Read books to increase confidence and self-esteem
Books that increase self-confidence mostly fall into the psychology genre. They will help adults understand themselves and raise a child with adequate self-esteem. Best books:
- “The gifts of imperfection. How to Love Yourself for Who You Are by Brown Brené;
- "What to Say When You're Talking to Yourself" by Shad Helmstetter;
- “Awaken the Giant Within” by Tony Robbins;
- "The New Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz;
- "Self-esteem. A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques to Improve Your Self-Esteem by Matthew Mackay;
- Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill;
- The Art of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz;
- "Where's My Cheese?" by Spencer Johnson.
Reading this kind of book is very motivating and helps increase self-esteem and confidence.
Consult a psychologist
A consultation with a specialist will help you understand yourself, remember your childhood, adolescence, and understand the reason for low self-esteem. Often, behind self-doubt lies a strong trauma, which sometimes a person is not able to cope with on his own.
In this case, you should contact a psychologist. He will help you get to the root of the problem, work through it and let go with a clear soul. Don't worry: communicating with a psychologist will help you get rid of complexes, self-doubt, and teach you to understand your needs.
Severe self-doubt. Tip 1 - Don't try to get rid of doubts, live with them!
When I started writing articles for this site, I was tormented by a whole lot of doubts: “what if I won’t be able to write, what if my advice won’t be useful to anyone, what if no one will read my site, what if my thoughts seem stupid, etc. »
At the same time, I was reading the book by G. Hesse - The Glass Bead Game. And one phrase from this book helped me awaken faith in myself. “...his doubts did not cease at all, he already knew from his own experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they condition each other, like inhalation and exhalation...”
Some of my readers may think that this will be followed by my phrase: “I read this, and, at this moment, all my doubts were miraculously resolved!”
No, my doubts have not disappeared. Just a quote from the book helped me finally become convinced of what I had only guessed about. Doubts and uncertainty are natural and natural. They accompany any endeavor. It is not always possible to escape from them somewhere. There's nothing wrong with the fact that I doubt. Moreover, this is normal, because I started doing something new, unusual for myself and ambitious. Therefore, my first task is not to resolve doubts, but to simply do my job, without listening to the voice of uncertainty when it bothers me.
The fact is that in a large number of cases doubts are just emotions that have nothing to do with reality. If you think that you won’t succeed at something, it doesn’t mean that you really won’t succeed if you make every effort.
If it seems to you that they will not understand you, that they will laugh at you, this does not mean that everything will be exactly like that.
Doubts and confidence constantly replace each other. These are temporary phenomena. If you want to test this thesis, then remember the moments when you doubted something, and the next day you were more confident in it than ever. And if you don’t remember, then just watch yourself for a few days, pay attention to how confidence constantly replaces uncertainty. Usually people are more confident in themselves in the morning, when they are full of energy, than in the evening, when their strength leaves them.
Self-confidence depends on your tone, on your mood and even on your health. It's just one of the emotional states that comes and goes. Of course, this doesn't mean that you should simply ignore this condition in every case. Sometimes it can tell you something, for example, that you overestimate your strength. Sometimes you can simply get rid of it as a hindrance, an internal limitation that prevents you from achieving your goals.
But other times, you just have to stop listening to that voice of doubt and take action. It's normal to doubt yourself, and sometimes it even helps to get rid of a lot of arrogance. But doubts should not stand in the way of all your endeavors.
I want to say that becoming self-confident does not mean never doubting yourself. Being confident means overcoming your doubts and fears!
If you want to know, I still doubt myself often, but do I come across as an insecure person? If I stopped every time I encountered doubt, you would see almost no article on this site.
