What is self-esteem and how to stop missing opportunities

In psychology and pedagogy there is such a thing as self-esteem. This quality is inherent in every person and affects the individual’s behavior and decisions, attitude towards himself and other people. There are several types of personality assessment - adequate, overestimated and underestimated; psychotherapy methods are used for correction.

Self-esteem influences a person's decision making

Types of self-esteem

In social science, self-esteem is a person’s idea of ​​the extent of himself and his activities, the ability to correctly evaluate his own positive and negative qualities and feelings.

The formula for self-esteem was introduced by psychologist William James: C=D/P, where C is self-esteem, D is achievement, P is the level of aspirations, what a person wants to achieve.

Classification

A person with correct self-esteem constantly weighs his capabilities against life’s demands, sets realistic goals for himself, and knows how to reject incorrect versions.

Important!

Inadequate self-esteem causes internal conflicts, which often become the cause of the development of depressive states and neurotic pathologies.

Signs of impaired self-esteem

A misconception about oneself is formed under the influence of heredity, external data, the presence of mental health problems, social and economic status, and pressure from others.

Low self-esteem is characterized by a lack of respect for oneself

a brief description of

Overestimation of personality is more common in men than in women.

What is self-esteem

Self-esteem is a determining factor in almost all life situations. What is self-esteem? This is how we evaluate our strengths. Based on an assessment of our capabilities, we set goals and impose certain requirements on ourselves.

A person with good self-esteem (not to be confused with high self-esteem) respects himself and believes in his own strengths, gives himself permission to be happy, successful and move towards his dreams. In the same situation, people with different self-esteem will behave differently. If it is low, then the person himself does not believe that he can achieve something, and often does not even try. And even if he sets goals for himself, they are too simple.

If you don’t believe that the stairs will lead up, then there’s no point in going.

Another distinctive feature of people with good self-esteem is the ability to accept their mistakes , analyze them and draw conclusions. If self-esteem is low, then any defeat is perceived as too painful and seems like an insurmountable obstacle. A person gives up trying, and this is a path to nowhere.

We have discussed what self-esteem is, but how is it formed?

Forming your own idea

The ability to evaluate oneself begins to develop in preschoolers; the main influence on the process is exerted by the family and environment.

Factors influencing the formation of self-image:

• assessment of parents, their personal example;
• television, social networks;
• educational institutions;
• upbringing;
• personal characteristics, temperament, degree of intellectual abilities;
• general orientation of the child.

For younger schoolchildren, self-esteem is greatly influenced by school - the approval or rejection of the teacher and classmates contributes to the formation of the ability to evaluate oneself.

For teenagers, the desire for self-affirmation, intimate and personal relationships, the desire to take a significant position in the team, to gain authority and respect among their peers come to the fore.

Wrong actions of parents are the main reason for inadequate personality assessment in children. The main mistakes are frequent punishments, unreasonable praise, constant comparison with other children, focusing on fiascoes and defeats, identification with bad examples. But reprimands do more harm, since unpleasant emotions are experienced more strongly and are stored in memory longer.

Self-esteem is also influenced by individual abilities and characteristics - temperament, extroversion, introversion, but the main vector is set by the social environment.

An important role in the process of developing personal self-esteem is given to the comparison of the physical and real self with the ideal self.

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence

Before you diagnose yourself with depression and low self-esteem, make sure you are not surrounded by idiots. Sigmund Freud.

Finally we get to the fun part!

You can find a lot of advice online about what self-esteem is and how to increase it, how to learn to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. But, firstly, I don’t quite agree with the idea that you need to accept yourself as you are. Secondly, I don’t want to advise you something out of my head; after all, I’m not a certified psychologist. Let's see what self-esteem is according to experts from New York and what recommendations they give.

Be attentive to yourself

You can't change anything until you admit that there is something to change. By concentrating on your negative thoughts, a person distances himself from the feelings that these thoughts cause. You need to understand the reasons for your depressed state, and not focus on your negative self-feeling.

Meditation teacher Allan Lokos:

Don't believe everything you think. Thoughts are just thoughts. Once you find yourself on the path of self-criticism, notice what is happening, think about it and remind yourself: “These are thoughts, not facts.”

Change your story

We all have a story we have created about ourselves. It shapes our self-perception, on which our basic image is based. If we want to change this story, we must understand where it comes from and whose voices are telling it to us. Perhaps we are listening to the wrong voices.

Quote from psychologist Jessica Koblenz:

Sometimes negative thoughts like “You're fat” or “You're lazy” can run through your head so often that you start to believe them. You can start with affirmations. What do you want to believe? Mentally repeat these phrases to yourself every day.

Don't fall into the pit of comparison and despair

Here's what psychotherapist Kimberly Hershenson says about the comparison:

The two main things I emphasize are the practice of acceptance and stopping comparisons with others. Just because someone looks happy on social media or even in person does not mean they are truly happy. Comparisons only lead to negative self-regulation, anxiety and stress.

And indeed, looking at photos of friends from resorts while sitting at a job you don’t like is not the best idea. Do you agree?

Channel your inner rock star

Albert Einstein once said:

We are all geniuses. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life thinking it is stupid.

Each of us has both strengths and weaknesses. Someone can be a brilliant musician but a terrible cook. No single quality can completely characterize a person. Recognize your strengths and use them to boost your confidence and rid yourself of negative thoughts.

Are you good at playing guitar? Play more, especially in moments of uncertainty or despair. Reminding yourself of how you can “ignite” will paint a more optimistic picture.

In the words of certified sex therapist Christy Overstreet:

Was there a time in your life when you had high self-esteem? What were you doing at this stage of your life? If you have trouble identifying your unique gifts, ask a friend to point them out. Sometimes it is easier for others to see the best in you than it is for you to see the best in yourself.

Play some sports

Many studies have shown a relationship between exercise and increased self-esteem, as well as improved mental health.

Debbie Mandel, author of The Stress Addiction, suggests setting aside tasks from your endless to-do list each day to relax and do something fun. And then look at how you feel. She also writes that proper nutrition and healthy sleep have a positive impact on self-perception. Here is her quote:

Exercise creates empowerment, both physical and mental. Especially weightlifting, where you can “calibrate” performance. Exercise organizes your day around working on yourself.

Help others

David Simonsen, Ph.D.:

I find that the more a person does in his life that he can be proud of, the easier it is for him to recognize his worth. Doing things that you can respect yourself for is one of the keys to building self-esteem. It's something tangible. These are things that are important and valuable not only to oneself, but also to others.

Everything we do comes back to us like a boomerang. Check out this statement! Spend the day specifically saying positive things to everyone you come into contact with. And then pay attention to your mood.

Learn to forgive

Is there someone in your life that you haven't forgiven? Family member, friend, colleague? Maybe yourself? By holding on to feelings of bitterness and resentment, we continue to be in a cycle of negativity. And if we don’t forgive ourselves, shame will keep us in the same cycle.

Kimberly Hershenson suggests remembering and repeating a quote from a Buddhist meditation about forgiveness:

If I hurt or harm anyone, knowingly or unknowingly, I apologize. If someone has hurt or harmed me, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive them. Because I have hurt myself, consciously or unconsciously, I offer myself forgiveness.

Remember, you are not your circumstances.

Distinguishing between who you are and what happens to you is key to self-esteem.

Kimberly Hershenson says the following:

Recognizing the intrinsic value of the imperfect self provides the basis for growth. There is no need to be afraid of failure because failure does not change your core value.

We are all born with infinite potential and equal value as humans. That we are something less is a false belief that we have learned over time. Following the steps outlined above is the beginning of the work to improve your self-esteem. Kimberly Hershenson says that self-esteem already exists in every person, it just needs to be recognized.

Self-esteem structure

The cognitive component has a significant impact on self-esteem indicators. It is formed in the process of self-awareness and includes the individual’s knowledge about his own capabilities, skills, negative and positive qualities.

Self-esteem is formed based on your own feelings about yourself

The emotional component is the attitude towards oneself and personal manifestations.

The differences between the components in the structure are purely theoretical; in reality, they are inextricably linked.

Why should everyone get tested?

The technique was developed by the famous Soviet psychologist Sergei Andreevich Budassi in the 1970s. Even today, the Budassi test is successfully used by psychologists all over the world.

Analysis helps to determine the “I-concept”, the average value of the “Real-I” and the “Ideal-I”. It is the “I-concept” that influences the choice of a person’s type of behavior, which, in turn, determines the direction of activity, actions and communications.

Why is it important to understand your self-concept? Not everything we think about ourselves is 100% real. Some aspects of our personality are not perceived by consciousness and are realized by us unconsciously. The Budassi test allows us to determine the level of our self-esteem, and, based on this knowledge, adjust our actions and decisions.

Self-Esteem Functions

The ability to evaluate oneself is a complex and multifaceted concept that affects different areas of a person’s life.

Functions:

• regulatory – the ability to make and choose decisions;
• protective – prevents the development of personality instability;
• developing – stimulates self-improvement;
• signaling – allows you to adequately evaluate your own actions;
• emotional – gives a feeling of self-satisfaction;
• adaptation – helps the individual adapt to society;
• predictive - the ability to make forecasts and plans at the beginning of actions;
• corrective – the ability to control and correct the process of completing tasks;
• retrospective – the ability to self-critically evaluate the final result of an activity;
• motivating – encourages actions that help to obtain a positive self-esteem reaction;
• terminal – the ability to stop in time if behavior or deeds cause a feeling of dissatisfaction

Self-esteem influences decision making

Self-esteem is inextricably linked with self-awareness, the level of cognitive, intellectual processes, and the need for self-realization.

Major self-esteem problems

Psychologists have such a concept as adequate self-esteem. This means that a person correctly positions himself in society, calculates his strengths and capabilities. A significant deviation in any direction from the line of adequate self-esteem can lead to two main problems - low and high self-esteem.

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is characterized by:

• uncertainty;
• dislike and disrespect for oneself;
• weak ambition;
• self-flagellation for any reason;
• inability to perceive your mistakes as experience;
• inferiority complex.

With such a problem, all opportunities that appear along the path of life are perceived as unattainable or not noticed at all. Even among capable people there is no talk of any development or success. People with low self-esteem are constantly dissatisfied with themselves and the world around them, so from the outside they look gloomy and unfriendly, and this further aggravates the problem.

There are many ways to increase self-esteem, below we will look at them in more detail. One of the solutions is to set yourself tasks and complete them ! Let them be simple at first, the main thing here is to complete them. Focus your attention on what you have already done, set new goals. Identify an area in which you are strong and develop it. Soon you will be able to do much more than at the beginning of your journey, and this will open the door to new achievements.

Heightened self-esteem

Symptoms of high self-esteem:

• disrespect for others;
• pride;
• egocentrism;
• the level of expectations is higher than the level of one’s own capabilities.

People with high self-esteem often feel dissatisfied because they overestimate their strength and do not get the expected results. They also consider themselves smarter than others and do not take criticism well. This leads to social problems and difficulties on the way to achieving goals. Communication with such people is often unpleasant, since they like to show in every possible way their superiority over others.

As for me, the solution to this problem is more difficult than in the first case. This is mainly due to the fact that people with high self-esteem rarely ask the question “What is self-esteem?” and don't try to fix the situation. By the way, I often experience similar symptoms myself. The main thing here is to learn to accept criticism sensibly, try to correctly assess your capabilities and ask the question: “Why do I consider myself better than others?”

You either just have to learn to live with such people, or try to help them, but it’s not that simple. I will discuss this situation in more detail in the next article. Subscribe to updates and you won't miss this publication.

Diagnostics

To study personality, the Dembo-Rubinstein test, modified by Prikhozhan, is used. Diagnosis is carried out in schoolchildren and people with manifestations of inadequate self-esteem.

Description:

1. The sheet contains 7 vertical segments 100 mm long to assess the level of basic qualities - health, intelligence, character, authority, ability to do something with your own hands, appearance, self-confidence.
2. The zero point determines the lowest development indicator, the upper point determines the highest.
3. The subject’s task is to put 2 icons on each scale. The dash (-) is used to indicate an assessment of the presence of the parameter indicated under the line at the moment. Cross (x) – at what level of development of these qualities a person would feel satisfied with himself.
4. The number of points is equal to the number of mm on the scale.
5. The values ​​of 6 segments are used for assessment; the health scale is intended for training.
6. For each quality, several indicators are determined:

• level of aspirations – values ​​from 0 to “x”;
• height of self-esteem – from 0 to “-”;
• the magnitude of the discrepancies is from “x” to -“”; with a low personality assessment, this indicator will be negative.

1. The average figure is calculated separately for each parameter.
2. To determine the degree of differentiation of self-esteem, connect all the “x’s” on the form. The results obtained show differences in the individual's assessments of his own personality characteristics.

Table: Estimation of average data

Building self-esteem

This process begins even before conscious age and continues throughout life. The child gains experience of his own actions, he compares it with the attitude of others towards him, and as a result, self-esteem is formed. The further you go, the more difficult it is to transfer the formation of self-esteem in the desired direction, but with the right level of motivation, everything is possible.

Parents make a significant contribution. There are both positive and negative examples here. It all depends on the approach to raising a child.

I often notice situations when parents tell their children, “You can’t do it, let me do it.” And the more often a child hears something like this, the more firmly the thought “I can’t” becomes fixed in his head. From childhood, a person gets used to shifting complex actions to older, smarter, more confident ones. It is much better to help your child with advice or do something together than to push him aside and do everything yourself. On the other hand, if you constantly tell your child how special he is and how much better he is than others, this will also lead to a sad result.

For some reason, I remember very well the moment in my life when my dad taught me how to tie my shoelaces. I went to kindergarten then, and before that my mother or grandmother always tied my shoelaces. How proud I was of myself when I learned to do it myself! This is how the idea gets into your head that if you can’t do something, learn and do it.