In the process of growing up, a child learns about the world and it is very important to organize comprehensive development for him, ensure socialization, instill communication skills and pay attention to his upbringing to ensure his future.
It is believed that the formation of self-esteem in children takes place at an early age, when they can be influenced by environmental conditions, living and social circles, the experience of parents and many other factors that have to be taken into account.
Talk to your child and find out if he has any problems.
To maintain a healthy relationship—any relationship—for the long haul, it’s important to communicate as much as possible. Being a child is an exciting, incomprehensible, and sometimes even frightening adventure, and therefore your child will undoubtedly have many questions, as well as fears and doubts. Other children may treat your child poorly, he or she may feel inadequate in some way, he or she may be unhappy with his or her appearance, or be afraid to get into closer contact with people. This is why it is very important to establish a trusting relationship with your child and allow him to tell him why he feels this way so that you can find a solution together.
Signs of unhealthy and healthy self-esteem
Self-esteem fluctuates as children grow older. It often changes and is sharpened, because it depends on the child’s experience and his new sensations. Self-esteem is a factor by which the state of self-esteem can be judged.
Children with low self-esteem may be reluctant to learn new things and may talk negatively about themselves: “I'm stupid,” “I'll never learn how to do this,” or “What's the matter? Nobody cares about me in any way." They may have little tolerance for what upsets them, giving up easily or expecting someone else to take over. Such children tend to be overly critical and easily disappointed in themselves.
Children with low self-esteem perceive temporary failures as permanent, unbearable conditions, and a feeling of pessimism prevails in them. This can leave children at risk for stress and mental health problems, as well as real difficulties in coping with the various problems and challenges they face.
Children with healthy self-esteem tend to enjoy interacting with other people. They are comfortable in public places and enjoy group activities as well as independent activities. When problems arise, they work to find solutions and resolve grievances without putting themselves or others down. For example, instead of saying, “I'm stupid,” a child with healthy self-esteem says, “I don't understand this.” They know their strengths and weaknesses and accept them. A sense of optimism prevails in them.
Help your child find a hobby or pursuit that he or she will truly enjoy.
Some people are born with an amazing voice, others with perfect pitch, others are born athletes, and others are born with imagination and storytelling skills that make them writers. Try to identify your child's innate talents and help him choose activities that will help this talent develop to its fullest.
Dancing, drawing, playing an instrument, or something less exciting like math can be a very good choice - just make sure your child really enjoys it. Well, when he achieves certain results in his chosen activity, his self-esteem will skyrocket.
Show your child by example that it is often better to forgive and forget.
We all make mistakes - alas, but this is part of the process of growing up, and a necessary step on the path to wisdom. By practicing forgiveness (but not total forgiveness), you let your child know that although what he did was wrong (by explaining why), it is normal for him to make mistakes from time to time.
It also shows that although people fight and hurt each other's feelings from time to time, most of the time it doesn't last forever - as long as we have even a modicum of compassion and empathy for each other. By learning this lesson from you, your child will certainly make forgiveness a part of his life.
4. Teach your child to focus on building strong relationships with others, finding happiness in small things, and striving for success.
Many people become rich, powerful and experienced, but never overcome their inner fears, and doubt themselves until their death. Teach your child about the value of true friendship and how our friends help us become stronger. Teach them to pay attention to the thousands and thousands of tiny positive phenomena in our lives in search of happiness, and also to be ambitious and persistent.
Any mistake is just an opportunity to become even stronger than before, and if you have good friends next to you, always ready to support you, then even the darkest moment of your life can become a little stronger. There is no better way to help your child build self-esteem than by teaching him to appreciate those who believe in his success.
How to build adequate self-esteem for a child
To form an adequate perception of oneself and the balance of one’s capabilities, it is necessary to determine the characteristics of a child’s self-esteem, identify the degree of its change and follow the following advice:
- We don’t pull the blanket over ourselves. By taking the responsibility for solving all children's problems upon themselves, parents deprive the child of invaluable communication experience;
- if there is praise, then in moderation. The child's achievements should be encouraged with a kind word, attentive attitude and time spent;
- We deal with failures adequately. By scolding their children for failure, parents lower their self-esteem, preventing them from correcting the situation;
- no comparisons or equality. There are no identical children, so you cannot compare your child with neighbors or children from the group;
- less denials and prohibitions. Refusing without explanation means stirring up the baby’s interest and attracting his attention;
- punishments are prohibited. If necessary, you can scold the baby, but it is important to monitor your stern tone, devoid of malice.
The best behavioral strategy that loving parents can choose is to perceive their child as he is, developing his creative or analytical abilities and not limiting his self-expression.
It is important to remember that childhood is the time when a child’s self-esteem is formed, and in the future it will become the best assistant in achieving his goals, his success at work and in his own family.
Teach your child to choose achievable goals.
Dreaming of being the first person on Mars, a world-famous singer or a movie star are certainly ambitious goals, and they show us how ambitious our children can be, but let's be honest - achieving them is very, very difficult. Constantly praising your child while encouraging him to have a less than realistic view of his own abilities and performance may not be such a good idea. If they want to test themselves in something, why not, but if it becomes clear to you that he certainly won’t make a singer, tell him about it, don’t remain silent just so as not to offend. But try to say this as gently as possible, and offer some alternative. Help him set some short-term goal that he can achieve with regular exercise and work, and allow these small goals to add up to something more significant, but also quite achievable.
For example, if you sign them up for dance lessons, their short-term goals might be to master certain dance steps and practice at least 2 hours a day every day, and their long-term goals might be to place well in a local competition. Over time, if they start to succeed, they can develop their skills further, and perhaps choose a career as a dance instructor in the future, and perhaps go much further. And when your children see that they are moving towards their chosen goal, this will certainly increase their self-esteem.
The importance of self-esteem for a child and his future
When thinking about how to develop self-esteem in a child, it is important to understand why it is needed, to avoid all the pitfalls and the dangers of missing this important characteristic of personal growth in the future, which can affect the following skills:
- communication with peers and the older generation;
- achieve your goals and achieve what you want;
- build relationships at work and in your own family;
- attract the attention of others to yourself and your achievements;
- develop your abilities, skills and personal talents;
- hone useful and necessary character traits.
Parents are faced with a difficult task that requires a maximum and comprehensive approach; its solution will become the main factor in the future success of their matured children, making them happy and self-sufficient individuals.
Teach your child to be organized and learn while striving to achieve something.
For some reason, many people believe that the only way to learn something is to stare at a book for hours. This approach can make your child irritated and doubt that he is smart enough to learn certain things. But being organized is not a talent, but a skill, and you can learn it. Your child must strike the right balance between schoolwork, housework and fun - a balance that can only be achieved through proper time management. Some academic subjects may be more difficult for a child than others, and if he feels that he cannot achieve the desired result, this can lead to problems. Tests and exams can be especially painful in this regard - this is precisely what can deprive the learning process of the slightest trace of fun.
Fortunately, these days there are many online resources that can help your child prepare for exams. Use them - it will help him relax and be more confident in his own abilities. And if your child has problems with a particular subject, try to make it more interesting to study - themed films, video games and practical examples can work wonders.
5Providing support to the baby
Any person's self-esteem grows as he overcomes difficulties in life. This works for children too. If a child copes with difficulties, he is pleased with himself; if he manages to complete even more difficult tasks, he becomes more self-confident. That is why parents should allow their child to face difficulties and try to overcome them, guide the child and give wise advice.
You shouldn’t surround your child with hyperprotection and do homework instead of him if he doesn’t want to. It is necessary to allow the child to express his desire to carry out this or that task himself.
Become a role model for your child by practicing what you teach him.
Children absorb information from everything around them. And therefore, it is not surprising that you become their main source of information about acceptable behavior. They repeat first of all what they see and hear from you. And therefore, try to teach your child correct behavior through your own actions - do not tell them how to do it, speak and do it.
And if your child sees that his parents are not afraid to say what they think, that they are kind to others, and try to be sociable and open to new ideas, he will try to replicate these attractive behaviors in his own life.
How to increase self-esteem in a child?
Boys and girls have noticeable differences in the ways they form self-esteem: for girls, external signs, praise, gifts are more important; it is enough to simply say “you are very beautiful”, “you are good at drawing”.
The boys are more practical: if they are given a drawing, they need to use it and hang it on the wall. If you praised his strength, you need to have a real fight so that he definitely “wins.”
Self-esteem up to 6 years
It has a pronounced emotional character; at this age it is almost impossible to over-praise a child; any support in mastering the world is important to him. The main thing is that all comments must be sincere and must reflect the current state of affairs. There is no need to invent extra virtues or achievements to avoid a distorted perception of reality.
At this age, the child realizes the limits of his capabilities: how much weight he can lift, how much he can read, how much he can count. Therefore, it is very important to put your plans into practice and visit various clubs and sections where you can realize your inclinations.
Self-esteem from 6 to 10 years
Basically built around schoolwork and relationships in the classroom, the child begins to receive grades that become a sign of his success and achievements. During this period, it is very important to find an activity in which he will succeed and be able to demonstrate his results outside of school performance. After all, there are only a few excellent students in the class, but everyone wants to be smart and capable.
Another important point on how to raise the self-esteem of a 6-10 year old child: relationships with the opposite sex, first feelings, often unrequited. It is necessary to arrange common activities and entertainment for children as often as possible, so that boys and girls learn to interact and treat each other well.
Self-esteem in a teenager 12-18 years old
The most difficult period of growing up, when teenagers try to categorically separate people and the actions of others, but not from the point of view of general morality, but based on their own ideas. Based on personal preferences, group differentiation occurs, division according to interests. Within a separate group, the teenager receives mutual understanding and support, but at the same time moves away from the family and parents.
Don’t try to “fix” him, don’t reproach him for how much effort and money you put into his upbringing, don’t need to blackmail him with things or position in the family. Let the teenager try new trends in clothing, music, sports, and develop personal responsibility for the choices made.
Teach your child responsibility and the value of work.
Of course, the same standards and expectations should not be applied to a child as to adults, but they must understand that their actions affect not only themselves, and there are those who count on them. And if a child understands why they have to do chores and that they have to work hard to earn a living, they will look at their life very differently. Many children are happy to help their parents, proud of their participation in “big” things. Older children can look after the kids, they can help their parents in the kitchen, help them with repairs (even if just by handing them tools), they can clean the apartment and help decorate it for the holiday.
By doing all this, they learn that they are capable and that other people can rely on them - which helps both their personality development and self-esteem.
Overall, if you want to help your children improve their self-esteem, remember to communicate with them often, spend more time with them, and allow them to make their own decisions while gently nudging them in the right direction.
IVAN DIMITRIJEVIC Translation of the article 10 Ways to Help Your Child Build Self-Esteemvia Parenting Mastery Club
Causes of low self-esteem in children
A family atmosphere characterized by sincerity, warmth, where there is respect, support, understanding, trust, and a sense of psychological security will help the formation of positive self-esteem in the child. Whereas inadequate self-esteem is more often formed in families with a negative parenting style. And inadequate self-esteem can lead to negative behavior.
Let's consider the main reasons for low self-esteem in children under the influence of negative factors:
- Low self-esteem, doubt in one’s own abilities, anxiety, fear of making a mistake, lack of initiative can be caused by parents’ high expectations of their child, deprivation of their independence (making important decisions for them), constant guardianship and control, authoritarianism and contradictory demands.
- Closedness, timidity, lack of confidence in oneself and one’s own strengths are rooted in families where there is rejection of the child, there is no emotional contact between family members, and the child is not allowed to feel the full range of emotions.
- Excessive discipline, diligence, suppression of one’s own feelings and emotions, coldness and isolation are formed in a child by parents with hypersocial upbringing, that is, with too correct or ideal upbringing.
- Lack of independence, timidity, indecisiveness, uncertainty and resentment arise from anxious and suspicious upbringing, when there is constant anxiety and fear for the health and well-being of the baby.
- An inferiority complex develops in children to whom parents show a certain amount of neglect, treat them with indifference, and pay little attention to the child.
- Selfishness and a consumerist attitude towards others are laid down by parents who treat the child with adoration and praise, in a family where the child grows up as an idol, where all his whims are satisfied.
