Attacks of anger in a child at 1 year - one and a half years (12 months

How to react

Sometimes it is enough to talk to your child in a firm and balanced voice, holding him with both hands or squeezing him close to you to calm him down. However, such behavior will produce the desired effect only if your words and gestures do not express any irritation, if you are in agreement with your inner beliefs. If you give free rein to your anger or shake your child, he will begin to panic and become even more agitated.

In any case, success is not guaranteed. A child experiencing a fit of anger may not even always be able to hear your words, especially when he is angry with you. If he is screaming and stomping his feet as hard as he can, it is better to step aside and let him calm down on his own or ask him to go to his room. Gradually he will find balance.

Fighting methods

So how can you cope with anger and irritability without harming yourself or your child? The fundamental point is to learn to observe your emotions.

To do this you need:

Even before dissatisfaction arises, pay attention to your thoughts and feelings more often. This way you can “live” them, record them, and become more conscious.
When you begin to feel a buildup of unpleasant emotions, write down everything you feel in a notebook. This will help you look at emotional manifestations from the outside.
If you missed the moment of “boil”, then try to stop yourself during the “storm” - this is not easy to do. But, if you can calm down once, then you will rise to another level - more conscious, and you will be able to control yourself better.
Create another action scenario. Analyze your angry reactions, separate your own emotions from the child's reality and realize the true motive of his action. You will understand that you are angry out of an old habit, and the child’s actions are not directed against you. Develop a different scenario for your reaction and follow it constantly.

To learn how to control anger, start practicing yoga, namely hatha yoga. This complex is aimed at harmonizing the physical and psychological state.

The exercises help balance the chakra system, which will increase your degree of self-awareness. You will be able to control yourself mentally and prevent the very emergence of discontent.

To harmonize your state of mind, it is also recommended to meditate in silence. This helps to connect with your inner self and develop awareness. The emotional sphere will normalize, and you will become indifferent to the baby’s minor offenses.

Accept your child

Understand that the baby should not be the way you imagine him. Give him the opportunity to show his uniqueness, his characteristics, gain his personal experience and “survive” some difficulties. Don’t put pressure on your child, don’t “break” his soul, don’t adjust him to your needs.

Along with your inhibitions, worries and anxieties, the child also receives your phobias. The more often you protect your baby from the surrounding reality, the more insecure he will become.

Stop being afraid for your child, getting angry every time he does something dangerous (as you think). Trust him, believe in his strength, love and support him.

Only by recognizing the child’s personality will you not be disappointed and expect something unrealistic from him. So, you will lose reasons for anger.

Parental anger

Sometimes your child's behavior makes you furious and you lose control of yourself. Such anger is not very dangerous as long as it is rare and is not accompanied by rude gestures (hard blows to the butt, slaps in the face, etc.).
Such attacks of anger show the child that certain behavior can have very unpleasant consequences for him. Of course, when things get better, it is extremely important to explain to him why you behaved the way you did and demonstrate that you love him.
If you regret expressing your mood, you can apologize. Such an act has meaning only if it is sincere. Your anger will not have a negative impact on your child if he feels that you love him no matter what: the richness of emotional relationships erases such manifestations of anger and bad mood.

How does your child express his anger?

It is usually difficult for a child to articulate what he is feeling. So pay attention to how he himself expresses anger and how often he encounters anger from other family members:

The child refuses to try something new because he is afraid of criticism.
He is pointedly aggressive towards his younger brother or sister.
The child is not very willing to spend time with you, no matter what activities we are talking about: playing, going to visit...
The child has behavior problems in kindergarten or school: he is either distant or too aggressive.
The child shows signs of low self-esteem: he is very critical of everyone around him, dissatisfied with himself and his achievements.
Does not show a tendency towards empathy towards children or people who have been wronged or who are suffering for some reason.

These types of behavior patterns should not be underestimated because they are warning signs, especially if they occur over a long period of time.

Affective-respiratory attacks

Sometimes a crying baby is so shocked and upset that he seems about to lose consciousness. This manifestation of feelings is well known to pediatricians under the name “affective-respiratory attacks”: the child screams, cries, his breathing reflexively stops: his face becomes dark red, sometimes with a bluish tint, his body goes limp, and his gaze is often motionless. Although such attacks are impressive, they are harmless and have no consequences.

HOW TO RESPOND? — During affective-respiratory attacks, parents are powerless; the only thing they can do is remain calm, which is often impossible. In any case, the child should not throw back his head, he should not be shaken so that he begins to breathe normally again: this will happen reflexively and by itself due to an increase in the level of carbon dioxide in the blood.

As soon as the baby begins to breathe normally again, the best way to console him will be your calm behavior.

WHAT NEXT? - After such an attack, you may try to yield to the child even more. This is usually the wrong decision. For peace of mind and safety, the child needs to know the limits of what is permitted. The more restraint you can show in the face of your child's extreme behavior, the more likely you are to avoid repeated manifestations of such behavior.

SHOULD I CONSULT A DOCTOR? “It wouldn’t be a bad idea to discuss these affective-respiratory attacks with your pediatrician.” He will reassure you and advise you on how to behave if such an attack recurs.

Fascinating Facts About Anger

You will probably be surprised to read the following information:

Aggression and rage are negative emotions, but they are not always condemned in the Orthodox religion. If anger arises in response to the disgusting behavior of others that does not fit into your moral beliefs, then it is not a sin. But in Catholicism, anger is one of the deadly sins. In Buddhism, this emotion is considered “poisonous” and there is no excuse for it either.
The feeling of rage is very strong, but it is inferior to pride and superior to lust. This conclusion was reached by D. Hawkinson, who compiled a classification of emotions based on human awareness. According to its differentiation, anger corresponds to 150 points, pride - 175, lust - 125.
You can be proud that you have the capacity to be angry. Apathetic people do not have the energy required to generate feelings of rage. If you sometimes experience this negative emotion, it means that your energy potential is high.

To release your anger and move to a higher level of awareness, you need to try to become aware of your feelings and what causes them.

From a child's point of view

Why does my head know what I want, but my hands just can’t cope with it? I also want to do everything like they do: touch the computer, cut vegetables, draw elephants, or be as big as daddy in order to get toys from the cabinet.

My mugs are ugly, even if my parents say they are not. I get so angry when my older sister wants to draw something for me. You just need to be more attentive to me, see how I do it, encourage me. I will become more patient and proud of myself.

Categories: 1 year, 1.5 years

Anger Management: Where to Start

If you think you have anger problems but are having trouble articulating them, here are some tips.

Frequency of occurrence . Try to track how often you get angry and why exactly, what circumstances and people most often cause anger in you. By identifying the most dangerous situations, you can anticipate them and deal with your anger in a timely manner.

The red light should light up not only if you decide that you get angry too often, but also if you almost never get angry . People who never get angry actually either express their anger in passive-aggressive ways or bottle it up to such an extent that they themselves suffer.

A way to express anger . Pay attention to how you act when you're angry. It is clear that the emotion of anger in itself is neither good nor bad, but the ways in which it is expressed can be both good and very bad. Obviously, there is a difference: hitting a child, throwing dishes, or speaking to the child clearly and clearly, explaining what makes you angry and what you expect from him. The difference becomes even more obvious if we take into account the educational role of the process: if you lose control, scream and/or hit the child, you cannot simultaneously engage in parenting.

Declaration of an adult mother

So, you have become acquainted with such states of grown people as “parent” and “adult”. The main differences are that an adult focuses on internal values and guidelines, while a parent only focuses on external ones. From a “parent” you can often hear the words “this is how it should be”, “this is how it is”, “everyone does this”, “the doctor said” - he removes responsibility from himself and shifts it to third-party authorities (society, specialists, his own parents, weather bureau ). We now see the difference between responsibility and control. And we know what results the controlling upbringing of a child by an adult “parent” will lead to.

We strongly advise you to write a declaration of an “adult mother” - a document regulating the basic principles of responsible parenting. What principles these are - choose for yourself! Do not proceed from the norms, but from the future of your children. How should they grow?

First of all, you write a goal, then an action to achieve it, and then an incorrect action that will not lead to the goal. For example, “I want my child to be able to empathize with loved ones, and therefore I talk through his feelings rather than suppress them.” “I want my child to be able to enjoy life and therefore I teach him to choose the best for himself, and not follow dogmas.”

Your declaration must contain at least 15 items. Start with the main thing!

Consultation for parents “Anger outbursts in children”

Elena Mindrul

Consultation for parents “Anger outbursts in children”

Anger outbursts in children: 6 tips for parents

Unexpected attacks of rage and hysterics are a natural manifestation of discontent for a child. Aggression appears early; you can notice outbursts of anger in a one-year-old child. Children aged 2-5 years are the most irritable. Parents must understand that children's anger is fundamentally different from adult anger.

For a child, tears, screams and stamping of feet are one of the ways of self-defense. Very often, children become hysterical if they are offended and cannot achieve what they want on their own. You should not be afraid of such aggression on the part of your child, but you should also not let such behavior take its course. Parents must either help the child in time (and he will calm down himself), or stop excessive rudeness. After all, attacks of rage are sometimes accompanied not only by screaming and crying - the child, in a fit of anger, can hit another child, break toys, or bite you.

Be prepared for another child's tantrum. And as soon as the baby gets angry, react to what is happening calmly and judiciously:

Tip 1. Do not physically punish your child under any circumstances, even if it is a light spanking on the bottom. Over time, the child realizes that rudeness must be responded to with physical force - such an incorrect model of behavior will cause new problems even in adulthood, at school age.

Tip 2. Talk to your baby when he calms down at least a little. You shouldn’t shout over him while he’s crying - the child will get even angrier. In a calm but urgent tone, ask him to calm down and explain why he is angry. Tell him that you understand him, so you will try to help.

Tip 3. The child must understand the causes and consequences of his own behavior. Therefore, clearly explain to your child: “You threw the toy because you were angry...” If you do not discuss his behavior with the child, then he will perceive his own aggression as a normal, and most importantly, causeless manifestation. In the future, he will begin to get angry for no reason.

Tip 4. For an older child, tell him other, more harmless ways to vent his anger. Explain that instead of hurting children on the playground or throwing a car on the floor, it is better to throw the ball or run.

Tip 5. Every time a child listens to you, accepts your help and calms down, praise him for this and encourage him in every possible way to do such actions.

Tip 6. To prevent outbursts of anger from being systematic, you can try to correct the child’s behavior by introducing him to certain sports. For example, oriental martial arts instills restraint and respect for elders in boys, while girls who practice classical or ballroom dancing become more restrained, mannered and behave like little “ladies.”

Why do parents take it out on their children?

The true causes of parental anger most often lie in themselves, and not in children, unlearned lessons, bad grades and unwashed dishes. The anger accumulated during the day spills out on the child who happens to be nearby at the wrong moment. What are the real reasons?

An established pattern of behavior. If parents were raised in a family where yelling and spanking were used as a measure of influence, they unwittingly adopt these methods and it is very difficult to get rid of them.
Fatigue. This problem most often concerns the mother of a small baby: systematic lack of sleep, irregular meals, and children's crying exhaust the psyche and ultimately lead to a nervous breakdown.
Living in the interests of the child. A mother, whose baby always comes first, begins to forget about rest, entertainment, taking care of her own appearance; after a while she will have a desire to devote time to herself, but she will consciously refuse this so as not to leave the child unattended.
Perfectionism. The desire to be an ideal mother in everything, to have time to fulfill all the plans will lead to constant nervous tension and fear of doing something wrong, all this will inevitably result in irritability for any reason.
Long-term suppression of negative emotions. If you accumulate evil inside for a long time, sooner or later an explosion will occur, the reason for which may be some little thing.
Excessive demands on the child. Expectations to raise a scientific genius, athlete or talented musician are sometimes dashed by the child’s lack of ability and desire to study - this will certainly cause dissatisfaction on the part of the parents, because they so wanted to realize their dreams that they forgot about the interests of the little person.
Personal problems. Difficulties at work, in relationships with the opposite sex, or just a bad day can cause a breakdown on the baby.

Why do breakdowns occur specifically in children? Because parents feel their impunity and power, because their offspring cannot fire them from their jobs, deprive them of bonuses, and often even simply respond to negativity.