Stubborn child

Children

20 September 2020, 13:59

The period of first stubbornness
How to raise a stubborn 3-4 year old child
How to set boundaries for a stubborn child
Tips for parents

In young children, stubbornness is not a character trait, but a way of self-affirmation. The baby cannot express his feelings and thoughts in words; hysteria is a reflection of negative emotions. What should a mother do if a stubborn child refuses to do what is asked of him, throws up scandals, screams, sobs, falls on the floor.

The period of first stubbornness

At about 2.5 years old, the baby begins to realize his “I”; at 3 years old, a stubborn child tests his parents’ strength; they often don’t know what to do, so they make mistakes:

they make excessive demands, force you to control your emotions (stop crying, don’t run, don’t grab everything);
punished with a belt;
They aggressively calm down a hysterical child (stop yelling, don’t whine, you’re already big).

Clarified the boundaries of what is permitted.
The result of mistakes is unpredictable. All mistakes in upbringing will appear later. Low self-esteem, lack of bright emotions, distrust of parents, attachment to strangers in adolescence promises a lot of trouble. You can guess the beginning of the 3-year crisis by the symptoms:

interest in one's appearance (studies it in the mirror);
It is important how other people evaluate your appearance;
girls begin to dress up, boys become interested in construction sets and other activities that confirm their effectiveness, and are acutely aware of failures.

Stubbornness is one of the symptoms of the 3-year-old crisis ; if it is not clearly expressed, it means that the strong-willed side of the personality is being formed sluggishly. It is difficult to raise active “unwilling” children; mothers and fathers have to resort to tricks to reduce the frequency and intensity of children’s protests.

How to raise a stubborn 3-4 year old child

At 2.5-3 years old, the “everything is the other way around” rule works perfectly. If a mother wants to quickly get ready for a walk, she does not force her son (daughter) to go, but says: “You don’t want to go for a walk?” or “Will you go to the store with me?” When dinner is on the table, he does not invite you to the table, but utters the magic phrase : “You won’t eat, will you?”, after which the stubborn “don’t want to” is the first to rush to the table and quickly eats his soup and porridge.

A 5-minute fight with soft toys and pillows helps a stubborn child get rid of negative emotions

Parental self-control is another rule that works when raising a stubborn child. In any critical situation that arises at home, in a public place, parents do not raise their voices at the rebel, do not get nervous, and calmly wait for the hysteria to end:

at home they leave the child to be capricious and go about their own business;
outside the home they go to places where there are fewer people, switching the stubborn person’s attention to something interesting.

Useless moralizing
Sincere praise works well against outbursts of stubbornness ; children 2.5-4 years old should be praised more often for good behavior and positive actions. The intensity of evening whims is reduced by walking, reading fairy tales, and playing quiet games together before bed.

Child education

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Nine tips on how to handle parents when their child gets into arguments and challenges their decisions

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Remember when you were little and you really wished you were older so you could make your own decisions and live by your own rules? You wanted the right to sleep when you wanted, eat what you wanted, and wear what you wanted.

Children have a need for power. And this is normal, but not when this need is realized in a negative way. Power-seeking children love to make their own rules. And adults inevitably become involved in arguing with them.

We offer nine tips on how parents should behave when their child gets into arguments and challenges their decisions.

1. Avoid arguing. Retire to your room or do something that will prevent you from getting involved in the bickering. It's even more important that you don't lose your composure. If you get angry, it will show your child that he has power over you, after which he will always aim for your weak spot. Be prepared to impose appropriate sanctions if your child does not cooperate. But never punish him in anger and make sure that the sanctions and consequences for his misbehavior are fair.

2. Focus on collaboration rather than control. By remaining calm and rational despite the unbearable situations your child creates for you, you can gain an advantage over his power tactics. Be clear about your expectations and the consequences for not cooperating with your child. Don't give ultimatums. Try to establish a positive connection with your child and motivate him to cooperate.

3. Let your child calm down. An upset child will not be able to listen to you. Reasoning and arguments in such a state will not work. Therefore, wait until he calms down and use this time to organize your thoughts and develop a strategy for further interaction.

4. Don't find out the reasons for bad behavior. Don't ask your child why he lost his temper. This question assumes that bad behavior has a reason. But children do not always have a conscious reason why they act out. If your child gives you a reason (probably in a very creative way) and you don't accept it, you may fall back into the argument you were so eager to avoid.

5. Don't shout. If your child argues with you, it undoubtedly makes you angry. If you yell at him, he may actually calm down and stop arguing. But don't fool yourself into thinking the problem is solved. Your child was unable to solve the problem that led to the arguing. Therefore, they will definitely be repeated until you find a solution that turns out to be much more effective and better than shouting. Even if children argue among themselves, remain calm and help them reach an agreement.

6. Teach your child to appeal. Sometimes children can argue just for the sake of arguing. It becomes their habit. To avoid this, introduce a rule according to which the child can ask you to reconsider your decision after a certain time. This will teach him to refrain from useless arguments. Children are very upset if their opinion is not heard. So, when all family members are in a good mood, talk to your child and listen to him.

7. Be consistent. If you make a decision, do your best to stick to it. Otherwise, the child will believe that all your decisions can be reconsidered, you just have to argue. Before you say “Yes” or “No” on any issue, take your time, but collect all the necessary information and only after weighing all the pros and cons, make a decision. Once a decision has been made, try to ensure it is followed and do not give in to your child's attempts to impose additional conditions on you through bickering or other types of unwanted behavior.

8. Be a role model. If you are faced with a situation in which a stranger has lost his temper or upset you in some way, by all means remain calm. Show your child by example that you remain calm even when upset. This is a good way to teach him that there are more effective ways to deal with an unpleasant situation than arguing and aggression.

9. Save the argument for when the child is older. Your 5-year-old son wants you to buy him a transformable robot. Instead of saying a simple “No,” you go into lengthy explanations of why you can’t buy him one. In response to your arguments, the baby will put forward a dozen phenomenally creative counter-arguments about why he cannot live without this toy. And it is you who are responsible for the upcoming bickering. You cannot expect a 5-year-old child to easily and thoughtfully accept your argument. So just calmly say “No” and move on. Engage in reasoned discussions with your child no earlier than he reaches the age of 10-12 years.

By teaching your child to cooperate and avoid arguing, you will develop his problem-solving skills. And remember that a child who seeks power or argues with you is independent, independent and decisive. So don't worry: you may be training a future leader.

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How to set boundaries for a stubborn child

What should parents do if they can’t follow the lead of a stubborn teenager, and they can’t openly use their power. Psychologists advise giving your child the right to choose and using the phrase “you must” less often.

If you ask a stubborn child in an orderly tone: “Quickly put away the toys,” he will refuse to do this because he does not like being ordered. If the same requirement is expressed in another form: “Which room will you start cleaning today?”, then the phrase will not cause a scandal, because this is not an order, but a right to choose.

Tantrums are the norm at 2.5-3.5 years old, but at 5 years old they are a cause for concern. Your son or daughter needs to be shown to a child psychologist or neurologist

A daily routine agreed upon with a son or daughter helps set the boundaries of what is permitted and minimizes conflicts. All family members must adhere to certain points of the schedule - meals, mandatory evening and morning hygiene procedures.

Joint choice of walking route

It is easier to manage a stubborn child if he is accustomed to a certain daily routine:

eating;
daytime nap;
walk;
watching cartoons;
time for developmental activities;
active games;
tidying up the play area;
Preparation for sleep.

A child will not protest against a change in activity if an adult warns that there are 10 minutes left before the walk, finish watching the cartoon and get dressed.

For cases of disobedience, parents must develop “punitive” measures, and the stubborn person must know the options for punishment that await him if the rules are violated:

your favorite toy will be taken away for the whole day;
will cancel watching cartoons;
In normal times, dad and mom won’t play ball or another game with him.

The child himself will choose to do what adults demand, or to suffer legal punishment , so there will not be a strong protest to the parents’ sanctions.

The right to choose

https://youtu.be/CYzaAvEhLl8

Consultation for parents “Stubborn child. How to deal with children's stubbornness"

Anna Shteeva

Consultation for parents “Stubborn child. How to deal with children's stubbornness"

Consultation for parents

«Stubborn child.

How to deal with children's stubbornness ."

A stubborn child is a child whose behavior causes problems of an emotional and educational nature (in the family, kindergarten , school, such as the presence of constant disputes and disagreements on serious issues and because of minor trifles, reluctance to hear someone else’s point of view, as well as situations causing an increase in danger to the child (lack of obedience on the roadway, neglect of home safety rules, etc.).

Between the ages of two and four years, a child experiences noticeable changes in character and behavior: he develops self-esteem and self-esteem. Adults who are unable to restructure their relationships with children to take these changes into account face serious difficulties in raising them. As a result, small differences that could have been resolved peacefully escalate into conflict, causing both sides to suffer.

According to psychologists, one of the reasons for stubbornness in children during this period of life is the child’s reluctance to do what parents expect of him . Also, stubborn behavior serves as a defensive reaction to excessive parental care . The kid is trying to defend his right to independence, but does not know how to do it correctly.

Conflicts often arise when parenting tactics are too soft. The child gets used to getting what he wants under any circumstances, and when his parents refuse him something, he displays such qualities as childish aggression and stubbornness .

Ignoring the desires and interests of a child by adults makes him feel violated in his rights and offended. He begins to think that parents do not take his opinion into account, and looks for ways to attract their attention. Stubbornness develops into an everyday form of behavior. The child is insolent , throws tantrums, and reacts hostilely to parents’ .

Sometimes a child shows stubbornness due to the fact that he has no other way to express the negative emotions that he has accumulated.

How to deal with a stubborn child ?

Constant prohibitions lead to the fact that the child begins to ignore the parents’ and does the opposite. Excessive kindness and gentleness will also not be beneficial if they are beyond reasonable limits. Therefore, psychologists recommend that parents “golden mean” rule.

.
To do this, adults will have to seek a compromise in their relationship with their child, and in some situations make concessions to him.
The baby will feel that his opinion is taken into account and will trust you more. In those cases when you are forced to tell your child a categorical “no”

, in a calm and confidential tone, explain
to the child the reasons for the refusal .
Children, due to their age, are capable of being stubborn in order to force their parents to take their opinion into account. If you want your child to share your point of view, use a trick: before voicing your position, ask him what he himself thinks about this. It is quite possible that the baby will say out loud exactly what you want to hear from him, and you won’t have to .

It is important for every child to understand what his parents allow him to do and what he is prohibited from doing. “ I am a parent ” talks about why rules are so important for children.

in a program from the series
“How to raise a happy
child ” .