Today, such a problem as male loneliness is quite common among men of different ages. Due to the great popularity of computer technology and the Internet, many people have largely replaced live communication with virtual communication, abandoning meetings, conversations, dates and friendly gatherings. Men also have the problem of loneliness, and the question of how to cope with loneliness is at the top on men's forums.
Psychologists note that it is possible to cope with the feeling of loneliness and radically change your life only if a man understands the essence of the problem, admits his mistakes and is ready to act to correct his quality of life. We are talking not only about bachelors who cannot meet their one and only, closed men who have no friends and comrades fall into the category of singles. The main cause of the problem is the psycho-emotional state.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is a wonderful state if a man knows what to do if he is lonely, and also has the opportunity to share his condition with someone. Loneliness can be a positive thing if it has not crossed the line of a normal state, that is, the person has not become detached, does not experience discomfort and panic in public places, and has a social circle. Otherwise, we may be talking about a psycho-emotional disorder with serious consequences.
Reasons for loneliness
To decide what to do if you feel lonely, you should first analyze the reasons for this condition and eradicate the provoking factors. Modern psychologists have compiled many dissertations and monographs in which they revealed the main causes of male loneliness. To do this, single men need to be divided into two groups, namely:
- single men due to personal qualities and characteristics;
- single men due to spiritual characteristics and prejudices.
It is no secret that any person instinctively wants to protect himself from stressful and conflict situations. For many people, new acquaintances are associated with worries, embarrassment and expenditure of mental strength. Any relationship involves communication and stories about past and present life, all this is accompanied by the expectation of evaluation from the opponent.
An important reason for loneliness and antisocial behavior is the fear of value judgments addressed to oneself, self-doubt and complexes, fears of mistakes and failures. Perhaps this was facilitated by psychological trauma from a breakup from the past. Some men feel sad and lonely due to emotional attachment and psychological dependence on their mother, refusing to meet and have relationships with girls.
Finding the positives
To cope with the feeling of loneliness, you also need to determine its positive and negative sides, that is, weigh the pros and cons. Psychologists note that most people in this state of solitude accept themselves, focus on themselves, treating themselves objectively. In addition, loneliness has several generalized advantages, for example:
- Freedom to choose a partner, that is, a man can be actively searching, meeting whoever he wants.
- Lack of responsibilities, since relationships are hard work requiring understanding, compromise, adjustment to each other, etc.
- Free time for preparation, that is, before starting a relationship, a man can improve his shape, health, intelligence, and engage in self-development.
- Lack of drama due to relationships, which is inherent in all loving couples and family relationships.
Do you like loneliness?
Not really
In addition, during your loneliness, you have the opportunity to do your favorite things, read books, watch movies, relax or be active. It is important that in this state a person does not completely isolate himself from society, because prolonged loneliness is accompanied by negative emotions; a man will feel very lonely, unnecessary and worthless.
Expert opinion
Victor Brenz
Psychologist and self-development expert
The most serious consequence of loneliness is deep depression, the development of psycho-emotional disorders, loss of social and communication skills, irritability and increased aggression.
Don't be afraid of loneliness
If a person does not have friends, loved ones or a significant other for some time, perhaps this is just a necessary stage in life that needs to be accepted and not resist the state of loneliness. Psychologists say that loneliness has not only advantages, but also reasons why you should not be afraid of it, namely:
- For many people, solitude is a need that will allow them to find balance and tranquility, solutions to important life issues, and the opportunity to restore vitality. In addition, in this state you can accept and love yourself.
- Solitude is always a voluntary choice of a person, which, among other things, is a temporary phenomenon.
- You should not perceive the period of loneliness as a destructive process, but rather as a process of creation and awareness. At this time, a man can do his favorite things, relax or improve himself.
- If loneliness is a protracted process, it can be solved with the help of specialists and the support of relatives, if there is a desire.
Thus, we can conclude that it is inappropriate and stupid to be afraid of loneliness; if this is a temporary stage in life, it can be used with maximum benefit for yourself. If solitude is accompanied by sadness, melancholy, alienation from society, isolation, depression, it is worth starting to fight the condition by changing your lifestyle and behavior.
The man is a mother's son
This type of man is quite common. This psychological type of “son” is formed in single-parent families, where upbringing is carried out only by the mother, and the father is absent, or he is too weak to play any role. For a woman, her son comes first, not her husband, if she has one. The boy becomes too attached to his mother. As an adult, he cannot take a single step on his own without consulting his mother. Having married, he looks for maternal traits in his chosen one. The requirements are usually high, and it is difficult for an inexperienced girl to meet them. If she is not like his mother, then worse for her. Most often, women leave their hapless husbands, tightly attached to their mother, who later become lonely.
The infantilism in the behavior of a man-“son” manifests itself very clearly in his relationship with his wife. Indeed, he feels good if the woman plays a leading role in the relationship. He is like a small child, capricious, demanding and selfish. This psychological type loves to cheer, so that his wife circles around him and takes care of him, just like his mother. Such marriages have a future if the wife is a strong person and she is satisfied with the role of mommy. Otherwise, the man is doomed to loneliness.
What to do if you're lonely?
Before looking for methods to deal with feelings of loneliness, a man needs to eradicate the negative factors and causes that aggravate the situation. Psychologists strongly recommend against using alcohol to solve problems, against random encounters and new disappointments against this background. It is also contraindicated to suffer from idleness, which leads to gloomy thoughts, refusal of communication and contact with people.
Self-education
Famous psychologists and psychotherapists share advice and recommendations on what to do for a lonely person. And first of all, the problem must be accepted by analyzing the provoking factors. In fact, many men find it most difficult to realize and accept their loneliness. Having realized the problem, you must speak out loud or on paper by keeping a diary.
The most effective way to get rid of loneliness is self-development, which can consist of several points:
- You need to remember that it is always interesting to communicate and have connections with a comprehensively developed person, so you need to look for new hobbies and interests, read books.
- A foreign language is an excellent option for developing and acquiring new skills, so you can sign up for courses. You can also engage in dancing, creative sports, music, wood carving, swimming or other activities.
- The gym is a great opportunity to improve your health and appearance, which will increase your self-esteem and chances of finding a soul mate.
- Traveling, tourism, and improving your qualifications in your career will help you expand your horizons.
- A positive attitude will be the key to finding new acquaintances, friends and more. There is no need to touch upon negative aspects when communicating with people; it is better to always be smiling, talkative and at the same time able to listen to your opponent.
It is worth refusing to communicate on the Internet, as this is simply a substitution of concepts. Live communication or telephone conversations will be an excellent opportunity to practice communication skills. The best source of information will be a book rather than sites on the World Wide Web.
Sport
In order not to spend time alone with melancholy and boredom, it is important for a man to lead a mobile and active lifestyle. Sport is the best choice for those who suffer from depression, lack of communication and friends, self-doubt and blues. Psychologists offer several options for combating loneliness:
- physical activity improves body contour and self-esteem, as well as good mood, so you can sign up for an aerobic or gym;
- the gym will become a place for people with similar interests ; you can engage in martial arts, boxing, karate, or you can sign up for swimming, yoga or dancing;
- if a man does not have the opportunity to visit the gym, you can simply develop the habit of jogging in the fresh air, walking in the park , cycling or rollerblading.
Sport helps in a short time to find new acquaintances, colleagues in interests and hobbies, and perhaps a soul mate. If you engage in any kind of sports, one way or another a person will have to be in a group, which has a beneficial effect on the fight against loneliness.
Fear of losing freedom
When, at what age and why does a man develop such a reverent attitude towards his freedom? He prefers the life of a single man, free, not burdened with duties and responsibilities. He stands for free love, or rather sexual relations. From time to time, he has similar available women, but he is not ready to enter into a long-term relationship with them. It is no coincidence that civil marriages have become so common in the modern world. Such a freedom-loving man, without straining, enjoys life for up to 45-50 years, and then frantically tries to find love, a life partner, the warmth of the hearth, care and understanding. The task is not easy, since few of the fairer sex will want to selflessly court an aging man. Here is another reason for a man’s loneliness in old age.
New acquaintances
To combat the problem you need to make drastic changes, and in case of loneliness, by making new acquaintances. There are several ways to take the initiative to communicate:
- A man needs to get out of his own shell by establishing relationships with society. Interpersonal communication will not replace the Internet and information technology.
- You shouldn’t wait for an invitation, you need to call all your friends and acquaintances, colleagues and classmates, and turn to them more often for advice and help. Those who respond can enter the social circle; a man just needs to invite them to a cafe or home for tea, arranging friendly gatherings.
- If a man likes a girl, he shouldn’t be afraid to take the initiative. Even if the attempts remain unsuccessful, they should be treated without undue self-criticism, since the man will gain invaluable experience that will help him in future attempts to meet.
- You should not expect that friendship will begin immediately after the first communication. Any relationship is a complex and time-consuming process that is built on rapprochement and close communication.
The most pleasant and useful way to combat loneliness is to have a pet. Whether it’s a kitten or a puppy, a four-legged companion will teach a man to responsibility, care, contacts and communication, and spending time together. In addition, a pet, according to psychologists, is an excellent source of positive emotions and joy, that is, an antidepressant.
Is it easy to be a man
It's difficult, very difficult. He owes too much. Just think about how many demands are placed on him from early childhood.
He must be strong and correspond to a movie superman, earn a lot and bring cash to his wife to pack her from head to toe, organize a family vacation (preferably abroad), be a caring husband and a great lover. One could go on and on about what else is expected of him. And he must assert himself in all this, prove that he is better than others. It is embedded in a system where there are rigid relations of dominance and subordination. You need to fight for your place in the sun, just like in the good old days. After all, he is a provider and protector. This is how Mother Nature made him. What if something doesn’t work out? Who can help? His male pride does not allow him to accept help from the outside, including from a woman. Modern ladies have become too demanding of the stronger sex. And the man gets tired of the fight, and of business, and of women, and of relationships with her. So isn’t it better to throw off all responsibilities and choose loneliness - which is what many modern men do.
The root of the problem
How to overcome male loneliness? The psychological advice that experts give boils down to one simple idea: in order to eliminate the effect, you need to find the cause. A person who cannot get rid of an oppressive feeling must understand why it arises in his soul. It's stupid to think that the right girl will solve all your problems. The root of loneliness lies deep within. A man who does what he loves, has good friends, can carry on any conversation, will be successful with women. And reserved men who are afraid to open their mouths in the company of beautiful ladies will evoke pity, but not admiration. A lot of poems have been written about male loneliness. They reflect the essence of the problems of the strong half of humanity. Men are too often afraid to show the world their true emotions.
If you suffer from loneliness, think about whether everything in your life is as good as you think. Do a simple test. Draw a circle and divide it into 6 parts. Label each part in accordance with the main areas of life: health, career, friends, love, family, leisure. Place a dot in each area as close to the outer circle as you develop this or that area of life. Ideally, you should end up with an even circle. If you get a spider, then you can easily understand what area of life you need to develop in order to get rid of internal inferiority.
