Just don't leave! Why does the fear of loneliness arise and how to deal with it: recommendations from a clinical psychologist

For many people, being alone brings a pleasant feeling - it allows you to take a break from the frantic pace of life, collect your thoughts, make an important decision, or, conversely, allow yourself to switch to pleasant, favorite activities.

Bernard Shaw said that people who enjoy solitude have a priceless gift. Stressful situations very often lead to the manifestation of seclusion syndrome, when an individual feels comfortable and cozy only when alone.

But the situation changes dramatically if a person finds himself thrown out of society. People have to withstand tremendous pace and competition. Once outside of public life, a person gradually develops a fear of loneliness . It is especially acute when one realizes the severity of the situation and the impossibility of returning or correcting something.

A long-term fear of being alone transforms into a mental disorder called autophobia. Paradoxically, having all the benefits of technological progress, a person loses emotional contact with friends, relatives, and colleagues, which are the cause of the disease. (For phobias such as anthropophobia, social networks, on the contrary, help to find a common language)

A sudden feeling of loneliness can arise regardless of gender, social affiliation, status and marital status. Man is a social being, so he subconsciously strives for communication .

Autophobia is a very common disease. It causes psycho-emotional addictions, somatic disorders, and panic attacks. According to statistics, autophobes have the highest number of suicides . Not everyone can overcome the fear of loneliness. Such people, being alone with themselves, experience discomfort, disappointment, and fear of tomorrow. Their will and consciousness are fettered, their actions are devoid of logic.

Elderly people have a hard time experiencing loneliness.

What is the fear of loneliness called?

In medicine, this condition is considered a mental disorder and is defined by the term autophobia. If translated literally, the term is interpreted as “fear of oneself.” In fact, a person is afraid, of course, not of himself, but of being left alone with himself. Loneliness gives him severe discomfort and causes anxiety.

“The causes of autophobia lie in childhood,” comments clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Nikolai Chadayev. “It occurs against the background of psychological trauma, most often more than one. It appears in people whose parents left them alone for a long time or abandoned them in childhood. And already in adulthood, a person’s trigger goes off when he finds himself in a similar situation. For example, someone close to you leaves, and this reminds you of the past, the stress you experienced. As a result, fear “turns on.”

Fighting methods

In psychology there are different ways to get rid of a phobia. If it cannot be completely defeated, then the person is taught techniques that will suppress the feeling of panic and fear.

Do not delay your visit to a specialist, as the success of treatment depends on this

Dealing with phobias is difficult; the patient needs to want to get rid of the problem. How quickly the treatment process will proceed depends on his consciousness and motivation.

There are three groups of help: psychotherapy, drug therapy and self-help. It is better to combine all the options, as together they work more effectively. Getting rid of autophobia is difficult, but possible.

Features of fear in men

Representatives of the stronger sex are less likely to develop a fear of loneliness. In rare cases, it occurs against the background of other problems. A man may feel financially inadequate and subconsciously fear that a woman will leave him because of this.

Autophobia is sometimes called a betrayal survivor's disease. From childhood, men are taught the idea that representatives of the stronger sex should not show emotions. In such conditions, a person grows up with the habit of suppressing feelings. Therefore, betrayal is more difficult to live through.

Autophobia can be treated with psychotherapy and medication. It is better to combine both methods, as this will achieve a better effect. For the second option, you will need psychiatry, since only a doctor can prescribe medications: antidepressants and tranquilizers.

Fear in women

Representatives of the fairer sex are more prone to fear of loneliness. They are more eager to have a child and start a family. Women's fear of loneliness arises against the backdrop of strong social pressure.

Important! From childhood, girls are taught the idea that without men they will not be full-fledged individuals.

It is women who often become victims of toxic relationships. They experience separations more difficult and strive with all their might to get married. They experience more physical symptoms of autophobia.

About treatment

You should not expect a specialist to provide a ready-made solution to the problem. It is impossible to say unequivocally how not to be afraid of loneliness. During psychotherapy, family history and various life situations are discussed with patients. All this allows us to identify the reason that served as the beginning of the development of the disorder.

Psychotherapy can last about a year, as it can be difficult to immediately find the root of the problem

Drug treatment is aimed at suppressing physical symptoms. Sometimes determining autophobia takes time; not every doctor can identify such a disorder. Meditation, auto-training, etc. are used as self-help measures.

The name autophobia comes from two words: self and fear. With this problem, a person is pathologically afraid of being alone. It is possible to cure a phobia, but for this the patient needs to seek help from specialists.

At-risk groups

According to the specialist, people of any age who have previously suffered psychological trauma or serious stress are susceptible to fear of loneliness. But most often women are susceptible to it due to mental characteristics and genetic factors. Deep in the subconscious of every woman is the need to create a family and have children. This need is formed evolutionarily. And even if a woman denies it, deep down she may feel dissatisfied with her life and worry that sooner or later she will be completely alone. If the search for a life partner does not work out or a situation arises when the spouse leaves for another woman, autophobia may appear against the background of previously experienced stress.

Another risk group is older people, whose social circle is usually limited due to age or health status. And if children or loved ones pay less attention to the elderly than they would like, this can also trigger the onset of a phobia. Especially older people are afraid of being left without communication and moral support. They are afraid of not getting medical help at a difficult moment, and this all leaves a serious imprint on their psycho-emotional state.

Types of phobias

Autophobia can develop in mild, moderate and severe forms . The stages of the phobic state differ in symptoms and the degree of damage to the human psyche.

In the first case, there is a constant feeling of boredom when being alone. At the moderate stage, anxiety states become more pronounced.

The severe form includes most of the characteristic symptoms of a phobia.

Autophobia may be accompanied by the following fears:

• fear of not getting married;
• fear of betrayal by the other half;
• fear of loneliness after divorce or separation;
• fear of sleeping alone;
• fear of death of loved ones.

Where does the fear of loneliness come from and how to get rid of it? The psychologist comments :

Symptoms of autophobia

“The main symptom is an uncomfortable state when a person is alone,” comments Nikolai Chadayev. - He may experience restlessness, anxiety, and headaches. As a rule, people try to fill the vacuum that has formed around them with some kind of activity. But it doesn’t save, and the feeling of deep loneliness does not go away.”

Typically, these symptoms are sufficient to diagnose a mental disorder. There are also tests for autophobia, but there is no need to resort to them if a person feels these emotions while alone.

Signs of the development of the disease in loved ones will be the characteristics of their behavior. If, while seeing you off, a relative or friend asks you to sit a little longer, stay “a little longer,” asks when you will come next time, or complains that you are paying too little attention, there is every reason to suspect the development of autophobia.

Symptoms and signs

Being alone with themselves, autophobes experience significant psychological discomfort .

Such people find it difficult to concentrate on work, creativity or everyday affairs.

The thoughts of an autophobe are associated exclusively with negative experiences associated with the fear of being alone. A person begins to think that no one needs him, that he will never find his other half, and his spouse will definitely leave him.

symptoms may indicate the development of autophobia :

• irrational fear that something bad will happen to loved ones,
• excessive imposition of your presence on other people (numerous calls, messages, desire to be close in any situation),
• the presence of unstable self-esteem (the opinion of one’s own person is constantly changing),
• anxiety or panic when being alone (in an apartment, at work, etc.),
• constant attempts to avoid tasks that require independent completion,
• the need to constantly confirm one’s own importance for a person,
• the presence of a pathological dependence on the opinions of other people,
• the desire to constantly be in society (the number of people does not matter).

How to overcome philophobia? You will find advice from psychologists on our website.

Women's loneliness , reasons and ways to overcome:

Should you fight your fear of loneliness?

Any psychological discomfort can “transform” into a more serious mental disorder over time. And therefore, of course, it is necessary to fight the problem. In relation to autophobia, this is due to a number of reasons.

Firstly, a feeling of constant anxiety and loneliness can lead to depression, and against its background, suicidal tendencies often develop. Secondly, scientists have established a direct relationship between phobia and the development of neurodermatitis - chronic inflammation of the skin, which becomes not only an aesthetic problem, but also causes physical discomfort.

And finally, autophobia in a person destroys both his own life, makes it “purposeless”, deprives him of joy, and the life of loved ones, towards whom discontent and claims of inattention and indifference will constantly pour in.

What is autophobia

Feeling fear of something or someone is a normal reaction of the body. This feeling helped a person to survive in the wild and in the modern world protects him from danger.

Some fears become obsessive, disrupt normal lifestyles and lead to psychosomatic disorders. The fear of loneliness is expressed in the inability to be without a loved one. People with this disorder strive to build relationships with anyone, and they do not want to leave their relatives.

Not everyone knows what the fear of loneliness is called. It is correct to label this disorder as autophobia. Some sources contain the terms isolophobia and monophobia. In Latin, phobia is called autophobia.

Treatment of autophobia

Fear of death and loneliness is treatable. There are various techniques that can bring relief to a person.

1. Auto-trainings . Self-hypnosis techniques help improve well-being, gain self-confidence, and reduce the manifestations of fear. However, it is impossible to cure autophobia with auto-training alone.
2. Psychotherapy . To treat the fear of loneliness, psychotherapeutic techniques are used, working with a psychotherapist in groups or individually. According to existing statistics, psychotherapy helps a person recover from autophobia, but recovery takes time. On average, psychotherapeutic treatment should last for two to three years.
3. Taking antidepressants . Medicines are used as an aid in the treatment of mental disorders and should only be prescribed by a doctor. It is important to understand that they alone cannot cure the disease and will not help get rid of the cause of the disorder. The doctor can recommend them to improve the patient’s psycho-emotional background, normalize his reactions, and well-being. But they should only be used in combination with psychotherapy.

“With severe autophobia, thoughts of suicide, and deep depression, a person needs to see a psychotherapist,” notes clinical psychologist Nikolai Chadayev. — My original method helps to cope with a phobia much faster than traditional psychotherapeutic methods. An improvement in the condition is noted already in the fourth or fifth session.”

With a mild degree of disorder, a person can help himself. It is important to expand your social circle, find new acquaintances and hobbies. A person should have a hobby, thanks to which he can communicate with other people. This could be dancing, singing, handicrafts, drawing, interest clubs. Then the feeling of loneliness will arise much less often.

You can help your loved ones in the same way: find something you like that will distract you from sad thoughts. And Nikolai Chadayev believes that the only way to prevent the fear of loneliness is the care of parents for their children. Since the cause of the disease is stress experienced in childhood, it is important for parents to pay as much attention to their children as possible, love them, communicate, try not to leave them alone and, of course, never abandon them. Strong parental love in childhood serves as the best protection against many psychological problems in adulthood, including autophobia.

How to fight?

The course of treatment for autophobia depends on the individual clinical picture of the person’s health status. Basic therapy is based on the use of special psychotherapeutic techniques and the use of medications to normalize the psycho-emotional background of the autophobe.

If there are complications, hospitalization may be necessary (for example, with suicidal thoughts).

Additional techniques allow you to consolidate the results of the therapy and eliminate relapses of the phobia.

Therapy for autophobia includes the following techniques:

1. Drug therapy (a course of taking psychostimulants, antidepressants, tranquilizers, sleeping pills and medications with a sedative effect).
2. Treatment in a hospital with procedures aimed at correcting the psycho-emotional state of an autophobe (relaxing procedures, classes with psychologists and psychotherapists).
3. Basic psychotherapeutic assistance (individual or group sessions with psychologists and psychotherapists).
4. Art therapy (the technique is aimed at gradually working through a person’s internal fears).
5. Hypnotherapy (used when difficulties arise in identifying the causes of a phobia).

Who is a homophobe? Find out the answer right now.

Why the fear of loneliness becomes obsessive: causes of autophobia

A single cause that gives rise to autophobia has not currently been established. For most people, the irrational fear of loneliness “matures” gradually and manifests itself intensively when some unfavorable circumstances occur. Among the harmful factors, scientists identify the following reasons:

• problematic pregnancy and complicated labor of the mother, which led to the need for drug treatment of the baby;
• lack of satisfaction (or incomplete satisfaction) of the natural needs of the infant for feeding, attention, care;
• lack of attention to the child’s psychological needs in early childhood years, when there is a direct connection between mother and baby;
• parents choosing non-pedagogical methods for punishment, for example: leaving the child alone in the room for a long time, while turning off the lights;
• communication with children from disadvantaged families;
• lack of interest of parents in the achievements and problems of the heir, inattention to his characteristics;
• excessive guardianship of adults, lack of the concept of “personal space” in the family, parents imposing their presence on the child in all situations;
• the difficult course of adolescence: ignoring the difficulties of a teenager in moments of crisis;
• the desire of parents to please their offspring with all their might, the desire to make their existence easier, the deliberate elimination of natural difficulties;
• the individual’s lack of primitive knowledge about the true state of affairs in the human community: excessive trust in unfamiliar people, seeing the world “in a rosy light”;
• psycho-emotional stress due to leaving the family or death of one of the parents;
• negative personal experience: betrayal, betrayal, breakup with a loved one;
• low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, dissatisfaction with oneself;
• egocentrism - excessive admiration for one’s own person, the desire to become the “center of the Universe”;
• lack of communication skills, unwillingness to accept the fact that other people are unique in their own way;
• obsession with satisfying one's selfish motives.

Another probable reason for the formation of autophobia is banal boredom. Situations when a person has too much free time to “savor” his sensations. When a person, instead of taking some drastic actions, enjoys the problem and begins to analyze his loneliness from all sides. That is, in fact, the start of the disorder is given by elementary laziness, reluctance to make any changes, the position of not the conqueror of the world and the master of one’s own destiny, but the convenient role of the great martyr.

The factor that initiates autophobia is the individual’s lack of true understanding of the meaning of life and misunderstanding of its place on Earth. This is a situation when a person simply does not want to accept a simple truth: a person comes into this world alone and leaves it also alone. The absence or presence of some objects that accompany a person for a long time or appear on the horizon occasionally, actually has a minimal effect on the very process of a person living biological life. An aspect from philosophical reasoning: whether a person is lonely or not, his status does not affect the outcome of life, but only manifests itself in the quality of life. This is undoubtedly something to think about, but not for autophobes.

The most dangerous cause of autophobia is a person’s fear of death. In this case, fear of loneliness is one of the diverse manifestations of a total and complex disorder called thanatophobia.