In the 21st century, you can increasingly hear the phrase: “You’re unlucky in love.” However, this is not a reason to give up or run to a fortune teller to remove the damage, but an opportunity to understand yourself and your relationships. Together with psychologist Ksenia Guseva, we analyze four types of women who are unlucky in love, and ways to change this evil fate. Ksenia is an expert on dating, relationships with men and self-love. She is the author of the three-month coaching program “Happy and Loved.”
Who is unlucky in love? The short answer to this question is to invisible women.
Why do some have everything and others have nothing?
There are women who bask in the attention of men, in gifts, care and support; they are always desirable and valuable, noticeable. Men line up behind them and dream of making them theirs, creating families with them. And there are invisible women whom men do not perceive as potential life partners. They can read such a lady as a colleague, friend, neighbor, as a difficult person, or simply not notice.
What problems do invisible women have?
Men don’t notice them, don’t give them gifts, because of this they are forced to date not the one they want, but the one who comes across. Invisible women feel unhappy, undervalued, dissatisfied, envy their friends, or simply believe that loneliness is their lot. These women often focus on their careers or motherhood and leave no resources for relationships. Some have already accepted their fate, while others are still trying to find their happiness. If you haven't lost hope yet, then this article is for you.
Reason No. 3. The earth is full of rumors
The profession of a spy, sniffing out all the ins and outs of any person, will soon become unnecessary. People themselves willingly share all the details of their lives on social networks, which have long become our virtual homes. Don't think that no one is interested in how you spend your free time.
HR officers admit that studying an applicant’s profile on social networks has long become a commonplace activity. Don't fall into the trap of being sociable by carelessly posting anything that could harm your employment. Provocative remarks, pictures on the verge of a foul (and beyond), criticism and personal nude photos can block your access to the desired job.
In addition to the listed reasons for being unlucky with work, employers also often reject applicants because of their passivity, inability to conduct a dialogue and listen to the interlocutor, arrogance and discussion of the shortcomings of the previous employer.
Types of women who are unlucky in love
Scared Svetochka
Imagine a woman at a party, approached by a handsome stranger. He just came up, and she was already hiding her eyes at the floor, because her basic emotion is fear. She tries to blend in with the crowd, with the wall, to be gray and invisible so that the man will pass by. Often these women unknowingly gain weight because they do not allow themselves to experience emotions. They often hide behind their children: they take them with them everywhere and talk only about them. Sveta behave asexually for men because their biggest subconscious fear is getting into a relationship, because for them it is pain. Such a woman most likely has a problematic relationship with her father: he is either devaluing, tyrannical, or avoidant of affection. Another option: a controlling mother who devalues the girl with her behavior and words. Therefore, as an adult, this woman behaves closed, modestly and is afraid of a lot.
Main fears: showing up, being yourself, being rejected; fear of relationships.
Workaholic Lyudmila Prokofievna
These women are often successful in their careers, they have money, they may be attractive in appearance, but they smell of very tiredness. Lyudmila Prokofievna understands only functional interaction, builds only vertical connections: they are good at learning, as well as teaching, caring for and controlling others. It seems to them that they are valuable only if they can chip in for a mortgage, provide a drill, and raise children. Their main internal question: “Why would you love me if I don’t do this and that?”
As a rule, these women wear the following masks: • “I am strong” – they convey that they can handle it themselves, so there are no strong men next to them; • “I’m smart” or “I’m conscious” – they hide behind intelligence the idea that being smart is difficult and interesting, but any fool can be beautiful; • “I’m ideal” or “I’m needed” - they try to do everything better than everyone else, to be excellent students, they are afraid to admit that they are vulnerable and need help.
There are always weak men next to them, because these ladies interact with their partners according to the “mother-son” type. Therefore, such a woman chooses a convenient and comfortable life partner and “grows” him to suit herself. She gets bored quickly, but such relationships are safe for her because they are controllable.
Lyudmila Prokofievna believes that the ideal woman is the arithmetic mean of a horse, a dog and a mother. Efficient and resilient, like a horse. Faithful as a dog. Caring, like a mother. As a rule, such women have conflicts with their mothers since childhood, so there is no basic trust in the world. And most likely, the image of the father is idealized: either these are daddy’s daughters, or the dad is absent, but his bright, pure image is there.
Main fears: being vulnerable, depending on another, being left alone; fear of betrayal.
Vulgar Snezhana
This is an invisible woman who tries her best to be visible: she wears a bright dress with the deepest neckline, prefers red lipstick, even when taking out the trash. In the company, Snezhana laughs loudest and makes dirty jokes, talks about her skills and victories in bed. So why is she still alone? Because it sells itself as stale goods. Normal men understand that this is an easy prey and are not interested in her. But, as a rule, they attract very tyrannical men, abusers who see that under the war paint lies self-doubt. Snezhans often develop high self-esteem, assert themselves at the expense of those around them, and criticize other women.
The main fears: to be yourself, to be ordinary, the same as everyone else; to be unrecognized, invisible; fear of betrayal.
Heavy Eleanor
She just walked into the room, and everyone already felt the drama and sadness. Eleanor has a lot of expectations from the world and from men, the main phrase: “He must.” These women reek of heaviness and sadness; they are sufferers who see the world in dark colors and do not know how to thank or be open. Often Eleanor has a large burden of grievances, and it becomes a banner that they proudly carry through life and use for manipulation.
Men perceive such women as energy-sucking black holes, so they avoid them. Either the same heavy men, offended by life, or weak ones, for whom it is normal to be close to such a companion, flock to this dark light. Their model is “love is pity”, and these ladies attract those who love to pity them, as a result they only get a shoulder to cry on, but not a man.
Main fears: repeating a mistake, fear of loss, fear of pain and relationships, fear of men.
Subconscious fear of success
Sometimes even completely collected, thoughtful and cheerful people experience failure after failure in achieving success or a specific goal. They can make incredible efforts, but still they are constantly unlucky either with work, or with money, or in other areas of life.
As a rule, here you need to look for an internal conflict between what you are striving for and what you really want.
You are not living your life
Think about whether your desire really belongs to you personally, is your true desire, and not imposed by external rules and foundations. You shouldn't be too quick to answer here. External influences often “eat into” us so much that it can be very difficult to remember and “unearth” our real needs.
It is quite possible that the subconscious simply feels that you are moving in the wrong direction for you and in every possible way delays and interferes with the process. As a result, you make the wrong decisions, “slow down” with your choice, or do nothing at all when you need to do something.
At a crucial moment, the temperature rises, things and documents are lost, doors slam shut, or summer snowfalls begin. “Oh, and I have no luck with this real estate (financial, advertising) business!” - you say. Maybe because your real calling is a circus acrobat? Or a storyteller? Or a dancer?
Complexes do not allow you to be lucky and successful
Another version of the conflict is when a person strives for success outwardly, but deep down in his soul he does not consider himself worthy of it, does not believe that he can succeed. Internal attitudes “I’m not good enough for this”, “I’m hardly worthy of this”, “everything always goes wrong for me anyway” - nullify all his attempts.
And the whole universe, in a harmonious duet with its own subconscious, begins to come up with various “feints”. Before an important presentation, your voice suddenly drops, coffee spills on your shirt, the car constantly breaks down at the wrong time, flights are canceled, heels fall off, locks break and, as the icing on the big cake, a whole week of tropical downpours throughout the entire vacation.
Low self-esteem and lack of trust in yourself are very dangerous. They hide far inside, embellish themselves with feigned confidence and energetic activity. But with every minor fiasco they immediately appear and force you to give up.
The unlucky one gets more motherly love
There are actually a lot of reasons for internal sabotage. Psychologists described examples when the subconscious mind prevented one from achieving heights only because some significant people for a person (most often, of course, the mother) pitied him and loved him only in a state of failure and misfortune. And successes and triumphs were mostly ignored.
Remember, didn’t you like being a little sick as a child, not going to school and basking in a huge amount of care and love from the whole worried family? So, if a child could constantly receive the attention of his parents only in case of various “unfortunate situations,” then, as an adult, he unconsciously creates similar situations in his life.
How to become a woman who is lucky in love?
Be open, light, enjoying
I won't give advice on how to bat your eyelashes, style your hair, or what length of skirt to wear. This does not matter, they love very different ladies and young ladies - thin, large, in skirts, in trousers. The main task of a woman is to enjoy herself and get high from life. Like attracts like, a worthy man simply cannot pass by.
Free yourself from the burden of the past and grievances
Until you let go of the past, it will be your rock, pulling you to the bottom.
Work with your self-esteem
It should be adequate, not underestimated or overestimated. Self-esteem should be based on your own opinion of yourself. Otherwise, you have to be the arithmetic average of the sum of the expectations of people around you.
Live passionately and with pleasure
Love yourself, go to work with interest, surround yourself with beauty, coziness and comfort. When a woman loves herself, the whole world reflects this love. If a woman spends money and resources on herself, takes care of herself physically and emotionally, a man will quickly appreciate this and see her as a potential partner.
Why am I unlucky? 15 reasons for bad luck
Failure, loser - words that we don’t like to say; one might say, we are afraid. For centuries people have tried to attract good luck to themselves with the help of various amulets, rituals and spells. It is believed that luck is a capricious thing and is not subject to logic and laws.
Some blame themselves for their failures, while others blame anyone and anything around them: from neighbors to the government and spots on the Sun. Perhaps both are right. But, unfortunately, we have no control over sunspots, but trying to change something in ourselves in order to grab Lady Fortune by the tail is quite possible. To do this, we need to think a little and determine what prevents us from being lucky.
Lack of information and understanding of what is happening
While we receive a variety of knowledge at school, we, however, for the most part are not ready to connect the information received into a common cause-and-effect pattern in real life. There are several reasons for this. Firstly, the volume of knowledge we receive is very large, and it is not surprising to get lost in this information flow. Secondly, the modern education system, having moved away from the academic principles of presenting information, has predominantly concentrated on the so-called “mosaic” method of teaching, when knowledge is given not from the point of view of the system as a whole, but separately for each discipline, without understanding the relationships between various disciplines. Be that as it may, when leaving the school walls into real life, we need to try a lot to, with the help of self-education, logic and intuition, “sew” the mosaic we received into a real solid canvas, and thereby facilitate the understanding of the life processes taking place around us.
Psychological ignorance
As practice shows, knowledge of psychology is one of the foundations for achieving success in life. Unfortunately, most of us live with various childhood psychological traumas laid down by harmful programs, and do not even suspect that we can get rid of this burden pulling us back in order to look at the world with completely different eyes. Only a few of our fellow citizens know how to properly build relationships with loved ones, work colleagues and friends, and cope with their own emotions... and without this it is so difficult to achieve success in many areas of our lives!
Banal laziness
The danger of laziness is that it perfectly mimics, masquerading as all sorts of reasons and reasons for inaction. Of course, there are cases when such inaction is not laziness - for example, decision-making extended over time at a certain stage does not imply active action. But in most situations, alas, it is laziness that prevents us from achieving much in our lives. Only we ourselves can determine whether we are lazy, or whether there are objective reasons for our inaction. Psychologists define laziness as the absence of clearly necessary actions without objective reasons. If you once again internally argue for your inaction, try to be honest with yourself: is there really an objective reason for it?
Spiritual immaturity
As a rule, we are all so deeply immersed in our problems that we forget to simply enjoy the fresh morning and the beginning of the day. Our argument, as a rule, is invincible: I have problems, I have no time for joy! But in vain. It is the ability to see small bright moments in life that helps us tune in to perceive great joy. If a person is spiritually focused only on his problems, he is unlikely to be able to get out of them.
Lack of logical thinking
Many problems in a person’s life arise from the fact that he draws the wrong conclusions from what is happening and incorrectly plans the necessary actions that can help correct the situation. The reason for this is weak logical thinking, the inability to ask yourself and others the right questions, which, as we know, already contain half the answers. In my opinion, a logic exam should be made mandatory for graduates of any educational institution, because it is logical thinking that helps us avoid making mistakes.
Lack of paradoxical thinking
A paradox is a combination of seemingly incompatible things. It would seem, why do we need this in life? But it is the ability to combine incompatible things that is often the key to success and making the right decision. Train your brain by periodically pushing your thoughts beyond conventional boundaries, and one day this skill will serve you well.
Indecision and cowardice
You will be horrified if you find out how many people around you are being prevented from becoming happy and successful... by excessive modesty. “The whole world is for others, but I need to move on” - it’s hard to imagine a more destructive thought than this. How many unfinished deeds, untaken first steps are buried in our past precisely thanks to our cowardice and indecision! How many missed moments, chances, opportunities were ruined as a result of hesitation and empty fears! Modesty, of course, adorns a person... but only if there is something to decorate. Think about it.
Life is a draft
You can often see how people, seemingly quite capable of coping with certain circumstances in their lives, react to them as if they were first-graders with two notebooks: a first copy and a draft. In a draft you can “try”, make a mistake, write carelessly – right? So in real life, such people act as if they were writing in a draft - half-heartedly. Meanwhile, life does not forgive such an attitude towards oneself. There are no rough days or hours in it, and what’s more, there aren’t even rough seconds, everything is serious, everything is real, “all over the place.” As soon as you understand this, the need for a “draft” will disappear, and the intention to do something seriously will entail a certain potential that will give you strength and your business success.
Health problems
Our body is not such an eternal luxury that we should treat it with disdain. Strength diminishes over time, problems and illnesses appear. To prevent your body from letting you down at a crucial moment, pay regular attention to it. Do morning exercises, go to the gym or pool, monitor your health, and visit doctors if necessary. The longer you manage to maintain your health, the more productive and successful your life will be.
Awareness of your desires and goals
Often our life is useless and empty if we don’t know what we want. Try to always be aware of your desires and the reasons for their occurrence. Clearly setting a goal greatly facilitates the path to achieving it. Are you not rich and “want to get rich”? What for? How do you intend to manage the money? And how many do you need? Try to clearly build this chain in your mind, and see for yourself: this way it is much easier to achieve success and luck.
Nothing comes for free
This truth should be remembered by everyone, starting from a very tender age. The love of free things has never made anyone happy. The crumbs picked up “for free” from Lady Life’s table have never brought any good to anyone. You need to realize that everything you want to receive must be earned - with your brains, hands, resourcefulness, ingenuity, strength... Nothing in this life is given for free, this is the law.
Freedom and responsibility
If a person suddenly gains freedom, he, as a rule, immediately feverishly looks for someone to give it to. Alas, this is how most of us work. Freedom is responsibility, the ability to be responsible for your choices and actions. This is not available to everyone. You need to have a certain courage to feel free and make your own decisions.
Fear of publicity
Take a closer look at blogs and forums. Are there many participants on them who show their own faces in their profiles? Fear of publicity, fear of standing out from the crowd is one of the foundations on which a loser stands. “Let them be in the crowd, as long as they don’t notice!” But if they don’t notice, then everyone won’t notice. And Luck – including...
Lack of intuition
Intuitive instinct, inner voice is a very important factor that cannot be discounted. Our intuition, it would seem, is like a computer's RAM: it produces hints and solutions that seem to be based on nothing. Meanwhile, this is not so. Our intuition is based on the totality of knowledge already accumulated in the process of life and acquired experience, but sometimes we are not able to trace all these logical chains. Trust her! If you don't hear your inner voice, luck will pass you by more often.
Negative perception of the experience
Let's say you are left without a great job for reasons that are beyond your control. How will you act - like a loser or like a lucky person? The loser will endlessly complain about what happened, look for reasons, blame the former bosses, the government, the stars that lie askew in the sky... and in the end he will remain without a job. Fortune's minion will just shrug his shoulders and smile: how many wonderful opportunities his dismissal opens up for him! Maybe this is a chance to change your profession, to realize yourself in a long-desired field? Remember that if the world takes away one opportunity from you, it will certainly give you another in return. Know how to find positive aspects in what is happening, and luck will definitely put you in the saddle!
The problems listed do not necessarily all apply to you. But read more carefully, and, most likely, you will find manifestations of your own behavior and reactions at some points. Try to get rid of what prevents you from becoming successful. In the end, just try changing something in your life for a while and see what it does for your luck.
Irina,
How it works?
A man can drive his luxury car, and you can just go to the bakery from the next door. And he will see you, so enjoying, smiling, light, bright, walking along the sidewalk for a loaf of bread. And he just wants to continue this happiness, simply because he wants and can. Invisible women believe that it is the man who should fill them with love, give them happiness, love them for their dad and mom, and only then she will give him her love. Happy men look for happy women to increase their happiness.
