Conflict with subordinates

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01/11/2020 Valentina No comments yet

Building good relationships with management is a whole science. And it will take more than a month to master it. In general, the boss is the same person as you (only more successful in a social environment).

He has two arms, two legs (in most cases), a head and a certain number of bad habits. Therefore, no matter how high his chair is, he will always and in everything remain a man, and not a celestial being.

On the other hand, he is someone who can make a significant contribution to your destiny. And what it will be - negative or light - is up to you to decide. Only a correct understanding of how to behave with your boss will allow you to achieve certain results in your career.

Why does the boss need to trick you into sex?

Everything is very simple here. He, like air, needs self-realization at your expense. And he does this in order to prove to himself that he is God in the eyes of his slaves (subordinates), and a worthy member of the alpha male community of people like himself.

The resulting sex as a result is only of secondary importance to him, and is simply the result of his victory over you. It is worth understanding that you can easily use the services of women of the ancient profession for such purposes, but for a narcissistic leader this is not the case.

His goal is to get exactly the one that was previously inaccessible to him, i.e. the woman he wants, but who does not give in to his advances.

Alas, this often disgusting trait of some men is a feature of their male psychology: to win, conquer, appropriate, conquer and thereby often humiliate, without actually wanting to...

Women only “hang themselves” on strong men, while weak ones can only abuse their capabilities and official position to the maximum.

That is, we cannot talk about the harasser boss as a spiritually strong man. This is a potential weakling in terms of winning women's hearts. It’s just that one day he was lucky enough to successfully win a place in the sun, so he decided to influence a woman’s “disposition towards him” in a dishonest (relatively easy) way.

Alas, many women really go to such extreme measures as forced sex with their boss, because they do not know how to refuse an all-powerful leader in order to save their job and, in the future, their reputation, which can be dishonestly tarnished by those offended for what something about her as a boss.

But in order to avoid the boss’s pestering (and it is possible to avoid them), you just need to know a number of psychological techniques that can help a woman prevent sexual attempts by a lustful boss.

Hello Anel.

I am a group analyst and have been leading groups since 2004.

The team at work is the same group. The group operates according to its own laws and mechanisms. There are stages of development. There are difficult situations and conflicts. The effectiveness of the group depends on the personality of the therapist and his experience in leading the group.

Let's figure out what's happening with your group-collective.

The team worked under the leadership of one boss. Then changes happen and people have a different boss. The first reaction is rejection, which can be regarded as resistance.

Resistance to accept a new boss, resistance to a new one. Resistance is not just a lack of desire to cooperate. Resistance is part of the group process. And here it is important not to fight this resistance, but to understand and explain it.

Anel, as I understand from your letter, you are now structuring a group-collective. This is a very important and difficult moment. Structuring helps people understand the goals and objectives of their work. The clearer the structure, the more coordinated the work, the more united the team. If something stops in this process, it is better to consider it as resistance of the group as a whole, rather than as an individual.

Insufficient structuring interferes with team unity.

Overly rigid structuring causes addiction.

Perhaps your “tightening up” the screws is perceived by the team as an encroachment on their independence.

Questionnaires help to understand what is happening with the team as a whole. What suits you, what doesn’t suit you. What would you like to change? How can you characterize your work and the work of your colleagues? How active you are at work. How close-knit the team is.

This will help you, as a boss, better understand your subordinates and it gives subordinates the opportunity to generalize their vision, their experience.

It is also possible that you will understand the so-called “norms” of the group - the collective. The norms of the group arise at the beginning of the creation of the team, leave a certain stamp on the further life of the team, and later they are difficult to change.

Which is basically what you’re noticing now: the team doesn’t want to change, it wants to live its old life. And you, as a new member in the team, are perceived as a threat, a threat to their independence, a threat to their cohesion. Your team shows this by aggression towards you.

It seems to me that now it is important for you to find the strength to survive people’s aggression. It’s difficult, painful, offensive for you.

Perhaps my explanation of the theory will somehow help you understand, accept and survive someone else’s aggression. Perhaps it won't have any effect.

Perhaps these people, or the team as a whole, somehow touched something in you, very deep and very childish, and you could not and can no longer resolve this conflict constructively.

I would suggest group psychotherapy to you. A group is an artificial microsociety in which our usual habitual patterns of behavior are recreated. And in a group it’s easier to just look at yourself from the outside. In a group, you will quickly understand what you are doing wrong and why they react to you in this way and not otherwise.

And don’t forget, Anelya, there is no better teacher than your own experience and especially failures.

We all make mistakes and only by accepting and analyzing them can we learn something.

Best regards, Victor Marchenko

Scandal with a subordinate (3 answers)
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How to ask your boss for a salary increase?

Asking for a salary increase is another test for subordinates. Moreover, the test is not for the faint of heart. However, from time to time the following thought occurs to all of us - ordinary hard workers in life receive rewards much less often than in fairy tales.

Therefore, it is unlikely that your hard work and resigned taking on of new responsibilities will rain down like gold. You will have to take care of yourself, and this is a whole science that you have to master.

According to British psychologists, the best day to talk to management about a salary increase is Wednesday. Researchers believe that on this day bosses are much more accommodating than, say, on Monday.

And in general, according to psychologists, emotionally, a leader’s week is divided into repeating patterns that are easy to learn and use to your advantage. For example, Thursday is a good time to propose an original idea, and on Friday it is easiest to ask for time off early, since the bosses themselves are relaxed at the end of the work week.

The boss only increases the salary if he is sure that the employee deserves it.