They say that parting is a little death. And a girl who has just broken up with her lover will agree with this.
This is a huge and physically tangible loss that gnaws from the inside... It seems that it will never get easier.
How to forget a guy? Get rid of the eternal feeling of loneliness and melancholy? How long will it take to heal? Let's be frank.
The heart is not a piece of paper, and memories of the past cannot be easily erased with an eraser! Yes, there will be sleepless nights, and tears in the pillow, and lasting sadness...
Only the sooner you can accept the fact that there is no longer room for this person in your life, the easier it is to say goodbye to the past.
"Why can't I forget him?"
This question is asked by all girls who have experienced a breakup. And each of them understands: it won’t be easy.
It will not be possible to erase from the heart, memory, life of a person who was loved and close. But it will work!
And you will become stronger, wiser and will be able to move towards new relationships that will not bring so much pain and disappointment!
Yes, girls are more emotional, so breaking up is more difficult.
Admit it, you probably already made plans, dreamed of living together and, perhaps, even came up with names for your children! And suddenly it was all over...
You are torn apart from within by conflicting emotions:
- at first it's pure shock at what happened. Some people fall into hysterics, while others take the blow with stoic calm;
- then denial, rebellion, unwillingness to come to terms with what happened;
- and, finally, a depressed state, sadness. Many girls begin to blame themselves for all their sins and regret that they could not keep such an “ideal man.”
Sounds familiar, doesn't it? However, breaking up is not a reason to go to a monastery or become an old maid with ten cats!
This is just another lesson, a test. Life is a good teacher, but it costs dearly for its lessons.
Scientists conducted an interesting study. According to his results, a long-term relationship with the first man in his life is extremely rare.
To find love and find happiness, girls have to change an average of 5 partners! Of course, you can’t do without breakups!
But rest assured: your soulmate is out there somewhere, you just haven’t met her yet!
Getting rid of feelings
If the meetings took place at your home, change the environment
Perhaps you had a friend who suffered after a breakup and said that she couldn’t forget her ex for a year. Let's look at how to speed up this process significantly.
- If you met at your home, it is recommended to rearrange it, you can put up new wallpaper, buy a bedspread or curtains. The main thing is to change the environment.
- Stop going to places you visited with your ex. After a while you can go there, but don’t forget to take your friends with you.
- There is nothing shameful in shedding tears for a while. But don’t get carried away with this process, otherwise you will fall into severe depression.
- Take up handicrafts or painting, sign up for dancing. Some kind of hobby or entertainment should appear in your life.
How to forget your ex: what not to do?
What do psychologists not recommend doing?
Continue to live with rose-colored glasses and hope that the person will change, realize his mistakes and be an ideal partner.
The expression “you can’t step into the same river twice” works 100%. And even if someday the guy wants to come back, you will be disappointed!
After all, he remained ideal only in your fantasies!
Intrude on your ex, look for opportunities to meet him . Let's be honest: you got a chance to start a new life, but instead you stubbornly cling to the old one.
At the same time, you forget about your pride and impose your company on a person who does not want to see you.
You didn't find yourself in a trash heap, did you? You deserve better.
Spy on your ex-partner , monitor his pages on social networks, keep watch at the entrance, ask friends.
Life is a big book, and you still don’t want to turn the page and read the most interesting part.
Get depressed . “I won’t love anyone else”, “He’s the only one in the world” - if every woman thought so and consciously refused new relationships, humanity would have already died out like mammoths!
Of course, you don’t need to rush headlong into the pool and immediately look for a replacement - give yourself time to recover.
Life is a striped thing, and behind the black stripe there will definitely be something good!
Scheming your ex . It's very childish. This is what a five-year-old girl can do, out of spite, pouring water on a one-year-old who is no longer friends with her.
If you decide to forget the boy, be above it!
Bend yourself , remember only the guy’s nasty things, bad deeds, denigrate him in the eyes of your friends.
But there were good moments too... Did you find something in him a few months or years ago?
Going to extremes - attempts to drown grief in wine are usually unsuccessful. But smoking and a series of lovers will not bring you closer to healing. On the contrary, there is a risk of earning a bunch of diseases and feeling inferior all your life. Do you need it?
You think about your previous relationships too often
No matter how much you want to let go of your ex-lover, sometimes it's hard to resist the urge to delve into the past again and again. People continue to analyze the situation in which they find themselves. They sometimes seek approval from others if they feel victimized. Such ruminations are often associated with depression and anxiety disorders. They can make it difficult to acknowledge the situation and deal with your emotions when you're obsessing over the breakup.
I pickle cucumbers for my little ones without vinegar: it turns out very tasty - recipe
Planting and caring for an oak tree in a garden plot: the swamp problem has been solved
Crispy on the outside, tender on the inside: grandma shared her pork belly recipe
How to survive betrayal?
If the breakup is your joint decision, it is easier to come to terms with it. Unexpected departure and betrayal are a sneaky stab in the back.
There is a black hole in the heart and universal resentment not only for the guy, but for all men in general. For a woman, betrayal has its consequences:
- low self-esteem;
- thoughts that she is unworthy of love and will always be lonely;
- loss of trust in the male sex in general;
- reluctance to communicate with other people;
- depressive states;
- nervous breakdowns;
- complexes.
Many girls also regard separation as a betrayal. In fact, this is true. The person betrayed your faith in him, your love, and failed to appreciate you.
It takes time to piece yourself together. It is important not to allow yourself to give up and go into prolonged depression.
Don’t look for an answer to the question: “Why did this happen?”, don’t cultivate a feeling of guilt in yourself.
Stop deliberately hurting yourself by thinking about how your relationship would develop further.
Do not give free rein to anger and aggression, try not to take it out on loved ones. After all, if a guy betrayed you, this does not mean at all that you are surrounded by enemies.
If you can’t restrain yourself, temporarily limit communication, but don’t offend people in vain.
Pros of breaking up
Breaking up is a reason to take care of yourself
A girl, left alone, must understand that everything that happens in her life is not an accident, but a valuable experience. If she broke up with her lover, then this had to happen. It is important to understand that loneliness also has its advantages:
- there is time to put your thoughts in order, to understand yourself;
- the ability to focus on the true sensations of your feelings;
- you can get in shape, go to the gym;
- grow up and gain important life experiences;
- realize that you are an extraordinary, self-sufficient person.
Three steps to healing
How to forget a man who is like a thorn in your heart and mind?
Scientists have identified a certain sequence of actions that help you come to terms with what is happening and move towards a new life.
Let go
Acceptance of what happened . Yes, in the first days you won’t be able to stop thinking about the past and that’s normal! So the feelings were real!
After all, not every person is given the ability to love! There is no need to immediately put on chain mail and prepare for battle with the outside world.
Be alone with yourself, think about what happened, give free rein to your emotions. There's no shame in crying!
This is not weakness, but a natural reaction of the body to pain and stress!
Write down your thoughts and decisions. Don't think that diaries are for little girls and teenagers.
This is an opportunity to sort out your thoughts and emotions without outsiders.
Stop communication . You can’t cry until you have hiccups today because of a breakup, and tomorrow, as if nothing had happened, go to a friendly party together!
You are only driving yourself deeper into the abyss of depression. After all, he is nearby, just extend your hand, but he is no longer yours!
In the future, you may even be able to remain friends, but only when you can think about your ex without unnecessary emotions and suffering.
Avoid irritants . This is especially true for obsessive girlfriends. “Oh, you broke up?”, “Why?”
A person whose insides are burning with pain is ready to curse for such questions!
If people do not understand hints and direct refusals to discuss the topic, it is better to temporarily stop communicating. The nervous system is more expensive.
Delete contacts . To prevent your hands from itching to dial the number, delete it from the phone’s memory. Do not go to his page on social networks, do not write messages on Viber.
After all, it is unlikely that he posts tearful posts on his feed and repents that he was wrong.
You will get the feeling that his life has not changed after the breakup, you will be upset, go drink valerian and shed tears...
Listen to your (not his) favorite music, watch movies, communicate with positive people! And social networks will wait!
Throw away his things . Do you sleep cuddled with the teddy bear he gave you? Wearing his beat-up T-shirt? This is a sure way to resurrect memories.
If you don’t feel like throwing it away, pack the items in a box and send them to the mezzanine or attic.
Later, you will gather your strength and be able to deliver this goodness to the nearest garbage dump - to the joy of the homeless.
Needless to say, photos together should also be hidden away. These memories are of no use to you now!
Change
Often girls choose the simplest method - changing their appearance. And it’s good if it all comes down to dyeing your hair or getting a new manicure.
Piercing, a radical change of wardrobe, a new tattoo - these are more global decisions that cannot be made rashly.
Otherwise, you will get Japanese hieroglyphs on your shoulder: “All men are goats,” and in a month you will meet your love. So explain later what prompted you to take such a step.
There are simpler ways to overcome feelings of loneliness and emptiness.
Change your surroundings . Re-glue the wallpaper, hang new curtains, rearrange! Let your room look like a girl's cell, and not like the refuge of an embittered loner!
And being in a house where nothing reminds you of the past will be much more pleasant!
Don't refuse to communicate . Make time for family and friends. Don’t lock yourself in four walls and don’t put on an impenetrable shell.
Surely there are people in your life who sincerely love and care about you. Start with home gatherings and short walks.
If society doesn’t bother you, you can go to the cinema, theater or on a country picnic! Noisy gatherings can be postponed until later.
Treat yourself . Go to the spa, buy a new dress or set of underwear, take an unplanned weekend trip!
Arrange a little holiday for yourself among the gloomy everyday life! Believe me, life has something to surprise you with!
Find a hobby . People who do what they love do not notice the passage of time and feel happy.
If you have always dreamed of going dancing or learning to sew, but did not have enough time, the Universe itself gives you a chance for self-realization.
The light didn’t fall like a wedge on the man, there are almost four billion of them on the planet! And you are alone.
Learn to forgive . Grievances dry up the heart and mind. If you live, day after day, remembering what a vile person he is, and how he could do this, you will bring yourself to nervous exhaustion.
Remind yourself why this happened. Perhaps he deceived you. Perhaps the relationship has run its course. Or have you recently been unable to be in the same living space without arguing?
Want to go through this again? You deserve better. Every woman is unique and deserves a mutual and fulfilling relationship.
Both the role of a victim and the role of a perpetual motion machine are equally difficult and inappropriate for a lady.
Play sports . Just not because they saw extra folds on the sides, and not because it’s so fashionable!
Exercise should be fun! You don't have to lift weights in the gym if you don't like it.
Try group fitness classes, swimming, yoga, tennis, oriental dancing! Something you'll definitely like!
Appreciate time alone with yourself . “What’s wrong with being alone? - you ask. Isolation, four walls and a ticking clock on the wall!”
Believe me, in the future you will sometimes miss this feeling. The time you spend alone with your thoughts can be used in different ways.
You can fill social networks with sad posts and shed tears, or you can take a deep breath, relax and finally find time for yourself!
Watch your favorite movie, take a bubble bath, dance in your underwear in front of the mirror, read an interesting book!
Until you are comfortable with yourself, you will not be able to let go of the past.
Love coach Ksenia Bondarenko gives her advice:
How to forget a guy? No, you don’t need to do this! Every person comes into your life for a specific purpose, to teach you something, to help you discover something in yourself. Even if you don’t need to forget, then letting the person go is a must!
How to do it? 1. Analyze what the guy brought to your life. What was the relationship with him? Did you draw any conclusions for yourself during the conversation? 2. Relationships are always two people. And your contribution to the fact that they ended is also there. 3. Mentally and sincerely ask him for forgiveness for everything that happened. From the bottom of your heart, mentally tell him: “I forgive you and thank you for the lessons that you came to give me.” Thank him and let the image dissolve.
You do this meditation primarily for yourself, to get rid of negative emotions and attachments. Repeat until you feel lightness and a sense of release.
Causes of prolonged suffering
A girl cannot forget her ex for a long time when memories of him make her happier
Let's think about what may influence the fact that the process of forgetting is prolonged.
- Hope for a still possible reunion.
- The firm belief that you can love like this only once in your life. This means you will never experience this again.
- You don’t want to forget your loved one, because the memories of him are very warm and make you happier.
Psychologist's advice
Let's look at ways to forget your ex-boyfriend, according to experts.
- Cut this man out of your life completely. Make sure nothing reminds you of him.
- Stop all contact with him and his friends.
- Don’t remember, don’t think about him, don’t wonder where and how he is now.
- You should not blame your inadequacy for the breakup that happened.
- Don't become isolated, don't get depressed. He was not the last man on Earth.
- You should not show feelings of bitterness towards your ex, or wish him illness or death.
- Don't think that all men are the same. This is wrong.
- Understand that the young man was sent to you for experience. Breaking up with him was a good lesson.
- Don't look for a new man for the purpose of revenge.
