The need for self-realization and self-actualization is the highest need, according to Maslow’s pyramid. Self-realization is the discovery of talents, the realization of desires, the practical application of skills and abilities. This also includes constant self-development and expansion of personal capabilities. Self-actualization is the practical application of what is already in the individual, that is, self-expression. But neither self-realization nor self-actualization is possible without self-determination. Before choosing the path of self-realization and following it, a person must understand what he can and what he wants.
Understand themselves
Hour of silence
Let's start with the strangest, at first glance, practice: you don't need to learn any meditation technique or think hard - you just need to sit for 60 minutes with your eyes closed, doing nothing. It's not that easy to endure. But those who succeed talk about an amazing effect.
In my experience, this is what happens. At first, thoughts jump completely chaotically. This can last for 20 minutes or 40. Then they calm down, and a slight euphoria sets in when the head clears and life situations seem simpler and clearer.
One of the adherents of this practice is venture investor and thinker Naval Ravikant. He claims that for two and a half years now every morning he has devoted an hour of time to such a meditative state. You do not need to take any special position - you can sit on a chair or in an armchair, the main thing is to keep your back more or less straight. There is no need to monitor your breathing or sensations in the body, as in meditation (although this is not forbidden). You just need to allow whatever is happening in your mind to be and not resist it.
For Ravikant, an hour of silence helped him “disconnect from all the craziness that’s going on around him,” reduce his anxiety levels and live a more peaceful life. And in the end, as he puts it, “get to a mental state of inbox zero,” when you stop caring about events from the past, and the most that worries you is yesterday.
Personal and Professional Identity Narrative (PPIN)
Our personality is the stories we tell about ourselves, reminds Andrey Shapenko, professor at Skolkovo Business School. Different people can interpret the same situation differently. For example, he continues, someone will say: “My father abandoned the family when I was very young, my mother drank... so fate itself led me to prison.” And another of the same premises will come to a completely different conclusion: “... so I had no choice but to break out of this swamp and get on the Forbes list.” And both stories will look completely logical.
Andrey gives these examples, talking about the practice that students of the Swiss business school IMD do. A similar practice exists at INSEAD and at some courses at Skolkovo. At the beginning of training, the student is required to write his own biography - a large, detailed text (10–15 pages), which is compiled according to certain rules.
This work is called Personal and Professional Identity Narrative (PPIN). It is assumed that such a document will help you better understand who you are and what you should do next. You can familiarize yourself with the rules for compiling PPIN, for example, here. The main idea: you need to talk in detail, in details and sketches, about the most important events and people who influenced you, describe the current stage of your life and, finally, talk about where you are going, what your intentions and aspirations are.
Compiling such an autobiography in itself can clarify a lot for you. But the most important thing comes later - you must return to the document and, if necessary, make changes to it. Business school students do this throughout their education, which is a year or two: adjusting your own story helps you change the perception of yourself and ultimately achieve the desired growth.
An important condition is that you must discuss the biography and edits with another person. In business schools, the role of interlocutor is performed by a coach or psychotherapist. In real life, the same specialists can probably help if they are familiar with PPIN.
Obituary
This practice, which is also sometimes used in business schools, is similar to PPIN - only the life description is much shorter and, according to the rules of the obituary, it does not say anything about the future - only about the past.
The exercise is emotionally difficult, but it can influence a person and help him in a difficult situation. For example, a study by The Existential Obituary Writing Technique for Emerging Adults concludes: “Writing your own obituary is initially unpleasant, but is followed by changes toward greater self-acceptance and appreciation of your work, and even awe at the possibilities that open up.” in life". Study participants were given 25 minutes to think about and write their obituary, and then another 30 minutes to reflect on the experience and write down their impressions. Perhaps this is also best done in the company of a coach or therapist, or at least with a close friend who shares your views on life.
Question to a friend
Simon Sinek has built a brilliant career based on the idea of the Golden Circle. If you've never watched his TED talk, do so: Sinek explains his not-so-original theory with the fervor of a religious preacher and makes you believe it as a law of nature. The essence of the theory is that the most outstanding organizations and people always have a compelling answer to the question of why they do what they do. "For what?" (“Why?”) stands in the , which Sinek draws in presentations.
In one of the podcasts, Sinek explained how to find out the answer to the question “Why?” in relation to yourself.
Choose a friend - someone you love very much, someone you can call at three in the morning, and he will understand and listen to you (and vice versa). Ask this friend a question: “Why are you friends with me?” At first, your friend will think that you are pranking him or that there is something wrong with you. But you keep asking. Then he will begin to list some obvious things: “Well, you’re funny, it’s interesting to be with you...” This will just be your portrait or general words about what friendship consists of. Keep asking, Sinek insists, and at some point, “your friend will come up with something that will give you goosebumps.” This will be your “Why?”
What is personal self-determination
Self-determination is a conscious search and maintenance of an internal position, beliefs, desires, and views. This is the answer to the questions “who am I?”, “what am I?”, “what do I want?”, “what can I?”, “what is the meaning of my life?”, “why do I live?” Simply put, it is a search for oneself, a path to oneself. In the course of self-determination, a person has to decide in what conditions he wants to live, what he wants to do, what worldview, values and attitudes to follow. This is a conscious choice of life path.
Self-determination can be personal, life (social) and professional:
- Personal self-determination (“I am as a person”), or the construction of a self-concept, the development of self-awareness. This is the formation of a person as an individual, knowledge and acceptance of character traits, psyche, and temperament. Correction of those qualities that can be changed, and acceptance of those characteristics that cannot be corrected.
- Professional self-determination (“I am like a professional”), or choice of profession. This is a search for a vocation, a sphere of work in which a person can continuously develop, realize his potential, and enjoy the results of his activities. Professional self-determination is closely related to personal self-determination, because for an adult, work takes up most of the time. Therefore, it is important that the work combines three components: I want, I can, I must.
- Life self-determination (“I am like a person”), or the choice of social roles and stereotypes, image and lifestyle. This also includes attitudes and ideas about the lifestyle adhered to by reference groups. This is the determination of a place in the system of group and social relations, the choice of life goals and means of achieving them, the search for optimal means and methods of self-expression. That is, a person determines what the world is ready to give him, what he wants to take from the world, and what he himself is ready and able to give to the world.
In addition, we can distinguish sexual self-determination, self-determination in a group, individual, family, moral, spiritual, aesthetic self-determination, etc. Every choice that a person has to make is self-determination. People choose and discover their sexual orientation, gender identity, leisure and food preferences, behavioral style, etc.
We are constantly and continuously learning about ourselves, going through the process of identification (self-identification). We compare ourselves with other people and determine which group we belong to. This is another basic need of every person - the need for belonging, involvement, the presence of “friends” and “strangers”. But at the same time, each person wants to preserve his uniqueness and not get lost in the gray mass. And if a person could not understand himself or dissolved in others, then he is tormented by the thought: I don’t know what I want.
Plan and achieve your goal
Create an OKR
Objectives and Key Results (OKR) is a method of planning in companies that Andy Grove used at Intel. Later, his colleague and venture capitalist John Doerr implemented the same approach at Google, and the method became popular.
The Objective in the acronym OKR is a big, aspirational goal (such as becoming a market leader), and Key Results are the 3 or 5 measurable indicators that must be achieved in order to consider the big goal achieved.
OKR can also be used for personal purposes. I first heard about this from Dave Weisser, founder of taxi service Gett. Dave says he has a “personal OKR: for [my] 70th birthday, for my 60th birthday, for next year and for this year.” He didn't specify the details, but the idea is clear. If you want to read more about OKRs, you can do so, for example, here.
Apply WOOP
This acronym expands to Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. The technique was developed by New York University professor Gabriel Oettingen and colleagues more than 20 years ago. WOOP helps you achieve short-term goals, such as exercising more.
The idea is that, after spending just a few minutes, you clearly visualize the goal, the effect of achieving it, go through possible obstacles and figure out how these obstacles can be overcome. Oettingen has a website dedicated to WOOP and a mobile application has been developed. Instructions in Russian can be read in our material.
Do reverse planning
Unlike WOOP, this technique is used to build long-term plans - 10 years in advance, and is similar to OKR. First, you imagine in as much detail as possible what you want to achieve (who to become? Where to end up?). And then you move back, dismantling the previous levels. For example: what must be done in nine years to be where you would like to be in 10 years? Reverse planning is even taught in the US Army and in intelligence courses. You can get acquainted with reverse planning in our article.
Boost your mood and efficiency
Resource Sheet
I heard about this practice from Andrey Chernyakov, a coach and co-founder of the Evolution program, through which hundreds of Russian entrepreneurs and executives have gone through. “This is a practice for finding energy and strength,” says Andrey. — Sometimes there are conditions in which it is difficult to believe that there is joy. Then a list of resources comes to our aid.”
Andrey suggests taking a blank sheet of paper, dividing it into two parts, and writing down “major sources of joy” on the left: “Money, children, health, loved ones, your home, beauty, someone has a motorcycle, or even powerful potency.”
On the right you need to list the joys in a simpler way. What could it be? “Everything that fills not with ecstasy, but with quiet satisfaction,” says Andrey. “Food we love, sports that energize us, walks, canceling all meetings in the morning and the opportunity to lie in bed, our favorite TV series or computer game, the smell of coffee or citrus fruits, our favorite music or book, pets.”
“Looking at the resulting list, you will feel joy,” Andrey sums up.
Put the list aside, and then return to this exercise at difficult times (or at intervals of three to four weeks): the composition of the list can change quickly. “Even children, after watching the cartoon Inside Out, know that out of five basic emotions we only have one positive. And this leads to the fact that the mind quickly and easily notes the negative, and the positive needs to be worked on.” Chernyakov adds that it is very cool to exchange such lists with other people you trust.
Deep Work
The concept of Deep Work was invented by Cal Newport, a computer science professor at Georgetown University and the author of two best-selling books. He illustrates it with a simple analogy. To achieve success in a regular office job, you need to look up to those who are forced to achieve results in the most competitive environment: for example, musicians, athletes or chess players. A professional tennis player competing at major tournaments cannot help but train 3-4 hours a day (this is Deep Work), and, just as important, he must spend the rest of the time in a way that supports his main activity.
To immerse yourself in Deep Work, you need to meet two main conditions: turn off external stimuli (social networks, instant messengers, Slack) and limit time. Newport himself does not have accounts on social networks and tries to work strictly from 9 to 17. The founder and CEO of the Profi.ru service, Egor Rudi, says that he uses Deep Work in the morning. He doesn't schedule meetings until 11:00, setting aside two hours starting at 9 for focused work. “This is when you sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and think, plan without the Internet, mail, and so on. One two-hour session like this can radically change the effectiveness of an entire week,” says Rudy.
Deal with a difficult situation
Write yourself a letter
This is what French venture investor Fabrice Grinda does. He describes in detail the situation in which he finds himself and lists options for getting out of it - how events will develop under different scenarios. He then discusses the letter with people he can trust.
During the process, firstly, you more clearly formulate for yourself the options for the development of events, and, secondly, you receive an independent third-party assessment. Ultimately, you bring the decision closer. This method can be used at the end of the year (several people I know do this) or after major events like leaving a job or completing a project. Read more about the method in our article.
Apply the “law of energy transfer”
The easiest way to find out what you don't know to solve a complex question? Find a person who has already solved a similar problem and talk to him. “And then the magic happens. I imagine it this way: cold heats up very quickly from hot if they are placed next to each other,” says Skyeng co-founder Khariton Matveev. It turns out that you are formulating the problem in a new way: you are looking not for an answer, but for a person who could look at the situation with an experienced eye, and a way to bring such a person into conversation.
Write a mission
Russian billionaire and founder of ruNet Holdings Leonid Boguslavsky told me how, after the IPO of Yandex (2011), in which his company was a significant shareholder, he lost his previous interest in work. Boguslavsky was 60 at the time; he already had four successful careers behind him: a Soviet scientist, an entrepreneur, a consultant and partner at PwC, and finally an investor. “The summit has been taken, and then you just need to defend your perimeter, be, as they say, respected by your colleagues... And I became sad.”
Then he decided to approach his life as a consultant and said to himself: “Formulate a mission - why are you here, what is your global task. Then, knowing your mission, develop your personal strategy, the strategy of your life. And then - a business plan.” Boguslavsky ended up writing a strategy that had 10–12 goals.
In general, this can be an effective method. But Boguslavsky was not inspired by the written strategy. He waited two years, and then a new hobby and a new period in his life began on their own - with the book “I’m Here to Win” by triathlete and four-time world champion Chris McCormack. So, at the age of 62, Boguslavsky began participating in IRONMAN races and, in fact, opened a new stage in his life - as an athlete and investor in sports companies.
Start Stop Continue Retrospective
This very simple technique is often used to work in teams. At the end of a certain period or as the project progresses, participants gather around a board - real or virtual - divided into three columns: Start, Stop and Continue. The first contains actions that are worth starting to do, or things that are worth doing in a new way. Here you can give free rein to your imagination and offer the craziest ideas.
The second includes actions that should be stopped. Different people may have different opinions on what should be included here, but a consensus usually quickly emerges regarding the most pointless actions. Finally, in the third column, write down everything that works, which means it makes sense to continue doing it.
Actually, you can do all this yourself by reviewing your life.
Rubber Band Model
When Charles Darwin was deciding whether or not to marry his cousin Emma Wedgwood, he wrote a famous list of arguments in his diary. In favor of marriage, he listed: children (“if God willing”), a companion for life, and several other points, including this one: “In any case, a dog is better.” Cons: less freedom of movement, less time to read in the evenings, excess weight and laziness and many more points - it turned out even more than for. But he eventually got married, the couple lived together until Darwin’s death, and 10 children were born in the marriage.
Darwin used the standard pros and cons approach. But there is an alternative or even an addition to it - the method of two bundles (The Rubber Band Model).
Imagine that you have a tourniquet in each of your hands, which are pulling in opposite directions. If you can't decide whether to move to another country, whether to open your own business, or whether it makes sense to get a dog (shoutout to Darwin), then think about what pulls you - like rubber - towards different options. Feel which direction you are more drawn to.
How is this method different from pros and cons? Because here you look at both options positively, comparing two attractive alternatives.
If you have anything to add to this article, write to me: [email protected]
The importance of peace and quiet
To understand yourself, not only emotions are important, but also silence and calm. Silence and calm help you isolate yourself from the bustle of the outside world and hear yourself. You need to constantly find time to be alone with your thoughts. Those who use this advice say that during such periods of their lives, insight often comes to them, as well as an expansion of their consciousness. This advice will be especially useful to you if you are constantly on the move and do not have time to understand your true desires and needs.
