Lack of parental attention and love: myths and reality

I start a new article with such a long scientific title. Do not rush to close the page if the term attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is not familiar to you, because what it means is quite widespread among people, despite the little knownness of the concept itself. In the West, this syndrome has long been the subject of heated discussion and scientific controversy. Many scientists express doubt that this syndrome can be recognized as a mental disorder and appropriate treatment can be prescribed. Some generally deny the existence of such a syndrome as a psychological phenomenon.

Here I will explain how to get rid of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder for you or your children, based on the example of my own getting rid of the syndrome.

Attention deficit - myth or reality?

In this article, I am not going to refute the opinion of opponents of the diagnosis of attention deficit disorder, nor will I prove the concepts of its supporters, since I do not have any competence to participate in academic disputes. Yes, I don’t need it. Because, within the framework of the issue I’m considering, it doesn’t matter at all whether such a phenomenon exists in the form of a disease or whether it’s just some character traits. It is indisputable that there are certain mental traits or personality traits, or symptoms of a disorder, or all of these together, which together are generally accepted, in certain circles, to be called attention deficit. And it is impossible to deny that many people have problems concentrating, are fussy, cannot sit still, constantly fiddle with something in their hands, and cannot stand in line for a long time. This is a fact, but what to call this fact and whether it is a disease or something else is not such a big deal for solving a private problem.

It is also a fact that the above-mentioned traits can lead to major personality problems and in every possible way hinder the development of the individual. As a rule, all this begins to manifest itself in childhood and then can move into adulthood, as, for example, it happened to me. This peculiar illness joins the list of my past psychological “illnesses”, such as panic attacks, depression, emotional instability and anxiety. I got rid of some of these ailments completely, some partially, but at the same time I made tangible progress towards getting rid of them, and I am sure that in the future I will be able to completely eliminate them.

In short, this experience of self-relief from many psychological problems and the accompanying personal development made this site that you are reading now possible.

As for attention deficit, I will explain in detail what it is. I’m not going to scare you with any diagnoses, like you lived and lived, and then, suddenly, it turns out that you have some kind of disease or syndrome with a tricky name: “Thank you, Nikolai!” - you say. No, I’ll tell you what this could mean, and you can decide for yourself whether it’s dangerous for you or not. Often people themselves do not suspect that they have such problems, just as I did not suspect, considering this fussiness and eternal haste to be quite natural. And of course, I will tell you how to get rid of it, based on my experience.

If you have been reading my blog for a long time, then you may have seen an article about the feeling of boredom. Many of the provisions in this article are similar to the one you are reading now. Let me explain the difference between chronic boredom and ADHD to avoid confusion. The first stems, to a greater extent, from some personal aspects, our hobbies, aspirations, habits, while the second relates more to the work of our nervous system and fixed patterns of brain function.

If boredom is a symptom of spiritual limitation, inner emptiness, then ADHD is rooted in some habits of the mind to absorb information in a certain way. Boredom manifests itself over a long period of time, ADHD over a short period of time. Both are very dangerous for the individual and, to a large extent, are interconnected and separating one from the other is not always easy; often chronic boredom and ADHD appear together. So, after reading this article, I recommend reading the article on boredom to have a complete understanding of the problem.

How to tell if you suffer from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

The following “symptoms” may indicate that you have this syndrome:

• It is difficult for you to sit still for a long time without doing anything: you feel the need to constantly occupy your hands with something.
• You have difficulty maintaining attention on any long-term process; you constantly want to be distracted.
• You have a hard time waiting your turn: when you are standing in a store, waiting for your dish in a restaurant, or when participating in a conversation. In a dialogue, you mostly speak rather than listen to your interlocutor.
• You have a hard time listening to someone to the end.
• You are talkative and often jump from one thing to another in a conversation.
• You feel a constant need for aimless movement: spinning in a chair, walking back and forth, etc.
• Spending your leisure time on the Internet is characterized for you by a largely chaotic jumping from tab to tab, from one client window to another: they answered in ICQ, then immediately updated their mail, went to the site, without finishing reading the post they moved somewhere else, and this is how the main part happens your time working on the Internet.
• It is difficult for you to finish what you start; your work is in full swing, only in moments of short-term inspiration, when you are very passionate.
• Your hands or mouth are always busy with something: cigarettes, a mobile phone or tablet with a game, sunflower seeds, beer, etc.
• You can't spend time quietly when you're not doing anything, like lying on the beach for a long time or reading a less-than-exciting book.
• It is difficult for you to methodically and consistently think about something, without jumping from one thought to another.
• You experience impulsiveness in decision-making; you want to decide everything at once, right now, without waiting for more suitable circumstances for this decision. If you have a need, you can’t wait to satisfy it right away; you want to implement the idea right away and not wait for the right conditions to solve the problem that has just appeared. As a result, you tend to make impulsive purchases, buying things you can’t afford. It is difficult for you to plan your life in advance, breaking it into temporary stages, and then stick to this plan. You want everything at once and now.
• As a result of some of the above points, you experience problems in self-organization, creating order in your life because you do not know how to plan, wait and endure.

Don’t be alarmed right away if you see several of the above points at once. Many disorders are characterized by symptoms that are expressed in one way or another in normal people, but in the case of the disorder they manifest themselves more intensely, have a great impact on the patient's life, and always exist in conjunction with associated symptoms. It is because of this that many people, after reading about the symptoms of depression, get scared and make such a diagnosis for themselves, since many people, for example, feel inexplicably sad. But this is not depression yet. It involves a range of chronic symptoms.

So does attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). It is difficult for all of us to hold attention for a long time on what does not occupy us, for example, reading boring professional literature. This is normal, because we are not robots. You should not immediately diagnose yourself if you observe something from what I have listed in yourself. You need to think about it when:

1. There is a clear fact of deviation from the conventionally “normal”. For example, during a lecture, almost everyone sits quietly and takes notes, but you are constantly fidgeting and cannot sit still and listen. Your friends can focus on work, but you can't. You talk the most in the group, etc. In short, you see that you are not like others.
2. ADHD symptoms are interfering with your life. Because of this, you experience difficulties in communication, in learning (you can’t concentrate), in work, in trying to relax (you are tense and twitching all the time), in organizing your life.
3. You have identified most of the listed symptoms of ADHD.

If these three conditions are met, then you most likely have what is called attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. So that you have the opportunity to compare, I will say that some time ago I experienced all of the above symptoms (on the one hand, and no wonder, because I copied them, in part, from myself), and in a rather intense form.

Now the picture is completely different. I still find it difficult to concentrate; I often want to be distracted (for example, from writing this article). But now it is much easier to control, I find the strength to resist these restless urges and finish what I started without being distracted. Now I know how to endure long waits, relax, not make impulsive decisions and not maintain aimless physical activity.

Thanks to this, I got rid of many ADHD problems, which include:

• Increased nervous excitability.
• Tension, inability to relax.
• A lot of tasks abandoned halfway and the accompanying problems (the danger of being expelled from the institute, sanctions due to unfinished work).
• Problems communicating with people.
• Difficulties in learning, mastering a craft, learning new things.
• Bad habits: smoking and alcohol, “information hunger.”

How I got rid of it and how you can get rid of it will be discussed further.

Associated symptoms

An absent-minded person experiences regular switching to external stimuli, difficulty concentrating when changing activities, deep immersion in one’s own thoughts, forgetfulness, obsessive states, hallucinations, and an almost complete lack of attention due to illness or severe fatigue.

Also, people with low concentration are characterized by being late, failure to complete assigned tasks at work on time, loss of things, deterioration of spatial orientation, instability of mood, impulsiveness, irritability in communication, low self-esteem, and lack of motivation to be active.

Getting rid of ADHD

I don't think attention deficit is an ancient phenomenon that dates back to ancient times. In my opinion, this is mainly a product of our time, the current and past centuries. Avalanches of information rage furiously in our lives. And the mad rush and bustle set the rhythm of social life. Under the pressure of these factors, the brain begins to multitask and gets used to constant activity, which it can no longer do without. The constant, chaotic, restless switching of the mind from one subject to another is fixed in us as a kind of mental reflex that begins to work constantly. We become unable to direct our energy; it begins to be scattered across many different tasks and unnecessary actions.

In the West, they are trying to “treat” ADHD with psychostimulants and even give it to children (The use of Ritalin in the prevention of ADHD is the subject of fierce debate, the drug has been withdrawn from drug circulation in many countries, including Russia). The drug causes side effects and addiction similar to amphetamines. I strongly doubt the therapeutic success of such “treatment”. In my opinion, this is an attempt by doctors and patients to ignore the causes of the problem and come to an easy, but unreliable solution. Doctors do not want to understand the individual causes of the problem or simply do not know what to do, and patients do not want to work on themselves or with their children; both sides are happy with a simple and quick solution.

It is obvious to me that to eliminate ADHD, you need to do a lot of work, eliminate the cause of the disorder, and this will give a much greater effect than all medications and will not cause harm and addiction, unlike the latter. For me, this is as obvious as the fact that in order to quit smoking you need to work with the underlying causes of addiction, and no nicotine patches or pills will help you until you understand why you smoke.

These truths sound terribly banal, but what’s even worse is that they are not accepted by most people, despite their simplicity and obviousness. If the causes of ADHD are chaotic consumption of heterogeneous information, anxiety and bustle, then you need to get rid of these causes before talking about any pills! I got rid of ADHD using a simple method of directly counteracting the symptoms of this disease. This principle is that you should try to do the opposite of what your ADHD “tells” you! That's all! Everything is very simple. Let me explain in more detail.

Methods for getting rid of attention deficit

Take care of yourself

You must develop the habit of taking care of yourself. How to do it? Follow the recommendations that I will give below and you will have this habit. It is needed not only for working with ADHD, but, for example, for controlling emotions and self-knowledge. I described this topic in detail in the articles on mindfulness and in the second step of my self-development program, you can read these articles after you complete this one.

Avoid aimless activity of your body

Watch the position of your body and its members. If you catch yourself fidgeting in your chair or fiddling with something in your hands, stop it and try to sit quietly. Implement this principle into your daily life. If you are waiting for a dish in a restaurant that has not been brought for a long time, sit straight, do not fidget, keep your hands in front of you on the table, place them palms down and try not to move too much. Get rid of the habits of lip biting, nail picking, pen chewing, etc. These habits are markers of ADHD and by giving them permission you are cultivating the syndrome. Watch your posture, let it be almost motionless if circumstances do not require movement.

I’ll say right away that at first it will be difficult, when you try to follow these recommendations, you will feel a force that is bursting you from the inside, making you move and fuss, this is the “energy” of ADHD. It’s as if you are trying to block a rushing stream of water with your body and have difficulty holding it back. Nothing, be patient, then it will be easier, the flow will gradually, as you follow the recommendations, turn into a thin stream, and your body, which blocks it, will become wider and stronger.

Maintain information hygiene when surfing the Internet

One of the causes of ADHD is constant chaotic wandering in the information space. Such wandering, jumping from one thing to another, leaves a “cast” on our thinking, so that we can no longer concentrate on something else. Therefore, you need to gradually get rid of this reason. Organize your work on the Internet in such a way that it does not turn into moving from tab to tab. To do this, limit your time on social networks, for example, set aside a certain time for this, “until 15.00 I don’t go into contact or on Twitter, and at 15.30 I finish my visit to social media. networks and again I don’t go there until the evening.”

By the way, widespread activity in social media. networks appears to be one of the causes of ADHD. Since social networks, by their very structure, organize our receipt of information in such a way that we consume it in small and heterogeneous portions, quickly and intensively. We read the news, went to a friend’s page, simultaneously started an audio recording, published a tweet, and all this in 5 minutes. It’s like eating a lot of different foods at the same time: you ate a piece of fish, immediately ate a cucumber, reached for ice cream, put a shrimp in your mouth and washed it all down with a sip of kefir and coffee. And then, indigestion.

The brain also gets very tired and worn out from the intensive receipt of various information in a short period of time, just like the stomach from digesting a lot of food. This is why social networks are harmful. If you spend time on the Internet, then it is better to let information come to you in larger portions and with a larger time interval. Read long articles on Wikipedia or somewhere else, and look at paintings for a long time. There is no need to interrupt this process and frantically monitor the update of your personal mail or social network page and press the F5 key.

During this time, turn off your ICQ and Skype so as not to be distracted by them. And in general, when using these clients, try not to write there to your friends on every possible occasion; also, remember that you are not obliged to respond there immediately after someone writes to you. First, finish what you started, and then write, unless it’s something very urgent. Remember, when something distracts you from some process, it is carried out with much less efficiency, this is a scientific fact.

Force yourself to focus

Read books without being distracted by extraneous stimuli. The more boring the book, the better you train your ability to concentrate. But many boring books are quite useful, so let this exercise also serve as a good reason for you to learn new things and improve your professional and personal qualities. Mark the time during which you should not be distracted, but only read, let it be an hour or two. You can measure this in number of pages read, however you like. And until this time passes - no extraneous matters! The same applies to your work and affairs. Do all this without distractions and time yourself to complete it. (First of all, read this article to the end, with short breaks if necessary, but without being distracted by external stimuli)

Pay attention to what people tell you, learn to listen to your interlocutor. All this is very difficult at first. Attention will constantly drift to the side, but don’t let this upset or irritate you, just when you realize that you are distracted, calmly turn your attention back to the subject of concentration. Slowly but surely your ability to concentrate will improve.

Talk less irrelevantly

In the company of other people, you don’t need to say everything that comes to your mind, interrupt and rush to speak out. Calmly listen to others until the end, try to speak to the point and on the topic. Pause before answering and think about your answers. No need to chatter, keep an even and calm intonation.

Quit bad habits

Smoking is the biggest ally of ADHD: a cigarette takes up your attention and hands and only contributes to the development of the syndrome. People often start smoking out of inner restlessness and the inability to sit still and do nothing. This was the case for me, for example. I haven't smoked for a long time. You can then read the article on my website about how to quit smoking, the link I gave above.

Drink less alcohol. Have you ever wondered what the phenomenon of so-called beer alcoholism is? Not only in the love for the foamy drink, as such, but in the fact that beer, as a light alcohol, allows you to take sips often, as a result, your hands and mouth are constantly busy. And if you also smoke during pauses, chat between puffs, and look at the screen with one eye, then this takes up all your attention and only contributes to the development of attention deficit, in addition, it is also very harmful. So try to avoid noisy gatherings in bars drinking beer and cigarettes, rather rest in silence and try to relax.

Drink less coffee. Coffee, as a stimulant, can contribute to distracted attention and increased activity. Therefore, use it, but in moderation. You don't need to drink it until your limbs start to feel tremors.

If you use not only legal drugs: alcohol, tobacco and coffee, but anything prohibited, then you also need to get rid of this. For example, marijuana has a very bad effect on the ability to maintain attention for a long time on one subject, not to mention something more “heavy”.

Take a break from information

Take breaks from work, during which you simply relax and do nothing. Once you’ve finished your work, rest for 10 minutes; no need to stare at the monitor screen or go on social media. networks, see what they answered you there. Sit back and relax. Don't think about anything. Close your eyes if circumstances permit. Stop playing stupid games on your phone that are just made to pass the time. In transport, try to relax, and not reach for a tablet with a game, think about something that does not relate to today, give your mind a rest.

Listen to music, not just for background

Listening to music in a quiet environment at home, when you are not doing anything else, for example, just lying on your bed with headphones on, is an excellent and very enjoyable exercise for ADHD! Typically, people suffering from this disease cannot sit and relax and listen to music for an hour. Since it only fills your audio channel, and does not take other levels of sensory information. And this is too little for a person susceptible to sensory hunger as a result of ADHD; he needs as many channels of incoming information as possible to be filled: audio, video, touch, etc.

So do this exercise. Turn on calm, relaxing music. This kind of music is usually boring, so much the better for ADHD prevention! Your goal is to listen for an hour! You can take an album and not get out of bed until you finish listening to it! If it is very difficult, hold out for at least half an hour. It is advisable that you have not listened to this album before, since listening to unfamiliar music is more boring than listening to your favorite tracks.

This is a great opportunity to discover new musical trends that you had never thought of before. You can listen to ambient (for example, the album Steve Roach - Structures from Silence or Dreamtime Return - great things!) or calm jazz (Miles Davis - In A Silent Way), ethnic music, or whatever, as long as it is calm and smooth. You can listen to the audio recordings on the wall of my group in contact, just such things are collected there.

Play sports

Physical activity will help you channel excess energy into improving your health and developing your physical qualities, instead of wasting it on restless activity. Exercise often puts you into a steady, monotonous rhythm, as opposed to the frantic and chaotic rhythm that attention deficit disorder puts you into. During training, try to take a break from information, concentrating entirely on the work of your body. Therefore, you don’t need to listen to the player or look at the screen, give your brain a rest.

Sport strengthens overall tone and normalizes the functioning of the nervous system, the improper functioning of which may be associated with ADHD. (See the article on how to force yourself to play sports)

Learn to tolerate the wait

Try to relax, don’t fidget while standing in line, don’t run out to smoke every 10 minutes because you have nowhere to go. During this time, try to relax.

Take long, relaxing walks

A measured walk in the fresh air is good for relaxation and getting out of the rhythm of ADHD. So after work, instead of continuing to bombard your brain with new pieces of information (the Internet, TV, conversation), take a calm walk down the street, maybe even alone. Try not to think about the problems of today, think less in general and look around more, noticing your surroundings. Thoughts flow calmly and measuredly, try to relax as much as possible.

Meditate

This is perhaps the most effective and trouble-free method for the prevention of ADHD and many other unpleasant ailments! I’ll tell you now how meditation works. Have you noticed what all of the above methods have in common? This is the principle of counteracting ADHD symptoms that I mentioned above. You do the opposite of what attention deficit disorder forces you to do and this is how you get rid of it: you want to twitch - you force yourself to sit still, there is a desire to switch from tab to tab - you control yourself and do not allow this, it is difficult to listen to a music album to the end, you experience strong impulses to get up - you don’t do it, that’s all.

Meditation is a session of relaxation and concentration that has an extremely positive effect on the psyche and fully implements the principle of counteracting ADHD! When you meditate, firstly, you try to direct your attention to some object (an image, a physiological process in your body, a phrase in your head), thereby developing concentration skills, and secondly, you calm down, sit for about 20 minutes in a motionless, relaxed position. You will really want to get up and interrupt this process, your body will want activity, but you will fight this desire, pacify it and again direct your attention to its subject!

Can you think of a better exercise to learn how to be relaxed and cope with inner anxiety?! Meditation helped me a lot, and not only in eliminating ADHD, thanks to it all the work on myself was done, during which all the positive metamorphoses occurred in me and I was able to formulate the conclusions that fill my site and, in particular, this article.

Meditation is not magic, it is a simple exercise that anyone can do. To learn how to meditate correctly, read the article at the link.

How to get rid of absent-mindedness?

To increase concentration, it is recommended:

• Normalize sleep (7-8 hours a day is the required minimum).
• Make adjustments to your work and rest schedule (for example, after every hour of working at the computer, rest for ten minutes).
• Spend part of your free time in the fresh air (the efficiency of the brain, which receives a sufficient amount of oxygen, improves).
• Practice meditation and other techniques to get rid of negative thoughts.
• Increase the level of stress resistance.
• Eliminate exposure to distractions.
• Set priorities correctly (first of all, efforts are directed to completing urgent tasks, and then to secondary ones).
• Give up multitasking, which can exhaust even the most resilient organism.
• Use special games aimed at developing concentration skills.

As for medicinal methods of solving the problem, they can only be used as prescribed by a specialized medical specialist.

If your child has ADHD

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder often begins to appear in childhood. But remember that when you are trying to determine the clinical picture in a child, make allowances for the fact that children are always more active than adults and it is more difficult for them to sit still and maintain attention than for us. What is abnormal for us may be normal for a child. So there is no need to sound the alarm if you discover symptoms of ADHD in your child. It’s okay, you calmly work with him, using competent and gentle educational measures.

If your child is too active and distracted, then all the advice that is suitable for an adult will help him. Take him for long walks, teach him to do activities that require concentration (chess, reading, airplane modeling, etc.), control his leisure time spent on the Internet, develop his memory and concentration, teach him to watch his body movements and calmly explain to him in simple words about all the bad things that will happen to him if his anxiety and absent-mindedness carry over into adulthood. The main thing is not to put pressure or force; find the line that separates wise education and aggressive dictatorship and do not cross it.

And if you teach your child to meditate from childhood, it will be absolutely great! Already upon reaching maturity, he will not have all the problems that we could experience: problems with the nervous system, restlessness, impulsiveness, anxiety, irritability, bad habits, etc. Only if an adult needs to meditate for 15-20 minutes per session, then 5-10 minutes will be enough for a child.

Don't worry if working with your child does not immediately lead to the desired result. Don't lose your patience. Most children's, as well as adult, problems can be solved, but only if you do not turn away from them, do not ignore their causes, do not leave them to the arbitrariness of careless doctors, but work with them consciously, methodically, independently.

ADHD and emotions

Less commonly described in the attention deficit literature is an “emotion cluster.” They often report difficulty managing emotions, including anger, anxiety, and frustration. This creates additional problems for the person with the syndrome.

Currently, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-IV) of Mental Disorders, the manual used by mental health professionals to evaluate and diagnose ADHD, does not provide supporting information about the relationship between the syndrome and emotion regulation.

It is important to emphasize that while a person with attention deficit disorder struggles with various symptoms that fall under inattention, impulsivity and hyperactivity, in almost every case there will be areas where he is able to focus. This is called hyperfocus. It manifests itself in areas in which a person is particularly interested, such as playing video games, playing a musical instrument, or reading when the story captivates him.