People who marry for reasons of profit most often view the union as a practical solution to some special problem

Pitfalls of love marriage

Love marriages have become popular not so long ago. At the same time, in many countries with strict religious dogmas and cultural and social traditions, even today parents choose a couple for their child, calculating all the benefits of a future union. In the minds of young people, marriage for love is an endless series of bright and memorable moments of life together with obligatory kisses, declarations of love and passionate sex. When creating a family at the stage of falling in love, partners do not notice each other’s shortcomings, focusing on the positive qualities that caused such a strong attraction. It is good if the couple does not have everyday problems, which become the main stumbling block on the path to happiness in a young family. The candy-bouquet period ends after putting the ring on the bride’s finger, and with it the man’s desire to continue to surprise and delight his wife with surprises and romantic gifts can also abruptly end. At this time, she has to learn to take care of her husband - cook, clean, wash. And it is quite natural that, giving her attention, she, on the contrary, will desire even greater return and care from her husband. This is the main risk of such an alliance. If partners do not learn to hear each other’s desires, do not talk about their expectations from marriage, do not find the strength to change and move towards their goals together, such a marriage will definitely not last long. And the reason, oddly enough, will be their inability to negotiate.

"Marriage of Arrangement" by Anne Hampson read online - page 1

Anne Hampson

Marriage of convenience

Chapter 1

When Lauren Knight first met Thane Benedict, she bit him because she tripped over an accidental foot. When they first met, Lauren was three years old and Thane was fifteen. The adults laughed as Thane turned red to the roots of his curly black hair and wiped away a tiny stream of blood that trickled down his arm. When Lauren Knight met Thane Benedict for the second time, she pinched him painfully after the boy pulled her hair, and everyone laughed again.

“Serves you right,” his mother said, sitting Lauren on her lap. “You’re going to have to unlearn teasing little girls.”

Lauren was still three years old, and Thane had recently turned sixteen. He didn't pull his friend's hair very hard and didn't want to hurt her at all. Actually, Thane was just playing with her. The next day he and his parents left for their pasture in Queensland, Australia. Little Lauren did not forget the insult and expressed the hope that the Bedenikts would never come to visit her aunt and uncle again. But they still came. Long-legged, like a foal, the girl was now thirteen years old. Twenty-five-year-old Thane was severely tanned from working outdoors in the wilderness. Janet, Lauren's cousin, was crazy about Thane and began to sigh languidly every time the young man caught her eye.

“We could be such a successful couple,” she often said to her indifferently listening sister. - Twenty-five and twenty. Just the perfect age difference. Is it true?

-Are you saying that you like him? “Finally, unable to bear it, she asked. Her intonation conveyed much more disgust than she could have conveyed in words.

“I can’t understand why you don’t like him.” He is courageous, stern, and... there is something leonine, attractive and at the same time terrifying about him.

The interlocutor's brown eyes narrowed contemptuously. But she just said:

“Once he pulled my hair... But I pinched him, and everyone laughed, and Thane blushed.” Aunt Sophie said that I bit him when I was three years old, but I don’t remember that. But I remember how I pinched him.

Janet raised her gracefully arched eyebrows. The cousin was distinguished by her fragile doll-like beauty, thanks to which she perfectly succeeded in the role of a helpless girl. An invaluable quality for a girl who adores men.

— As a child, I was often pulled by my braids. Is that the only reason you don't love Thane?

“Uncle Thomas says you like having your hair grabbed,” the interlocutor snorted.

Uncle Thomas was Janet's father. He and his wife adopted Lauren, whose parents passed away one after the other when she was two and a half years old.

“Perhaps I’m really pleased when someone pays attention to me, even if he tugs a strand of hair a couple of times.”

“Then I hope Thane will do so.”

The cousin looked in the mirror and smiled at her reflection.

“If he had done that, I, of course, wouldn’t have pinched him.” “She pursed her lips, and then added in feigned fear: “I would be too afraid that he would be angry with me.”

- I think you're a fool!

- And you know absolutely nothing about romance! - Janet retorted dismissively. “You know even less about men than I did at your age.” What's wrong with you? Why don't you grow up?

- I'm growing up. “Lauren was very worried about the fact that she always looked younger than her age, and those who didn’t know how old she was usually gave her around eleven. So when Aunt Sophie allowed her to wear her hair up for the Christmas party, she was delighted, even though Christmas was still a week away.

“I already made arrangements,” her aunt told her, entering the house with full shopping bags that she had taken from the car left in the driveway. “Sylvester himself will do your hair.”

Lauren's big eyes sparkled.

“I’ll look like I’m at least seventeen years old!”

The woman smiled when she heard this exclamation.

- Wait until you reach my age. Then you won't want to add four years to yourself. - Mrs. Knight took off her coat and hung it over the back of the chair. — It seems this Christmas shopping will never end. I have already prepared another list for tomorrow.

- Sit down and rest a little, while I make some delicious tea. — Lauren loved to drink tea in the friendly company of Aunt Sophie. The girl could talk to her as much as she wanted, unlike Janet or Uncle Thomas, who usually did not allow anyone to say a word. Lauren looked impatiently at the two shopping bags her aunt had placed on the settee and the three large brown paper parcels. - How amazing! I love Christmas!

A few minutes later she was making tea in the kitchen and thinking about Janet's words about young Benedict. That he suits her perfectly. If her sister marries Thane, she will leave and settle in the wilds of Australia... Lauren decided not to think about it anymore. The young man was a convinced bachelor. So said Mr. Benedict when he and his wife came to visit them yesterday. Thane's father seemed very upset that his only son would never marry.

The Benedicts once again came to visit England. Their daughter Mary met an attractive Englishman while on holiday, married him, and now they had two teenage children. Mary wanted to constantly take care of her husband, who could not leave his business unattended, so Mr. and Mrs. Benedict had to travel, since they wanted to see their daughter and grandchildren. Of course, Thane accompanied his parents in his youth, but nine years had passed since his last visit to England. This time, according to his father, the young man did not intend to travel with his parents. But lately Mr. Benedict had been suffering from heart disease, and his wife refused to travel unless their son went with them.

“It’s a shame that Thane Benedict will show up at our party.” “These words came out of Lauren’s mouth as she brought the tea tray into the room.

Aunt looked at her and frowned.

“You're angry about Thane like a little girl.” I can't understand why you're so angry with him.

“I don’t know myself... honestly,” the girl smiled guiltily.

“Uncle Thomas and Benedict and I have been friends for many years and met long before you were born, so naturally they will all come to our party.”

Lauren poured the tea and handed the cup to her aunt.

—Where did you meet them? They've always lived in Australia, right?

— Yes, they are Australians by birth. We met them when we came to Sydney to see your grandmother. She had moved to Australia a few years earlier and lived with her sister in Sydney. Their neighbors were friends with the Benedicts, who came to stay with them. That's how we met them. We became very good friends while we lived there and have been corresponding ever since.

— They came to Sydney to have fun? — The Benedicts’ pasture was located far from Sydney, so the couple probably came to the city to relax. Lauren came to this conclusion even before her aunt could answer.

- Yes, they always believed that from time to time it was necessary to unwind... I mean Mr. and Mrs. Benedict. If Thane had been allowed to, he would have languished on the ranch for years, his mother said.

“Janet said they were coming over for dinner tonight.” — The girl sat down on the floor and looked up at her aunt, who settled on a sofa near the bundles.

- Yes, they will come.

Lauren took a sip of tea and reached for a cookie. The Benedicts arrived in England a month ago and have visited the Knights several times since then. The young man always brought his parents in a rented car for the duration of their visit. Twice the young man stayed with his mother and father, but more often he simply dropped them off and then went somewhere else and returned to take them home. That's when Janet saw him. Every time he appeared, the flighty beauty sighed languidly and, one might say, shot with her eyes. Yes, Lauren decided, that was an appropriate expression to describe the looks her cousin gave Thane. She batted her long eyelashes, which she dyed dark and curled because they were naturally light. Sometimes my cousin even glued on false eyelashes, although her parents always grumbled at her and said that these fashionable things did not make her look good.

That evening, Janet put on false eyelashes and generously applied makeup: cream, blush and lipstick.

— I look charming, huh?

The cousin was sprucing up her room, where Lauren came in to take a look at this exciting action. The girl sat on the bed while Janet preened herself in front of the mirror. Waiting for Lauren's reaction, Janet turned.

“You do look attractive,” Lauren admitted. “It’s true, your cheeks are too red.”

- Red? They should be peach-colored... soft peach,” the cousin clarified. She picked up the blush bottle and turned it over to show Lauren the color name printed on the label. “If Thane doesn’t notice me tonight, then he never will.”

- Would you marry him? - The girl again remembered how Mr. Benedict called his son a confirmed bachelor.

- Still would!

“You recently wanted to marry Robert Mellor,” Lauren tactlessly reminded her.

- It was just a passing hobby that has already passed.

“But what if Uncle Thomas gave his consent?” You would be tied to him for life... And you probably didn’t really love him, because now you don’t even look in his direction.

“I’m not married to him... And I’m not related to Robert, as you put it, so I don’t understand why we should discuss him.”

Lauren shifted on the bed so she could dangle her legs.

“I don’t understand why you need so many men.” I only need one.

Janet laughed, turned back to the mirror and picked up the comb.

- That's what you think now. Wait, you’ll grow up a little...” She fell silent and looked at her cousin’s reflection in the mirror with an appraising glance. - Although I don’t know... Your face and figure will have to change for the better, or you won’t find even one admirer.

The girl blushed.

- James Kingsmill thinks I'm beautiful.

- James Kingsmill! Lord, you'd think someone would need him! “The cousin slightly straightened the curl on her forehead and put the comb on the dressing table. - Let's go, they have arrived. I hear Thane's voice.

It seemed that the young man really noticed Janet that evening. When it was time to say goodbye, he smiled at her and asked:

- So we'll see you at the dance on Wednesday?

- Yes. Good night, Thane...” The beauty sighed exaggeratedly sadly, parting her lips like a pink bud.

- How tearful you are! - Lauren exclaimed with disgust, as soon as the owners managed to close the front door behind the last of the guests.

“You’re just jealous,” the cousin said before her mother could comment on her adopted daughter’s words. “You probably dreamed that he would be interested in you, that’s the point!”

“Nothing of the sort,” Mrs. Knight intervened gently. — Lauren is still a child. Why on earth would she dream about the attention of this young man?

Hearing her mother's words, Janet went up to the bedroom with an offended look. She was always offended when her parents disagreed with her. As soon as she left, Mr. Knight shrugged his shoulders slightly and said:

“You know, mother, I won’t be upset when our beauty gets married.”

Well, perhaps Uncle Thomas's wish was destined to come true sooner than he expected, because after the dance Janet looked flushed and excited. And when the parents began to prepare for Christmas, the beauty spent the whole day upstairs in front of the mirror. The party was held on Wednesday the following week. Since the pre-Christmas rush was already over, Sylvester spent a long time working on Lauren's hair. After that, the girl stopped in front of each shop window, unable to control herself. Not to look at the products, but to bend your neck and turn your head, examining your hairstyle in every detail.

“Well... I don’t know, baby,” her uncle said after Lauren walked proudly in front of him, turning her head this way and that. She felt acute disappointment upon hearing his remark. “You’re already a cute little girl... You’ve always been like that.”

“Thomas,” his wife put in, “Lauren got her hair done for the first time and was hoping you would express your admiration.” - Mrs. Knight made a grimace and finished with disgust: - Men!

But the thirteen-year-old girl was delighted with her hair, especially when Janet admitted that it gave her cousin a real feminine charm and that Lauren now looked at least three years older.

The Knights lived in a large Victorian mansion they had restored. The rooms were spacious with high ceilings. Tea was served in the dining room and there was a Christmas tree in the living room. Aunt Sophie took care of gifts for everyone, so the tree was literally hung with beautiful bundles of bright paper tied with colored ribbons.

The tea party turned out to be noisy. Everyone laughed, chatted and unwrapped surprises with their neighbors. Thane was sitting next to Lauren, so he handed his gift to her. The girl unfolded the paper and the contents of the package fell onto the table. The young man said:

“You have a diamond ring, and I have a paper hat.”

Lauren laughed and took the ring. Before she had time to put the gift on her finger, Janet, sitting on the other hand from her idol, snatched the ring from her cousin.

- I'll take it for myself! Put it on for me, Thane.

The young man looked at Lauren.

“Do you want to keep the ring, baby?” - he asked.

The girl really wanted to... but couldn't understand why. She shook her head thoughtfully and watched as Thane placed the ring on her cousin's hand. On the ring finger.

The tea party is over. There were many people who wanted to clear the table and wash the dishes, so they got it done quickly. Everyone gathered in the living room, where a sparkling Christmas tree stood in a lit niche. The adults sat on sofas and chairs, and the children squatted on the floor. Lauren sat at her cousin's feet, her head bowed a little awkwardly because she was afraid of her carefully styled hair touching Janet's knees. Everyone admired her hairstyle, and the teenage girl was going to keep it intact for as long as possible. In fact, she spent most of the day wondering what position she would sleep in. If she had a frame like the ones women once used, she would gladly use it. It didn't matter what kind of inconvenience she had to endure, as long as her hair remained intact.

Santa Claus - aka Mr. Knight - entered the room. The adults cheered and the children, many of whom were very young, squealed with delight. Uncle Thomas met his niece's gaze and winked at her from under his bearded mask. Immediately his beard in some incomprehensible way slid to one side. At this fateful moment, Lauren completely forgot about her hair, threw her head back and laughed. Her head touched Thane's knee, not Janet's... that's when disaster struck. The young man ruffled her hair with a thoughtless gesture, but immediately pulled his hand away when he realized what he had done.

- My hair! — The girl shook with furious rage. She no longer knew what she was doing. - My beautiful hair...

“Yes, I’m sorry,” the person responsible for her outburst apologized. “I was wrong, baby, I just didn’t realize...” He paused and winced as Lauren jumped up and kicked the guy in the shin as hard as she could.

Everyone who was close enough to notice what happened gasped barely audibly. For some time it seemed that Thane, who had ruined Miss Knight's hairstyle and received a painful blow from her as punishment, would again become a target for ridicule from others. His tanned skin darkened as the blood rushed to his cheeks, just as it had during the previous two skirmishes. But this time the young man turned red with anger, not embarrassment. Before Lauren knew it, he had thrown her over his knee, and now she was the target of ridicule as she squealed in protest and howled in pain. And when she was finally put firmly on her feet, she had to fight her way through the cheering crowd of guests to get to the living room door.

Lauren rushed up the stairs. Tears of humiliation flowed down her face, and her hopelessly disheveled hair fell onto her shoulders. After young Benedict's rude behavior, they were in complete chaos.

To experience such humiliation at the age of thirteen! If only Lauren were an adult, she would have done something terrible to this bastard... For example, she would have hacked him to death with a huge axe! But she was a teenager, and Thane was a strong man. And Lauren threw herself on the bed and sobbed heartbreakingly. She began to cry because she had to give up the party, the holiday fun, and the sparkling Christmas tree on which hung a gift for her. The girl cried because there was nothing left of her beautiful hairstyle, and she also had to endure insult and humiliation. She couldn’t forget how all these people laughed at her, and Janet too... Lauren had no doubt that her cousin was still laughing at her helplessness.

Thane knocked on her bedroom door. There was a concerned expression on his handsome face, but Miss Knight did not notice the slightest sign of remorse in him. And when the young man spoke, he made it clear to his interlocutor that, in his opinion, she was taking the comic incident that had just happened too seriously.

“Let's go downstairs,” he suggested. - Don't be a child. There's no need to hide up here...

“I hate you,” she hissed between sobs. - I will despise you all my life!

“Lauren, dry your tears and do as I say!” “The young man towered over her, massive, domineering and unyielding. “You got what you asked for... when you hit me so hard.” At your age it's just embarrassing to behave like that. Here, take this! Dry your tears and come downstairs with me. “He handed the girl his handkerchief. She turned away from Thane, and he said impatiently, “You'll ruin everyone's holiday.” Your uncle won't start handing out gifts until you come down.

Lauren, pale with rage, sat upright on the edge of the bed. She ordered the offender to go back to where he came from - to the other side of the world, and added that even if he lived on the other side of the Universe, even such a distance would not seem enough to her.

Thane glanced at the stubborn girl, eloquently indicating that the guy would very much like to repeat the recent pedagogical procedure, and left, leaving the girl in the long-awaited solitude. However, he lingered outside the door and was in no hurry to join everyone else, because a few seconds later he entered her room again.

“Lauren,” he said in a noticeably softened tone. - You must come down...

- Get out of my room! Go back to your overseas farm... To your stupid cows and sheep and to the savages like you who live in this godforsaken wilderness!

Features of a union of convenience

In a marriage of convenience, agreements come first. Everyone stipulates their benefits and clearly explains their expectations from such an alliance. At the same time, the material component is not always the decisive factor in such a rational partnership. In society, marriage of convenience is more associated with unequal marriages, where a young beauty marries an elderly money bag. By the way, such alliances can also turn out to be very strong. Another thing is that they can only be called happy with a big stretch. Standard examples of arranged marriages with a certain negative connotation are usually presented in pairs: a young beauty in the golden cage of a rich old man or a young gigolo burning through the money of his rich mistress-wife. At the same time, the partners knew in advance what they were agreeing to and independently made their choice. Happiness in such families is possible only with mutual respect and similarity of interests, life priorities and views. And if the basis of a marriage of convenience turns out to be sympathy or friendship, then with a high probability we can assume that such feelings will soon strengthen and develop into meaningful, deep feelings. The worst thing is when in a marriage of convenience it is not cold prudence that prevails, but purely consumer interest. In this case, someone will dominate due to their advantages, and someone will have to endure humiliation, betrayal and even beatings all the time. You need to leave such a relationship as quickly as possible. But! The agreement has long been signed, and many agree to such coexistence, explaining their decision with simple truths: “They don’t leave millions.”

“So you took me for money??? “It’s not true, for love” (C) Chasing two birds with one stone...

When someone claims that it’s heaven with a sweetheart in a hut, he has never lived in that hut. And after successful examples of “poor but happy” I always remember the main character of the series of novels about the adventures of Angelica, so beloved by my mother. Or rather, her long-suffering husband, who uttered the sacred phrase: “In poverty, love fades away.” And since love is already a fickle thing, at the moment of its disappearance both partners are left with nothing. The same psychologists have long calculated that the average lifespan of this feeling is only 3-4 years.

And relationships where only physical passion is the basis are doomed to failure even sooner

For those who are looking for justification for their economic approach to choosing a life partner, the contrast between “rationality” and “emotion” only confirms the instability of relationships built on pure feelings:

According to statistics, marriages of convenience break up much less often than marriages of love. Of course, there is less violent passion and bright emotions. But there is a sober view of things and a clear plan on how to build a common cloudless future.
Love is also characteristic of overly practical marital relationships. It’s just that it’s not based on mutual attraction, but on a community of interests and mutual respect. Moreover, if in an ordinary marriage feelings fade away over time, then in a marriage of convenience, if calculated correctly, they tend to flare up more and more over time.
No sad surprises during divorce. A prenuptial agreement is considered bad form where love rules the roost. But it is he who is able to protect a husband and wife from ruin and unpleasant legal proceedings.
Fidelity in a marriage of convenience is often the same obligation as in a marriage of love. However, by mutual consent of the spouses, light affairs on the side can only improve smooth relationships in the family. And prudent spouses are more open to sexual experiments.

Sudden passion is not uncommon in rational but close relationships.
Not trusting hormonal surges as a compass in determining a candidate for marriage is a common thing for Homo sapiens. Remember the hackneyed but relevant phrase: love comes and goes, but you always want to eat.

Pros of arranged marriage

Let's consider a marriage of convenience, where healthy relationships are preserved. In this case, such a union will be much more predictable and successful than spontaneous painting in a fit of passion.

It has its downsides:

partners initially treat each other with consumerism;
there is no opportunity to enjoy sex in the family;
spouses often turn out to be strangers, reducing communication to resolving mutually beneficial issues;
lack of sincere feelings that both men and women want to experience in life.

The benefits of sensible marriages are surprisingly greater:

the absence of scenes of jealousy, which is fully explained by personal freedom in such non-romantic relationships and a calm reaction to possible rumors about a partner’s infidelity;
a sober look at all life’s problems and a joint search for their solutions for mutual benefit;
stability of relations between spouses, each of whom knows the expectations of the partner and fulfills their obligations;
spiritual closeness, which is revealed even at the stage of marriage and manifests itself in the same thoughts and outlook on life, common goals and priorities;
a balanced intimate life, which can only be for conceiving children or an agreed upon point that seals such a union;
moral satisfaction from achieving goals due to the benefits received from marriage;
a positive atmosphere for raising children, where the child does not have to grow up under the screams and quarrels of his parents, but is lucky enough to observe the harmonious relationship of two mature individuals.

As you can see, arranged marriage has many positive aspects. And if you take into account the possibility of feelings arising between spouses, then it definitely becomes an ideal option for creating a strong and, most importantly, happy family.

Calculations and expectations

When talking about calculations, it is customary, first of all, to think about material goods: money, houses, cars.

At the same time, when deciding on such a marriage, different people look for different benefits:

status in society that can be obtained thanks to a partner holding an important position or influential position;
salvation from loneliness, especially when the age for reckless actions has long passed, there is no object for unearthly love nearby, the soul is sad and lonely, and there is a worthy man nearby;
a way to escape from parental care by agreeing to marry a confident and promising man even without feelings for him;
the desire to make the life of their future children prosperous, thinking when entering into a union about their upbringing and education, the opportunity to give a path to life. This option is more often sought by women whose childhood was spent in modest conditions, but who had to achieve everything in life on their own. Therefore, she will consider her future husband precisely from the perspective of a trustworthy father;
an attempt to find a father for a child - a meeting with a decent and well-mannered person who will sincerely love someone else’s child may well force a woman to give up expectations of love and agree to such a union;
the desire to move abroad - many girls associate their dreams of a successful marriage and a happy life with meeting a foreigner and living comfortably with him in another country. Any successful representative of the opposite sex who shows signs of attention and is ready for a serious relationship is suitable for this purpose.

Those who have behind them the unsuccessful experience of a first marriage of dizzying love also approach the choice of a partner judiciously. Now, when entering into a relationship, they will carefully look at the chosen one and calculate all the options for a future life together, quite logically choosing more profitable options for themselves.

Pros and cons of marriages

My relative Dima said this: “It’s disgusting if you are simply used.” A woman's commercialism and venality will push most men away from her. However, a relationship with a man of convenience can bring happiness. It's a completely different matter if a woman just wants a family. Dima expressed the point of view of many men: “A woman is a woman. She needs to get married and have her own nest. To cackle there. Protection is needed, a strong shoulder. This is understandable and normal. There is no prince - take the one who is.” Let's write down the advantages of such marriages.

Women are mostly afraid of loneliness. Valentine's Day, everyone is congratulated, but you are alone. The fact of having her own man raises a woman in her own eyes and in the opinions of others. So, I’m ready to meet for money, but that’s not the main thing. My friend’s husband, periodically drunk, kicks her out of the house. But she looks at her neighbor with pity. A thirty-year-old woman, educated, well-groomed, independent, and unmarried. These are the disadvantages of arranged marriage.

Psychologists say that the chances of happiness in marriage are equal for both a marriage for love and a marriage of convenience. The main thing is the willingness to compromise. Most older people, looking back, recognize the advisability of reason when entering into marriage. An arranged wedding is a guarantee of relationship stability. It’s a completely different matter when a fictitious marriage of convenience is concluded. Such an action is not considered marriage, because it is not one. An ordinary transaction, no relationship. But there is a guide to building trust in a relationship.

When assessing a marriage of convenience, it is better to take examples from the film: “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears.” What does your life experience tell you? How to get married by convenience?

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Systemic family psychotherapist, Author of personal development programs and publications

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How to attract the attention of a profitable partner

When you have a goal to get married or have a marriage of convenience, you need to think through clear instructions for realizing your dream. You can see it in the advice of the resilient Lyudmila from the cult Soviet bestseller “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears,” who knew exactly where to go and where exactly to look for wealthy suitors.

determine the main qualities that are important to you in a future partner;
choose a place where you can meet such a person: cinemas, clubs with golden youth or exhibitions for businessmen, etc.;
watch and take care of your appearance, not forgetting that it is on it that the first opinion will be created;
develop and improve in order to love yourself and attract the opposite sex with your self-confidence;
know how to carry on a conversation, be erudite and well-mannered;
become the ideal that your partners want to see: girls should radiate tenderness and femininity, be able to cook and show affection, men should conquer with courage and strength, as well as their ability to take responsibility for solving problems;
Focus your attention on the positive traits of your chosen one, which will help you to be extremely sincere and honest, and this is valued even when building prudent relationships.

Love in calculations and pragmatism in love

Let's return to the concept of love marriage. If we were talking about real bright and pure love on both sides, then there would be no need to come up with other options for unions. Everything would be clear, and everyone would be happy. But true love, pure in its essence, is extremely rare, and even then at the beginning of a relationship. She must give without asking for anything in return. When you want to please a person, do something nice for him, take care of him and not constantly expect his responses. He may have a completely different view of both feelings and their manifestation. In life, while caring for another person, we subconsciously expect the same attention to ourselves and are offended when we do not receive it. In other words, we do good, expecting benefit for ourselves. The ideal relationship will be one where both partners will try to predict each other's desires, surround each other with attention and care - just like that. Another option is when you initially spell out your expectations from marriage, and draw your own model of a happy family life. But, on the other hand, this is also an agreement. And if it’s an agreement, that means it’s a settlement. You need to understand that any unions have the right to exist. And all of them can surprise you with their strength and harmony if there is a normal relationship between partners, based on mutual respect and trust. At the same time, marriages where commercialism and consumerism come to the fore can also last quite a long time. But in this case, a strong family does not mean a happy family. In pursuit of material wealth, such partners can cross the line of what is permitted, turning the life of a dependent chosen one into a real hell. There are so many examples of beatings, outbursts of causeless jealousy, nit-picking over every little detail, demands to perform humiliating duties. And all only because this person once admitted his desire to receive some benefit from marriage. Sometimes you have to pay for this calculation throughout your life - with your lost peace of mind, physical, mental and emotional health, loss of friends and the ability to communicate with the outside world. Moreover, in such families, usurped power can extend to children, crippling their childhood and destinies.

In normal life relationships, in every marriage there should be a golden mean - both in the call of the heart and in thoughtful calculations.

How to find happiness in a profitable alliance

As a result, one conclusion can be drawn. It makes no difference what you call your union: a marriage of convenience or love. After all, in any case, you will want to benefit yourself even in terms of your well-ordered and harmonious family life. And to guarantee happiness you need very little:

try to give your attention and care from a pure heart, without demanding anything in return;
try to give more than to take - and if each partner does this, then that same harmony in the relationship will be achieved;
put yourself in the place of your spouse, think more about his benefit and try to satisfy his needs in your union;
love yourself and find happiness in self-development and improving your knowledge and inner qualities - this will help you better understand your thoughts and feelings, teach you to listen and hear your partner, and become the key to emotional maturity and stability.

Family is not only a decision to put a signature in the registry office, which is made spontaneously under the impression of crazy love or with a cold mind and prudence. This is a long road in life for two individuals, along which you need to walk, listening to each other and yielding along the way. This is difficult work, first of all, on yourself and only then on your overall relationships. This is the desire to live a happy life with the chosen person with trust, respect and a caring attitude. And how to take the first step into your family, what calculations to take into account, listen to the voice of the heart or mind - this is everyone’s business, a personal choice and their own decision.

Legalized prostitution or a golden cage?

The usual type of arranged marriage, in which sex and external intimacy are exchanged for money, is found at every turn. Any more or less wealthy person can become the object of attention of a hunter for other people's wallets. This applies to both sexes. Women careerists and workaholics are often truly lonely. Experts say that the psychology of such relationships is flawed. There is no love and satisfaction in such a marriage and, most likely, there will not be.

Despite financial well-being, a supported person can receive enormous moral pressure and complete control from an overbearing spouse

Even if at first the “wallet” develops good feelings for his partner, they will burn out for quite prosaic reasons:

Beauty and youth are short-lived. If a legitimate kept woman or gigolo invests the funds received during marriage only in her beautiful lifestyle, then over time there will always be someone younger and more beautiful to replace her. Psychologists recommend rereading the fable “The Dragonfly and the Ant” and doing everything to use the funds received from your spouse to get not only a facelift and a cool manicure, but also a good education or open your own business.
The consumer will take his own. If you sell yourself as a thing, then sooner or later an appropriate attitude will arise. The percentage of domestic violence (both physical and moral) in marriages where one of the partners is clearly interested in material gain is very high.
Jealousy. It’s incredible, but true, when tender feelings emerge in one of the partners in a very prudent marriage. And if the second spouse does not reciprocate, emotional drama is guaranteed.

Violence as a frequent occurrence in golden cages
The disadvantages of marriages based on financial calculations are not news for a long time. But this does not stop mercantile young people who are looking for benefits in marriage. Stories about unhappy wives or husbands, to whom conditions are dictated, how to look, what to eat, when to speak and where to be, are perceived as horror stories for losers . The external gloss of a successful couple is more attractive than long and painstaking work on relationships and work for the well-being of their family.