6 Common Causes of Stress in Teens

December 06, 2019

Averyanova Sveta

Parents sometimes don’t even realize how easy it is to cause stress in a child. It’s enough to throw out a phrase like: “Don’t dig in!”, “Other people’s children are like children, but you’re incompetent!”, “At your age, it’s already a shame to cry!” What other factors can cause childhood stress, and how to get a child out of this state? A child psychologist gives advice.

What are the dangers of stress in a child?

The chronic form is fraught with the development of pathological conditions. An imbalance occurs - at the vegetative, hormonal, endocrine levels. This leads to failure of adaptation. Against this background, psychosomatic diseases develop.

Here's what stress causes in a child:

1. Exacerbation of chronic diseases. Against the background of exhaustion of the nervous system and the body, immunity decreases - the child is at risk of “catching” a virus or infection;
2. Psychosomatic diseases. Asthma, diabetes, neurosis, cardiovascular pathologies. The risk of developing heart disease increases 4 times;
3. Sleep disturbance. If a child has been stressed, he may not sleep for a couple of nights. The “habit” quickly becomes established: the baby focuses on the inability to sleep - the problem gets worse;
4. Psychological problems. Loss of self-control, depression, self-doubt, complexes, phobias.

Stress in a child's life has long-term consequences. It can cause mental disorders in adulthood.

How does a child react to stress?

Every living organism has the ability to calculate and avoid threats. Children have the most advanced biological defense systems against danger. Their body responds to stress much faster and stronger than ours. This has evolutionary significance because children are much more vulnerable.

Nature protects the child, giving him increased sensitivity to all possible threats and dangers. A child's body and brain are efficient at calculating potential threats.

As an immediate response, adrenaline and cortisol are released, which cause a reaction of flight or resistance.

In addition, children cannot stand up for themselves, so they must react sharply to what is happening, including in order to attract the attention of their parents. The current situation is such that it is difficult for these defense systems to distinguish whether the threat is real or whether it is a “false alarm.”

Read more: Fell in love with a married man, what to do?

The answer comes out quickly rather than accurately. The reaction develops either in connection with external alarm signals or internal stress signals, such as increased heart rate and breathing rates, which may not be caused by danger at all. At the same time, if the pulse and breathing rates increase, the brain decides that something threatening is happening.

There is quite a lot of research data on the detrimental effects that persistently elevated cortisol levels can have on a child's health and development. In this condition, the child’s nervous system cannot function and develop normally.

In a child in the modern world, internal defense reactions are triggered by constant noise around, the need to do a lot, or constant movement from place to place following a hurrying parent. High expectations at school, too much homework and little time for play increase stress levels. All this adds up to an accelerated pace of life, which increases heart rate and breathing, which ultimately leads to disaster.

Signs of stress in a child

Psychologists identify several groups of symptoms.

Need for intimacy

The child clings to you, asks to be held, hugs. Doesn't want to be alone, refuses to go to kindergarten. He is acutely worried and afraid of separation from someone close to him.

Don't ignore, don't get angry. Be affectionate, hug the baby, talk, say words of love, support, spend time together. This will restore your self-confidence and reduce anxiety.

Eating disorders

The baby refuses to eat, spits out food, and may vomit. Don’t force him, don’t change your usual meal schedule or diet. A healthy child will ask for food when he is hungry.

Hygiene problems

There is a “rollback” to early childhood: the baby refuses to go to the toilet on the potty or toilet, wets the bed and panties. Do not scold or shame in any way - this will strengthen enuresis. Calm down your daughter and son. Monitor regular visits to the toilet.

Sleep disturbance

The child is afraid of the dark, sleeps alone, has nightmares, asks you to stay with him.

Don’t refuse your daughter’s or son’s request: lie next to her and read a bedtime story. Discuss your fears and try to dispel them.

Painful sensations

Abdominal pain, migraines. They arise against the background of psychological experiences, rather than physiological disorders. Do not rush to give your baby medications - they are prescribed by the pediatrician. Spend time with your daughter and son. Talk, play, read, have fun, walk. Discuss your experiences and fears. This will help work through stress in the child. If he doesn’t want to talk, try to learn about it from role-playing games. Show it to your pediatrician.

Increased aggression

Behavioral disorders - stubbornness, protest, aggressiveness, irritability - attempts of preschool children to cope with the feeling of helplessness. They appear in relation to loved ones and strangers.

Do not answer your daughter or son in the same way. Reassure, support, hug. Discuss the reasons for his behavior. Explain that his desires do not always coincide with the desires and capabilities of other people. Talk about other people's boundaries that should not be violated. Teach to express emotions constructively - through creativity (drawing, modeling), play, physical activity.

Hyperactivity, excitability, intolerance

The baby speaks quickly, argues, interrupts, is rude, and demands. This comes from a feeling of helplessness. Talk to your son or daughter softly, kindly, and unobtrusively reduce activity. Set boundaries for acceptable behavior. Proceed with caution. Give your child instructions, ask for help. Discuss his feelings, teach him to express them constructively.

Impaired cognitive processes

The preschooler cannot concentrate, and his memory deteriorates. He is bored, he doesn’t want anything, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. You are angry? Do you feel sorry for the child? Don't show him this! Your task is to restore a sense of balance. The best way to do this is to give your son or daughter instructions that are familiar and easy to carry out.

Acute reactions, psychosomatics

The child loses control over emotions, panics, craves isolation, and is unsure of himself. Psychosomatic disorders are possible. The condition is serious. Requires the intervention of a pediatrician or child psychotherapist. Treat your child with care and understanding. Provide him a quiet, isolated place. Radiate love and attention.

Do not make false promises that everything will be fine (if the situation cannot be changed, for example due to the death of a loved one or the divorce of parents). If you panic, do not try to revive them with slaps or shaking. In extreme cases, you can abruptly stop the child - without physical violence.

Other symptoms of stress in a child

Regressive behavior - behaves like a baby. Screams, cries, is hysterical, stomps his feet, rolls on the floor, plays games inappropriate for his age.

Speech development disorder - stutters, is silent, speaks too quickly, swallows words and endings, changes their places. Speech skills do not correspond to age: pronounces sounds incorrectly, onomatopoeia predominates instead of words.

Learning disabilities - does not complete tasks during educational games, does not follow the rules. For example, by the age of 1.5 - 2 he does not assemble a pyramid, by the 3rd he does not assemble a sorter or puzzles. Cannot concentrate on one task. Problems with mastering new skills.

Communication problems - does not know how to behave with children or play. Can't make friends, doesn't understand what to do on the court.

What can we do about this?

Not everyone can or wants to slow down the pace of life and make some things easier and calmer.

Even if you are not able to radically change your lifestyle, there are some opportunities that you can definitely take advantage of.

Maximize the quantity and quality of enjoyable activities

Research in the field of positive psychology shows that the ratio of positive to negative emotions should be no less than 3:1, i.e. It takes three times more positive experiences than negative ones for us to feel well.

• We cannot expect that life itself will provide such an amount of positive emotions, but we can intentionally increase it by concentrating on the pleasures we experience, even if they are small.
• For example, don’t drink your coffee pouring out of a plastic cup while running, but give yourself 10 minutes for a quiet “coffee break.” Feel how hot and aromatic the drink is in your cup. Feel its smell, appreciate its strength. Take a deep breath and exhale, then take another sip. And you don’t need to urgently call someone, search for something on the Internet at the same time, and still rummage through a folder with documents or a bag with your free hand.
• Check that if you “fall out” of this whole process for only 10 minutes, nothing bad will happen, you will manage to do everything. Just think about how great your coffee is, how much you like it, and how nice it is to just sit down for a minute “and let the whole world wait.”
• It may not happen right away; sometimes it is difficult to change habits, but once you have mastered these five-minute “just for yourself” exercises, you will immediately feel the positive effect of them. The child doesn’t even need to explain anything, just give him a little time on the way somewhere to visit the playground or swing on the swing. You can just sit down with him on a bench on the street and eat ice cream on the go.
• In the evening, be sure to remember and mentally highlight at least three things that brought you pleasure during the day. Talk through this with your child, ask what he can name, share your experiences. It is important that he also develops such a habit, so that when he falls asleep he can think “how good it is that today...”.

Read more: How to help your child overcome stress?

Find time to calm down

For children, even 5 minutes a day of calm and even breathing can bring great benefits. A normal heart rate and breathing rate allow you to experience a serene yet focused state of mind.

• It is important for the child to feel and remember this state, so that later he could consciously return to it. If you can spend more time on this, even better. Slow exercises with concentration on sensations and conscious control, such as yoga, for example, can help. There are also special techniques, for example, slowly counting to four during inhalation and exhalation, when repeated 5-10 times it is very effective.
• There are some great options for child-friendly forms of meditation that not only calm the emotions, but help improve concentration and learning ability. A child under stress cannot study effectively, since stress depresses both attention and memory.
• At home before bed, a quiet bath in a warm bath and a fairy tale before bed is a simple but very effective ritual that promotes deep sleep and restoration of strength.

Create your own small “rituals” of ordinary actions

Children are conservative by nature. They find a comfortable situation when everything around them is familiar, predictable and goes on as usual. In this state of affairs, they feel calm and safe, which contributes to the development and acquisition of knowledge. If your normal daily actions are stable and familiar, it will be much easier for your child.

For example, a ritual could be the process of going to bed, when you first collect toys together, prepare the bed, curtain the window, go to take a bath, then a fairy tale, etc. Or a joint dinner, when you set the table, arrange the chairs, then eat, then have tea, and so on.

Even the road to kindergarten or school can be a ritual, you walk along a certain route, notice your favorite flower bed or large tree, feed the pigeons in the park or something else. Such actions will help the child feel safe and create the sense of regularity and predictability of life that he needs.

Share experiences and support each other

Family activities where we wait and listen to each other not only calm us down, but also help our bodies tune into each other. This attunement is a biological process where we become “on the same wavelength” with those we support and depend on.

This does not happen when everyone is busy with their own affairs, and everyone intersects only occasionally, despite the fact that they live in the same house.

Feeling “on the same wavelength” with others helps the child feel protected.

Create your own “treasure chest”

Creating pleasant memories allows you to return to the positive experiences that they bring again and again, this is a very powerful support in difficult times. Together with your child, make a special box in which he can collect photographs, drawings, postcards, tickets or other small souvenirs, or anything that he finds valuable and will remind him of pleasant trips or events.

Read more: Teaching your child to cope with stress

Go through these treasures together and remember the events associated with them in order to once again feel the experience of joy when you need to lift your spirits.

Pleasant plans

Make plans to spend quality time with your child in the foreseeable future. Discuss where you will go on holiday, what you will do there, what you will visit or how your day will be structured. Try to make it look not like an exchange of a couple of phrases, but like a short-term immersion in a pleasant fantasy. This will allow you to experience a surge of joy and positive emotions right now.

Mark upcoming positive events and trips together on the calendar, even small ones, like “stopping for a walk in the park on Saturday.”

Acceptance and Approval

Constant pressure to evaluate one's achievements has become commonplace in modern childhood. Childhood is no longer a period of freedom and carefreeness, when you can grow up and explore the world around you, following your own path. Most children now have very busy and rigid schedules that are designed to increase achievement. Unfortunately, this leads to sad consequences.

You are the only person who can make your child feel validated and admired. Not because he is the best student in the class and high expectations are placed on him, but simply because he is so unique, special, unlike anyone else either in his strengths or weaknesses. Pay attention to what he has already accomplished, but only emphasize that he has mastered it, and not that he will now go even further.

Such feedback teaches the child to appreciate what has already been done, what already exists, and gives strength and self-confidence. The feeling of being different from many others, no matter what it is, gives optimism for the future, helps to better understand oneself. Tell your child what you see, not what you would like to see.

Types of childhood stress

Children of early and preschool age are characterized by the following types:

1. Physical. It manifests itself as the body's reactions to external factors - heat, cold, injury, illness, infection, lack of air. Expressed by weakness, pain, dizziness, eating disorders, sleep disturbances, irritability;
2. Psychological. Alternative names: emotional, nervous stress. It manifests itself in behavioral and emotional reactions to stimuli - social factors, intrapersonal conflicts, worries, brain overload, fatigue. The child does not perceive himself adequately, does not establish contact with people well, and is withdrawn.

There are 2 forms: acute (lasts for a short time) and chronic (for a long time).

Stages of emotional stress in children

Babies go through 3 stages. They appear increasingly.

The first stage is anxiety

The child is worried, sad, withdraws into himself, and is distrustful of people. There are no changes at the physiological level. The reaction occurs due to processes in the digestive and immune systems, adrenal hormones.

There are two ways to help your child: quickly resolve the situation or engage him in physical activity.

Second stage - resistance

The psyche resists and denies the stress experienced. Trying to force unpleasant memories out of memory - the baby experiences fatigue. The body's defense systems are mobilized. Anxiety, restlessness, aggression pass.

The third stage is exhaustion

The child does not control his emotions and experiences apathy or aggression. Moral and physical exhaustion occurs. Psychosomatic disorders and exacerbation of diseases are characteristic.

At each stage, the emotional state becomes more and more depressed, which is fraught with depression.

Stages of stress-related symptoms

Symptoms of the first stage . Initially, the child exhibits behavioral symptoms of stress. The physician can identify these symptoms clinically by asking the patient a history and observing the patient's behavior during the appointment.

Symptoms of the second stage . If the original source of stress continues, the person enters the second stage, which usually manifests itself with physical (somatic) symptoms.

Symptoms of the third stage . The longer and more serious the cause of stress (for example, parental divorce, family relocation, or conflict with peers) and the child’s adaptive and coping resources are insufficient, the symptoms become more severe and last longer. There is a risk of developing psychosomatic disorders. And in this regard, stress should be considered as a potential provoking and aggravating factor for existing disorders. In addition, as soon as the doctor identifies symptoms of stress-related disorders, the question arises about the need for complex therapy. Since anxiety and depression are the most common stress-related disorders, a multidisciplinary approach is required, involving various specialists, incl. psychiatrists in the presence of severe anxiety and depressive disorders.

Causes of emotional stress in children

For children of early and preschool age, such situations are stressors.

Parting with mom and dad

Children experience anxiety, fear, and anxiety due to temporary separation from their parents. This usually happens when registering for kindergarten. The child remains in an unfamiliar social environment, without the support of loved ones.

Relationships in the team

Typical for preschoolers and schoolchildren. The children cannot adapt to the new team of the kindergarten, sports section, or development center. They are shy and withdrawn into themselves.

Another cause of stress in a child is bullying and mobbing. In children from 3 to 7 years old, it manifests itself in the form of ignorance, ridicule, teasing, a ban on playing together, and denunciations to the teacher. It’s even worse if a preschooler is bullied by the kindergarten staff themselves.

Psychological climate in the family

An unfavorable home environment, poor relationships between family members, and parenting methods affect the child’s behavior. Conflicts, physical punishment, parental divorce, death of a close relative provoke stress in a child.

Attitude towards the baby

Disrespect, indifference of mom and dad, lack of support, reproaches form a complex, nervous, anxious personality. Such babies live in a state of chronic stress and carry the experiences of early childhood into adulthood.

Social factors

These include disturbing news, financial problems in the family, illness of a loved one, moving. Preschool children have a hard time with this.

Physical factors

Hunger, cold, heat, vitamin deficiency, disturbance or change in diet, low humidity in the room, dehydration - these factors provoke stress in a young child.

Tests as a stress factor for students

The Federal State Educational Standard (FSES) is a set of mandatory requirements for a certain level of education.

The main goals of the Federal State Educational Standard: unity of education throughout the Russian Federation; continuity of basic educational programs; spiritual and moral development and education. According to the new Federal State Educational Standards, special attention is paid to current control.

Current control is the most efficient, dynamic and flexible verification of learning outcomes in the context of the implementation of the Federal State Educational Standard. The main goal is to analyze the progress of students’ knowledge and skills formation. Current control is especially important for a teacher as a means of timely adjustment of his activities, making changes in planning subsequent teaching and preventing failure. Due to the importance of ongoing monitoring, its frequency increases with each academic year.

How to cope with stress: helping a preschooler

How to help your child and maintain a good relationship with him? Here are tips from psychologists for parents if their child has suffered stress.

Find the reason

The reason for strong, short-term stress lies on the surface. Chronic stress in a child's life has a cumulative effect and makes itself felt over time. If you want to help your child, look for and eliminate the stressor.

Give a feeling of security

Be there, reassure the baby, remind him of your love for him, hug him. Talk to him calmly, evenly, kindly. Does your child not want to go to kindergarten, is he afraid to be left without you? Explain to him that you are leaving for a while.

Control your behavior

Is the baby capricious, hysterical, contradictory? Don't rush to punish - these are signs of stress. Discuss with him the reason for this behavior, help him explain his feelings in words. Children at an early age do not understand what is happening to them and cannot control their emotions. Help them release them constructively. Set boundaries for acceptable behavior.

Helping a teenager in stressful situations

Psychologists recommend that parents of teenagers do everything possible to learn to understand and listen to their child. It needs to be controlled, but done unobtrusively, leaving personal space and freedom.

Learn to treat him like an adult so that he feels respect and understanding from you. How to deal with stress at school:

• In no case should one judge or compare him with more successful students in his class.
• Listen to the teenager’s opinion, because imposing one’s own point of view is a deliberately failed tactic. If your opinions are diametrically opposed, try to show maximum patience and respect for the child, talk to him and find words that can convince him that you are right. This will help get rid of both school stress and general nervousness.
• Reduce the load. Sometimes studying in a large number of clubs and sections leads to overwork and stress. To avoid this, it is recommended to dose the child’s studies and combine it with something that the teenager is really interested in doing - creative tasks, music, dancing, etc.

How to cope with stress: an integrated approach

Symptoms do not go away, you cannot help your child on your own? Involve specialists - pediatrician, psychologist (psychotherapist), neurologist. There are different methods of helping with emotional stress in children. They are selected taking into account the age and condition of the small patient.

An integrated approach is the key to effective assistance:

1. Parents are for support. Identify and eliminate the stressor. Be patient and kind with your daughter and son. Discuss his experiences. Allow him to express his emotions as best he can. Through the game, work through the situation that led to disharmony;
2. Pediatrician - to assess health status. Your efforts have not yielded results. Contact your pediatrician. He will assess the general health of the little patient. Will give a referral to a neurologist, psychologist;
3. Neurologist - to evaluate the nervous system. If necessary, the doctor will prescribe treatment. For example, physiotherapeutic procedures: massage, exercise therapy, medicinal herbal baths. Swimming and diet help;
4. Psychologist - to get out of the situation. The specialist’s task is to help the client get out of a difficult state and restore peace of mind. He will help you survive the situation and not carry it into adulthood, and will give recommendations on developing stress resistance;
5. Psychiatrist - to help in advanced situations. If your child has suffered stress and this has resulted in nervous disorders, you may be referred to a child psychiatrist. Don’t be alarmed: no one will register your child and ruin his future life.

If you experience excessive anxiety, tics, or seizures, you will need medication. It will relieve symptoms and improve the child’s condition.

Prevention of nervous stress

Develop stress resistance. A great way to do this is through physical activity. Enroll your child in a sports section. Consider his interests. Swimming, dancing, gymnastics, martial arts, and children's yoga are perfect for preschoolers. It is enough to study three times a week for half an hour. Young children can run, ride a bike in the park, climb the wall bars, and walk in the fresh air in any weather.

Stick to a sleep and rest schedule. The baby should fall asleep and wake up at the same time. The room should be fresh, monitor the humidity level. Before bed, no gadgets, computer games, or cartoons.

Offer your baby a healthy variety of foods. Watch your drinking regime. If you cannot provide a balanced diet, give vitamin complexes. Consult your pediatrician.

Provide comfortable conditions. The climate in the family, your own psychological state affects the baby. He copies your behavior and reactions. Analyze if this is your case.

Young children are closely connected with their mother, especially when breastfeeding. That is why if the mother is exhausted mentally and physically, nervous and anxious, chronic stress in the child cannot be avoided. Don't forget about yourself: rest, delegate, relax.