Crises in family life by year: from 1 year to 20 years

There is a stereotype that after the start of cohabitation and marriage, the relationship between a man and a woman improves. Often families experience a crisis in their relationships, misunderstandings and conflicts arise. If appropriate measures are not taken in time, then everything ends in divorce. During marriage, there are several stages of such events.

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What is a relationship crisis?

Crisis in a relationship
In simple terms, a crisis in a relationship is any discomfort that lasts long enough. Sometimes this goes unnoticed in a couple and then they say that they just started spending a little less time on each other. Perhaps they were simply overwhelmed by everyday life. And there is another extreme of the crisis, when people are constantly dissatisfied with something, quarrel, rush to break up and end everything with reconciliation. However, most often crises occur in an average version. People may not sort things out very violently, but swear. They look at their partner differently and try to either re-educate him or accept what is. Both are very difficult.

Signs that divorce is inevitable

There are situations when spouses do not pass the test of strength. People tend to make mistakes, and sometimes these mistakes allow you to start a family with the wrong person. A crisis helps determine whether you are right for each other. How to understand that a relationship needs to be broken off:

The partner is physically or emotionally abusive.
In an attempt to ease his mental state, he started a long-term relationship on the side.
One of the spouses is not in the mood to solve problems and does not care about the family.
The second spouse sits on the neck of the first, does not take care of the house, work or child. Just messing around.

These signs indicate that the days of marriage are numbered. Without the mutual desire of partners, it will not be possible to save the family.

When do crises happen in relationships?

There are many reasons why a crisis occurs in a relationship. Let's talk about the main ones.

After the wedding . Some people think that getting married to their partner will not change the relationship. Actually this is not true. Yes, for a while everything will be the same as before, but then the partners begin to change their views on the relationship and notice that everything is completely different. Romance gradually fades into the background, and everyday life comes to replace it. Not all spouses can accept this. Moreover, even if the couple had already lived together before marriage, their views still change. At the same time, not all partners enter into marriage being ready for it. So, they may believe that they have lost their freedom, which will put pressure on them.
The appearance of a child . Most couples dream of having a child. But not everyone understands the seriousness of the situation. This is especially true for those who have their first child. The fact is that usually young people do not know how to care for children and when they appear, they are lost. This makes you nervous, and if the baby is restless, then this becomes doubly difficult.
Treason . Not everyone is able to forgive betrayal. Even when a person does not want to lose a relationship and agrees to continue it, he can internally constantly think about it. This is where scandals arise and difficulties with communication arise. As a result, this leads to the development of a crisis that is extremely difficult to overcome.

Why a crisis occurs in a relationship: reasons

Causes of a crisis in a relationship
When a crisis occurs in a relationship, it concerns not only how long people have lived together. There are certain reasons for this. They are as follows:

Lack of money . According to psychologists, quarrels appear in relationships when one spouse has a certain calculation, that is, lives with the other not out of love, but precisely because of money. Or the person has high expectations for the second. However, it is difficult to maintain harmonious relationships when there are not enough funds to meet even basic needs, for example, food or paying for utilities. It's good if the problem is temporary, but it's completely different if the situation lasts for a long time.
Lack of time for yourself . When work and family obligations take up almost all of your time and you don’t have any time for yourself, for example, to relax with friends, take care of yourself, and so on, this ultimately leads to the development of chronic fatigue and a lot of conflict.
Ordinary . When people get married, they are sure that their relationship will be just as easy. However, gradually the fuse becomes smaller. Of course, some partners are capable of maintaining romance, but there are very few of them.
Life . Often families break up precisely because they are unable to distribute household responsibilities or simply ignore them. Often one spouse takes on a lot and, of course, cannot “carry” everything on himself. This causes nervous breakdowns and problems begin in relationships. Some people simply ignore their responsibilities, which does not please the other half.

Mutual friends

Observe your lover, how often he mentions and talks about you in the company of his friends, whether you have mutual friends. This is important, since the attitude towards you among friends and company will allow you to better understand his goals, and the presence of mutual friends, as a rule, only makes the couple stronger. If your lover is embarrassed to introduce you to friends or parents, and constantly makes sarcastic jokes in front of other people, then you should think about it and end such a relationship in time, because in the future the situation can only get worse.

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How to understand whether there is a crisis in a relationship or the end: signs

Causes of crisis in relationships
Sometimes problems are perceived by some as a crisis in relationships. However, you need to be able to distinguish them. Perhaps the relationship has already faded and it’s time to leave.

So, if a temporary crisis has come in your relationship, then it can be recognized by the following signs:

Passion is missing . If there is no longer passion in your relationship, then this indicates a crisis. Of course, when you used to have intimacy every day, but now it happens, for example, once a week, then this is quite normal. People are tired, they have problems. And hormones also stop being produced in the same quantities as before. Just when their level decreases, people cool down a little. However, everything can be returned, the main thing is that both want it. So all is not lost yet.
Desire to be alone. Not every person is ready to spend time with their partner for days. In any case, some personal space and rest are required. Accordingly, if this very space is absent, then tension begins to grow in the relationship. Basically, to solve such a problem, it is enough to give your partner a couple of days so that he can spend time without the other one. Then he will relax and calm down. In general, in order to avoid this, it is advisable to always give time for your personal affairs, and not force them to spend it with you.
Rare quarrels . When spouses sometimes quarrel, there is nothing wrong with it. Even if they do this often, this phenomenon may not be critical; perhaps this type of relationship is more suitable for these people. The main thing is that the desire to make peace does not disappear. You can talk about problems when, after another quarrel, you feel a desire to end it once and for all, and you also feel empty.
Controversy . When two strong people enter into a relationship, at first they adapt a little to each other and concede in some ways. However, over the years, people begin to “pull the blanket” over themselves. This gives rise to disputes that can last a very long time. As a rule, one such dispute continues until one of the spouses gives up.

If the relationship has come to an end, then slightly different signs will indicate this:

Lack of sex . When there is no intimacy in a relationship, this indicates an imminent breakup. Especially if the partner is disgusted with the person. Coexistence in a couple is not a death sentence, but lack of desire or even disgust speaks volumes.
The same type of quarrels . If you constantly swear in the same way, and the claims made are the same, then the relationship has outlived its usefulness. Another sign is when a person generalizes situations with the words “always” or “never.” If a person constantly does something wrong, that means that’s who he is. Surely, you already know how attempts to change a person end.
Lack of plans for the future . If you no longer have any common plans, then your future together also becomes questionable. Think about it, maybe you don’t want to admit what is already clear.

Although the complexities of love may be similar, the relationship is unique to each couple. So, it is uniqueness that can look like a crisis, but people can be happy.

Seriousness of intentions

Check with your loved one how serious their intentions are to avoid that funny situation when you really like the person and are looking forward to a long-term future together with the prospect of marriage, but the other person just wants to have fun together and not burden themselves with anything else. This is the very first question that needs to be asked at the beginning of a relationship, so that it is immediately clear whether you should even waste time on a person. After all, if your views do not coincide in the most basic way, then the chances are high that this relationship has no future.

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What are the types of crises in relationships before marriage?

You may be surprised, but psychologists believe that from the very beginning of a relationship, in addition to mutual love, people have many disagreements. Differences in views, tastes, and so on, all this is experienced. And here it is important to recognize the crisis in the relationship, as well as to take a sober look at the relationship that has begun.

If a person is satisfied with everything and he is spiritually close to his chosen one, then he can give in and ask another person for the same thing. If the feelings are real, then maybe it’s worth trying to develop them. If more than six months have passed, but the relationship is still depressing, then it is better to end it.

How does the crisis of marital relations manifest itself over the years?

Marital crisis
It is important to understand that a crisis in a relationship is a normal situation. At the same time, it is repeated with some frequency. To properly respond to a situation, you need to know what the main milestones are that are important for a relationship. Within a couple, crises can vary in severity. Psychologists, as a rule, divide crises by year.

So, let's look at how division is carried out:

Crisis of one year in a relationship

This crisis is different in that many couples until this moment are not accustomed to conflicts and then they suddenly arise, and out of the blue. In reality, this means that people are becoming closer to each other. They learn a lot of new things about their partner, new views and habits open up. You always have to look for compromises if something doesn’t suit you, or give in without any “buts”. In this case, the union passes the first test. If it is not passed, then there is no point in developing the relationship further. It is during this crisis that you need to understand how important it is to work on yourself and your relationships.

Crisis of three to five years in a relationship

By this time, partners are already adapting to each other, learning to solve problems together and understanding that relationships are not limited to love experiences alone. At the same time, romance and pleasant experiences from marriage are already passing. Now life and everyday life begin, and then routine comes. During this period, the formation of family ties begins. Most couples have already given birth to children by this point. Thus, parents have to get used to a new lifestyle and status as parents, which is accompanied by sleepless nights and attempts to find at least a little time for themselves.

The main feature of this crisis is that knowing your partner well no longer seems interesting, because the two can already read each other without words. The partner becomes predictable and the mystery that was so interesting is already lost in him. And at this moment it may turn out that he is not so much fun.

Of course, in a relationship it’s not enough to just look at each other with loving eyes. If people have nothing in common, then they begin to realize themselves alone, for example, devoting their free time to a hobby, or looking for meetings with like-minded people. This causes jealousy in the couple. It’s not even a matter of intimacy, that a person will suddenly find someone for himself, but in a spiritual sense.

Crisis 7 years in a relationship

Crisis of 7 years
If a couple experiences a crisis of five years, then all the misunderstandings of the past are replaced by deep affection and the partners already accept each other for who they are. But in the best case, it also happens that people decide to maintain the relationship and “hide” all the problems and not discuss them. That is, they prefer to stay together. The reason may be a commonality of views or even a calculation. In addition, partners may realize that they have become too close to each other.

Most families by this time already have their own housing, they have an established life and divided responsibilities. In addition, they are already getting used to being parents. That is, everything goes as planned. Some people are afraid of such stability. For example, a woman may think that this is the end of a former love, but a man will no longer see her as a former seductress. He simply becomes comfortable and accustomed to living with her, and he no longer wants to be crazy. In this case, women often have thoughts that their husband could find someone on the side.

Another feature of the crisis is that the man begins to worry that his wife has become completely different, or that he does not live up to her expectations. Essentially, both partners feel like they may lose an important role in the other's life. Moreover, if before this both were heavily immersed in everyday problems and did not think about anything, now the assessment of success begins. A man needs more freedom, he begins to miss independence. To put it simply, both partners value family, but at the same time do not want to completely dissolve in it. They begin to think that they have already done a lot.

Relationship crisis 12-15 years

Psychologists believe that this crisis is particularly critical. It affects the rest of your life. If there are children in the family, then the crisis is precisely associated with adolescence. If problems begin with a child, then one partner tries to shift the blame for the upbringing onto the other.

Sometimes parents become so immersed in their children’s problems that they completely forget about themselves. Often a midlife crisis is added to this. At this age, people already understand that they have gone through a lot together and overcome it. They have already learned to appreciate what they have. However, at the same time, they are no longer ready to put up with human shortcomings, as was the case before. The crisis is different in that the partners are, as it were, on a “swing” - they either get closer or move away from each other. When the couple is already close to overcoming the crisis, then all this becomes less noticeable and returns to normal.

Relationship crisis 20 years of marriage

Psychologists call this crisis the last. It gradually reveals everything that became the “foundation” for the emergence of crises in the past. This is a rather dangerous time and the results are now being summed up. A person analyzes the past and takes into account all the shortcomings, mistakes and discontent. At this time, the children are already living separately, so the spouses have to live for themselves again. They gradually return to the relationship they had in their youth. And it’s normal when you start to think about whether you chose the right person.

When the case is quite complicated, one of the spouses is seized by the desire to give up everything and start over. Moreover, as statistics show, in this case one person tries to protect the other from mistakes. Maybe he will succeed, maybe he won’t. It's difficult to make any predictions here. As a rule, when a partner begins to rush about, he does not even need the changes themselves, but support and confidence that he made the right choice and did not live in vain all these years.

Dangerous Tipping Point Symptoms

Family psychology claims that in most couples, crises develop according to the classic scenario. The first signs go unnoticed, so the spouses do not suspect that a turning point has begun. But later it becomes pronounced, so it is impossible to skip the stage of restructuring in the family.

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You can notice the approaching crisis by these signs.

Spouses communicate less often and are more often silent in each other's presence. Constructive dialogues succeed only when it is necessary to discuss everyday and everyday issues.
Emotional attachment cools. The spouses do not feel the former mutual attraction of souls.
Unreasonable conflicts are increasingly developing. Quarrels can flare up over trifles, without any good reason.
The quality of intimate life is significantly reduced. As a result of the accumulated unresolved issues, the spouses cannot remain as close as before.
Mutual claims and reproaches appear. They may not be voiced, accumulate and result in serious conflicts.
Often men throw themselves into work, while women selflessly devote themselves to household chores or children.
Spouses have worsening problems in mutual understanding, and increasingly it is not possible to reach a compromise even on petty everyday issues.

You can recognize the first signs of a crisis period in a marriage already at the initial stage. To do this, you need not to ignore any changes in relationships, and not to attribute everything to fatigue or a bad mood. If you begin to solve the problem before it develops to a large scale, you can exit the restructuring phase without losses.

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How to cope with a crisis in family relationships: recommendations, advice

How to overcome a crisis in a relationship?
Everyone experiences a crisis in a relationship, and this is normal. It is important to understand what can be done to survive it with the least loss and preserve feelings.

So, there are a few recommendations:

Come up with common rituals . This will help you become closer to each other. Be sure to follow them. This will create a sense of stability, which is lost during conflicts. For example, sign up for a gym or take a course, or in the end, just cook dinner or watch a movie. The most important thing is to make this ritual daily and always perform it. Maybe not every day, but regularly. You must have time for each other.
Talk about the future . It often happens that couples do not think about the future at all because they are too busy with current problems. In any case, even if so, you still need to talk about the plans that you would like to implement. This will make you understand that all troubles will end sooner or later.
Support each other . If conflicts occur, for example, due to the failures of your husband, then you should not just feel sorry for him. The wife's job is to support. Even if he is not confident in himself due to problems at work or you are currently having financial difficulties, in any case, show that he is dear to you. Always consider his opinion and don’t be afraid to ask for help. This will prevent his self-confidence from being undermined even further.
Intimate relationships . When a crisis begins in a family, she, as a rule, thinks about problems and forgets about intimacy. Even if you think that you have no desire to have sex, you still shouldn’t give up this side of life. First of all, this will prevent you from acquiring additional problems.

Of course, no couple wants to go through a crisis in their relationship. I want everything to always be fine. As a rule, spouses begin to doubt their choice and see everything completely differently than it was before. Just remember that this is not a case when you can rush to conclusions. During this period, it is important to be more patient and evaluate your own actions. Perhaps it was your behavior that pushed your spouse to do things that you don’t like.

So be more patient, and you will be able to maintain harmony in your relationship and overcome all difficulties. If this quality is fully demonstrated in difficult moments, then overcoming the crisis will be much easier, since actions that could cause additional problems will not be committed.

If you realize that quarrels have begun to occur frequently in your family, then you should not immediately fall into despair and blame your partner for everything. Remember that any difficulties can be overcome. There is no need to rush to make radical decisions, so try to maintain restraint even in the most difficult moments.

The influence of upbringing and external factors

Systemic family problems have interested leading therapist in the field of family relationships, Dr. Leslie Cameron-Bendler, over the years. She began to study them, describing in stages the difficulties that arise in a couple.

Two couples were selected for a global experience of 5 years:

Patients #1: Mr. and Mrs. Douglas. She works as a high school teacher, he is an ophthalmologist. They got married after three years of courtship and turned to a psychoanalyst for help in the fifth year of marriage.
Patients #2: Mr. and Mrs. Haroli. John worked as a driver at the local town hall, and his wife Carol was a dancer. The partners got married after one year of relationship due to an unplanned pregnancy. The visit to the doctor took place after 3 years of marriage.

Dr. Bandler conducted weekly consultations for couples and singles, establishing down to the smallest detail the features of the relationships between partners in the family. Her observations established that Mr. Douglas treated his wife with respect. His parents approved of his choice of life partner, his friends considered Mrs. Molly the life of the party, and his upbringing in the traditions of peasant dogma protected the marriage from betrayal. The real reason for turning to a therapist was the wife’s internal fears of going through a divorce.

The second couple, on the other hand, entered into a marriage against the wishes of Carol's parents. They did not approve of the dysfunctional family from which Mr. Douglas happened to come. Genetically, he was predisposed to alcohol and abused it after work. This was the real cause of the conflict.

How long does a relationship crisis last?

How long does a relationship crisis last?
Many people wonder how long a relationship crisis lasts? In this case, it's hard to say. Remember that you won’t be able to just wait it out. In any case, problems need to be solved. If you keep them, it will ultimately lead to disastrous results. They will accumulate and result in a huge scandal, which can subsequently provoke a divorce.

Summary

It is your choice - to sit at home and wait for the situation at your enterprise to stabilize, or to move forward to look for new opportunities for growth and development. Each situation is always individual. And any relationship is an experience. Your personal life is like your work record. When applying for your dream job, you remember that the employer will definitely look through your employment record. Analyze your experience, create a “resume”, honestly indicate your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

Respect yourself as an individual. And then no one will ever be able to refuse such a valuable employee like you!

Tags: self-improvement, marriage, self-help, psychological health, psychological help, breakup, divorce, relationships

Crisis of family relationships: forum, reviews

When a crisis arises in a relationship, many people start looking for answers on forums and looking for advice on how to solve everything. Of course, there is a lot of talk on this topic, because everyone experiences crises. Please note that advice may not always help; moreover, every relationship is unique. So, before you listen to someone else's advice, be sure to think about whether it will be detrimental to your relationship.

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