Why do you need to know the stages of a relationship between a guy and a girl? Understanding the laws of psychology helps you find the right line of behavior and avoid pain and disappointment, laying the foundation for deep and harmonious relationships for life.
So that situations do not happen when a 28-year-old girl with the baggage of unsuccessful personal relationships, with the pain of repeated breakups, with the conviction that “all men only need one thing,” felt devastated, deceived and disappointed.
And the guys, on the other hand, having similar experience behind them, were not confident that all women were selfish, they could see the one and only priceless one for whom they were ready to perform feats, save the world and make dreams come true.
Psychology tracks the stages of development of any relationship, including between young people of the opposite sex, and describes their main characteristics and duration. Each stage has a special significance for male and female nature, which is important to know for those seeking to find a couple and create a happy family.
Let's look at how the stages develop over time.
First stage
This is the most common and shortest. People just meet, get to know each other, communicate. What are the features of the stage?
- The first thing guys pay attention to is a woman's body. This is how nature works, there is nothing special about it. You need to know this and treat it as the norm.
- Girls pay attention to intelligence. It is unlikely that a reasonable girl will be able to communicate for a long time with a handsome but stupid guy who cannot even speak clearly about the weather. Although appearance plays a role at this stage, you can seriously intrigue a girl only through conversation.
It is interesting that at this stage, about one hundred thousand guys are attracted to each girl, and the same huge number of girls are attracted to each guy: the choice is huge.
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If sex happens on the first stage, the result can be terrible in terms of building relationships. We have to start all over again. Many people get stuck at this stage and remain in the dark until the end that the relationship can and should be different. Those who are ready for more and better, knowing this feature, do not give in to the impulses of their desires, but calmly control them.
Levels of development of relationships between a man and a woman
For a happy young couple who cannot be apart for even a minute, it seems that this will last forever. The feeling of flying overshadows the real state of affairs. Sooner or later, the bright feeling for which you want to move mountains, move forward in life, achieve success, love and create - begins to cool down. Just recently, lovers looked at each other with such adoration, and then both realize that they do not experience the same happiness.
Building relationships is a daily work where you build your fortress brick by brick. And as in every process, there are stages of relationships
.
The passage of any of the stages does not occur simultaneously for both lovers. Each personality develops in its own time. But according to statistics, the last two of the main seven stages are achieved in about 7 years.
Time to fall in love - “rose-colored glasses”
This is exactly that bright and dazzling time when we adore and honor the object of love: we want to sing, dance, do stupid things, give flowers and sweets to our other half and love the whole world. It seems that nothing around exists, you are simply carried away by this sweet feeling. Hormone levels jump sharply, and there is an excess of endorphin in the brain. This factor is that “pink veil” before our eyes. This stage lasts approximately 6 months to one and a half years.
It's time to get to know each other
It lasts from a month to one year. hormonal levels stabilize and consciousness becomes clearer. But a little. Especially if the couple moves in together and starts a life together. This is where our eyes begin to open - our soul mate is also a person, and not a demigod, as we thought! And a person has his own shortcomings or characteristics. It may even turn out to be some habits. Which the other half had shown before, only now became noticeable. Romance disappears, life slowly becomes ordinary and boring. But it is precisely during this period that a certain connection appears, and in order to maintain it you just need to be nearby.
It's time to doubt
The duration of this stage is purely individual. And it depends on our level of development and understanding of what relationships are in general. In many ways, upbringing and character itself are evident here. The onset of this stage occurs when we suddenly ask ourselves the question: is our choice correct? There are two standard options: either limitless patience, which helps you survive this stage painlessly, accepting the shortcomings of your other half, or attempts to rebuild, remake your other half for yourself. This is where many relationships often fall apart. Primarily because one or both partners simply did not understand what a relationship really was. If the couple nevertheless survived this time and did not break up, although it was difficult, a new period begins. Often moving to another level of relationship
can be brighter than the period of falling in love.
It's time for understanding
The next level can take up to 3 years. The very understanding and unconditional acceptance of one’s soul mate as another person also follows two scenarios. First: without a negotiating table and explanations, the couple understands that they do not want to separate. And to save the relationship, something needs to be done urgently. And then either madness and a second honeymoon begin (the partners try to surprise each other and conquer), or conditions are put forward to each other. They can be very tough. The partner requires his partner to fully comply with these conditions, leaving loopholes for himself. Because he usually doesn't blame himself. And often not even the circumstances. Especially if unplanned children appear. Unpreparedness for responsibility and the burden of everyday life again put relationships on the brink. And the couple either breaks up or endures it with all their might.
This is where you need the help of experienced family or friends. Just like falling in love, fatigue causes a couple to cease to adequately understand reality. This is one of the most difficult emotional levels of relationships.
After all, when a couple breaks up, not only the loved ones themselves will suffer, but also the child.
It's time for "voluntary sacrifice"
When humility sets in, lovers become closest to the very feeling of love. When and how long this stage lasts is unknown - from a day to ten years. In a sense, this is the understanding that “there’s nowhere to go anyway.” And then the partners begin voluntary service. Everyone enjoys the joy of their other half. There is the same joke about this stage that “the wife’s fur coat is the husband’s face.” The partner is proud of his chosen one. And if a couple not only crossed out past difficulties, but learned a lesson, this will have a good effect on raising children.
Relatives who often saw our quarrels do not believe that we have found happiness. And out of habit they try to “help”. These helpers can destroy this idyll - after all, it has just begun and is not yet stable. Try these levels of family relationships
protect and announce to the “helpers” that you can now cope on your own.
It's time for "Best Friends"
After 2-3 years, the relationship moves from the “lovers” level to the “bosom friends” level. All the disadvantages and advantages of our other half are already in the palm of our hands, everything that we have in achievements or property is common. There is nothing to share, and then treating your partner as your best friend becomes natural. Habits are performed automatically and immediately forgiven. Lovers easily tease each other, but this does not cause resentment or feelings of hurt dignity.
It's time to find love
Now husband and wife are truly one Satan. Understanding at a glance, feeling at a distance what the spouse feels. Calm and finding peace after all the storms. Creating a home you want to return to. And an indescribable, inexplicable, but tangible feeling of warmth and elation - what the lyricists enthusiastically describe. All there are, levels of relationships,
have risks, but not this one. True, if the time of “voluntary sacrifice” passed tensely, then the “friendly” time will drag on. Partners will strive to extend it as a kind of break from the relationship. And then love will come later. If one's selfishness prevails, it may not come at all.
Second phase
The candy-bouquet period begins.
The guy begins to court the girl, perhaps even overcoming the competition. After all, many people like a good girl and can accept courtship from several suitors at the same time.
But the desire for intimacy does not disappear. If the guy continues to try to get his way, and the girl gives in, then the development of the relationship stops.
The connection either remains underdeveloped throughout life, and people suffer, or is interrupted. Relationships will never grow on their own. In order for them to become deep and sublime, you need to, understanding the operation of the laws of the material world, control your desires at this stage.
Many are under the misconception that nothing else can keep a guy at this stage.
The laws of psychology say that a normal, without deviations guy at this stage of a relationship is attracted to femininity, which he feels at the level of certain fluids. He just likes to be nearby, to feel the special warmth, charm, feminine presence.
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If a young man, restraining his natural instincts, continues to communicate, then the girl develops a feeling of security. After all, he protects her, at least, from his lust.
Nowadays the number of such people is not large, but there is a choice. Everyone can choose from thousands of applicants to go through the second stage in the development of relationships together.
The guy's desire for physical intimacy never goes away. And if, feeling protected, the girl decides to satisfy him, then interesting things happen: her heart opens, obeying her feminine nature, and its contents, both pleasant and not so pleasant, fall out on the guy. But the relationship has not yet matured to the stage where he is ready to treat content that is “not very good” with understanding.
If you estimate by months, then the second period will last at least two or three months. And such an unexpected turn provokes the thought: “What did I spend so much time on?” As a result, most often, the guy escapes.
How “donating” in a relationship can harm you
1. Anything you do for someone you care deeply about can be emotionally and energetically draining if you don't receive the same amount of time, energy, and support in return. Constantly worrying about someone else's needs can be quite draining.
2. In addition to this, this constant concern for others prevents you from taking care of yourself and your needs and having enough time for yourself, this can really damage your self-esteem and how you see yourself, as well as your mental health in general.
3. At some point, you may even find it difficult to perceive yourself as something separate from your partner. You may find it difficult, even almost impossible, to imagine what it would be like to be apart from him.
Third stage
If it is achieved, then the guy develops a deeper interest in the girl, in her inner life. He asks questions about childhood, studies, parents, favorite books, artists, what she thinks about, etc. He learns a lot of amazing things and begins to see her as a person. Her “cockroaches” no longer frighten her; the time comes when he is able to understand and sympathize. The relationship develops into one elevated above crude physical lust.
And the girl begins to see the beauty of the guy that makes him better than others. She admires him even if he is not athletic. In her eyes, he becomes special, unique, even if someone surpasses him in some respects. It is this vision of one’s chosen one that is called fidelity. The guy feels this and is inspired to continue the relationship.
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Only now is a couple formed in the eyes of others.
Signs you're giving too much in a relationship
1. You feel responsible for your partner and the need to help him. You see no other way to cope with the situation except to constantly help him.
2. You think he can't cope without you. So the responsibility you already feel will become even heavier because you are convinced that your partner cannot do anything without you.
3. Your partner's needs come first. You spend too much time on your loved one's problems and often put solving your own problems and responsibilities aside.
4. You think that if you stop coming to your partner's aid and stop providing him with constant support, then he will not want to continue the relationship with you.
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The fourth stage is spiritual
If the relationship has reached this level of development, then the guy is able to see whether the girl has basic feminine qualities, whether she inspires to achieve goals, whether she is exceptional, necessary.
The girl learns his spiritual qualities, fortitude and goals. If she sees valuable masculine qualities in her chosen one, then the moment comes to make an important decision about starting a family. They start talking about it, which is why it is called “engagement,” from the word “to speak.”
