Is a woman also a person?
No, don’t think anything bad, the time of feminism, which replaced the generations of our wise and feminine great-grandmothers, has already passed. Women no longer want to share sleepers with men as much as before, but now the rivalry has become hidden.
Now men and women study together in the same specialties and sit next to each other when applying for the position of manager or engineer. They go to the same job and get the same salary.
Together they stand in a traffic jam and go to adjust the valves at the service station.
And everything would be fine, only in such a universal life are universal qualities of character formed. A universal person is being formed
This is how you can live and this is how you live. Only in such a universal life do we not always give ourselves the opportunity to be ourselves, to be somehow different from other universal people,
doing the same thing as us. For example, from men.
Somehow it happened by inertia that the same life led to the fact that men became equal to women, they behave the same, expect the same things from each other and as a result... move away from each other.
After all, like charges repel. On a subconscious level, they feel like competitors.
Who is a strong woman in the usual sense?
This question is so complex and so simple that in its discussion it received countless versions; not a single spider can figure out this web.
For some reason, it is generally accepted that a strong woman is one who, with her head held high, makes herself and her own life,
without needing anyone around.
Perhaps it was the prevalence of this version that led to the birth of millions of topics on the forums “How to find a strong man”,
after all, this became a problem for “the one who doesn’t need anyone.”
Supporters of the idea that a woman should be weak constantly receive kicks from the “strong” for allegedly subjecting a woman to humiliation, making her into the image of an all-forgiving and all-suffering martyr, next to whom there will definitely be a tyrant who mocks her and deprives her of individuality and opportunity self-realization.
He'll stop a galloping horse, but won't find a husband.
First of all, today there are many more strong women than strong men. And, as a result, not everyone has enough. Why did this happen? The war is to blame. Hundreds of thousands of men left for her and never returned. Either they returned as disabled people, alcoholics, or they returned, but to other families, to their friends at the front. Hundreds of thousands of women were left alone with their children and were forced to learn to survive on their own. This fear is still “hardwired” into many women at the genetic level. Many live with the thought that “he can leave, die, disappear at any moment,” and this fear forces them to increase their strength, not trust and play it safe. Alas, it is difficult for such women to give up control over their lives, responsibility and power to anyone. They prefer to keep everything in their own hands, and as a result, they raise infantile sons - this is how a new generation of weak men appears.
Secondly, men are often afraid of strong women, as they remind them of a strict mother. But a strong woman is still a woman, she also wants to be weak somewhere. In such a couple, a conflict arises, a struggle for the place of the weak, in which the woman loses. Because her fear of losing control over life is stronger than the desire to be weak, and willy-nilly she again commands herself: “Get yourself together, you rag!” Why are some men afraid of strong women? Because this woman knows what she wants, because she needs to conform, words are not enough for her, she needs actions, because she needs to be taken into account and build partnerships, but, alas, not everyone knows how to do this.
Thirdly, strong women are greatly hampered by the opinions of society. Now they are creating a fashion for weak, sexy, pliable, silicone young ladies who come when needed, purr, create an atmosphere, admire a man, and when not needed, sit quietly on the sidelines, or go to spas and shops. A strong woman is depicted as a Gorgon Medusa, criticized, called a man in a skirt, tough and, at times, mercantile. And all just because she wants to see at least an equal partner nearby. But, I’ll tell you a secret, only weak and falsely strong men are afraid of strong women, but truly strong men prefer to have a strong, full-fledged partner next to them, who can integrate into their lives and will not play “daddy-daddy” with them. and hang on your neck shouting “save, entertain, pamper.”
It is important to understand that a strong woman had to become a support for herself after she did not receive support from loved ones, significant people to her, as a rule, from her parents. And, of course, this woman has pain, and fear, and a desire to love and be loved, and hope that a man will appear in her life who will love her so much that with his love he will heal all her wounds.
A strong woman is an ordinary woman at heart, weak in some ways, insecure in some ways. And the mistakes she makes when choosing a man are due precisely to these circumstances.
- Mistake #1. Believes words, first impressions, hopes for a miracle. Many women make this mistake when they are in a state of “thirst for love and relationships.” And as soon as a more or less suitable man appears on the horizon, flaunting his strength and “charisma,” they rush headlong into the pool. And after a while they find themselves in the “wrong” relationship, with the “wrong” person, they get upset, disappointed, try to redo it, and redo it all their lives, or break up.
- Mistake #2. She approaches dating like an interview, is overly strict and distrustful. This is the other side of the coin. It happens that a strong woman, in order to protect herself, her self-esteem, enters into the state of an arrogant Snow Queen and tests men, interviews them on a date, sticks out her strength, success, and dignity. Naturally, the candidates run away.
- Mistake #3. Turns on the "mother". Having met a man in crisis, with some problems, some strong women begin to save him. In their hearts they hope that he will appreciate it, love her, and when everything works out for him, he will reciprocate her feelings, begin to help and save. But, alas, having taken responsibility for a man, a woman, having spent a lot of mental strength, never gets what she wanted and goes into an even greater internal disadvantage. Why? Only weak, devastated men need a “mother”; strong men cope by relying on themselves; the love and faith of a woman is enough for them.
- Mistake #4. Tries to make strong men out of weak men. This is the mistake of many women, a mistake that was introduced into our heads as a correct idea by the same society, the same women’s trainings that assure that a successful man is the work of a woman. Yes, admiration, faith, love, a woman’s confidence that her chosen one is the best, greatly support a man, but the main thing is that the man himself should want to be strong, successful, prosperous. No other way. There are men who have a temporary crisis, but in essence they are “winners”, and here the love and support of a woman will greatly inspire and help him. If a man is lazy, childish, insecure, not striving, then no one will help. It’s like with alcoholics - you can only help someone who wants to and makes an effort.
But all of the above does not mean that a strong woman is doomed to loneliness. This will only happen if she “goes” into illusion, into extremes, into arrogance or ingratiation, into saving herself or proving her superiority.
If a strong woman loves and values herself, treats men with respect, finds a balance between strength and weakness, responsibility and hypercontrol, she will be able to create wonderful partnerships with an equal (or even stronger) man. You need to give your strength the right cut, like a diamond, and everything will be fine.
Where is the happiness?
“A strong woman cries at the window,” Pugacheva sang, “and does not notice how she cries at night when she walks through life laughing...” echoed “Time Machine.” How many other songs, poems, articles, books were devoted to the topic of loneliness,
which comes when all the money has been earned, the machines have been repaired, the affairs have been resolved and controlled?
Yes, it's easier that way. Many problems are easier to solve in a masculine way: quickly, constructively, and in an organized manner.
But it’s even easier to entrust their decision to a man.
He somehow does it more naturally. And do more pleasant, feminine things yourself.
This does not mean that you need to go to extremes, throw heavy bags at once and rush to pick berries in the meadow, weave wreaths and sing songs.
A girl who can:
- want, ask, but be prepared for refusal
(“If you give, good, if you don’t give, I won’t love less”); - tolerate when it comes to male temper (the man flared up, after 5 minutes he came to his senses and apologized if the woman did not flare up in response);
- hold a pause: for example, when getting out of a car, from a store, from a train, she stops and waits, giving men the opportunity to notice her and show themselves - to help her;
- to give even when a man has nothing to answer: to cultivate a high level of inner happiness.
The simplest example: feed with love when he came tired and dissatisfied, and you waited for him all day; - trust men: seeing your sincere trust
, you will not be deceived or disappointed; - express your competent opinion, avoiding mentoring and pressure;
- prioritize relationships: let the man make mistakes, but maintain peace in the relationship.
Is she strong? Strong. But strong in a different way.
Such qualities require inner feminine strength,
wisdom, self-confidence, dignity. But such a woman looks like a woman, and not a universal asexual person, driven into the patterns of modernity.
What kind of strong woman do you have? A woman is a universal person and “myself”? Check it out by her signs!
Signs of a strong woman
- gathers around himself losers, weak men, whiners;
- constantly in search of a man “stronger than me”;
- she does many household and not so much chores: changing the shower hose, nailing a nail, changing a tire, repairing a shelf in the bathroom, sharpening knives;
- wears only trousers;
- It’s easier for her to resolve the issue with money than to ask someone;
- she cannot give up control over everything, even if she does something not herself: a trip to visit, buying a new computer, repairing a refrigerator;
- a weak woman in her understanding is a stupid blonde in a pink dress
who looks into a man’s mouth, allowing him to wipe his feet on her; - she herself carries heavy bags of groceries, a suitcase from the station, opens doors for herself, pays the bill at a restaurant herself;
- she “nags” the man who is next to her;
- she takes on a lot, even if there is a man or several nearby.
And this is only a small part of the signs that characterize a strong woman. And with an honest attitude towards oneself, everyone will find something of this in themselves: either today, or yesterday, or constantly.
One psychologist compared strength paired with... boots. Previously, in the villages, there were many children in the family, but there were not always enough shoes, so it happened that the one who got up earlier and “borrowed” the boots went to school. Therefore, if you left in the morning in the boots of strength to make money
and resolve all family issues, don’t wait for your husband and a mammoth to make the difference for dinner. Most likely, he will stay at home to bake cheesecakes.
There are only one boots in the family. This is the law of balance.
If you are strong, the man will pull himself closer to you and become weak, or leave you. “The one who gets up first gets the slippers,” as they say.
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I put the word “strong” in quotation marks because there is no such force in the world that could interfere with someone. What most often hinders women is not power, but what they perceive as it. I'll try to explain with examples. (The examples do not yet concern marriage, but simply relate to novels).
Mistake 1. “Taking rudely”
Often women think that taking initiative is strength, and passively waiting for initiative from another is weakness. Therefore, when they themselves invite a man somewhere or persistently let him know that they like him, it seems to them that they are behaving like strong women. And when a man begins to flirt and set conditions, such women sigh, “Well, I was too strong, and that’s why he became weak,” and then they give advice to other women, “You have to be weaker, otherwise you’ll change places with the man.”
In fact, everything here is turned upside down.
Let's start with the fact that most women take initiative out of impatience and the inability to endure loneliness, sometimes from painful boredom, from the desire to quickly get what they want, that is, from real weakness. They don’t know how to expect from this weakness, from this weakness they have nothing special to expect, fans don’t follow them, they are in little demand, and if they are in demand, it’s not by those, and if they are by those, then somehow it’s not right, but you want to live more and quickly, like in the movies, in general, such women take the initiative because they need more, but men don’t care. Therefore, men are in a stronger position, and this strong position gives them an advantage. It is female weakness that leads to the fact that women find themselves in a disadvantageous position, and men begin to extort additional conditions for themselves.
To think that if this woman, whom a man didn’t like very much, sat with her eyes downcast, he would become interested in her, this again creates illusions, and this only happens from weakness. Not by force.
Strength is to unobtrusively make it clear to the person you like that he is attractive, but not to worry and suffer while waiting for his response, not to extort this reaction, and not to fall into hysterics if there is no reaction or it is much more sluggish than one would like, and treat it with humor and be prepared to forget.
An even greater power is not just making it clear that a person is attractive, but also knowing what and how you can use to ensure the reaction you want. But this is already aerobatics. And most women don’t care about fat, if only they could live, that is, they could at least learn not to deceive themselves that weakness is strength.
Mistake 2. “Building rough”
Often women try to voice all their wishes, more like conditions, in a rather harsh and harsh form. In response to any words from a man that they don’t like, they can burst into a tirade about how they should behave with them, what they can say and what is unacceptable, describe their virtues and angrily demand respect. If a man retreats, such women conclude that they were too strong and irreconcilable, and men are “accustomed to the weak and submissive.”
Describing who you are and what you are like, how you can talk to you and how you can’t, is not strength, but a real weakness. This is the fear that they will suddenly tell you something wrong and you will feel humiliated, crushed, this is the fear that the man doesn’t really respect you and you look insignificant in his eyes and you must definitely tell in words how much you really are significant and how you value yourself.
A strong person does not tell how to behave with him; he assumes that respectful attitude towards him is the rule, just like his respectful attitude towards another (strength provides the opportunity to respect others, and not wait for a trick). And if a strong person sees that he is being treated with disrespect, he politely says goodbye without explaining anything. The only exception when something can be explained is if the other asks for an explanation, asks and tries to understand what is wrong, but even then an exception should be made for cases where there may have been a simple misunderstanding rather than a real disrespect. Those who show disrespect do not need to explain anything. Those who get into arguments and start educational conversations are not able to simply leave, they are afraid of losing a person, even if he is boorish, or they do not trust themselves, they doubt whether their dignity has been hurt or not, they hesitate, they create illusions that if they talk and explain , everything will change, that is, they actually demonstrate dependence and submission, and not strength, as they think. A hysterical woman and a brawler is not a strong woman, she is a weak woman who can neither leave nor calm down, that is, doubly weak.
Strength is to behave calmly and politely, to trust your reactions, not to pay attention to trifles, not to get carried away out of nowhere, and if something really seemed unacceptable, to calmly distance yourself, without educational conversations, making it clear that such communication does not bring pleasure , and not thinking that another person has been waiting for you all his life so that you explain to him how to behave and how not to behave. It's his business.
Mistake 3. “Dominating” or “carrying everything on yourself”
Often women, hiding from themselves a great interest in a relationship, take on too much. They invite a man to their place or organize a date themselves. Without waiting for a call from the man, they themselves clarify whether the meeting has been cancelled, they are constantly active, usually rudely, in order to look “independent”, they “rule” both before, and after, and during the process, and then, seeing that the man has become completely passive and behaves like a prince, they are offended by their “strength”, although this again is extreme weakness.
It is a weakness to be interested in a relationship much more than the other participant, to be dependent much more, but the main weakness is to hide this fact from oneself. If you are more interested, but are honest about it, you can do something to correct the balance. But if you hide it from yourself, you are unarmed in the face of your weakness.
To dominate is something opposite to “carrying everything on oneself”; to dominate is to direct the actions of another, and not to do everything for him and for him, like a servant. To solicit does not mean to steer, it means to solicit. When a woman asks whether her boyfriend remembers the meeting, she shows weakness and uncertainty. Firstly, she doubts that he remembers, and secondly, she wants to quickly make sure that he has not forgotten, otherwise she cannot feel calm. If she were stronger, this issue would worry her much less, her complexes and previously inflicted traumas would not flash with a red emergency light from any doubt about the feelings of another, she would be serene and could mind her own business (and her head would not be occupied only with love experiences).
That is, strength is again something completely different, and if it turns out that a woman is “carrying the relationship on her shoulders,” it is important to admit to herself that this is due to weakness and dependence, and not at all due to strength. To stop being a scapegoat, you need to increase your strength, and not become even weaker, as is sometimes advised.
Mistake 4. “Send to hell”
Often women rudely break off a relationship, and then endlessly remember that they broke off this relationship because they were too strong and did not want to endure, but if they had endured it, they would still be in the relationship. In fact, you need to be very weak in order to, having done something, endlessly regret it and make excuses all the time, telling everyone that you did the right thing or that you did this because, unlike others, you are very strong. A strong person either doesn’t do it, or does it and doesn’t make excuses either to himself or to others.
In addition, breaking off a relationship with a scandal is always a weakness. A strong person calmly leaves a relationship, politely saying goodbye, before this relationship turns into hell, and most often does not blame or hate anyone (he does not allow himself to be offended and there is no reason to hate). He knows that every minute of the relationship he was in sober memory and a strong mind, which means he was responsible, and if he remained in this relationship, no matter how long - three days or three years, he did it of his own free will. Therefore, a strong person cannot suddenly find himself in the role of a deceived victim who suddenly discovered an enemy next to him, or could not escape from captivity for a long time. And if this happened to him, a strong person will attribute it to his weakness, but not his strength. He will say “I became weak, that’s why this started happening to me, I need to get better.” If a person lives in hell, but for some reason cannot leave, this is not strength, but weakness, and he must understand this. Can
lie to yourself that you are too kind, careful, responsible, but you can honestly say that you are dependent, afraid of change and not confident in yourself, that is, you can not pass off your weaknesses as strength, then it will be easier to get rid of your weaknesses.
A fight or scandal at parting is a real weakness. Men are also often weak and very rarely manage to behave nobly when their feelings are hurt. But the fact that few people are able to maintain strength in close relationships and not fall into dependence does not make this weakness a strength, it still remains a weakness. And women do not need to be mistaken about this. The stronger a person is, the more problems can be avoided, even under the most difficult circumstances.
There are no people for whom power would interfere in love or in their personal lives. Strength is something that, by definition, can only help and open up new opportunities. published by econet.ru
Author
— Marina Komissarova
