A man and a woman are two halves of one whole, yin-yang, two opposites that make up one whole. And no matter what anyone says, men and women still have more differences than they have in common. This must be understood, this must be accepted, perhaps then there will be fewer conflicts and quarrels, there will be more understanding, which is sometimes lacking.
Let's look at the most striking and obvious differences in the perception of the world around men and women.
First of all, it must be said that men and women, of course, have something in common, and it must be in a couple, a family - there is no way without it. But we should never forget about the differences in perception between men and women, and understanding and accepting these differences will certainly benefit the relationship.
Psychology of relationships: men and women from different planets
Very often a man and a woman seem to be talking about the same thing, but one gets the impression that they are foreigners in relation to each other. Why? It’s trite but true: men and women have completely different views on the world, and again, you just need to accept this.
The same events affect us completely differently, we have different attitudes towards events. Men should not be what we want them to be, in which case the relationship will simply lose its meaning. We achieve this with all our might, in fact we are simply trying to “break the character” of our partner, and when this works, if, of course, it works, then we become sad, bored, sick of everything that is happening.
It is extremely important to understand that men are different! Yes, yes, different and that’s it! It is important to understand what is different and why, then there will be fewer problems. It’s more interesting to watch how your other half does it “differently” than to constantly try to make your other half completely like you. Is not it?
Intelligence in a woman is valued higher than beautiful forms
It is generally accepted that men are very attracted to women with large busts and long legs. However, for long-term relationships these external signs have little meaning. This has been shown by numerous sociological surveys.
Large breasts usually attract attention. But not every man wants to date a big-breasted beauty, since a bust that is too large often looks unaesthetic. In addition, large breasts are often asymmetrical, and representatives of the stronger sex prefer symmetry in ladies. With age, such breasts lose their shape and sag.
As for the legs, a man, of course, will cast an admiring glance at the long-legged “model,” but for the most part, the stronger sex prefer girls with average length of lower limbs. The main thing is that your legs are straight. Subconsciously, a man perceives this as a sign of good health, because first of all, his evolutionary instincts are tuned to finding a healthy and full-fledged mother for his children. ...
Surprisingly, many men said they would prefer partners with high intelligence. Evolutionary biologist David Bainbridge from the University of Cambridge believes that high intellectual abilities guarantee that such a person will become a responsible mother. And this is much more important for the future life than transitory delights.
Differences in perception between men and women: hearing
Men and women differ not only in their vision, but also in their hearing: women have better hearing, women are able to distinguish sounds at higher tones. Thanks to their more developed hearing in this regard, women can detect changes in the mood of their interlocutor, but men cannot do this!
A woman will be able to talk on the phone without any problems when someone nearby is talking loudly or the TV is on, but a man will not be able to do this - he will definitely ask you to turn it down or even move away to another room.
Masculine and feminine: which pole are you in?
Yin-yang, masculine-feminine principles are within us from the moment of conception. We don't think about it. But the root of many problems in life lies precisely in the imbalance of the relationship between the inner man and the inner woman.
Even if you are thinking about this topic for the first time, without your knowledge, internal “residents” (in psychology they are called subpersonalities) live their lives. Between them, under the influence of the example of the parental family and the social environment, certain relationships develop.
The inner man and the inner woman can love each other, hate each other, or show indifference and not notice each other. They experience the full range of emotions that you experience. Yes, yes, inside you, on an unconscious level, communication between the inner man and the inner woman often occurs without your knowledge.
Why is it important to know about the presence of your “residents” and what relationships they have? Maybe we shouldn't raise this issue?
Let's figure it out.
The attitude towards something has a background and is not formed out of nowhere. Due to the fact that the feminine and masculine principles are inherent in us from the very beginning, their interaction with us and each other is directly formed under the influence of close significant surroundings (parents, relatives), educators, teachers. Society has a significant influence on the inner man and inner woman through the media, regular communications with strangers, cultural stereotypes and genetic memory.
As a result, we have differences in how we make decisions, act, take responsibility, take risks, and build a career. These are manifestations of our inner man. It sets the vector of development.
The desires to care, love, create, and be creative depend on how developed the inner woman is. She controls our ability to enjoy, inspire, the ability to support loved ones and motivate a man to take decisive action.
When the inner woman conflicts with the inner man and shares the palm, we see a woman torn by doubts and worries. If the internal “residents” do not notice each other, the woman is in a state of “I don’t want anything, I have no strength.”
The ideal state is love between the inner man and the inner woman, when he protects and protects her, receiving care, tenderness and affection in return. This is a state of harmony and balance.
At the same time, the owner of the inner man and inner woman respects him, accepts and loves her.
The attitude towards the inner man is most often a repetition of the model of interaction between mother and father. If the mother did not show care and love for her father, worked a lot, ensured the material well-being of the family, performing male functions, then most likely the daughter will transfer this model into relationships with real men and with the inner man. As a result, she will not accept this part of herself and her usual state will be either aggression or depression.
Accepting your inner woman is directly related to self-esteem. And again we look for the foundation of self-love in the parental family. In the mother's attitude towards herself, in the way the father showed care for her and his daughter.
Let me note that the purpose of the article is not to blame parents for their children’s problems. No. We are talking about the fact that behavioral patterns learned in childhood have a key impact on later life. But this does not mean at all that our relationship with the inner man and inner woman is constant and unchanging. Under the influence of many factors, this interaction changes. And we can take control of this side of life by using various techniques and techniques.
Before you start managing something, you need to understand the initial state, that is, get to know your inner woman and inner man and recognize that they, between them and you, have some interaction difficulties that interfere with your calm, harmonious life.
There is a simple dating technique that takes 10 minutes, during which you will learn a lot of new and surprising things about yourself.
Take just 10 minutes to get to know your inner man and inner woman! And your perception of yourself, your attitude towards yourself will change...
Technique “Getting to know the inner woman and inner man”
Find a place where no one will disturb you. Sit comfortably, take three deep breaths and exhale. Close your eyes. Imagine that you have invited yourself on a date. To a very beautiful place. What is this? A restaurant, a park, an observation deck overlooking the city or maybe the ocean?
You dress beautifully, do your hair, makeup, and a couple of drops of your favorite perfume. Everything should be perfect: you are meeting halfway with the most important person in life - yourself.
Approach the indicated time, a woman comes towards you. Imagine what she looks like, how old she is, what she is wearing, how she moves, talks. Maybe she's silent? How does she behave towards you - friendly or distant? Talk to her. Listen carefully to what she has to say. Is she eager to continue the conversation or is she walking away?
Now imagine that a man is walking towards you. What does he look like? Describe it to the smallest detail. Age, eye color, hair color, age. What is he wearing? What is his voice timbre? Describe gait and movements. What is he doing? Does he talk to you or is he silent? Sitting or standing? Is he calm or nervous? Chat with him.
Open your eyes. What impression did you get from meeting a woman and a man?
You have just met your inner woman and inner man. Remember, or better yet, write down everything that you just saw and felt. This is invaluable information from your unconscious. Working with her, you can find answers to many questions that torment you, get rid of most of your complexes, gain confidence and self-love. Can you walk this path on your own? Certainly. It's a long road.
To shorten it and make the journey into the world of your inner man and inner woman as comfortable as possible is personal coaching for deep work.
With love and care, author.
Differences in perception between men and women: skin
And even in skin there are differences between men and women: men's skin is much thicker than women's. Women's skin is 10 times more sensitive than men's skin.
This is why women are afraid of scratches, abrasions, bruises, and pay more attention to touch than men. Women naturally feel pain more acutely and may cry from pain, but a man may not even understand this.
There are many other differences in the perception of men and women, but the meaning is clear - “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.”
What kind of women do men fall in love with?
In fact, a man evaluates a woman much more cunningly, or even more complexly. When communicating with a lady, a man first of all listens to HIMSELF, pays attention to HIS feelings and emotions. Is he comfortable?
For a man, first of all, it is not you, not your appearance, intelligence and talents that are important. What matters to a man is WHAT HE feels in the process of communicating with you.
A woman can be incredibly talented, smart and fulfilled in life, with a thousand different advantages - but a man will be uncomfortable and unpleasant with her.
On the contrary, an ordinary woman, with an ordinary appearance and average mental abilities, can evoke a whole storm of pleasant emotions in a man.
And which one will he choose? Which woman will he fall in love with?
When communicating with you, a man experiences emotions. These can be emotions of interest, joy, passion, delight. Or apathy, boredom, indifference. Or maybe emotions of rejection, fear, disgust or aggression. And sometimes there is pity, sorrow, neglect...
So, a man evaluates you BY HIS REACTION to communicating with you. By the effect you have on it.
Girls, remember this once and for all! A man evaluates you not with his brains, not with some set of cliches and templates. He does this UNCONSCIOUSLY.
The MAIN THING is the emotions that a man feels.
If they are positive, the man will be interested in you. If not, none of your virtues will help.
As a matter of fact, you perceive a man in exactly the same way - through the emotional state that you feel next to him.
If you want to be attractive. If you want men to tremble next to you, and experience emotions of interest, delight, and a great desire to be together. If you want a man to fall in love with you, you first need to learn how to send a man signals that attract him.
“We must assume that if a reasonable person has no desire to please, then he has no desires at all, for he cannot help but know that without this he will achieve nothing.”
Philip Chesterfield
Think about what you radiate into this world as a woman? What do people experience when they come into your field?
If a man feels that he feels very good in your company, if he wants to become handsome and start courting you. If his blood begins to boil and he is ready to perform feats, this means that he is READY to fall in love with you. But you haven’t even done anything yet! You just ended up next to him and started talking.
What is a man falling in love with a woman?
The secret is simple: When he feels very good and comfortable in your company.
When a woman realizes this simple thing to the core, she begins to make the men around her fall in love with her, or improve her existing relationship with her man.
My dears! I always say, if any cat or dog, man, woman or even child feels comfortable and good in your company, if everyone is drawn to you and starts smiling next to you - you are an enviable bride and a happy wife!
And I will not be lazy to repeat once again: it is not at all difficult for such a woman (at any age!) to go out into the street or go to a banquet - and meet twenty of the best men there. And then build a long line of them, and choose the best candidate for your life partner.
What are companies doing?
The Diversity & Inclusion Report, which Hays conducted in the fall of 2020, asked employers themselves about their initiatives to support women's career opportunities. Most have a recruitment policy with a focus on gender equality. Among the interesting answers are various flexible schedule options that enable a woman to combine work and family and comfortably return from maternity leave. The practices of companies that have communities of professional women and mentoring programs are also interesting.
Rapid development of relationships between a woman and a man
The rapid development of a relationship is when a person has not yet had time to understand what he wants from a partner, what he wants from a relationship. The person did not have time to understand what was happening, did not have time to orient himself, and already something began to happen between him and his partner.
If we talk about specific situations, for example, when a woman wants to get married, then she should know the person for a long time; if she is considering a friendly relationship with a man, then it is enough for her to know him for a short time.
In any case, a woman needs to make up her mind, give herself time to get her bearings and understand what she wants from this man and from a relationship with him.
Each person in a couple has their own pace of relationship development: some are slow, some quickly navigate, others know very well what they want. Everyone has an individual pace.
About the norms of traditional and healthy masculinity
In the field of men and masculinity studies, we already know quite a lot. For example, how norms of traditional masculinity (or hegemonic masculinity) are associated with some negative outcomes.
- Men who support these norms are more likely to be aggressive towards women or sexual minorities.
- Such men are more likely to drink alcohol and smoke.
- They often have more psychological problems.
- They don't have the skill to talk about their emotions.
And all this, of course, is very necessary for us, because it opens our eyes to what is happening to men. But at the same time, every five years an article appears in academic scientific journals in which the authors write that we have advanced in knowledge of how masculinity is related to functional behavior and how much masculinity hinders us, but nothing is yet known about the positive consequences . And it's strange. This can lead to the feeling that masculinity is bad. And very few articles and studies today are aimed at the topic of whether there is anything positive in this and whether masculinity norms allow us to exist in a reality where gender equality is the desired goal. Such articles periodically appear and call for research on this topic, but so far it has turned out poorly, because it is not very clear how exactly to pose research questions and what exactly we are trying to find.
In psychology, there are formulations of the concept of positive masculinity. Global world movements also have their own concept - for example, the White Ribbon Campaign, which exists all over the world, but is more represented in the UK and Australia. They have their own definition - healthy masculinity. As we see, attempts are beginning to define how this healthy masculinity can be expressed and conceptualized.
Research shows that men who adhere to healthy masculinity are less likely to engage in destructive behavior.
Healthy masculinity norms are defined differently by different movements and academic researchers.
If we look at the same White Ribbon Campaign, they define healthy masculinity as rejecting stereotypes that harm boys and men. Their essence is that healthy masculinity is the ability to be kind, empathetic, and find peaceful ways to solve problems, while one of the norms of traditional masculinity is aggression, the position that a man should solve all his problems exclusively in a militant manner and be able to stand up for yourself physically.
Healthy masculinity, on the contrary, says that you need to be able to find peaceful ways to solve problems.
Also, healthy masculinity implies some variability. Again, the White Ribbon Campaign website says that yes, boys and men can be brave, assertive, tough, have muscles and love rugby. But at the same time, they should be able to express their emotions, they may like cooking, dancing, gardening - anything that does not fit into gender stereotypes. This is again a conversation about freedom of expression. If you want to build your life within the framework of gender stereotypes, go ahead. But if you don’t feel comfortable there, then you always have freedom of choice and you can do something else that you like.
Also in healthy and positive masculinity there is one important point - respect for women. And if the academic scientific concept of healthy masculinity and the concept of movements in other respects differ in many respects, then on this point they are unanimous.
