How do they not contrast men and women? Strong and weak sex. Men are from the planet Mars and women are from the planet Venus. But we have to live on planet Earth according to earthly laws.
Due to differences, personalities, and ways of behaving, unexpected tensions often arise in relationships. The reason for our disagreements is genetically determined habits formed over millennia.
We don’t think that our inexplicable behavior is based on the peculiarities of the genetic development of the brain and historically established views on sexual behavior. Over the centuries, the psyche and thinking of the stronger and weaker sex have been formed, human development has taken place over millions of years, so our differences have roots in the distant past.
Civilization brought its own attitude to the behavior of men and women and formed a set of social characteristics that characterize representatives of different sexes. Men are conquerors. They conquered cities, countries, women.
Now times have changed, but the need to win remains. The best use of your abilities is to conquer a woman. After all, the cities and countries have already been conquered and distributed.
Having conquered one woman and gotten used to her, the man looks around in search of new “prey.” A new object, unfamiliar and mysterious, loomed on the horizon. And my wife has already read the book a long time ago.
"I'm not guilty. He came himself"2
But there are such “unhappy” moments when only he alone, (even if abandoned by her) will be able to console and pat her on the head exactly the way she loves and wants. Only he is the only one.
The reason is the sensuality of the partners. The couple breaks up, but the sensual connection remains between them forever. They don’t communicate for years, and then unexpectedly their eyes meet - and she understands that he was sent by heaven itself.
Well, you can indulge yourself with such illusions or justify it with an emotional breakdown. But the fact remains that things done in the heat of the moment often torment one’s conscience for many years. If there is no feeling of guilt, then everything may be done correctly. But this is only in relation to herself. For an existing partner, this will always be considered cheating.
The male scenario for the development of such events is typical for creative people who store images of people and attach vivid emotions experienced to them.
Why men come back after a breakup: a psychologist’s opinion
Reply with quotation Up ▲
- 01/05/2010, 14:45 #15 And they returned to me, and I returned. There was always a painful feeling that they left too early, that they didn’t love me. And then I realized that if you were once loved, then it is impossible to love to the end.
At least this is the case with me - not a single marriage, not a single story ends due to indifference or anger, or some other nasty thing. The hunger for each other, unfortunately, remains forever, and is acute, and can catch up in years. In general, these returns are a dangerous and very sad topic. Everyone is terribly dear. I love mine (each one) very much. Reply with quotation Up ▲
- 01/05/2010, 14:53 #16 Ptashkano, as I understand it, your situation is different? not you him, but he you? It’s somehow unclear to me who wins and why.
The feeling of falling in love is wonderful, and the realization that a woman has reliable support and protection in the form of her man gives additional strength and a sense of peace. Life's hardships are much easier to bear together. Relationships fill life with new colors. Parting…
But no one is perfect in this world, and it happens that at one moment everything changes. It would seem that just yesterday the chosen one looked at his woman with a look full of love and passion, but today he is cold and as if completely closed to communication. Sometimes cooling in a relationship occurs temporarily, but it happens that this leads to the fact that the couple ceases to exist. The man leaves, and, left alone, the woman can only think and wonder what the man will decide after the breakup. Will he come back? Why did it happen so? Having the fact of a discrepancy, you should initially understand the reasons for what happened. After all, often all the actions that he performs bring extremely superficial results. Yes, he surrounded himself with young beauties, but they demand to pay for their every breath. Prestigious work takes up more and more personal time, not even leaving the opportunity for proper sleep. The man begins to miss the warmth, selfless care and mutual understanding, that is, the family hearth from which he so arrogantly ran away. Stage three - repentance At the third stage of his freedom, a man begins to analyze his actions, and finally realizes that he has lost everything that is most important to him. He sincerely repents. He often wants to return to his family, at least to try to start all over again after everything he has done. He makes his first timid attempt to establish contact with his wife and takes a wait-and-see attitude. He is in no hurry to confess.
“My revenge will be terrible”3
Men know how to be offended, they store resentment deep in their souls. Most often, plans for revenge are born from such grievances, which work 100%. And it seems that they broke up without a scandal, the relationship was not spoiled, the feelings of guilt passed. It seems to the girl that everything is fine, she doesn’t owe anyone anything. Meanwhile, the offended partner waits for the offender who left him to improve his personal life.
And then, showering her with compliments and offering a friendly meeting, he puts his plan of revenge into action. Moreover, he can humiliate, insult and cause pain, trying to explain how he felt during the breakup. Of course, the reason for such betrayal is one’s own carelessness. Either the breakup contained an understatement, or the previous partner was not entirely adequate.
In women, such plans of revenge arise in their heads less often. On the contrary, they are trying to prove that everything will be better and cooler than with the previous partner. But it also happens that a plan for revenge arises in a cunning head and is executed according to the same scenario. And in the morning even men’s complexes can bring humiliation. Men do not tolerate being compared, and not in the best light.
How long does it take for men to return? Psychology
If during the time spent apart, you both have matured, smoothed out the rough edges of your character and learned to seek a compromise, anything is possible. But if people initially have different interests, needs and temperaments, they are doomed to fall into the same rake again and again. Be careful in choosing a triple if during this time you managed to meet another man and so far you have been completely satisfied with him.
Colliding with an old love, which, as we know, does not rust, often turns our heads and pushes us to make mistakes.
“Come back, I’ll forgive everything”4
A desperate attempt to get the relationship back. The ex can prove that he is better than the current choice. All arguments are used, the first, of course, is sex. Moreover, it will probably be at the highest level and with a romantic beginning, maybe even better than the candy-bouquet period of the past relationship.
The reason for such betrayal is the undying feelings of the partner, attempts to return a loved one. The couple had a reason for breaking up, and if it is not eliminated, then it will be “the same rake, only in profile.”
There is also a downside to this story. When you provoke your ex into sex. A girl, for example, having started a new relationship, comes to the conclusion that her ex was better. How else to apologize so that everything becomes clear. Or will they not apologize, but simply compare everything thoroughly again and weigh the pros and cons? This behavior is typical for both men and women. Everything is relative.
57% of women and 27% of men who cheated with their ex were in love with them. British Research Surveys.
Did your ex-boyfriend come back to you and after how long?
Why is it coming back? There are many reasons why men come back after a breakup. Human psychology is structured in a complex way, so it’s worth understanding everything in order. Men come back because:
- They feel uncomfortable being without their chosen one; her role in their life is quite large.
- In comparison, truth is born.
These are the most common reasons why men come back after a breakup. Psychology is a complex thing, it’s not that easy to understand.
“It was two thousand one hundred and first day...”5
There is also a reason - everything is tired, worn out, boring. The couple have been together for many years and already have children. And go to the same place every year to relax. Every weekend to the same cafe. With friends we pretend that everything is fine. The houses crawled into their own corners, unable to see or hear each other. Breake down?
No, but what about family, children? What will your friends say? We remember an ex who probably has the same story. We go to share grief with him, in an attempt to find joy. The reasons should be sought within yourself. We look for happiness there. By understanding yourself and talking with your partner, you can find a way out of any situation. Cheating is a temporary pleasure, it is not an option.
Cheating covers up mistakes in relationships and feelings. They are easy to justify without drawing conclusions about yourself. Why people cheat with exes is a question that is often asked, but a solution is rarely sought. It’s easier to believe in “I missed you” or “I was drunk.” The reasons are not only in the traitor, the reasons for all family discord are in both. After all, a family is two halves of one whole.
It happens that as a result of cheating with exes, old relationships develop with renewed vigor. And over time they grow into strong and reliable families.
How often do spouses return to the family: statistics
Scientists have not established the exact number of reunited married couples. After all, for the rest of their lives, under the influence of their own impulses and passions, they continue to lead the life of a “traveler,” periodically returning to their family for a break.
Others, after the return of the prodigal spouse, continue to live under the same roof, but because of the resentment they experienced, they cannot fully restore the lost warmth of the relationship and trust. Therefore, their family is fictitious and is unlikely to be among those reunited.
Psychologists unanimously claim that most couples who have experienced a divorce do not return to their previous relationships and then go their own ways through life. If all of the above is translated into statistical figures, it turns out that after a divorce, every fourth man returns to his ex.
As for women, the statistics are slightly different. Since women are monogamous by nature, betrayals on their part are a little less common, just like returns to an ex-spouse (they occur about 2 times less often than among men) who are not happy with them.
Approximately 45% of marriages are still officially registered again. And this is a big number!
Love or separation?
Psychologists insist that you can break up while experiencing love, and you can also return without experiencing any loving feelings. In order for a woman to correctly understand what her ex wants from her and whether it’s worth returning to him, she needs to start with her motives. So, the woman wants to know if the man who suddenly showed up loves her. He could have broken up with her out of stupidity. But if people love their exes, they always come back. And to understand that you are loved, you need to look at behavior that will be something like this:
- He often writes to you, calls you, corresponds on social networks.
- He asks you about your personal life to understand his chances of winning you back or winning you back.
- He talks to you about the past, remembers pleasant moments. Trying to make jokes to make you smile. He is happy when he succeeds.
- Trying to ask you out on a date. If you refuse, then he deliberately intersects with you, as if by accident.
- He is not dating anyone, which he talks about openly, and does not intend to do so, because he wants to restore relations with you.
Why does a person who loves leave? Here the reasons often lie in problematic relationships. If a man loves and tries to return, it means that this problem has already exhausted itself or can be solved.
This method helps to stir up feelings and get rid of the routine that has arisen in the relationship. This method also helps women arouse a little interest in themselves from men who begin to feel that they are losing their property.
For what reasons do guys want to come back?
After a quarrel, the guys show their character and remain distant. They don’t call or write, they stop communication, they don’t get in touch. But some time after the breakup, the man begins to really miss the woman he loves and wants to get her back. What could be the impetus for this?
If a man has lived with the same girl for several years, then it is difficult for him to look for new love from a psychological point of view. The fact is that during their life together, he had already formed a certain stereotype of an ideal wife. It is extremely difficult to find another woman like her. A man tries to see his ex in his new lover, but constantly stumbles upon some inconsistencies.
To win the favor of the lady you like, you need to go through all the stages of the relationship again, conquer, find out, make surprises, adapt to new requirements. Why do this if you had such a dear and close person next to you? It was comfortable, convenient, cozy with her - that’s what the man thinks and returns.
Sometimes a guy leaves his beloved in order to be alone, to sort everything out. At this time, he either understands that he does not need the young lady and he feels comfortable without her, or he realizes that he is bored. In the latter case, the man looks back and realizes that he was in vain to find fault, because these are such trifles compared to the positive emotions that he received while in a relationship. Realizing his mistakes, he tries to regain the affection of his beloved and promises to improve.
Sometimes there are moments in life when a man loves, but cannot come to terms with the shortcomings of his beloved. For example, she allows herself to flirt with other people’s men, and he is a terrible owner. It happens that a woman puts work above family and often disappears there in the evenings and on weekends. Because of this, he decides to leave, but, having lived alone, he realizes that he is ready to put up with these shortcomings, as long as he is nearby, because the feeling of love is higher than his discontent.
Test: What kind of husband is right for you?
1. You have money, but for one thing you will buy...
2. You have the last piece of the pie left, who will get it?
3. Your mobile is set to call your loved one...
4. If you have one car for two, who will drive it?
5. How would you like to celebrate your anniversary?
6. The maximum sacrifice you are capable of for him...
7. Your loved one is having a corporate party at work. You can come with a companion, but it is not necessary. Will you go with him?
8. Your loved one gave you something you don’t like and asks you to wear it, will you give in to his request?
9. What you fear most is that your loved one...
10. You were offered a free vacation package for one person. Will you eat?
Sometimes this means that a man wants a relationship, so he keeps his distance
Yes, there are people who are not sure what they want. They constantly change their minds about which direction they need to move and how to live.
According to male logic, they want to be the one in control of the relationship. All relationships are a power struggle, and most men don't want to share control with a woman. When feelings become deeper and affection becomes stronger, the guy must decide whether he wants to continue all this.
Unfortunately, he usually does not have such a desire, and he finds ways to slow down and keep everything at a certain level. And then he disappears.
Yes, he loves spending time with the girl, but he doesn't want to hurt her by pushing her away. It seems that in such cases they say: “Sits on two chairs.”
Again, the man does not tell his girlfriend a lot, leaving her bewildered, and does not give her the freedom to find love with another guy. Only cowards do this.
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Sometimes this means men are afraid of commitment.
These days, a lot of guys are afraid to be in a relationship. And all because they want to maintain their image of a bachelor.
For many men, settling down means signing their own death warrant. This means that there will be no more evenings with friends, this is a restriction of freedom. This means forgetting about personal interests and just spending time with one person all the time.
This is a myth that men believe when faced with a potential long-term relationship. They enjoy their space and freedom, so they view budding relationships as a potential threat to their independence, when in fact they are simply afraid of commitment.
Of course, there are guys who were hurt by past relationships and the remnants of those bad feelings stay with them. This prevents the building of new relationships. Some men have seen friends get burned and swear they will never put themselves in that situation.
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Regardless of their reasoning, fear of commitment should not be a reason for disappearing and harming a loved one. Again, a man must be honest and let the woman know the truth so as not to waste time on an empty relationship.
Sometimes this means that he really has a lot to do and you are not a priority for him.
It sounds stupid, but it's very plausible. Women are not the only meaning in life for men. They tend to have challenging career situations, wonderful parents, and perhaps a lot of responsibilities. Although this is not a reason to ignore the woman he is dating.
According to male logic, he should avoid relationships if he does not have enough time and energy to build one with a girl. He must find the strength to confess this to the lady, and not just disappear without a trace.
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Men are so busy these days that they tend to forget that those around them also have feelings. Thus, in essence, a representative of the stronger sex allows himself to hide behind his busyness so as not to devote time to a woman.
About a man's feelings after a breakup
Men are designed in such a way that they cannot stand pity. They are strong and independent, and not whiners and sufferers, so they carefully hide their experiences from friends and acquaintances after breaking up with their loved one. They drown out their pain in several ways:
If, after the end of a relationship, you meet your lover in a drunken bar in the company of girls, this does not mean that he has crossed you out of his life. Quite the contrary, he is deeply upset and very worried, he simply cannot show it.
When passions rage in a relationship
What are young people usually guided by when they decide to get married? They usually choose a life partner based on standard qualities:
Men: for the wife to be beautiful, a good housewife and mother.
Women: so that the husband is hard-working and provides prosperity for the family.
And the man thinks about it. You can’t get the thoughts out of your head, and you want to make your dreams come true. Prostitutes are not an option, and they are expensive. So he finds the same temperament on the side, for whom experiments are also a thrill.
Usually such lovers are married: he is married and she is married. Everything in their families suits them, but sex for both is not up to par. Adrenaline also flows because lovers have a constant fear of being caught, and this kind of extreme sex is exactly what they need.
They are satisfied with a lot in the relationship:
The presence of a lover’s family protects them from the obligation to change something in their personal life.
There is no need to be afraid of blackmail and some kind of infection, as can be the case in a sexual relationship with a prostitute.
There is no need to spend money on promoting your partner for some type of sex, because sex itself is all that unites them.
Any alarm bell that their pranks are becoming known to someone can separate lovers for a long time. They both value their families, and sex is not a reason for a family breakup. When the danger has passed, they return to their shared bed.
In such a love triangle, the only pity is the wife if she suddenly finds out about her husband’s passion, but does not want to part with him for anything in the world. What should I do in her case? Learn sexual art. But first you need to do everything that is written about in the article How to bring back passion in a relationship with your husband.
