Causes and signs ↑
The personal life and relationships of people are becoming more and more complicated - this depends, first of all, on the individual psychology of each person. One of the most common fears in interpersonal relationships is intimate phobia or fear of intimacy (close relationships).
Intimophobia, from a psychological point of view, is characterized as a painful human condition, manifested through the fear of long-term and trusting relationships with a partner (sexual or simply intimate).
This fear is characteristic of both men and women and does not have a distinct gender identity.
Fear of intimacy gives rise to a natural desire in a person not to show the true “I” of his personality due to negative expectations, possibly associated with unpleasant acute situations experienced in the past.
The source of fear of close relationships can be for various reasons:
- distrust (surrounding and close people are perceived as a certain threat to one’s own personality);
- expectation of abandonment (negative prejudice that forces one not to go deeper into a relationship with someone);
- fear of losing control over oneself (when someone interferes in personal space, the likelihood of losing the opportunity to influence oneself and one’s actions increases);
- negative perception of oneself (a person thinks that he is not able to bring anything valuable, meaningful and interesting to an intimate relationship).
Intimacy phobia forces a man or woman to consciously limit themselves on the path to building deep relationships,
Their behavior looks like this:
- intimate relationships are replaced by countless superficial connections;
- avoidance of relationship commitments;
- initiating a quarrel if the connection deepens beyond the permissible limit;
- limiting emotionality in relationships;
- compensation of intimate relationships with other areas (work, hobbies);
- a permanent partner is allowed only at a certain (comfortable and not close) distance.
What is the fear of sex called?
Sexual relationships are a necessary condition for everyone to live a full life. And here we are not talking about increasing the birth rate and heirs, but about the elementary joys that sexual intercourse gives. Let's find out how to overcome the fear of sex, but first let's define this problem.
Sexophobia, intimaphobia or genophobia, as psychologists call fear of sexual intercourse, has its own forms and types. Psychologists characterize these terms as fear of sex and any other form of physical intimacy. Their classification:
- fear of first sex;
- touch phobia;
- fear of sex with a new man;
- aversion to physical intimacy;
- sexual intercourse without satisfaction is sex with fear.
IMPORTANT! If you feel such signs, seek help from a psychologist or hypnologist and do not put the question off for a long time.
Fear of intimacy ↑
Often, both participants in a relationship can suffer from intimate phobia. Then their partnership resembles two balloons connected to each other: they get closer, but cannot maintain a close relationship for a long time and are again forced to move away due to anxiety, confusion or fear.
At its core, fear of intimacy is a consequence of a loss of trust in the world around us. Then there is a lack of not only intimate intimacy, but also mental and emotional intimacy.
intimate
Anxiety regarding the closeness of relationships indicates a violation of such a personality trait as intimacy.
It manifests itself through the following individual characteristics:
- sincerity;
- confidentiality;
- candor;
- personal depth;
- trust (no claims).
Intimate intimacy, in case of fear of it, takes on 2 types:
1. Complete absence of sexual relations . Occurs for several reasons:
- shyness : a person experiences extreme awkwardness in intimate life and everything connected with it; pleasure from sex is not perceived as a value;
- distorted views regarding sex : “facts” are taken from external sources - films, stories from “experienced” people, specific magazines, etc.;
- low self-esteem and excessive attention to minor shortcomings: shifting the emphasis from emotions of pleasure to negative aspects distorts the true picture of intimate relationships;
- the existence of physiological problems : painful sensations during the first sexual intimacy and fear of them; vaginismus (excessive tension of the vaginal muscles in women).
Is a psychological barrier preventing you from learning to swim? Find out how to overcome your fear of depth. This article will help eliminate the fear of confined spaces.
2. Short-term sexual or completely easy relationships . Sex plays a key role, which is manifested through the following nuances:
- focus on multiple sexual victories;
- orientation towards open relationships (we only have sex, nothing more!);
- when creating a family - only a formal attitude towards it, the partner keeps his distance, avoiding conversations on personal topics; sex performs only physiological functions.
Emotional
Emotional intimacy in relationships between people should exist as a gestalt - a holistic and indivisible image of partnerships.
It assumes the existence of a cycle of 4 phases (based on the developments of F. Perls):
- Pre-contact.
- Contact.
- Final contact phases.
- Post-contact.
Close and mature intimate relationships go through these phases naturally, without disruption. Partners pay attention to each other, take care of each other, spend leisure time together, emotionally support each other, and experience comfortable and pleasant sensations when communicating together.
Intimophobia is the opposite of the described relationship: trauma is opposed to joy and pleasure; remoteness – closeness and maturity. People with fear of intimacy, instead of joy from getting closer to their partner, experience an increase in anxiety and fear.
Experiencing emotional cold, intimophobes are unable to establish close, trusting connections - both in the family and with people around them, which initiates:
- isolation;
- feeling of loneliness;
- inability to take responsibility for your life and for the life of your partner.
Psychology of a person subject to fear of intimacy:
- Preference for loneliness over family relationships: a family is either not created, or exists for a short time and naturally ends in divorce.
- External well-being in the sphere of communication: in professional life and superficial interpersonal interaction they are fully realized, close relationships cause fear, they are avoided by any means.
- Quick adaptation in a new team and in the case of simplified contacts during communication.
- Sexual emotions and falling in love feel like a drug, deeper relationships are scary, and there is a desire to avoid them in every possible way.
- Stinginess as a character trait (regardless of the amount of income): money is always spent on a partner with great reluctance.
How to overcome fear of sex?
As a sociological survey has shown, medications in solving the problem of sexophobia provide only a temporary effect. Psychologists have developed methods to help get rid of phobias, and it is worth considering each of them.
Scenario change
It is possible to displace the problem from a person’s subconscious. To do this, a person faces his problem face to face. Psychologists suggest taking a piece of paper and writing on it all the negative factors that, in his opinion, affect sexual problems. It is necessary to disassemble each item into its components and re-think it. If the cause is a trauma from the past, the person must clearly understand that what happened cannot be changed, and provide a list of important, positive aspects:
- Write about what kind of family you want to have and how many children.
- Remember the feeling of falling in love that every person has experienced at least once in their life.
- Give the advantages of relationships with the opposite sex.
- Write about the desire to experience intimate desire and satisfaction from intercourse.
- Rewrite your sad story with a happy ending.
Set yourself up to think about this positive outcome every day and with the help of self-hypnosis - the problem will go away. Practice daily by reading your lists over and over again.
On a note! It’s a good idea to make a small note on your sheet of paper with a happy scenario stating that intimacy is natural and beautiful.
Close and dear ones
With such a phobia, not only the person himself suffers, but also the partner who is next to him. It is precisely this that can help establish intimate relationships and drive away the fear of sex. Long foreplay, which brings pleasure, will help drive away anxiety, nervousness and dark thoughts during sexual intercourse. With their help, it is easy to relax and surrender to your feelings.
It would be a good idea to visit a psychologist for family therapy, who will model situations and help you get out of your discomfort zone. Remember that everything said in the specialist’s office will remain between you. Sometimes speaking out is the most necessary condition to drive away the bad.
IMPORTANT! During foreplay and sexual intercourse, do not control the process, but surrender to passion. Talk about what you feel and accept the awareness of this fact.
Hypnosis helps not only to cope with the problem, but also to eradicate the causes of its occurrence. With the help of trance, the hypnologist easily transports a person to a time when there was no fear of intimacy and makes an installation so that the memory is filtered and cleared of the phobia. Hypnosis can remove negative elements of thinking and build a new base of beliefs and principles.
Sexual phobia is a breakdown of personality, and hypnosis can strengthen, restore destroyed elements and produce new beliefs. A person under hypnosis begins to realize his fear and get rid of it.
At the end of the hypnosis sessions, do not immediately proceed to action. Accept the realization that now sexual relations will only bring pleasure and move on to practice gradually.
Sexual intercourse is a source of joy and stress. If you are inexperienced, read the relevant literature. Awareness on any issue will always help you find a way and change the situation. Be frank with your partner, and maybe his words alone can remove doubts and liberate you.
How to overcome a phobia ↑
It is possible to overcome the fear of intimacy by following these procedures:
1. Transfer fear to paper
If there is no opportunity (or desire) to talk with loved ones, you should work with the fear of intimacy using a sheet of paper on which all the features of the manifestations of fear of intimacy are recorded in detail. You have to write as if you were opening your soul to your best friend.
But you can make it even simpler - draw your fear of intimacy. All this will allow you to get rid of internal tension and initiate positive emotions.
The procedure can be repeated any number of times until a positive result is achieved (a decrease in the magnitude of fear or until it disappears).
2. Work on self-esteem
The goal is to feel like a full and complete person. “Say goodbye to distortions in your perception of yourself” - this technique is focused on working through negative thoughts and prejudices about yourself.
We must remember situations where a person felt complete confidence in his abilities and most positively assessed himself, his own behavior, as well as people who gave high marks to the person and praised him.
As soon as uncertainty and a negative assessment of oneself arise, it is necessary to say goodbye to them and focus on the positive situations and manifestations recalled in memory.
3. Direct “meeting” with fear
A person must “go through” what scares him. The more he resists and avoids situations and events that frighten him, the stronger the fear. The main motto should be: “Do what you fear most.” And you need to analyze every detail of the situation (you can do it as in point 1).
Are dark rooms still scary? Learn about techniques against fear of the dark in adults. The information in the article will help you stop attacks of fear.
How to overcome the fear of flying on an airplane? Read here.
A special personal position will help to overcome the fear of intimacy, including the following:
- awareness and perception that in a situation of close relationships, a person tends to hide from emotions behind a wall of coldness;
- complete silence is not the best way to control one’s emotional state; interaction with other people can bring personal benefits to a person;
- we need to pay special attention to situations when you want to hide and realize whether this is really necessary or is an automatic uncontrollable reaction;
- it is necessary to interact with your partner in a special way: talk about cases of discomfort in close relationships, the desire to avoid certain situations, etc.
Often the fear of intimacy continues throughout the entire period of a person’s life. The root of the problem is hidden behind traumas received in unsuccessful relationships: with parents - in early childhood or later; with other people - when intimate relationships are broken with subsequent disappointments, resentments and wounded pride.
It is important to make timely attempts to combat intimate phobia.
How can a girl overcome her fear of sex?
In order to overcome the fear of sex, you need to identify the cause of this fear. Having understood the cause of your fear , you can begin to get rid of it. There is no ideal “recipe” - everyone has their own method of dealing with this fear.
Visit to a specialist
A psychoanalyst or sexologist will help you understand your fears and get rid of them. Childhood trauma or phobias associated with violence are difficult to overcome without the supervision of a psychologist, so you should not be embarrassed to seek help from a specialist .
Collection of information
Other people's experience is no less useful than your own. Therefore, it would be useful to study books and other materials on psychology, communicate on forums, real stories and worries of your friends.
All this will help to once again analyze the sources of the problem and eradicate it.
Increased self-esteem
and hours of self-hypnosis will help raise self-esteem and give more self-confidence . Try to love yourself, constantly repeat to yourself, as in the famous movie, the phrase “I am the most charming and attractive!”
Accepting your fears
Fear instinctively arises in front of the unknown and incomprehensible. Having understood the prerequisites that cause fear of intimacy, you can accept and realize all your problem points and no longer be afraid of them.
Trusting relationship
Trust between partners is a very important aspect in the fight against phobia. Establish a trusting relationship : share your concerns with him, ask for advice, agree to take your time.
Don’t be afraid to talk to a man - the more questions you clarify immediately before the act, the less fear you will have.
Creating an environment
To completely relax and stop thinking about fear, you should create the most comfortable atmosphere possible . To do this, you will need candles, music, dim lights, a room where no one will disturb you.
