ABOUT PRAISE, FLATTERY AND PLEASURY
ABOUT PRAISE, FLATTERY AND PLEASURY
I somehow came across a review by one respected author on an essay by another, no less respected author and famous writer, on a current, rather burning topic about the situation of an ordinary person and problems in modern society. On the one hand, the opponent clearly did not like everything, and he did not agree with the essayist on everything, but on the other hand, during the course of the text he addressed him and called him a “great writer.” Either he was ingratiating himself, just like a real flatterer and sycophant, or he was reproaching him for how a “great writer” could reason like that? After all, the essayist under review turned out to be a more recognized person in terms of his position and status in relation to his adviser. But be that as it may, the response to the writer’s published essay led me to some thoughts about praise, flattery, veneration and servility.
Even A.S. Pushkin, listening to popular rumor, wrote in the poem “Monument”: “They accepted praise and slander indifferently...”, and A.P. Chekhov in his numerous humorous stories ridiculed all kinds of flatterers and sycophants, cowardly sycophants and admirers of rank.
In addition, it is considered not very decent to praise a person, especially to his face. Thus, the ancient Greek scientist and philosopher Aristotle said that “praising people to their faces is a sign of flattery.” And the Prophets of Islam “always forbade their companions to praise a person to his face, so that this would not lead the praiser to hypocrisy, and the praised person to pride, arrogance and narcissism, even if you praise a person for the qualities that he really has, but you are afraid that he may be seduced by this praise and self-satisfaction and arrogance will appear in him. In this case, praise is also prohibited. The hadith on this occasion mentions how a man praised another in the presence of the Prophet, to which he said: “Woe to you, you cut off the head of your friend.” That is, as if he had stabbed him with his praise. The Prophet knew that such praise would lead to pride and exaltation of that person above others.”
The Optina elders also warned: it is dangerous to both praise and accept praise.
The Monk Macarius advised remembering the teachings of the holy fathers about praise as a subtle machination of the enemy: “In the praise attributed to you there is a subtle machination of the enemy in order to deceive you, and you, remembering your passionate disposition, crush these machinations with humility.”
Reverend Nikon warned: “You cannot praise someone to their face. You can do great harm to the soul of this person. You need to have reasoning. In some cases, it is even permissible to tell a lie - for the benefit of a person.”
We will find many examples in which flattery, sycophancy, servility and servility are condemned in works of Russian fiction.
Despite the fact that more than a hundred years have passed, and A. Chekhov’s stories continue to heal people from all kinds of vices, Dr. Chekhov continues to heal us. Thus, in the writer’s story “Thin and Fat,” one of the heroes, having learned that his friend has become a big boss, immediately begins to grovel, curry favor with him and turns from a childhood friend into a sycophant, simply into a fawning person. And the police warden Ochumelov in the story “Chameleon” constantly changes his attitude towards the situation and towards the dog, depending on who it belongs to, who is its owner, a general or an ordinary person. If a dog belongs to a general, then it is a gentle creature, “such a tsutsik.” And if not a general’s or just a servant’s, then “stray cattle”, “only meanness.”
“I’m walking, your honor, I’m not bothering anyone,” Khryukin begins, coughing into his fist... “and suddenly this vile one, for no apparent reason, grabs a finger... that, your honor, is not in the law to endure from a creature...” - Hm !.. Okay, says Ochumelov sternly... Whose dog? I won't leave it like this. I’ll show you how to unleash dogs!... Eldyrin,” the warden turns to the policeman, “find out whose dog it is and draw up a report!” But the dog must be exterminated. Don't hesitate! She's probably mad... Whose dog is this, I ask?
- This seems to be General Zhigalov! - says someone from the crowd.
- General Zhigalov? Hm!.. Take off my coat, Eldyrin... Horror, how hot it is! Probably before the rain... There’s only one thing I don’t understand: how could she bite you? - Ochumelov addresses Khryukin. - Will she reach her finger? She’s small, but you look so healthy! You must have picked your finger with a nail, and then the idea came to your head to rip it off. You are... famous people! I know you, devils!
The writer defined Ochumelov’s personal essence as a “chameleon.” All of them are “served” and not “served”, they show disrespect, servility and servility. The main features of a “chameleon” are sycophancy, ingratiation with higher ranks, self-humiliation, neglect, and insult to human dignity.
At the same time, Chekhov argued: “What you will become: dependent or independent, despicable or worthy, a layman or a citizen - a person determines himself.”
Worship of rank, servility and ignorance are well and clearly revealed in “The Government Inspector” by N.V. Gogol and in the comedy “Woe from Wit” by A.S. Griboyedov. Famus society rests precisely on veneration of rank. Special honors are given to Gogol's hero Khlestakov, who was mistakenly mistaken for the Inspector General. "He! and he doesn’t pay money and doesn’t go. Who should it be if not him?” In their desire to please their superiors, officials stop at nothing: they constantly give Khlestakov loans (bribes), lodge him in the mayor’s house, feed him an excellent dinner, and are ready to give him Marya Antonovna as his wife...
Many people believe that flattery is, first of all, insincere praise spoken in order to please a person and thereby achieve certain goals. At the same time, some see nothing wrong with highlighting a person’s positive qualities, expressing how he helped in a given situation, how he persevered during a difficult period, etc. This praise will not carry with it any selfish goals, they believe.
What do you think about honor, servility, praise, flattery and sycophants?
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How many times have they told the world that flattery is vile and harmful. But everything is not for the future...
In continuation of my article about compliments, today I want to tell you about the other side of the coin, such as flattery.
How many times have they told the world that flattery is vile and harmful. But everything is not for the future. And a flatterer will always find a corner in the heart. I.A Krylov
So what is flattery and how is it different from a compliment?
We already know that a compliment is an expression of the real-life merits of the interlocutor, the purpose of which is to please the person without implying any benefit.
But very often it is difficult for us to distinguish compliments from flattery. A compliment is honey for the soul. Flattery is loved for the sweet poison it exudes. For the illusion of one's own irresistibility.
Flattery penetrates deep into the soul and, as a rule, leads to disappointment. Flattery is a special way of manipulation. This is the praise of non-existent or greatly exaggerated merits of a person for the purpose of profit.
Flattery is obsequious, in most cases not sincere praise of a person in order to achieve his favor and location.
The Flatterer's Main Weapon
As a rule, the main weapon of a flatterer is ingratiation - the desire to gain someone's favor through flattery and servility, emphasized admiration for someone, respectful listening to instructions, or simply respectful silence in the presence of another person.
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Ingratiation can be perceived as politeness, good manners, courtesy, responsiveness, and kindness.
In this case, the main target is the person’s need for recognition. We begin to automatically feel sympathy for the one who praises us.
Typically, flattery is based on a person’s expectations and belief, as a rule, in empty promises.
Flattery is addictive. Convince people that they are special. Reassure them that they have talent. Become a pillar of their self-esteem. This will bind them to you and prevent them from developing and reaching their true potential. Chuck Palahniuk
So how can we still learn to recognize flattery?
Here, first of all, you need yourself. And on what particular string of your soul did the flatterer manage to play so skillfully in order to lull your vigilance? And here, sad as it may be to state, we discover simple human vanity - one of the devil’s favorite vices.
Flattery is a counterfeit coin that circulates only because of our vanity. La Rochefoucauld
If a person shows increased interest in you, admires you excessively, praises you to the skies, tells you about your talents and superiority - be on your guard. Look at a person's true motives. Don't trust words and promises. Analyze the person's previous experience. Look at his real deeds. On his attitude towards people. Perhaps this will save you from fatal mistakes and disappointments.
Flattery never comes from great souls, it is the lot of small souls who know how to become even smaller in order to better enter the life sphere of the important person to whom they gravitate. Flattery implies self-interest. Honore de Balzac.
Do not rush to introduce such a person into your social circle. Don't offer him new opportunities. Be picky about people.
Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes - I am afraid of the Danaans and those who bring gifts. A Latin catchphrase first found in Virgil's poem The Aeneid. It is used when a certain gift or benefit poses a potential danger to the recipient of this imaginary help.
So, we draw conclusions and continue to move on!
What is flattery?
Absolutely every inhabitant of our planet encounters flattery, but not everyone perceives it as something bad. For some people, flattery is acceptable, and is even often asked for in order to receive an undeserved compliment that will stroke their own pride. However, for prudent purposes, it is worth identifying the flatterer in your environment, because this person is an ordinary manipulator who, with the help of pleasant-to-the-ear statements, is trying to control you. To avoid becoming a victim of manipulation, it is recommended to limit communication with this person.
You can determine flattery by a person, his behavior, eyes, intonation of voice, and gestures.
Having correctly analyzed the situation, you can easily identify the flatterer. At the same time, sincere compliments are distinguished by special emotions that can be seen even in the eyes. Almost every person tries to flatter in order to achieve a favorable attitude towards himself.
Sometimes flattery can be a salvation and can lead to a favorable outcome. An example would be a situation where you need to congratulate a stranger. In this case, using flattery, you can not only cheer up on a holiday, but also make a beautiful speech that everyone will like.
Types of flattery
To understand what flattery means, you first need to determine what type it belongs to. The following types of flattery are distinguished:
- The most dangerous thing is subtle flattery. It is almost impossible to determine, and most often it has the most unpleasant consequences. In this case, the person controls his emotions extremely carefully and practically does not betray lies.
- A blatant lie is open and intended to annoy a person in every possible way. It is present to highlight the main shortcomings and ruin the mood in every possible way.
- Duty flattery. It is a type that is used by subordinates in order to appease their boss in every possible way. It often happens that the one who pleases his boss the most is the one who climbs the career ladder the fastest.
- This verbal statement can also bring positive results. If it is said in a funny way, then there is nothing wrong with it. On the contrary, you can cheer up yourself and those around you, but you shouldn’t go too far.
- Sarcastic flattery is the most unpredictable. It can turn into a funny form, and at the same time it can cause discord and quarrel between people.
As you can see, not all types of lies can be offensive or lead to sad consequences. However, flattery is most often a negative quality that you should not have in your list of character traits.
If you have such a quality, then you should ask yourself: why do I flatter people? If you carefully weigh and analyze the answer, it will become clear that there is no need for this and that it is best to get rid of such a shortcoming.
Meaning of the word flattery
You know, my whole life was strewn with thorns, and the most thorny of them for me was the deceit and flattery of the people around me (in essence, Alexandra Grigorievna only breathed flattery!..); but in my declining days,” she continued to write, “I met a man who is not only unable to open his mouth to lies, but is filled with anger and horror when he hears it in the words of others.
People who knew the king well never asked him unnecessary questions and did not bother him with flattery, because flattery was worse than insults to his ears.
“And the most beautiful ones,” she added mentally. “You know, Todd, if you wanted, you could soon become a professional.” “She piled flattery upon flattery in the hope of distracting him from the real purpose of the call.
But if the flattery that the historian uses to succeed is disgusting to everyone, then everyone willingly listens to slander and slander; this is understandable: flattery bears the disgusting imprint of slavery, while deceit appears under the guise of love for truth.
And an amazing thing: his constant subtle flattery, not only flattery, but real dog-like devotion, which began with my father, when together with him, secretly from my grandmother, we swore allegiance to him, this dog-like devotion of his did what I had loved lately which of the men loved him.
His highest praise is not flattery, but his sincere opinion is a kind of praise; That is why, although I will begin to assert and prove that it would be better for truth, science and the state if one Decree issued by you, which I will name, was repealed, however, this will only further contribute to the brilliance of your gentle and fair government, because thanks to this, private people will be imbued with the confidence that you are much more pleased with an openly expressed opinion than open flattery used to be with other public people.
He considered himself the less obligated to change this manner in this case, the more confident he was that the fearless truthfulness with which his work was imbued was nothing more than flattery, flattery, perhaps too subtle to be comprehended by ordinary minds... but intelligible to higher minds.
To satisfy the requirement of goodness, it must certainly be noble and honest; That’s why we don’t like, for example, poems in which mean flattery is lavished, no matter how well this flattery is expressed.
The traditional language of asceticism calls spiritual self-deception “charm” (the same root as in the word “flattery”).
