A man’s actions are the result of a woman’s attitude towards him

Every girl looks for this in a man...

What should a real man be like?

The stronger sex is pushed all their lives to be some kind of invented “real man”. True, the word “should” is usually added. Let's start with the fact that to be a real man, it is not necessary to meet other people's standards and imposed criteria. The myth of a real man who always gets men.

Even as a boy, you were reproached for being a member of the stronger sex and having to do something against your will. Over the years, you will increasingly be reminded that you belong to the stronger sex and men. You must be a real man! Usually this is followed by a set of rules that cannot be broken, or something must be done.

Greysen Johnson on Unsplash

You will be told to do things you don't want to do. You will be forced to give in where you didn't intend to. You must give up without a fight, although you don’t agree with this. They will constantly poke you with the expression “real man” in order to manipulate you and make you what other people need.

Today we will talk about the myth of a real man and the ridiculous imposed standards.

Content

• 1 Vocabulary 1.1 Origin of the word
• 1.2 “Man” and “person” in language
• 1.3 Different words for men
• 1.4 Addressing a man

Supermanipulation "real man"

Newbie, start here! In the mouth of a woman, “a real man” is most often supplemented by the word “should.” Tricky word. And here's what. On the one hand, the word “should” in Russian means the normal, habitual state of something or an action: “this broom should not stand here,” “bread should be cheap,” “road rules should guarantee traffic safety.” On the other hand, it denotes a state of obligation, an obligation, a person’s duty to do something or, on the contrary, not to do something, or literally a monetary debt, like an obligation on a bill or a bank loan.

So the meaning changes in a clever and subtle way. On the one hand, the man is compared to the imaginary concept of a “real man”, which, as the woman implies, he “must live up to.” That is, a man is taught that it is normal, in the order of business, to strive to embody a “real man”, they say, a “real man” should do such and such. On the other hand, “should” literally means an action that a man “should” perform, a behavior, a duty that the manipulating woman insists on. Thus, from the formally abstract and relatively neutral-sounding “a real man should”, a very specific message is formed, an incentive to take the action necessary for a woman.

What exactly a man “should” depends on the woman’s current needs, desires and mood.

“A real man should help his wife wash the dishes” - and the naive man sadly goes to the kitchen. In general, in our matriarchal age, manipulation of a “real man” begins for a man almost from the cradle. A mother, a kindergarten teacher, a school teacher, a first girlfriend, a wife - all of them, guided by instinctive female cooperation, often pronounce the powerful and universal “a real man should.”

“The image of a real man is the most powerful psychological lever with which women successfully control the stronger sex. From an early age, mothers and teachers implant this control lever into the subconscious of boys. To justify their demands on the child, they use the argument: “You are a future man.” And if they want to encourage a child, they use praise: “Well done, you acted like a real man!” The boy reacts to the encouraging intonation of praise, and the connection “a real man is respected, therefore high-ranking” is deposited in his subconscious. Thus, women have the opportunity to further manipulate this ligament. If you do what we need, we will recognize you as a real (high-ranking) man. If you don’t do it, you will not be a real man in our eyes. (Read: not worthy of mating). Men instinctively fear such a sentence from women like fire. And they strive in every possible way to achieve conformity to the image of a real man.”

Oleg Novoselov “Woman. Textbook for men"

We all know the alternatives to the phrase “a real man should”: “are you a man or not?”, “men are not...”, “prove that you are a man,...”. The word “real” can be replaced by “decent”, “intelligent”, “thinking”, “responsible”, “economic”, “family”, “loving” - the whole range of patriarchal-positive images. Here are examples: “a loving man should obey his beloved,” “a family man should not go to the bathhouse with friends,” “as a responsible man, you should…”, “a decent man is simply obliged to get married.” And the word “should,” as we have seen, can be replaced by “must” or the softer “should.” In short, a whole “Assemble it yourself” constructor, but the essence is the same.

A subtype, a special case of the “real man” manipulation is the appeal to certain authorities, often patriarchal, and, therefore, recognized and respected by men.

“My dad would never do that,” - Dad (= “a real man”) in this case is a comparative standard beneficial for the woman.

Sometimes it gets to the point of complete absurdity: a woman suddenly begins to quote the Bible (yes, this happens!) and refer to the Almighty and the forefathers. Of course, these quotes are rudely taken out of context and are surrounded by a woman’s complete and impenetrable misunderstanding of the ideas and Laws set forth in the Bible.

The comparative standard of a “real man” will always be selected by a woman so that, firstly, he is recognized and authoritative for a man, and secondly, he has a quality beneficial to the woman or does what she needs.

Let’s look at an example: “ Lyudka’s husband has already bought her a third fur coat, but I still walk around in this rag .” There seems to be no direct reproach to the man, but he already feels guilty and, possibly, inferiority. On the one hand, the woman expressed how “bitter” her life was (“I walk around in these rags”). On the other hand, a contrasting comparison is made with Lyuda’s “enviable share” (she has already received her third fur coat!). But the entire manipulative phrase rests on the foundation of comparison with a standard; Luda’s husband in this particular example plays the role of a “real man.” And here it doesn’t matter at all that, perhaps, this human husband drinks heavily and has two mistresses, which is known to the whole city - the woman will establish an angle of view that is favorable to her, that is, she will turn the mannequin of a “real man” to the side she needs at the moment. It is implicitly suggested to the man that he is the “culprit” of the “plight” of the woman he loves: after all, it was he (the beggar, a fool and an egoist) who did not take care that his wife did not walk around “in this rag.” The reproach does not seem to be expressed literally, but is implied.

Please note that the very mention of a “real man” is a subtle hint to a man that he, a man, is not like that. In this way, not only is there a direct manipulative motivation for action, but the man is also instilled with a guilt complex, and he will not “stand idle” in a woman. A man, weakened by a guilt complex constantly instilled in him, guilty of everything and everyone is a very pathetic sight and a ready target for any other manipulation.

How to resist the manipulative technique “a real man should”? It’s very simple: DO NOT PLAY it, cut off once and for all the very production of comparing you with a “real man”.

Say with a smile: “I’m not a real man. I'm fake." Or: “Well, if “a real man should,” then let him do it.” The woman will probably grimace when she hears such an answer—don’t panic. Know with confidence: you are real, the most real. And the true “realness” of a man, in my deep conviction, first of all lies in the independence of his judgments, including from the feminine stereotypes imposed on him. Print in large letters and hang it on the wall: “Independence in judgment and action is the main male virtue,” Vis Vitalis.

Why can and should you reflect a manipulative technique?

Reason one. Because the reference to patriarchal, even quite correct, stereotypes now, in the age of matriarchal degradation, is, at a minimum, ridiculous. Let me explain with an example: a woman complains about the men around her and demands “gentlemanly behavior” from them. Great. But you, in turn, have the right to demand from her the behavior of a woman of the Victorian era, such as: modesty, unquestioning submission to a man, virtue, homeliness, thriftiness, right? Remind them of this, do not allow double standards in relation to you.

Women love to speculate and sigh about chivalry, about the times of “noble quixotes.” Only one thing is “forgotten”: women at that time behaved completely differently. A modern bitch would have simply been burned at the stake for even a tenth of her usual “tricks” against men in those days.

Reason two. And why are you obligated to block this manipulation? Because NO ONE is EVER allowed to manipulate you. No one can impose their will on you contrary to your conscious desire - it is unfortunate that many modern men often forget this simple truth.

Reason three. For a woman, the logic here is simple: if it worked once, then next time this technique will be used with triple force. Naive men often reason like this: “Well, what’s wrong with that, well, I fell for it, gave up once, big trouble!” And they are mistaken, women are structured differently and concessions, “swallowing” manipulations are perceived as weakness. Ironically (I emphasize: ironically), it is imperative to put a woman down, otherwise she simply will not perceive you as a full-fledged, self-confident man, and this will sooner or later lead to the destruction of the relationship.

There is a second trick to reason with a woman: when you hear “a real man,” force her to play “a real woman.” Every time she compares you to a “real man,” compare her to a “real woman” three times more often. “There is no method against scrap other than other scrap.” Do it cheerfully, with a smile, realizing that you can clearly see a woman’s manipulative technique.

If a woman is not a complete idiot, then she will quickly end comparisons with a “real man” and make a mental note: “well, that doesn’t work with him.” Well, if she’s plump and still hasn’t understood that the “real man should” technique cannot be used against you, then send her away.

The main thing is to remember that a “real man” is a fiction, a myth, a scam, a product of a woman’s fantasy and a standard manipulative technique . Don't be afraid not to live up to him! “No matter how much you ask a woman to show you a real man, she will never show you. He is absent. Phantom. Ghost. But seriously, the image of a real man has two interesting aspects. Firstly, this is a kind of female ideal, a product of dreams. And like any ideal, it is far from reality. The reason is simple. Women in the image of an ideal man combine into one group both those qualities that they like in a high-ranking male leader, and those that they like in a mid-ranking male supplier. And secondly, this ideal image is used to poke real men at it at every opportunity. "

Oleg Novoselov “Woman. Textbook for men"

Oleg Novoselov once specifically conducted an experiment and asked women to list the traits of a “real man” on one of the women’s resources, and he collected decent statistics. So, this “hit parade” of female preferences in male characteristics contained MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE traits that belonged to completely different types of men. In most cases, this is a combination of the qualities of a “tough male”, a macho man and a homely, henpecked supplier - with the minds of women they do not want to understand that they are completely different people, different types, and they cannot be combined in the person of one man. In other words, a “real man” is a fairy-tale character, certain necessary traits and actions of which are brought to light by women when she needs them. A very interesting study, don’t be lazy to read it.

Vocabulary

Origin of the word

The word “man” consists of the root “muzh-” and the suffix “-chin”[2]. Previously, in the Old Russian and Russian languages, the word “husband” was also used in the meaning of “man”[3][4]. Analogs of the word “husband” are also found in many Slavic languages. The root "husband-" goes back to the ancient Indian mánuṣ ('man', 'husband'), as well as, for example, the German Mann

and English
man
[5].

"Man" and "person" in language

In many languages ​​the same word means a man

, and
a person
in general, for example English. man, fr. homme, rus. a young man (in reference to a man), etc. In modern humanities, this fact is understood as one of the key manifestations of androcentrism - the idea of ​​a man and the masculine as the norm, in relation to which the woman and the feminine are considered a deviation [6] [7]. Other manifestations of androcentrism in language include, for example, ignoring women through the use of the “general masculine gender” and the pronoun “he” to designate a person regardless of gender[7][8].

Different words for men

The word "boy" is used to refer to a child or teenager[9][10]. To designate a young man, the words “youth”[11][12], “guy”, “young man”[13][14] are used. The word "guy" is also used colloquially to refer to a man or a person in general[13]. For various designations of men in kinship relationships, see the article “Kinship.”

Appeal to a man

In many cultures where gender is a significant social category, forms of address are adopted that indicate the gender of the addressee - for men this is, for example, “Mister” in English, “Herr” in German, “Mister” in Russian, etc. Along with gender -specific, in many languages ​​there are also gender-neutral forms of address - such as the Russian “comrade” and the gradually gaining popularity in English “mix” or “max” (in writing - Mx.)[15].

A man can do what he wants

In adult life, you will often hear: “A real man should do this,” “a real man can’t do that,” “a real man doesn’t do that.” What the heck? Why should you do what others think and want? Usually those around you see their own benefit in everything, and this is a way of manipulation. Why shouldn't you do as you want, but should do as others want? You will always be tied hand and foot by obligations and strange patterns of behavior.

Alex Azabache, Unsplash

Biology and gender

In Western cultures, the concept of “man,” like “woman,” is traditionally defined primarily through biological characteristics. As some researchers note, this is due to the special importance that these cultures attach to nature[16]. However, in many contexts, the concept of "man" primarily refers to a social group, gender role, or gender identity. Although the binary gender system dominant in the modern world implies a strict correspondence between a person’s assigned sex at birth and gender role, in reality they do not always coincide.

Biological features

Genetics

Karyotype of a man using Romanovsky-Giemsa stain.
From the point of view of genetics, a heterogametic organism is considered male - that is, having two different sex chromosomes in the karyotype, designated and, in contrast to the female organism, which has two X chromosomes in the karyotype.

Spermatozoa, which have a haploid set of chromosomes (half the set in other cells), contain either only an X or only a Y chromosome. The genetic sex of the unborn child depends on which sex chromosome the sperm carries, since all eggs carry the X chromosome.

According to some authors, as a result of the antagonistic evolution of the sexes, only genes associated with sexual dimorphism remained on the male sex Y chromosome. Since the probability of a fatal “blow” on it from the X chromosome is three times higher than the possibility of a similar influence of the Y chromosome, in order to prevent serious conflicts with the X chromosome, the male Y chromosome was forced to “turn off” many genes that currently do not encode any proteins[17]. Over 300 million years of continuous “arms race” with the X chromosome, the male Y chromosome lost 1393 genes from the original 1438[18].

The karyotype does not always determine anatomical development - for example, in some people with the XY chromosome set, the structure of the genital organs corresponds to traditional ideas about female anatomy[19]. This combination of karyotype and anatomy represents one of the types of intersexuality.

Anatomy and physiology

From the point of view of traditional biology, the male body has a number of anatomical and physiological properties that distinguish it from the female body. Differences in the body structure of men and women are divided into primary and secondary sexual characteristics. Primary sexual characteristics are structural features of the reproductive organs that are formed already during intrauterine development, but become functionally active only as a result of puberty. During puberty, secondary sexual characteristics are formed - characteristics of the remaining parts of the body.

Diagram of the male reproductive system
: 1. Bladder 2. Pubic bone 3. Penis 4. Corpus cavernosum 5. Head 6. Foreskin 7. Urethra 8. Sigmoid colon 9. Rectum 10. Seminal vesicles 11. Ejaculatory duct 12. Prostate 13 Bulbourethral glands 14. Anus 15. Vas deferens 16. Epididymis 17. Testicles 18. Scrotum

The male genital organs are part of the reproductive system. These include the penis, testicles, vas deferens and prostate. The purpose of the male reproductive system is to produce sperm, which contains sperm that can fuse with an egg inside the female body. Because sperm entering the uterus and then the fallopian tubes fertilizes the egg, which then develops into an embryo, the male reproductive system is not directly involved in the pregnancy process.

Secondary sexual characteristics of the male body usually develop during puberty under the influence of androgens - male sex hormones produced in the testicles. Puberty in boys usually begins later than in girls - around 14 years of age. Male secondary sexual characteristics include, in particular, a more developed muscular system than women, taller stature, large hands and feet, a narrow pelvis and broad shoulders, more pronounced growth of pubic hair and hair on the abdomen, chest and other parts body, as well as on the face, a lower voice and a prominent Adam's apple. In this case, individual individuals may not fit into the overall scheme. For example, in general, men are taller than women, but many people are of average height for their species, regardless of gender.

Diseases

The medical discipline of andrology deals with specific diseases of men. In general, men are susceptible to the same diseases as women, but there are also some diseases that are specific to gender. The distribution of some diseases correlates with a person's gender - for example, color blindness and other X-linked inherited diseases.

Sex determination and gender identity

When a child is born, it is usually assigned either female or male gender based on the appearance of the genitals. But the shape of the genital organs does not always correspond to genetic sex and does not necessarily predetermine the further anatomical and physiological development of the child, as well as his gender identity. Some intersex children have ambiguous genitals. In many countries, such children undergo surgical operations at an early age, although the positive impact of such operations on the child’s future life has not been proven[20]. In other cases, intersexuality only appears during puberty. According to some biologists, the traditional distinction of only two sexes contradicts biological reality[21].

The sex assigned at birth may also not correspond to a person’s gender identity—the internal sense of self as a representative of a particular gender. Regardless of whether a person is intersex, they may experience a different gender than the one they were assigned at birth. Transgender men are men who were assigned female gender at birth. Some—though not all—transgender men undergo hormone replacement therapy and various surgical procedures to align their appearance with their gender identity.

Male gender role

A gender role is a set of social expectations that prescribe a person to behave in a certain way depending on his gender. The modern world is dominated by a binary gender system, in which people are divided into two opposing groups: men and women, and a strict correspondence is implied between the sex assigned at birth and gender role. At the same time, in some cultures of the world, gender is not traditionally a significant social category and, accordingly, there is no traditional male gender role[22]. In other cultures, there are three or more genders and corresponding gender roles[23][24].

In those cultures where there is a separate male gender role, its content changes over time and differs in different layers of society. For example, researchers note that in the USSR, since the early 1970s, traditional patriarchal masculinity of the “Domostroev type” came into conflict with the new values ​​of individualism, equality and “soft masculinity.” For many modern men, the value of aggressiveness and physical strength is decreasing, and a new ideal of masculinity is being formed, where qualities such as intelligence, education, self-control, and forbearance are valued[25].

Gender differences

In Western societies, since antiquity, references to the natural differences between men and women have been used to explain and justify male and female gender roles[16]. In modern science, such justifications sometimes take the form of evolutionary theories that present modern gender roles as the result of natural selection. Evolutionary theories of gender differences are not supported by empirical evidence. In particular, empirical studies refute the assertion that women, when choosing a partner, are guided by his qualities as a potential breadwinner for the family, and men by his external attractiveness[26]. Many scientists also point out gross methodological errors in such theories[27][28]. (For more information, see: Biological theories of the origin of gender roles.)

Although many studies have been conducted to establish the irreducible differences between men and women, science has not been able to achieve this goal: according to available scientific data, the similarities between representatives of different genders are much greater than the differences - therefore, some modern scientists note that it would be more appropriate to say about the basic hypothesis of gender similarity[29]. The small differences identified by scientists between men and women (in mathematical abilities, spatial perception abilities and aggressiveness) are not universal, and there is evidence of their dependence on the influence of gender stereotypes[30][31].

Gender stereotypes

In many modern societies, gender stereotypes are widespread, attributing to men such qualities as activity, desire for leadership, authoritarianism and risk-taking, aggressiveness and rationality, and condemning men’s manifestations of weakness and emotionality. Gender stereotypes are generally untrue. For example, although men report that they do not consider themselves to be very empathic, measures of physiological and facial reactions show that there are no differences in immediate empathic reactions between men and women[32]. Other studies find that men experience anger, sadness and fear as often as women, but are more likely to express anger and suppress other negative emotions, while women, on the contrary, suppress anger and express sadness and fear[33].

From the point of view of modern science, gender stereotypes serve to maintain the gender roles that exist in these societies and, in particular, gender inequality. As a rule, those stereotypical qualities that are attributed to men in a particular culture are valued within that culture higher than the qualities attributed to women[34]. In this way, gender stereotypes express and reinforce androcentrism—the idea of ​​men as the norm from which women are a deviation.[35]

Research shows that gender stereotypes about men and normative pressures from the environment and society that require men to embody gender stereotypes harm men. In particular, gender stereotypes contribute to the involvement of men in risky behavior and crime[36][37]. On the other hand, gender stereotypes prevent men from seeking help in cases where they themselves are victims of violent acts[38].

Secret one: compliment him

Have you ever made a completely innocent remark to your husband, to which he unexpectedly reacted sharply or, perhaps, withdrew for a while? You ask yourself in surprise: “What did I say?” Very often, wives unintentionally make harsh remarks towards their husbands, causing them pain. Replies like: “Is this masculine?”, “Where is your masculine pride?”, “And where do you get your hands from?” and others like them not only humiliate a man, but also alienate him from his wife. King Solomon, a great sage and an excellent psychologist, in his Proverbs offers his vision of the secrets of family happiness: “A wise wife makes a home.” The role of a woman and wife in creating a happy home and trusting relationships in the family is extremely great. It is the wife’s wisdom that will help a man succeed as the head of the family.

If a man feels that he lacks any essential masculine quality, he tries with all his might to hide this fact from everyone, including from his own wife. He may resort to sarcasm, irony, harshness in conversation, even despotism. And no one, including his loved ones, will even guess that this is just a ruse through which he seeks to protect his vulnerability. And if the wife constantly points out to him the missing quality, and even compares her awkward husband with a more skillful neighbor, then she will achieve only one thing - the husband will turn into a sluggish snail, and she herself will turn into a chattering magpie, always dissatisfied with everything.

At one of the family consultations, a woman told me that her husband really did not like working in the garden. Their small area really needs men's hands, because she herself is in poor health. And her husband does not react in any way to her constant complaints and requests for help. On the contrary, he tried to use any pretext to quickly sneak out of the house before his wife had time to “harness” him in the garden. Their relationship became tense, so she even angrily declared that she didn’t need such a man at all, just one name, that she had a husband. It turned out that she often humiliated her husband. After our conversation, the woman decided to change her attitude towards her husband and try to see something good in him, although she “does not see any prospects in this.”

MORE ARTICLES ON THE TOPIC: THE HUSBAND'S UNFORTUNATE JEALOUSY! HOW TO SAVE LOVE?

After some time, the woman came to me again and told me about the changes that had taken place: “One day I managed to persuade my husband to help. He took a shovel and began to dig up the garden. I stood nearby, tuning in to the “new vision of the old,” and suddenly I involuntarily fell in love with him, his muscles in his arms, his light movements. I couldn’t resist and showered him with compliments! You, I say, are a real man! I didn’t even imagine that my words were so important to him. Of course, he didn’t immediately show that he was happy with the recognition, but I no longer have problems with the garden!”

Wives need to know that a very important need for a husband is recognition of his importance in the family, his best qualities, abilities, authority and virtues. A wise wife will satisfy this need of a man. She will try to support his self-confidence even when no one else does.

Gender-associated gestural symbolism

• In Japan, the familiar gesture meaning “man”, also “father”, “master” or “lover”, is the straightened thumb on the hand extended in front of oneself, with the remaining fingers folded into a fist. Similar to the Western gesture of approval (also found in Japan as youth borrowing)[39].
• In Russian sign language, the word “man” expresses a short, double lateral stroke-touch of the forehead above the eyebrow with the index finger lying on the thumb while the other fingers are clenched[40].

Graphic symbols associated with gender

• The symbol for the planet Mars is ♂, named after the ancient Roman god of war, and is also used to denote the male gender for bisexual creatures.
• - the masculine principle in ancient Chinese philosophy, personifying white, light, masculine, emphasis on the external. The masculine principle of Yang is in a close, indivisible connection with Yin - the feminine principle, which symbolizes black, feminine, emphasis on the inner.
• When constructing a genealogical chart in medical genetics, men are designated by squares (and women by circles).
• In popular culture, the association of the male gender with the color blue has taken root: for example, in some countries, at the birth of a baby, it is customary to buy blue (blue) for a boy and pink (red) diapers or ribbons for a girl.

• Mars symbol
• Taoist monad "yin and yang"

The role of men in society

Historically, in most cultures, men had more rights and enjoyed greater authority in society than women. This tradition is also enshrined in the prescriptions of widespread world religions. This is largely due to the fact that for women, in connection with the birth and raising of children, the main life goals were located exclusively within the family. Currently, in many Western countries (mainly in European countries, as well as in the USA), there is a tendency to equalize the rights of women and men. The changes that occurred in attitudes towards women in the 20th century in the West are most clearly characterized by such processes as the sexual revolution and the revitalization of feminism, as the most organized manifestation of the desire for equality between men and women.

Secret four: don't give him advice

Experiencing stressful situations every day, husbands do not need a person who willingly gives advice, but an attentive listener. If the wife knows the answers to all the questions, then the man experiences anxiety and an inferiority complex. A little time will pass, and the husband will stop trusting his know-it-all wife with his experiences, withdraw into himself, and the wife will sadly remark: “When he was courting me, he was not so silent.”

Men prefer not to talk about their problems or failures. They try to solve them alone. Sometimes a man will not even confess to a friend if he is not sure that he will help. This is the essence of men - not to shift your problems onto other shoulders, but to solve them yourself. If a man prefers not to tell you about his problems, don't force him. Give him as much time as he needs to deal with the problem or decide to tell you about it himself. At such moments, it is better to help him restore peace of mind with your encouragement, goodwill and faith in his strength.

Author Lydia Neikrus

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Man in Russian myths and sayings

Ancient Slavic mythological motifs of God creating the first people from dough are preserved in the Russian proverb: “Baked from the same dough”

, referring to people who are similar in their way of thinking and acting.
According to another myth, preserved in fairy tales, the first man was cut out of a tree trunk or born from a log placed in a cradle: this is where the popular expression “uncouth man”, “uncouth block”
.
There is a mythological story about how God sewed the first people together from leather according to one template, but to sew the man together he tore off a thread that was too long, so its end remained dangling between his legs. But the woman was left unsewn because there was not enough thread. Finally, the saying “A single man is half a man”
and the phrase
“other half”
(about a wife or husband) may go back to the East Slavic legend about the first people who hatched from eggs laid by Eve. But before that, God cut these eggs into two halves and threw them out of the sky. On Earth, from two halves of one egg, a man and a woman were born, who were destined for each other, and entered into a happy marriage. But some halves fell into swamps or deep ravines and died there. Because some people cannot find a suitable match for themselves and remain alone[42].

Other sayings reflect female stereotypes, aimed not at a man’s external characteristics, but at intelligence and responsibility: “A man with even a little more handsome features is a handsome man”; “Why is this guy cheap? “Because I’m stupid”; “It’s good to look at a handsome person, it’s easy to live with a smart person”; “Even though hubby is bad, it’s my place; I’ll fall for him - I’m not afraid of anyone"

etc.

Refer to the past

If you already have experience building relationships, including negative ones, you should not ignore it. This is what psychology says, giving advice on how to choose the right man. Remember what qualities your chosen ones had in the past, analyze the reasons for parting with them. What is it for?

Firstly, this will allow you to understand what psychotype your gentleman belongs to, because, as a rule, people who have similar character traits and behavior belong to the same psychological type. It happens that women are attracted to men of a certain type, but when building relationships with them, it turns out that you are either not suitable for each other, or a person of this psychotype is not someone who can be considered as a good family man - a husband, a father to children, a partner with whom you will confidently walk through life.

Secondly, analyzing past relationships and failures in them will help you understand whether you did everything right to develop them. Sometimes a woman should think about whether she needs to work on herself in order to find and attract the attention of a worthy representative of the opposite sex. And perhaps you will come to the conclusion that you should reconsider your approach to choosing a soul mate.

The image of a man in art

At all times, the image of a man has acted as a heroic character, as an object to be captured in the fine arts. Here are just a few famous works of art depicting a man and/or dedicated to a man.

Detail of Michelangelo's
Creation of Adam
(circa 1511)

In painting: The Creation of Adam[43].

In the cinema: The Taming of the Shrew[44].

Michelangelo's David is a classic image of young male beauty in Western art.

In sculpture: David (Michelangelo)[45].

In literature: Odyssey[46].

Who is a real man?

What kind of animal is this - a real man? What girls are not really talking about is having certain genitalia below the waist. They indicate certain behavior and character traits that the stronger sex wishes to observe. They would like doors to be opened for them, so anyone who doesn't is called a "fake man." The girls would like the men to be all oligarchs, so all the poor guys are called “fake men.”

This is just a game and manipulation when a girl talks about what kind of man she would like to see in front of her instead of the one she has already encountered.

Of course, it is very difficult to describe the image of a real man, which will be discussed at the end of the article. We can only give a general list of what a girl wants to see in a guy in order to consider him a “real man”:

1. Having a goal. A real man has a goal and moves towards it, unlike his brother who just lies on the couch, drinks beer or walks with friends. Girls would like to see their guys purposeful, active, successful, and not lying on the couch and drinking beer. Either the guy achieves success, which arouses the admiration of many girls, or he builds up his belly and is liked by just one young lady, who herself is a loser.
2. Taking responsibility for yourself and your life. Still, most guys are trying to escape responsibility. They make children and do not recognize them. They get married so they can hang around their girlfriends' necks. They face unemployment, blaming the government for everything. Girls can tolerate this, but they are unlikely to consider it a real masculine act. A real man takes responsibility. He acts to achieve goals. He solves problems to fix them. He does not blame anyone for his troubles, not even himself, since this is a pointless and ineffective activity. He achieves a better life rather than complaining or waiting for luck.
3. Force. It's not about having biceps or how many pounds a guy can lift. Strength comes from the spirit when a man can withstand difficulties, not be afraid of his own fears, and not give up after failures. Perhaps every girl would like to know that her boyfriend will survive in any situation. Even if troubles happen to him, he will not be discouraged, but will pull himself together and begin to “resolve” the situation.
4. Your own style. Here we can say that a man simply knows how to live his life. He doesn't want to adjust to anyone. He doesn't copy anyone's life. He makes all decisions himself. Undoubtedly, he can listen to the opinions of loved ones. However, the final word remains with him. He does not require prompting or advice. He can listen to the recommendation, but what to do, he will decide alone, even if he listens to the advice.
5. A promise kept. As they say, a real man is responsible for his words. And this is appreciated not only by girls, but also by guys. If a man doesn’t just blurt out his tongue, but also keeps his word, then they trust him. If a man is fully responsible for his words, and does not deny them, then he becomes strong in the eyes of others.

Women would also like to see men rich. However, this is only sometimes the reason why girls call real men. Guys who have just started their adult life cannot become famous for their big money. They haven't earned them yet. That is why girls who are dissatisfied with the financial situation of their boyfriends need to immediately pay attention to old men who can satisfy their needs to some extent.

Holidays

• International Men's Day (November 19)
• World Men's Day (first Saturday in November)
• Father's Day (dates vary by country)
• Defender of the Fatherland Day (February 23). Recently, in Russia and other CIS countries, this holiday is being reinterpreted as “men’s day”, and its meaning as a holiday for military personnel is being lost [ source not specified 856 days
  ].
  This is explained by [ who?
  ] by the fact that women in Russia have their own special holiday (March 8, which has also lost its original meaning as a day of struggle for women’s rights), but men do not.
  This trend is enhanced [ source not specified 856 days
  ] by the fact that both holidays in the calendar are only two weeks apart from each other.

Secret three: let him go fishing

Wives should remember that the husband needs friends outside his home. This is not neglecting your wife. Don't be jealous. There is a category of men who, rejoicing in their success or good fortune, have a great desire to show off to their friends and receive the approval and recognition of their colleagues. They want to go fishing, invite friends home, or have a party in nature. Since it is common for a woman to preserve the family hearth, she wants to share the joy of happy moments with her husband, expects them again and again, and her husband’s desire to celebrate success outside the family circle is perceived with hostility, and her anxiety, dissatisfaction, bewilderment or indignation become the reason for quarrels and misunderstanding. The wife should treat this characteristic of the man with greater understanding, so that meeting with friends outside the home does not make him feel guilty. Usually, satisfying this need allows the husband to be attentive to his wife and increases his self-esteem.

Interesting Facts

• In 1995, at the Taste and Smell Research Center (Chicago), under the direction of Alan Hirsch, experiments were conducted to find aromas that put men in the mood for love. To obtain the results, a penile plethysmograph was used, which measured the intensity of blood flow in the erogenous zone. It turned out that the most arousing aroma for men is the smell of pumpkin pie, followed by the smell of licorice donuts [47][ significance of the fact?
  ].
• The biblical expression "Adam's rib", the part of the male body from which God created woman, according to the research of Gilbert and Zevit[48], probably originally could have meant "penis" (a word not found in Hebrew), or more precisely, the penis bone. All primates except humans and spider monkeys have a penis bone. The result of God’s removal of “Adam’s rib” was the covering of the place where the “rib” had previously been located with “flesh”. According to the mentioned scientists, this narrative explained to the ancient Jews the presence of a “scar” (Latin: Raphe penis), which runs along the underside of the external male genitalia[49].

Does a real man exist?

In addition to the fact that the girls doubt that there are “real men” in front of them, they also discuss among themselves the topic that “there are few or no real men left these days.” Do real men exist? The answer can be found if you understand what girls mean by the concept of “real man.”

Firstly, each girl means something different. If you ask many young ladies about how they see real men, it turns out that these images, although similar, have many differences. One will talk about an athletic figure. The other will talk about money. The third will talk about romance and love.

Thus, a “real man” does not exist even in the concepts of the girls themselves. How can you become someone if even the girls themselves cannot agree on who a real man is?

Secondly, each girl comes from her own desires and preferences. When talking about the image of a “real man,” each is actually listing what she is looking for to satisfy her own needs. If one wants to live a glamorous life, then she will look for a “rich daddy.” If the other wants a family, then she will look for a ready-made family man.

Every girl talks about a “real man” based on her own needs. She wants to satisfy them, so she is not looking for a real man, but a specific person who agrees to do this.

Notes

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