Every woman wants to meet a man who will love and desire her forever. However, the realities of life show that often the idyll between lovers lasts no more than 2-3 years. Then the men leave, start cheating, and generally stop paying attention to their ladies. The online magazine psytheater.com will tell you how to become desired and loved by a man forever.
This is a normal desire for any person who wants to be loved and confident that they are faithful to him. A woman is looking for a man not for a temporary stay, but for a permanent relationship. That's why it's very important to find a man you can trust. And only one who desires and loves only his woman with whom he is in a relationship can become one.
And here you can derive the first secret of eternal desirability and love by a man: choose a partner who is already crazy about you. Understand that every man has his own interests, tastes and views on women. If you have to win a man's love first, it will most likely be temporary and insincere. It’s better to choose a man who is already crazy about you, loves and values every fiber of his soul.
Why women choose negative relationships
Robin Norwood uses the concepts of “loving too much” and “loving too much” in her books. What does she mean? At what point does “ordinary” love become “too much”?
“...The phenomenon of “too much love” is a special syndrome of thoughts, feelings and actions...” writes the author. We are talking primarily about women who are literally obsessed with their lover and overly fixated on him, women who are dependent on men and have dysfunctional relationships with them.
How do you know if you are “too much” in love with a man? How to determine that your love has turned from creative to pathological? There is a small test for this.
Pay attention to the place your man occupies in your conversations and your thoughts.
When most of our conversations with close friends and girlfriends are devoted to him - his problems, his thoughts, his feelings - and almost all our sentences begin with “He ...”, we love too much.
In such situations, love is often associated with suffering. Such women think that if they endure, please and satisfy all the needs of a man, then he will magically change for the better and become what they dream of.
They live in such relationships for years, enduring indifference, bragging, insults, bullying and even beatings. And they sincerely hope that someday everything will suddenly change and be different.
At the same time, women even justify their faithful:
- “He had a difficult childhood”;
- “Nobody understands him except me”;
- “He has no job, no salary and no opportunities”;
- “Yes, he is withdrawn and rude, but he loves me!”
From all of the above, we can conclude: if “loving” for us means “suffering,”
then we love too much.
It is no coincidence that Robin Norwood puts this idea in the title of his book.
She writes:
We love too much if our partner is not suitable for us, does not value us and does not pay attention to us, and yet we not only cannot part with him, but, on the contrary, the craving and attachment to him only intensifies.
How to become loved in a critical situation?
The most important step is to try to look at your life impartially and recognize the severity of the problem
.
Women who love too much can almost never get out of the “love trap” on their own - they need the help of a psychotherapist. If there are such women around you, you should understand this.
It's not their fault that they love too much. They simply unconsciously project behavioral patterns learned in childhood onto their adult lives.
But if such women still decide to change, then they gradually turn from a suffering person into one who loves herself enough not to suffer “just like that.”
We'll talk about what this means next...
On topic: Self-love. The main ingredient in the recipe for your happiness
How to become loved and desired. Where is the exit?
Let's turn to Robin Norwood's second book, Everyday Reflections for Women Who Love Too Much.
It provides practical advice for women who find themselves addicted to relationships.
And although these tips are intended primarily for those who are mired in dead-end toxic relationships, I am sure that each of you will find a lot of useful things in them.
Share this article with your friends. Perhaps this information will be a lifeline for someone.
Women who love too much strive in every possible way to force their man to change and become better instead of accepting and loving themselves.
How to change this situation? Here's an 8-step action plan to help you break the cycle of destructive relationships and stop suffering.
Step 1.
Get ready to direct all the strength and energy that you previously spent on trying to change another person to change yourself.
Step 2.
If you want to stop loving too much, first you need to change: a) behavior; b) thinking; c) feelings. Exactly in that order! If you don’t start changing your behavior, then changes in feelings will never happen.
Step 3.
Stop using your unhappy childhood as an excuse for your current behavior. Just take this as the information you need to understand how to proceed and what needs to change in your life.
Step 4.
Look outside for help.
A person suffering from a certain problem will never be able to help you get rid of it, including when you yourself are such a helper.
It is impossible to help yourself get rid of problems on your own.
Instead of self-help, indulging your own will - that is, your own selfishness - you need to seek spiritual help outside and entrust yourself to God's will.
Step 5.
Use prayer. I imagine that many people were told as children that prayer is a means of demonstrating to God your love for him. But prayer is not a way to gain favor from God or to appease him.
During prayer, we tune into a wave of love, wisdom and understanding of such depth that our personality cannot create.
During prayer, we use the help of higher powers that are able to do for us what we ourselves cannot do.
During prayer, we subordinate our will to the will of the Almighty, and our life automatically becomes simpler, and we gain true freedom, tranquility and peace of mind.
Step 6.
Do NOT do anything! It would seem so simple, but in fact this is one of the most important and difficult tasks. Let go of the reins, loosen your grip, stop controlling your partner, give him responsibility for his life. There is no need to point, teach or give advice. Get busy with your own life.
It's up to you to acknowledge your own fears about what might happen to him and to your relationship, and then work to overcome those fears instead of manipulating your partner.
Step 7
Change your focus and reduce your importance.
Believing that we had the most miserable childhood, the most difficult man, or the most shocking life experience becomes a way for us to feel important and gain the attention of others.
Step 8
Your main goal is to preserve your own health and well-being, and it doesn’t matter - with or without this man. There is no need to rush to look for new relationships, trying to somehow fill the emptiness within yourself. There is no need to try to revive and glue together what has long been destroyed. Heal your own wounds, love yourself, and then you can build a healthy relationship.
On the subject: The most important tip on how self-love will help you attract the love of a man
How to become desirable?
To become desirable, you need to know what exactly attracts men to women. However, be careful, because men are all different. Some people will like what you do, and some won't. Be sensitive to your partner's reactions.
- Mysteriousness. First of all, men are attracted by the mystery in women. Most likely, this is not a mystery, but novelty, the unknown. All people are interested in learning something new and getting unusual, fresh experiences. It’s the same with a woman: if a lady can be a little unknown to her gentleman, then he will be interested in getting to know her and getting to know her.
- Self-love. A woman should love herself, be confident, and also convince others that she is attractive. When a woman loves herself, she treats her soul and body with respect. She takes care of herself and is nurturing. At the same time, you should not become a mommy for a man. Believe me, your boyfriend already has a mother. He chose you precisely because you are a woman.
Women want to be loved, just like men. But for the weaker sex this factor plays a greater role than for the stronger sex, when they can enjoy the fact that they achieve something and receive a reward for it.
More than once you can hear stories about how feelings gradually fade away in a love relationship. It seems that at first the man paid attention to the woman, looked after her, was interested. But over time, everything changed: he became colder in his feelings and began to move away. This causes a woman’s natural desire to return the attention of her beloved man. She begins to devote herself entirely to him: devote her time, attention, body, give in to her desires and fulfill him. Of course, this doesn't lead to anything good. As a result, the woman gives up and goes deeper into her suffering.
Why is this happening? Love should not be blamed for everything, since in this case the people themselves are to blame, not the feeling.
Let's go back to childhood. When you were little, each of you wanted to be loved. The important love was your parents' attitude towards you. But parents are not always wise people. And almost all people are faced with the fact that they are not loved just like that, for what they are, they are loved only when they do something, say something, promise, etc. Parents are the first teachers who teach their child to conditional love (when you are loved for a reason, for some reason). Then you approach your friends, teachers, neighbors, and people around you with the same attitude. You try not just to be loved, but to win someone else’s love for yourself. From childhood you learn that it is impossible to love you just like that, which forces you to always find yourself in situations where you need to win someone’s love.
But you must understand that it is impossible to constantly conquer someone. Sooner or later you will get tired of conquering, and other people will no longer be interested in what you do. Therefore, love presupposes the unconditional attitude of people towards each other, when you are loved not for something, but simply because you are who you are. All other variations of feelings and relationships are not love, but only a parody, which usually ends quickly.
So, what is the secret of the beloved woman, that is, the one who is loved? It lies in the fact that you need to be less interested in the desires of other people. You have you, and it is your desires that should come first. And let other people, even the most beloved and dear ones, take care of their own.
Why does this work? Because when you follow the path of your own happiness, you become more joyful, easier to communicate and happier. You do not depend on the opinions of other people, you do not try to please millions, no matter how important people they are to you. You try to please yourself. You direct your own attention to yourself and personal happiness. What makes you happy? What fills you with energy from the inside? What interests you?
Due to the fact that from childhood people get used to “begging” for love, and not just being loved by those who are ready and able to love, they forget about themselves. But if you don’t take care of your own happiness yourself, then no one will do it for you. Moreover, you will cease to be an interesting person.
Remember that increased attention from women only stresses men out. Subconsciously, they understand that women stop taking care of themselves, completely immersing themselves in their lives. This means that they become uninteresting because they are trying to earn love, and not receive it simply by the fact of their existence.
You need to train yourself to do the following. You feel good both without him and with him. You are not deprived of the meaning of life and happiness without him. It’s joyful, fun, reliable with him, you like taking care of him, however... You like taking care of yourself more. Become more important to yourself than anyone else. This is not a call to selfishness, but a redirection of you to the fact that you must first love yourself for what you are.
Always remember that love is not earned, it is simply given and received without any conditions. You are either loved for who you are or not loved at all. And you shouldn’t do anything for anyone, because it won’t bring you true love. This will only give you temporary attention and interest from the other person. Moreover, make yourself happy. Men are only drawn to happy women. And this can only be achieved when you realize your desires and do everything for your own sake. Therefore, take care of yourself and your interests, and let others love you unconditionally or not love you at all.
- Freedom and fun. Men always like women who try to give them freedom and lift their spirits. Of course, you won't always be able to do this. However, these factors should not be completely forgotten.
Men want to remain free, even in relationships. Believe me, if they love, they will not change with their freedom.
Men are also pleased to see smiles on the faces of their ladies. Therefore, smile more often, watch funny films or programs together, and visit places of entertainment. Let your man associate fun with you.
- A friend and lover rolled into one. Don't try to combine two roles at the same time. This is impossible to do. Just learn to change roles and turn them on at the right time.
To remain desirable and interesting to your man for many years, you need to:
- Stay beautiful. Undoubtedly, as you age, your beauty will begin to change. Continue to take care of your body, even though the man will stop complimenting you and noticing how beautiful you are. However, for him, the presence of beauty in his chosen one is very important.
- Develop internally. Years later, the woman’s inner world comes to the fore. He should be interesting, kind and attractive. If a man loves a woman not so much for her external beauty, but for her inner world, then he will definitely desire and love her forever.
- Stay interesting. This is similar to the previous point. Only by developing yourself can you remain an interesting person.
- Remain an individual and not live the life of a man. A common mistake many women make is to lose themselves in men. Here a woman is lost as a person. She cannot surprise or amaze a man with anything, since she lives only for him. This needs to stop! Stop! A man will love you more if you start to think a little more about yourself and have your own desires, interests, opinions.
Does a man need an intelligent, reasonable and wise woman? A man needs a woman who combines all three qualities. Despite the fact that there is an opinion that the main thing for a woman is to be beautiful, not smart, successful and intelligent men still choose thoughtful companions. You need a stupid beauty in order to have sex with her and not commit yourself to any obligations with her. But if you do have some kind of thinking ability, then you understand that any man who wants a serious relationship needs a thinking woman.
A man will choose an intelligent, reasonable and wise woman all rolled into one. And so that you understand this choice, let's decipher what is usually included in these three concepts.
- Smart means having some knowledge and life experience.
- Reasonable means being able to think, make decisions, draw conclusions, etc.
- Wise means using your knowledge at the right time and in the right place.
This is what a man understands by a woman’s intelligence, prudence and wisdom. He needs a woman with knowledge, who knows how to use it in the right place and think with her own head, and be responsible for her decisions and conclusions. Therefore, a reasonable man needs a reasonable woman. And silly girls are needed only by those who do not want to burden themselves with love problems and relationships, but are looking for easy flirting and sex.
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How to love and become loved? The answer is within you
Here are some more tips from this wonderful book:
- Don't shift someone else's responsibility onto yourself
. If your man has an unpleasant situation, ask yourself: “Whose problem is it?” - and don’t try to solve it for him. - Understand: if you stop constantly controlling the situation and the other person, nothing bad will happen.
When you try to stop controlling someone else's life, you may feel like you are falling into an abyss. Worrying about losing control of yourself when you “let go” of others can be very intense. This is where spiritual practice can help. Remember that you are not letting anyone go anywhere, but you are entrusting yourself and your loved ones to the Almighty.
Take advantage of the audio mood for the return of female happiness >>>
- Don't stop someone else from achieving success by taking responsibility for their life. The path of another person and his destiny are in the hands of the Lord.
- Do the exact opposite of what you did before.
- Get rid of the thought that the meaning of your life is to solve your man’s problems or make him happy.
- Be prepared for negativity.
When you stop caring about your partner and start caring about yourself, the man in your life may become very angry and start accusing you of not caring. This anger is generated by panic that arises from the need to independently take responsibility for one’s life.
While he continues to quarrel with you, make promises to you, or try to win you back, in his life there is an external struggle with you, and not an internal one with himself. Give him back his life and take your own
.
Understand that changing the current situation and working on relationships is not evil, but good for both of you. And if you really want to get out of a codependent relationship, work on yourself and your life. This is important not only for you, but also for your man.
When a woman who loves too much gives up trying to change a man, he is left with no choice but to consider the consequences of his own behavior. Such a woman ceases to be irritated and unhappy, begins to enjoy life more and more, and the contrast with the problematic existence of her man intensifies.
It doesn't matter what he does next. By accepting a man for who he is, a woman somehow gains freedom and the opportunity to live her own life - happily ever after.
Of course, within the framework of one article it is impossible to give an exhaustive answer to the question “How to become loved?” However, it is entirely within my power to encourage you to think about your own life, to understand, first of all, YOUR feelings and to look inside YOURSELF, and not your man. This is the first step towards change.
And Robin Norwood's books will certainly help you with this; I highly recommend reading their full versions.
I tried to make for you a “squeeze” of material from her works in order to suggest an important idea: in order to
become loved and desired , you must first of all remove the focus of attention from your man and move it to yourself.
It is very important to accept and love yourself, increase your own value and get rid of the negative attitudes that have accompanied you since childhood.
You will understand how to become loved and desired when you start living your life, and not devoting it entirely to other people. In this case, you do not have to refuse or turn away from men at all. No, you just need to make your relationship with them healthy and harmonious. This is the beginning of the path to a happy and full life, without suffering and addictions.
You can learn to love yourself , to accept yourself as you are, with all your complexes and shortcomings, at the “I’m Alone at My Place” marathon, conducted by Elizaveta Volkova and Veronika Kitsenko.
In 21 days you will understand how to become loved and desired without humiliation, begging or giving up your desires.
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Passion in relationship with husband
Experiencing moments of crisis within a couple affects intimate relationships. It is worth listening to Ayurveda, who indicate that you should try to maintain passion on your own. In some periods it disappears and you just need to wait it out.
READ
How to please a boy: effective ways for any age
During pregnancy
The period of waiting for a child for a woman is filled with incomparable joy and happiness. Relationships with your spouse may take a back seat. A man should not be allowed to be offended by the fact that he is not given enough attention. Even during pregnancy, you should try to be around more, give compliments, praise for achievements, and inspire new meaningful actions.
After several years of marriage
As time passes, it becomes difficult to maintain warmth in a relationship. It takes effort, again looking for compromises and ways of interaction. The spouses begin to perceive each other as blood relatives. It becomes difficult to remain interested, to understand what attracts and what does not.
Former partners can get back together if they understand that they cannot live without each other. After several years of marriage, the couple is experiencing a relationship crisis. If they find meaning in staying together, the marriage strengthens.
You can remain attractive to the opposite sex at any age. The main thing is to feel unique and irresistible inside, and to be able to communicate. To be always a desired and beloved woman for a man means to be able to pick up the keys to his heart, to find common ground.
