There are situations in life when a husband, without meaning to, deprives his wife of attention. Experiencing a terrible need for love and affection, a woman begins to look for adventures on the side.
Many beautiful people manage to compensate for the lack of attention by flirting at work, at events, and in the gym. But sometimes this is not enough. A girl can be so disappointed that the desire to return her former passion pushes her to the idea of taking a lover. In some cases, the husband feels that his wife is moving away and takes decisive action to return his beloved. The wife, having taken a break from everyday problems, does not resist and, having decided that the family is most important, goes forward. But here’s the catch - sometimes the understanding comes that the lady has fallen in love and does not have the strength to break off the forbidden relationship. What to do in such a situation? How to stop loving your lover and love your spouse again? Or maybe do the opposite?
How to help your chosen one forget his mistress:
- Stop reminding him of this every day or several times a day. The husband simply cannot forget about the existence of a relationship on the side if he constantly talks about it. If he realized his mistake and repented, then he should forgive his loved one and forget about the problem, then he will not remember his former passion.
- Take care of yourself by not appearing in front of your partner in old clothes with stains or a mask on your face. A man must see his missus well-groomed and attractive, otherwise he will soon have a mistress again.
- Bring romance into relationships that has long sunk into oblivion. This can be done by having romantic evenings by candlelight, taking a bubble bath together, or taking evening walks in quiet places.
- Arrange joint trips to nature, to neighboring cities or even countries on weekends. It’s worth visiting the sights and cities you haven’t been able to visit. Travel brings people together and gives new experiences.
- Show a man that he is important, praise him, admire him. Representatives of the stronger sex love praise and admiring glances. A husband will never look at another woman if his wife appreciates him.
- Add variety to your sex life. It’s enough to go to an intimate goods store, buy interesting things, and enjoy shopping together at night.
The husband will forget his mistress if she herself does not write and call him. To prevent this from happening, you need to ask your loved one to completely break the connection with her.
If feelings for your lover have not cooled down?
To quench your passion for your new partner, you need to remember why this relationship began? After all, you didn’t plan to build a strong family with a person and swear allegiance to the grave. You are probably:
- They were looking for temporary consolation.
- They wanted physical and psychological pleasure.
- Perhaps they wanted to attract the attention of their spouse.
Look at the situation more simply. If you have a feeling of attachment, convince yourself that it is just an illusion. After all, you know that love is not passionate experiences and mind-blowing sex, love is what you have as a husband, what the couple has gone through over a long period and this should not be lost.
The phrase that family is most important is not an empty phrase. You probably already know that. You have realized yourself as a wife, built a life and starting a new relationship, the prospect of which none of the lovers is sure of, is a bad idea.
To fall out of love, you need to give up all kinds of meetings and focus on convincing yourself.
Switch to your spouse, children, everyday life, travel. But don't fight the memories of your ex with fanatical passion. Sometimes intense struggle with oneself leads to despair and depression. It causes even more thoughts about a supposedly ideal past and uncertainty about your current life. Allow yourself to think, remember, but just treat this as a good period that has ended.
Spend a lot of time on your rightful chosen one. Psychologists advise falling in love with your husband again. But both we and psychologists themselves understand that it is not so simple. Therefore, to begin with, set yourself the goal of renewing your old relationship, to come to the initial stage when there was no love yet, but there was already sympathy. Take the initiative into your own hands - diversify your leisure time, everyday life, and intimate life. Remember, the important thing here is not to wish or want to stop loving, but to have a firm intention to do so.
If you suddenly have conflicts or family troubles, under no circumstances return to someone else. Such an act is fraught with a new wave of passion, which will bring all your efforts to nothing. We'll have to start parting with feelings again. Do you want to go through the nine circles of hell again? In addition, the spouse will probably suspect something is wrong and will not let the mistake go the second time.
But another option is always possible - to reconsider your views on your beloved. Perhaps there is no longer a need for a relationship with him. But that's another story. So let's leave her alone...
What to do if your husband’s mistress writes to him, calls:
- Add her number to the blacklist in the phone book, block her profile on social networks and in phone applications.
- Answer the calls yourself, explaining to the lady that she should no longer bother the man.
- Meet her and talk. If necessary, threaten to go public. It is unlikely that she will be pleased if her colleagues, neighbors or relatives find out about her relationship with a married man.
Over time, the ex-lover of the beloved will give up trying to establish a relationship with him and will stop bothering him.
Photo: Pixabay
Less tenderness, more lies. How to understand that a man has a mistress
Women, by their nature, feel their partner’s betrayal much better than men. If a non-jealous young lady suddenly has the feeling that her husband has gone on a spree, in most cases this is so. However, you should not trust your intuition alone - it also sometimes fails. Until there is concrete evidence of the existence of a rival, it is better not to provoke your loved one. What signs may indicate that a man has begun to cheat or is already close to it, says psychologist Evgeniy Idzikovsky .
Question and answer Is there an infidelity gene?
1. Changes in attention from your partner
There may be more or less attention. If, against the backdrop of a woman’s constant behavior, a man begins to behave unstably: he either moves away, or expresses unusual care and affection, then something is happening in his personal life, hidden from the eyes of his partner.
2. Sex
Any changes in your intimate life are a reason to think about it. For example, a man develops some new preferences and habits in sex, or he suddenly began to refuse intimacy due to “workload”, “severe fatigue”, which did not interfere with the entire previous period of your relationship.
3. Lack of physical intimacy
We are talking about touching, hugging, kissing. If there are no serious grievances or quarrels, but the man began to pull away strongly, stopped doing things that used to be an integral tradition in a couple (for example, kissing in the morning or hugging for no reason) or the touch of his woman became unpleasant to him, there is a high probability that he has At the moment the other lady is the priority.
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4. Privacy changes
Passwords suddenly appeared on his gadgets. He closes social media accounts on his computer, although he was not afraid to leave them open before. In addition, he takes care of his personal belongings.
Pay attention to how a person behaves with his mobile phone. If a man no longer leaves his phone anywhere; covers the display when a message arrives; goes into another room to talk; his phone is often inaccessible or he has stopped picking up the phone periodically - these are signs that he is hiding something from you. Of course, we are talking about cases where such behavior is not provoked by unjustified jealousy and pressure from a partner. Every person needs to have harmless secrets and personal space.
5. External transformation
Changes in a person’s appearance are usually associated with some important events. This suggests that he wants to leave a certain period of his life or start a new life. The incentive could be a new job, a new position, or... a new love. We always try to look better at the beginning of a relationship, this is logical and natural. Therefore, if a man suddenly began to shave every day, although previously he did it a couple of times a week, carefully choose his clothes, shine his shoes, iron his shirts, wear perfume, which is completely unusual for him - apparently, someone has appeared who he really wants to please.
Treason. How to understand that a woman has taken a lover
More details
6. Mood changes
For women, mood swings are normal. Men are rarely inclined to do this. If your other half is unreasonably cheerful and inspired, but no known events foreshadowed anything like this, it is very likely that new love is to blame.
Question answer
In which countries is there a punishment for treason?
7. Innuendo in the company of friends
If a man hides a relationship on the side, he has to lie a lot, but it is extremely difficult to constantly keep in mind what was said, when and to whom. As a rule, the closest friends are aware of the betrayal and may accidentally blurt out something unnecessary. And when some omissions arise in a general conversation, they often stop mid-sentence, looking at your man.
The easiest way to “catch” a traitor is that he does not make ends meet in his testimony. My advice: instead of unfounded reproaches, ask questions for which he has not yet had time to think through the answers. If a person is really lying, then at some point he will definitely let it slip.
I would like to remind you that all of the above signs are true if the relationship with your regular partner is stable. At the same time, I note that changes in behavior and appearance can easily be provoked by the actions of the woman herself. For example, she has become distant and cold, and for this reason the man is trying to regain the lost affection by giving her more affection and attention than before.
Reasons for female infidelity
Every woman should think about the question of what she will get in the end if she cheats. Behind the attractive picture of a passionate lover with whom a woman is having fun, there is another situation - when the husband finds out about a woman’s infidelity and leaves the family. Everyone should think about the need to change. Here the reasons for female infidelity become important.
Why does a woman want to cheat on her husband? The answer to this question will help you focus your attention on the problem that pushes you to cheat, and not on attempts to cheat on your husband.
- Dissatisfaction with husband.
The most common reason is dissatisfaction with the husband. What doesn't suit your wife? As they say, “you can find fault with everything.” This could be dissatisfaction in bed, as over time husbands stop trying hard in bed. It could be a small salary, over which spouses constantly quarrel. This may be the love of freedom of a man who does not do housework.
A woman can be dissatisfied with anything. Over time, this leads to the idea that it is time to look for another man. But soon the understanding comes that you don’t have to leave your current husband, you can simply compensate for his shortcomings with the advantages of another man.
While the man is constantly at work, the woman is tumbling with her lover. While the husband suffers from impotence, the wife compensates for this deficiency with the good libido of her lover. Why give up your husband if you can not part with him, but compensate for all the shortcomings with the advantages of another gentleman? So a woman tries to sit on two chairs at once.
- Fleeting infatuation.
Over the years, passion and love fade. The couple are so caught up in the rut of life's problems that they only dream of how to relax. If during this period a young man appears on the horizon who stirs up feelings and subsided emotions, it seems that the previous years were wasted time. Fleeting love based on passion can turn your head.
There are frequent stories of women when they fell in love with lovers, thinking that this was their true happiness. As a result, women were disappointed because their lovers abandoned them, the feelings passed, and life returned to normal again. What is the reason for such misfortune?
Women forget that they had the same passions and emotions with their spouses. It’s just that as the years have passed, they have already forgotten about it. And lovers who naturally excite feelings simply create the fairy tale in which all couples are at the beginning of a relationship.
If you start a family with your lover and start living with him for many years, then soon the woman will end up with the same problems and boredom in which she lived with her previous husband.
It's nice to feel alive and young again. However, it should be understood that fleeting infatuation, love and passion will lead to the destruction of the relationships that already exist. You may be unhappy with something in your current family. However, are you sure that your future life will be even better? You can leave a husband who is not entirely interesting and cheerful, but end up in the hands of an alcoholic or a parasite. The ex-husband will seem the best in comparison with the lover, who was also interesting and charming at first, and then became insipid and boring.
- Proof that a woman can be happy without a husband.
The modern woman is independent and self-sufficient. In family relationships, partners to one degree or another become dependent, interchangeable and mutually substitutive. In order for a woman not to become dependent on a man, she must have her own hobbies, affairs, work, a separate source of income, etc. Men often tell their wives that they cannot live without them. In this case, there is a desire to prove that a woman can be happy without a husband.
There is competition between a man and a woman. Now both sexes want to be in charge in the relationship. What a man is allowed to do, a woman tries to do. If a modern man can cheat, then a woman wants to achieve the same right. Today, female infidelity is condemned, while male infidelity is approved among friends, and society is lenient. A woman also wants to have similar rights, so that she will be respected among her friends, and society will be lenient towards her infidelities.
Since not all families live happily ever after, a woman wants to know that she can find a replacement if her husband suddenly starts cheating on her or leaves the family. There are quite a few stories where ex-spouses separated and then found new loved ones. Nowadays, children rarely live in the families of their parents, because at one time each of the spouses decided to prove to themselves and their partner that they were still in demand among the opposite sex, which led to divorce.
- New fashion.
By and large, cheating has now become fashionable. Every rich man should have mistresses. The richer a man becomes, the more he wants to have a mistress on the side. Women are also picking up this new fashion trend. Those who are bored with living in their family look for entertainment on the side.
Quite a lot of women today take lovers. This is considered normal for today's life. This does not take into account the fact that while a woman is hiding her infidelities from her husband, she is forced to be cunning, constantly invent something, and allocate time so that her partner does not understand anything. This creates a certain stress on the psyche and emotional state.
If someone cheats, the cheater himself, his partner, children and family as a whole inevitably suffer from this. Divorces are becoming frequent, where the partner could not forgive the betrayal, or retaliatory betrayals on the part of the second spouse, who picked up the idea of his husband (wife).
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Bottom line
Women's infidelity is as common as men's, it's just that many people don't talk about it and hide it. The reason could be anything. People are so unstable in their principles and outlook on life that they indulge in actions that destroy their lives, relationships and happiness. The result is a “broken trough.” Here you should think about how not to cheat on your husband if you don’t want to be left alone or with broken happiness.
If you cannot cope with the problem yourself, then you should consult a psychologist. It will help to identify the reason for the desire to change, which will allow you to eliminate it and not think about the “family-destroying” step.
In general, a woman should always imagine the consequences of what she is about to do. Imagine a more vivid picture of the future, where your relationship with your husband fell apart due to your infidelities, and your current lover does not live up to your hopes because he turned out to be worse than your ex-spouse. It's easy to stay with nothing. You should imagine it in bright colors in order to change your mind about the desire to change.
Where to start: advice from a psychologist
No conspiracies, spells and prayers will help you maintain fidelity if you cannot cope with the initial shock, resentment, and hysteria. Negative emotions tend to accumulate. And so the lovely, hopeful girl turns into a boring, always dissatisfied whore.
We need to preserve within ourselves the incredible source of creativity, confidence in our irresistibility, and self-esteem. This is the main condition for maintaining a harmonious marriage.
The mistress attracts the hubby with freshness, novelty, and extreme entertainment. Guys always want to conquer. So arrange a little battle for your heart with your thoroughly studied spouse.
Psychologists recommend doing the following:
- Take your mind off the problem. Focusing on the infidelity and subsequent pain is disempowering. And most importantly, it reduces self-esteem.
- Realize your own power over life. It will be exactly what you program, create with your thoughts and sensations.
- Accept the current situation. He cheats. It is a fact. You will decide for yourself whether you want to take him away from his mistress or give him away.
- Remember all your own achievements. Even children's ones. Practice improves self-esteem. The latter is necessary in order not to slide into begging. If you start begging your beloved, he will definitely go for walks all the time.
It is important to feel worthy of the best. You are a queen who can “take” any man. Without a sense of self-worth, you will not be able to get rid of troubles. All efforts should be devoted to correcting the psychological distortion formed by a mental wound. Heal your feelings of inferiority. Only after this, resort to additional ways to work through the problem.
How to behave when you find out about your mistress
Every deceived wife should know what behavior should be and what to do if she discovers her husband has a mistress. For the most part, infidelity occurs at a time when the spouse is most vulnerable, during illness or pregnancy. During this period, the wife needs support from the man. A husband's affair with a stranger will be a painful blow. In such a situation, it is difficult to immediately make an adequate decision.
Don't fill your head with thoughts of how to take revenge on your spouse, especially in the same way. This will only devastate you and will not help you in any way. In particular, you should not plan to take revenge on your husband’s mistress - this will further project irritability, which will increase your state of stress. Advice from a psychologist can help you in this situation; they are based on the expression of three rules:
- Balanced psychological state. The main task in this situation is to save one’s own face. You should approach the conversation about what happened in the most correct way, without resorting to threats or insults. The conversation should be conducted calmly and judiciously.
- Let’s not forget that there is no one person to blame for treason. It is worth recognizing and accepting part of your own guilt for what happened. Reconsider family relationships. Perhaps this will make it possible to understand what prompted the man to do such an act.
- Understand emerging desires. Before you make a decision, you need to realize how necessary it is for you to continue your family relationship and save your family. If you can't get over the resentment and are not willing to forgive the infidelity, the relationship will become painful for both of you.
It doesn’t matter at all how you identify your mistress, what matters is what to do now: accept the situation or break up. What should be done in your opinion? Write your answer in the comments.
What is not recommended to do
In a state of shock, we follow subconscious impulses experienced in childhood. Mom didn’t want to buy a toy - they were offended, threw a tantrum, cried openly. The tactic is good for influencing parents. It doesn’t always work out with a “stranger” person.
It is undesirable to use the following methods:
- Press to hold by force. The tactic will backfire.
- Continuously make scandals, hysteria, make claims. Tension will subconsciously confirm the guy in the fidelity of his current behavior. He connected his life with a brawler and he needs to quickly change everything before it’s too late.
- Follow, dig through his phone, ask questions, send friends to the place of meetings with his mistress.
The most dangerous thing is to succumb to a completely just impulse to take revenge. He insulted you in the best possible way. Retribution requires reciprocal humiliation. Men are extremely sensitive to such techniques. Life will get better, and he will never forget or forgive his offended dignity. Think before you take revenge with retaliatory betrayal, humiliation, or caustic phrases.
