How to become a self-sufficient woman? 4 steps to success
On the path to success, you need to overcome many obstacles, one of which is your own self. A woman's wisdom lies in her ability to cope with her emotions and cope with her weaknesses, making them work for her benefit.
In the thoughts of a self-sufficient woman there is no place for envy and gloating, because she herself becomes an object for discussion.
Increase your self-esteem
The first thing to start with is to love yourself. Don’t dwell on your shortcomings; on the contrary, try to see as many advantages as possible.
Praise yourself for every achievement, pamper yourself with pleasant purchases and spa treatments. Low self-esteem, no matter how strange it may sound, can completely destroy the personal life of every woman. Considering himself worse than others, a person closes the door to a wonderful future, where there is everything necessary for a happy life: a prestigious job, a loving husband and close friends. A girl with a low rating will most likely endure humiliation from a man, afraid of losing him.
The same will happen with work. Believing that she is not worthy of a better place, a woman will “work hard” at a job she hates for pennies. What kind of respect can there be from men and colleagues if a person does not respect himself?
Once you gain self-respect and self-love, you will feel the same emotions from the people around you.
Learn to plan
Set goals for yourself and make a plan for their implementation. Firstly, by overcoming obstacles on your path and reaching the top, you will develop as a person. Secondly, it will distract you from thinking about what others think of you. After all, public opinion should not be the center of the universe for you.
The center of the Universe is your children, your man, but, first of all, it is you.
Learn new things
Don't stop there, open up new horizons. Read books, visit exhibitions, find new hobbies. The more multifaceted you are, the more interesting it will be for others to communicate with you.
It is your preferences and hobbies that make you a unique person. Under no circumstances should you give up your hobbies because of a man and vice versa, don’t give up love in the name of everything else. Balance is the key to female success.
Don't reveal all your cards
Keep your problems to yourself and keep it a mystery. It is the ability to skillfully keep silent about something that enhances interest. When a woman talks a lot about her illnesses, interests and lists everything she did during the day, she becomes boring. And predictable.
Even if you have nothing to hide and you are like an open book in front of him, try to just smile mysteriously or evade answering his questions. Little secrets also excite the imagination.
Why men are afraid of self-sufficient women
The idea that men are afraid of self-sufficient women was invented by women who are far from self-sufficient. They were echoed by low-ranking men who are ready to do anything to push a woman below the baseboard. For everyone else, self-sufficiency is attractive.
But here’s the question: you are self-sufficient, but there is no happiness, how can that be? I will now say, without false modesty, a very profound thing - try to understand it. If you, being, as you say, self-sufficient, are unhappy, and look around looking for or expecting happiness, you are not really self-sufficient. Self-sufficiency is a thing in itself, an absolutely closed system. Such a person always feels good, calm and peaceful. He is kind to others and is not afraid to appear weak or, conversely, too strong. He has harmony inside. And you treat self-sufficiency as a challenge. Well, where is she then?
When a woman is weak, compliant, entrusts herself to a man, or when she wisely calculates how to behave, how not to be offended, etc. - these are just two sides of the same coin. There is not much difference between these women. Because in the end, their behavior is based on the same thing - how to get a man. Ladies with imaginary self-sufficiency are also among them.
Self-sufficiency cannot scare away a single person - on the contrary, it is the highest degree of personal energy. She can only attract. It’s always warm and comfortable to be around such a person; you’re drawn to him like you would to any strong personality. Men are frightened not by a woman’s self-sufficiency and independence, but by their arrogance due to inadequate self-esteem in this regard. “I’m so versatile, but who are you? Look at you!" - this is what they broadcast to the world. Of course, no one likes those. Moreover, often this versatility is just a set of ordinary ladies' nonsense. Dancing, yoga, cooking, traveling, knitting - a little bit of everything and no specifics. I’m not a professional at anything, but I picked it up by the inch.
The main problem of the vast majority of women is their absolute obsession with men. Behind every action, word and decision there is one thing - how it will be perceived by men.
Quick sex is not allowed - the man may burn out.
Cohabitation is not possible - the man may not marry.
You can't be strong - a man can relax.
You can't be too smart - a man might get scared.
Etc. Girls, what are you doing?! Of course, men run away from you with such troubles. They perceive your pseudo-self-sufficiency as just another “cockroaches”. In general, the question itself: “ Why are men afraid of self-sufficient women ?” - nonsense. Because the self-sufficient do not ask such a question. Such women do not calculate the formula for an ideal relationship and do not follow verbatim the rules read in the book of a newfangled psychologist. They have sex when they want, and not when it’s “decent” and never worry about what a man will think about it. They are not afraid of cohabitation and do not consider this time wasted, even if it did not end in marriage - because they had a good time with this man. They do not live by expectations and calculations. They focus not on men, but on their own feelings.
Self-sufficiency differs from pseudo-self-sufficiency, just as confidence differs from self-confidence. The first is always attractive, the second repels. A woman who is self-sufficient in the “correct” sense is interesting to men, if only because she meets their hunter instinct. They have a desire to conquer her. There is always less interest in women who calculate the correct behavior - there is nothing to hunt for. Men already see that it is important for them to get something from them. For this reason, the more a woman asks the questions “when will we get married?” — the further she is from the chance of getting an offer. And a self-sufficient woman, even after sex on the first date, continues to be interesting - because the man does not feel her inner tension and is not sure that she now expects something from him.
The whole question is not how to behave correctly with men, but in being too fixated on them. We women don’t even understand this, but men feel it very well. The issue of self-sufficiency in this case is secondary. The main thing is that the woman feels calm and happy and does not look back at men, acting primarily in her own interests. Self-sufficiency does not mean that such a woman does not need a man. It means that a woman is simply fine without him. But perhaps it will be even better with him - and then it’s up to the man to prove it to her.
Becoming self-sufficient
You must love yourself so much that until you drink a cup of coffee in the morning, your spouse and children do not come to you, and by and large, let them learn to plan for school and work, while you have your own affairs. Remember who you dreamed of becoming in your youth? It's not too late to unlearn. Perhaps you already have an education in a profession that you like, what prevents you from self-realization? Find time for yourself and your interests. Don't force yourself into the framework of primitive everyday life.
Maybe you like to knit or collect pink elephants, but until now you haven’t had the time? All in your hands. But you shouldn’t rush into your transformation; also praise yourself for the most insignificant successes.
How to learn to love yourself
We see many role models every day. Many of them are truly worthy people who have achieved recognition and respect. But that's not the main thing. There is nothing wrong with wanting to become a famous actress or admiring the courage and bravery of women in uniform. But let this be just a direction for you to apply your efforts. Get the appropriate education, acquire the necessary skills and act as you want.
Another example is more clear. You think that all your problems are because of your appearance. And so you resort to the help of plastic surgeons and change yourself. But still, you think that you are not good enough, and you will never compare with Angelina Jolie. What does this prove? Only that it is not external authorities and characteristics that are important, but your inner state.
In psychology there is such a concept as “self”. This is nothing more than the potential and principles that are inherent in us from birth. Trying to be like someone else, unconditionally accepting someone else’s opinion and behavior model, we lose our “self.” That inner personality, the close connection with the control, determines our psychological state at the moment. Talk to yourself, is this how you intended to spend your life, are you doing something contrary to your own beliefs? If yes, then go back to basics.
Advice
Train your self-confidence. Divide all the exercises into three parts, so it will be easier for you to navigate their diversity.
Behavioral
- Don't be afraid of responsibility. Unconfident people avoid this because they doom themselves to lose in advance. You are not the same now, so feel free to take on new things. If it doesn't work out, it will be a great experience that will be useful in the future.
- Get attention. If at a meeting you do not agree with something, do not remain silent like the majority. Wear good clothes and don't skimp on yourself.
- Meet new people. Believe me, they are also embarrassed to start a conversation with you. Be the first. At best, you will make new useful connections, at worst, good experience.
Corporeal
- Walk with a straight back. Our body reflects how we feel. Here you can do the opposite. Lift your chin, straighten your shoulders and walk forward with a proud, confident gait.
- Look directly into the eyes of your interlocutor. Uncertainty is revealed by embarrassed downcast eyes and shifting pupils. Calm down and make it clear that you are interested in your opponent's opinion, but you also have your own.
- Play sports. This will help you feel more confident. In addition, a pumped-up body will give you a reason to be proud of yourself.
Emotional
- Remember a pleasant moment from the past. Feel that euphoria and feeling of absolute happiness and pride. Once again experience the whole gamut of emotions and remember this feeling. When the blues suddenly attack or it seems that nothing is working out, forcefully evoke these emotions in yourself.
- Choose someone you admire. This could be a famous person or your neighbor. Note the qualities you like about him. Observe how he acts in different situations. Try to accept his behavior pattern and act the same way.
You are now thinking: “How can this be, the advice given above is not to compare yourself with anyone.” Learning good qualities and simply being envious (reproaching yourself for not being like that) are two different things. In the first case, you become better and can surpass your teacher, in the second, you doom yourself to the role of a loser who will never get closer to the ideal.
Relationships with people
Do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to be used. Everything you do from now on must be necessary for you first of all. Do you think this is selfishness? Not at all, who said that a person should live in order to satisfy other people's interests and thirsts? Everyone lives for themselves. In addition, you must learn to be independent both emotionally and financially. In addition, if you do not have time to work (small children), there are many options for income at home, if you wish. Forget about pride, and start, it eats you from the inside, not allowing you to build harmonious relationships with others. Always be prepared to compromise in disputes.
Learn to make decisions that are responsible for you with a cool head , from time to time haste and feelings are your worst enemy, remember this. You have the opportunity to listen to the advice of your family and friends, but you make the choice in solving this or that problem yourself. Under no circumstances should you blame anyone for your failures.
How to increase self-esteem
Self-confidence doesn't come quickly. It's a long but interesting journey. As with any training, systematic training is important here. Don't expect great results if you only practice occasionally or when inspiration strikes. Make confidence and self-esteem building a daily ritual and part of your daily routine. This will become a habit, and all your actions will serve to maintain and develop the acquired skills.
This is interesting
The path to self-sufficiency cannot be boring. To achieve your goal, you don’t have to endlessly perform psychological exercises. Although, with the right approach, they bring pleasure and reveal inner potential.
Diversify your development. The skills listed below do not seem to directly relate to self-sufficiency. But by developing them, you will soon understand how to develop self-confidence.
- The art of public speaking. It will allow you to defend your point of view, select the necessary and compelling arguments, not be embarrassed by the public, and not pay attention to the status of your interlocutor (boss, government representative, media personality).
- Development of emotional intelligence. Reacting correctly in stressful situations and not giving in to panic are key skills. You will no longer have to regret a rude word spoken in the heat of the moment or a wrong decision.
- Physical fitness training. A person with a good figure initially radiates self-confidence. But you shouldn’t make a cult out of it. This is one of the advantages, but not an end in itself.
- Purposefulness training. No one will force you to be successful. Therefore, you need to have sufficient self-control without giving yourself any slack. Don’t be lazy, don’t blame everything on circumstances, don’t allow yourself to quit what you started.
While working on your internal state, you should not forget about external manifestations of confidence. The right image can work wonders. Show the whole world and yourself that you are a self-sufficient lady. To do this, pay attention to the following points.
- Gait. It largely depends on the shoes. Choose a comfortable last, and don’t skimp on classic pumps.
- Cloth. Create a basic wardrobe. Based on it, you can always come up with images for both the office and the party. Don't try to be trendy. A calm, classic suit made from natural fabrics, complemented with trendy accessories, will help you feel at your best in any situation.
- Makeup. Light make-up will give you self-confidence, emphasizing your facial features and hiding imperfections.
- Hairstyle. Don't build “Babylons” on your head. Complex “constructions” will have to be constantly corrected, which will make you nervous and worried. Natural styling will make you feel free and comfortable.
- Attention to detail. A good watch, high-quality shoes and underwear, manicure and pedicure are important accents of your image. A self-sufficient woman will not allow negligence even in small things. Don’t let your first impression of you be spoiled by unpolished nails or an abundance of gold rings on all ten fingers.
To achieve results, it is important to track progress. For this purpose, athletes conduct control training sessions showing the results of their work. These are peculiar points by which the effectiveness of classes is judged. This makes it possible to make the necessary adjustments. Use this tactic too. By keeping a diary of your victories and goals, you can clearly track positive changes. This will give you strength to move on and understand how to become a confident girl.
So how can you become one?
It may seem that such qualities are impossible to achieve, but in reality this is not true. Every person has the ability to learn and change. But you need to start with a deep analysis of your character. At this stage, a simple exercise will help: take a sheet of paper and divide it into four parts. In the first part, outline the qualities that were inherent in you in your youth. For example, kindness, stubbornness and the desire to determine more about the world around us are present in all children in 100% of cases.
In the second, you will be taken aback: who, at the time and how forced you to bury these qualities deep within yourself. This is fundamentally important, because all this has nowhere to go, we are talking about this.
Dedicate the third part to your positive qualities, and the fourth to negative ones. You may need the help of your family and friends with this. Then you need to eradicate what prevents you from being self-sufficient, such character traits as gullibility, pliability, excessive kindness, etc. We need to refuse. This is not easy to do, but as long as they accompany your life, nothing will work out for you.
